"Frustration, I Guess!"
What makes you frustrated? Is it being rejected? Or feeling you are a failure? Or both?
Hello to all of you my readcash family! How's your first day of the week been doing? I bet everyone is busy today, especially those with stable jobs or school related works. Me? Hmmm...Just the usual. You know I am just a "Tambay" in here but despite the fact that I am a jobless person, I'm still doing my best to be as active as possible in here, because through this one, I can help my parents, in a little way I can. Of course, it never be possible without your support. Anyways, let's not talk about this further. This is not actually the reason why I made thi blog. Again, another entry about my personal stories and experience.
What's with the title?
For all you know, I am very excited to have my own baby. Baby? Yes! I even shared with you an article which tackles about the things that I went through with regards to becoming a pregnant woman. I mean, I experienced some signs and symptoms of pregnancy- frequent headaches, lower back pains, nausea and vomiting, cravings, so on and so forth. Most common comments I've got was to take a pregnancy test (PT) to find out whether its positive or not. But, I chose not to take it and waited if my monthly cycle will come. And yesterday, I asked one of my friends about her experiences when she was still pregnant with her child. I shared what I've got and she then said that I should take PT but I said I will just wait for my monthly period to come or not. And I really hope that it will not come because I really wanted to get pregnant. Not to the extent that I desperately wanted to have a baby, though. Yesterday, as what I have told you, I did my laundries, not all of it. After which, I decided to take some rest only to find out that I've got a period. I thought it was just a kind of spotting but it really was a period. I was really so sad about it. All of my excitement turned into sadness and I really felt frustrated.
"Why can't I have it?"
Looking at it negatively, maybe I am not meant to get pregnant. That I am not deserving to have a baby. That I am just an unfortunate woman. (D*mn, it hurts! -_-) Few days ago, MGD and I got into a fight. Honestly, up until now, we are not still okay. He just ignored my chats and video calls. Well, I can't blame him. Maybe he desperately wanted a baby, but I can't give him that. Or maybe it was out of insecurity. Most of his friends that is in a relationship shorter than us, already has their baby, but us? We still don't have it. I even said to him, that he's free to look for another girl or do what he want for his life. I will not plead anymore. I am all done with it. Yes. I said all of it out of anger, sadness and frustration I felt inside. Maybe this is one of the reasons too, that he still don't want us to tie a knot or have the wedding. Maybe, he waited for me to get pregnant first before he does it. I guess.
On the other hand, I still have hope that this period was just a spotting. Actually, I was really planning to buy a pregnancy test kit. I still got a lower back pain and like I said, my lower spinal cord and hip bone part gone big. I also vomited the other day. Its an unusual feeling for me to vomit after drinking just a half cup of coffee. Of course, talking about finding a job, I have a high chance to look for it if I found out that I am not still pregnant. As crazy as I am I even asked the Lord, "why?" ...(Sorry Lord, I questioned you again -_-)
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As I was about to end this blog, I still felt frustrated. My heart hurts but looking at the bright side, maybe I just need to research further about this "spotting thing" or the like. As for MGD, well, I will not bother him for now. I will just wait for him to make his move, if only he does. After all, both of us are at faults of that fight. He pressured me, I also does. Ugh! Can we still make it? Not just the baby, but most especially about the two of us.
I felt really sad knowing that I am fighting alone against this terrible feeling I've got right now. (Sighs!)
What can you say about it? I will feel honored to have your pieces of advice. And that's all for this blog fellas. Thank you so much for reading this one!ππ
MAY THE GRACE OF THE LORD BE WITH ALL GOD'S PEOPLE!π
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I want to extend my deepest gratitude towards the people that keep supporting my works in here. To my avid readers, likers, subscribers, and upvoters. As well as my sponsors; (old, new, and renewed ones), I thanked you all. Thank you for making my read.cash journey fruitful. And, thank you for our virtual friendship. May the Lord God bless us more fruitful days, months, and years to come!
Special Thanks to @glenx_1981 for being my newest sponsor..π
Peace and Love,
@renren16β€οΈ
xoxo(*ΛοΈΆΛ*).ｑ*β‘
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|#199- |19th Article of the Month
|02.21.2022 @5:32 PM|
Lead Image source: edited using Canva App
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PREVIOUS ARTICLES:
"SUNDAY-lightful Day"
https://read.cash/@renren16/sunday-lightful-day-fc036b0c
"Not so Productive Saturday"
https://read.cash/@renren16/not-so-productive-saturday-82de1cfc
"Friyay-Friday"
https://read.cash/@renren16/friyay-friday-afaed134
"Don't Hate, but Love!"
https://read.cash/@renren16/dont-hate-but-love-5fe0753d
"My Seven Months old Iking"
https://read.cash/@renren16/my-seven-months-old-iking-b1942a73
They should take it easy, it is likely that your desire to get pregnant is manifesting in your body, that is not good. Don't look at other people, the ones that matter are you.