What went wrong?

May 15, 2022

Ever wonder why you're always complaining but then you're still doing it. You keep on rambling about things you don't want to do but still end up doing it. You complain about other people doing such things to you yet you just let them as they are.

I'm asking the same thing to myself too. Why has this come to this? What went wrong?

As I woke up late again on a Sunday, the mood at the table was a bit noisy or they were discussing something that I don't know what it was all about. As I don't ask questions if I'm not part of the discussion so I remain silent and just sip the milk that Mum made for me. Then Papz asked for my opinion about the said matter but I really have zero ideas of what they are talking and I am just looking at my son eating his breakfast so the family sighed and told me the whole scenario that happened just yesterday.

Granny( Mum's side) have a land and she divided it to her children and Mum got her just beside the big old house. Since we are living here in Papz owned lot given also by Gramps so Mum's part of the land was not taken care of but there we're a lot of trees and fruits that we can harvest seasonally. When I got a stable job and we hired a caretaker that can look after the land and we got my cousin whose living under Granny's to look for the lot.

Whenever harvest season comes we get to have 60% of the sell and the 40% is for the labor and the caretaker.

However, Mum's younger brother asked her if he can cut some trees that he can sell for it to use on Yoyong's(Mum's Dad) death anniversary. As Mum is hesitant eventhough she's the owner of the lot so she asked my two sister's about it and they told Mum that we'll talk it out when we gather so it's supposed to be today that we will came to a conclusion after the discussion.

But just this morning, Mum received a letter with money on it. In the letter, the younger brother said that he can't wait anymore for he needs some cash and he has dues. So it's not for Yoyong's death anniversary but for his personal needs? And even said his advance apologies for nor waiting on our decision.

After they told me, I just said, "Well, what can we do? He already sell the woods and even paid for the labor and only give you a penny from your own lot. Even if we give him an earful we can't bring back the tree that he cut off right?" To which my two nosy sisters disagreed for we three hate that Uncle of ours. I shared about him here about his jealousy over us being favored but the oldies over him being the youngest. And because I hate arguments and I am also frank I also told the two "You both are not paying for the caretaker so don't be so stubborn if Mum doesn't want to scold her brother then let her be. And also I don't want Granny to ask for forgiveness again on behalf of her son so let's just skip it. But I just hope that this will be the last time that he'll do such an act. We only give chances to people who know their mistakes and promise not to do it again." Grab my mug and went to my room again. I just don't want them to make this a big issue anymore

But as I was about to enter the room Papz told me this, "Because you've been too good to them that they're taking advantage of it. How many times does it happen that you've been blind to them, even though you complain but you became all smiles when you're in front of them. You're faking your smiles but you didn't show this side of you(tact & frank) unto them just to know that you got the upper hand. I didn't raise you to be a coward but whatever your decisions are we still respect that and your Mum sure has the last say on the issue".

I stood there frozen and can't even utter a word at what Papz told me. Have I been this vulnerable to my relatives, I am avoiding conflicts as I don't have to argue with them but even my father who knows me very well got to say those. Am I really a coward?

I remember when Jesus chose his twelve disciples but was still betrayed by two.

A lot of instances happened to us but I always say that whatever Mum and Papz said I will go with it unless there's such a bad situation. I always said to them that I don't want conflict but I don't want to be pressured also as I was also facing a lot of troubles at work and in my personal relations.

I guess I'm a coward in many aspects. Ugh, it sucks...

I want to hear what you think about the situation in the comment section.
Sorry for the rambling guys... I was just held speechless after hahaah
Also, thank you baby gerl @ExpertWritter for the continuous love and support..love lotsss

Thank you for reading!
@mommykim