Right Time to Get Married

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2 years ago

Dear Prof,

My name is Rachel and I just turned 22 years of age. My boyfriend and I were talking about our future plans yesterday and we opened up about our ideal wedding date.

He wanted it to be when we're both at least 25, and I said that I think I could push for when I'm 30. I know that it may be late for social standards but I still want to enjoy my life as I am and not someone else's wife.

My simple question is this: who do you think is right amongst us? What do you think is the best age to marry?

Yours sincerely,

Rachel


My Dear Rachel,

Thank you for that wonderful question but you may have been asking the wrong person here. Sure, I'm a widower and I loved my wife very dearly, I still do, but I certainly don't believe in marriage.

Marriage is not a matter of the heart, it's a matter of contract. Love, commitment, and loyalty are all that matter when it comes to a relationship and not the papers. Although I was married, I thought that marriages are nothing but a business contract, a merger that binds two individuals and their properties together. It's nothing more.

Marriage and love are very different from each other. And it is important to know which is which.

Although I don't believe in it, I understand the social standards surrounding that union. And now that you are asking me when it is best to marry, I would not be able to give you an exact number, I could not even give you a specific range. On the other hand, I will not also give you a vague answer such as "you'll know when you know", or that "you will feel it in you when it's time." No. Nothing like that.

Instead, let me give you this. You can look at yourself and weigh yourself against the following criteria:

  • You are able to provide for yourself

  • You are independent

  • You can be happy alone

  • You can buy what you want without the help of anyone

  • You have a stable job

  • You are ready to leave behind your youth

If you can honestly say that you are all of those, then you are there. You can marry.

Now, if you are going to ask me when you can be ready for love, then the short answer is, you can never be ready. You don't know when you will feel deeply for a person, you don't know when you will fall. And fall hard.

Some people fall for the very first time they interact, and others slowly develop the affection. And in some cases, they will never find out what love is all about.

Marriage is the least of your problems. As long as there is love, understanding, commitment, and loyalty, that piece of paper can just go to hell.

Hey yo!

And after some time, another installment from the professor. If you are new here, this article is part of the ongoing series "Letters of the Heart" wherein people could send their questions or letters about love, relationships, and any matters relating to the heart and the professor would respond with his reaction or answer to the sender.

You can see and read all the previous letters by going to this article: Letters of the Heart.

So what do you think about this topic? Do you agree with the professor or not? I would love to read your comments, suggestions, and violent reactions down below.

As for me, I would like to be married. Honestly though, I thought by now I would have been married, but as life would have it, things don't usually go according to plan.

I appreciate you visiting here again and until we read again...

Cheers!!!

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Series    : Letters of the Heart
Episode   : 019
Title     : Right Time to Get Married
Published : 08-Jan-2022
Author :  © RB

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2 years ago

Comments

The right time for marriage is when you feel you are ready for it, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and most importantly finally for the Gentlemen.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Yes you are right about the timing of marriage And man should have his own choice which he can understand better and if he understands better then he should get married at the same time.

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2 years ago

There's no perfect time in engaging on marriage the most important thing a person can do is to enjoy his or her first cause once he or she entered in marriage then there would be responsibility and obligations need to do. Sometimes those people entered in marriage ends up regretting their decisions since they are not ready to face the real world of couple full of struggles and problems.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

very well explained.

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2 years ago

I agree. Marriage is papers and love is relationship. It is based on loyalty and responsibility. The sad thing is that society dictates Marriage before starting a family or being a parent and the legality of earnings and money are all part of the marriage which is basically matters when there is an annulment or divorce.

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2 years ago

yeah.. that's why I don't believe in that whole construct.

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2 years ago

There is always a right time for everything 🤗

$ 0.02
2 years ago

yes, and we have no certain way of knowing that.

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2 years ago

All right, you get married. Invite us all. A perfect time for everything. There is a certain age. It is better to get married at that age. Although we did it at a young age and long ago.

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2 years ago

oh you're married already? How's it going? All the best to you.

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2 years ago

I always fancied the idea of being in a relationship, getting married, even.

Yet when I put myself in that situation, I still feel some little terror. My, imagine being with a person for the rest of your life.. or having my personal space not fully for me, because I have someone to share it.. or just the thought of having a responsibility for another person.. those were all making me dizzy. And that's the moment I realize.. no, I ain't ready for this relationships sht. LOL.

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2 years ago

hahaha you are worrying too much. If you have to think about all of that then you are not with the right person. :D

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2 years ago

There is no fixed time for marriage, it all depends on the individual's readiness and level of maturity.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

that's very well said.

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2 years ago

Professor lang sakalam 🤩. Basta ako di mapagpapasakal kahit kanino. So walang tamang time for me for marriage or love.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

haha ayaw mo ba? Bakit?

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2 years ago

I stand with the professor ✝️

$ 0.02
2 years ago

real valid points eh?

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2 years ago

There's no specific age to get married as long you two will able to provide the needs for your future family. When we get married there's no turning back.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

yep, it's a question of maturity, stability and readiness.

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2 years ago

I agree with the professor 100%, marriages are simply contract binding two people by law, with conditions of annulment possible. I don't see why people have to marry when you can actually stay loyal to your partner, love and commitment included.

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2 years ago

yess! Love and commitment is more important than any paper. :)

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2 years ago

As long as ready for life time commitment, yan siguro perfect age to marry Sir.

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2 years ago

how'd you know if you're ready? :)

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2 years ago

yan ang hindi ko alam prof🤦‍♀😂

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2 years ago

haha ayun lang.. :D

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2 years ago

I love your analysis. Age is just a number and you will definitely know when you are ready without being told.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That's exactly right.

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2 years ago

I agree! There is no proven age that you were in the right place and right age of readily get marriage. Its up to you if you were able fulfill the satisfaction of being single.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

very valid point. :) If you can't be contented being single, what's stopping you for not being contented as a married person.

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2 years ago

Hahaha correct🤗

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2 years ago

Agree! We never know when we're ready as long as we knew we can't leave our life that we are used to. Then we're not ready at all, self growth and self love should always come first before entering any relationship and marriage is not just a simple thing, it carries a huge responsibility. So always think wise.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

yeahhh.. it seems scary if we think about it...

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2 years ago

Waaaaaaaah. Na miss ko tung ganito mo proofff. Ang dami kong nakukuhang words of wisdom sa Letters of the Heart mo po. Tama, wala talagang exact time when to get married. Dapat mag focus tayo sa ating self-growth muna. Ang hira mag asawa sa panahon ngayon, jusko 🤦

$ 0.02
2 years ago

hahah talaga ba? slamat sa pagsubaybay. ahaha lagi naman may ganito.. ehehe tinatamad lang minsan. haha madalas pala. haha

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2 years ago

Aw I agree with prof, really there is no perfect time to get married. Also we should stop romaticizing marriage, what we must do is to develop and foster a strong relationship

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2 years ago

Amen to that!

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2 years ago

In Pakistan the right time of marriage is 18 year girls and 21 year boys

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2 years ago

That's the "legal age", not the "right" age

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2 years ago

Ahmmff for me, I Think I prefer 25.. To start earlier and build what needs to build hihi

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2 years ago

that's a pretty neat age

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2 years ago