Just A Chit Chat With Me
Hello, how are you? I hope you are doing great. I don't actually have a topic for today hence, I just want to talk with you and share what I have been thinking about these days. It's like a report of my life.
These past few days I've been thinking if this career path is the one for me and if it's really for me. I questioned myself because I was tired and unmotivated. I was completely lost in hope and will to continue this program. I have been studying Veterinary Medicine for three years now, it made me experience the excitement of this career but also doubted myself.
I have thoughts of dropping and leaving school, not because I don't want to, but because I wanted to help first here at home with our financial needs. It's not entirely my reason for wanting to stop studying but I felt like I wasted two years of my happiness studying in the middle of this pandemic. I'm always upset, frustrated, not in a good mental state, and I know I'm not getting the quality education that I deserve. I know I am not just the one to be blamed for feeling all of these but it's the system. The system is failing me/us. We deserve better but it is just so frustrating that we can't even have access to a better system.
I had times where I conditioned myself to study and most of it failed. I have been completely interrupted and distracted by my environment and my lack of resources. It's way different attending online classes using a laptop than a phone. It has a different feel. And I can attest to that because I used my phone most of the time that I attended google meetings. Typing on a computer keyboard feels different from typing on a phone. It just gives a different feel plus listening to the sound of it. Also facing a laptop or a computer gives a better view of the lectures.
I have spoken to this with my friends and I am thankful that they are willing to listen. In fact, I had a friend that feels the same way I do. I told myself before that if you feel that it's not the career path for you then leave when it's still early. All jokes on me, I can't. I saw the sacrifices of my parents, especially my mom, just to send us to school. And seeing them so tired coming from work everyday pains me and I think that I will just fail them if I don't finish this program.
But what if pursuing this program will eventually kill me? Erase the joy out of me? I don't know now but I just want to continue even if I'm not sure what I am going to do. I know deep in my heart that one main reason for this is that I am afraid of failing my subjects. I am afraid that I will get kicked out of the program and there is no chance for me to get back and I'll be forced to either transfer to a different university or shift to a different course again.
This is just me and this is one of the many times in my life when I would overthink. No doubt I was called Pessimistic by my friend. The funny part is that I didn't know what the meaning of that word was until I looked it up on the internet. I know that the only person that can help me is myself and no other people. My future is in my hands and the life that I will be living depends on me.
Anyhow, these are the thoughts that I've been thinking about these days. This is one of the rarest moments where I shared my personal life. And I won't be looking forward to the next one, hopefully.
Let us strive not to dwell on the dark side of life rather to strive for greatness. Thank you for giving me your time.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading this! I apologize for not giving time to your articles these past few days. I'm just trying to be busy.
Check out my other blogs:
I'm not sure what to tell you. I've been in that kind of situation and I quit. Now I'm regretting it. I have all the time and I know I would have had the resources to continue on but I chose not to. I just hope that with whatever choice you make, you will not regret it.