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You only need just one Reason for you to go on and Live

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Avatar for Ruffa
Written by Β Β 936
2 months ago

Do you also have a moment in your life where you question your existence because of some circumstances or because of the people in your life? Or a time that you wished you were never born because of the people who never see your worth and who look at you like you never do any good in your life? That you wish you just fall on the ground and let your soul leave your lifeless body and wander around just to end that endless pain than keep on killing you?

I have a happy memories on my childhood days. I already share some here, you all know how strict my Mom is to the point of hitting me using her belt, bamboo stick, hanger or whatever things that a Mom can use to let their child remember things and never repeat the same doings. I know that she mean no harm doing it, she just want to teach me, or us a lesson to never repeat the wrong doings we did, I think a lot of kids from 90's experience this.

And because of those things that my Mom did to me, I resent her to the point of thinking bad things in my mind. I'm cursing her on my mind and saying the real feelings I have for her. I let all of those words came in my mind through imagining it. This actually help me get through those bad and sad times that I have been through because of her. I actually thought to rebel at her but then again, It won't do me any good if I let my emotions eat me. That time I only think that once I finish school that's where I will get out of their life.

I never let my anger take over my body, I let my emotions calm down first, I think of the outcome of my action if ever I do it. After releasing those heavy feelings I have in my head through punching the wall on my room, hard and after crying my heart out I finally come to my senses. Anger, helplessness, sadness - different emotions in one body, if you're not good on fighting it then you will just burst in there for sure. It almost happen to me, I am so tempted to grab a knife and sway it in front of everyone to show them how mad I am. I can't count how many times my mind has been clouded with dark thoughts, as in killing?

But off course I can only do that on my head, I can't do that to them because I'm still afraid of my Mom. And in my mind before, she's my stepping stone to get a good life when I get old. Because she's the one who spend for my studies, she's the one who has money who can help me. And for that I am so thankful to her. Though she's really strict Mom, she didn't force me to get a good grades when I'm still studying. Just a grade to let me pass is enough for her, "Just don't get a failed grade!" That's just what she always say. So even if I get a 78, as long as it's passed. Then I'm all good.

You see, I have a lot of reasons to get out of this house when I'm still young. I got a lot of reasons to just end my life because of her, then what added more to my miserableness was her partner. I'm not really a suicidal person like Dazai but I also thought of doing it. But I can't, I just can't do it. Because I still have a lot of reason to live. I have a lot of dreams for my Mama and for my siblings. When I imagine things that I can't experience or get, I just do it on my imagination and everytime I do it, they are included - my Mama and my Siblings.

I want to live and give them a good life. I want to finish school and got a high paying job. Tho this one is still impossible right now. But who knows, maybe Bitcoincash is the answer to my prayer. And whenever I thought of leaving my Mom's house, I always think that if I move back to my Mama I can't finish school because she can't sustain my needs as a student. And because of that I learn to just ignore those hurtful words that Mom are throwing at me.

Because of those I learn to make my heart as hard as a stone. I really wish that time that I don't have a feelings so that I don't need to cry just to release those emotions. I have a lot of this moment, and I can't still believe that I survived this and get to this point of my life where everything is just a memories to me. I got wounded and it leaves a scars on my heart but, I succeeded on setting aside those feeling that I have and let peacefulness wrapped my whole body, my heart and my soul. I learned to forgive

So, if you are experiencing this kind of things right now with your family to the point of giving up your life, think again. You will never get your revenge if you end your life now. Be brave and be strong, I survived it so for sure you can also do it. It's okay to cry and run, but remember to never give up. Life is still beautiful even if we are facing a lot of problems right now. And for sure, in the middle of your journey, you will encounter something that can make you say "Indeed life is a beautiful gift from heaven!"

And you will never experience it if you decide to end it all. Fight, and find a big reason for you to continue. And by making your life wealthy in different aspect and not just in money, you can finally get your revenge. You live your life the way you want it, that's your sweetest revenge. And hug those people who make you strive hard to get those what you have now or you're about to get in the future. And I didn't fight back to Mom literally, I fight those dark thoughts on my mind and now I'm still here, alive and still loving you. BWAHAHAHAHA


Does it make any sense to you? My article I mean. I always ask this because I'm not really sure of my own writings. My English and grammars is not perfect but I think I'm improving naman even at 0.01%, haha. I hope you still get the point, UwU. I'm not really good when it comes to a serious topic, but I'm good in loving you naman so that's enough na I think? Chorrr wahaha. But kidding aside, I was able to write this after chatting with @carisdaneym2 . Those memories from the past came flashing after I heard her story yesterday. And I have no one that time to release my sadness and the only thing I can do is to cry and to punch the wall just to lift even a grams of heavy load on my heart. I just can relate to her in some way and so I wrote this. Anyway, I hope you're okay na Kyutie Mushroom kuno πŸ€—πŸ°. Fighting okay? πŸ’ͺ

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July 21, 2021

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Written by Β Β 936
2 months ago
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Comments

Naisip ko din yan nung bata ako. Talagang dadaan talaga sa point na ganun. Naalala ko yung pagsuntok mo sa wall noon. May nakwento ka di noon na nagalit ka na sinuntok mo yun tapos nasaktan ka kamo pero kailangan magpanggap na hindi tapos nung pumasok ka na sa kwarto doon ka na nag aray, aray naku. Hahaha. Pero tama ka..wala naman magagawa if end ang life dahil sa galit sa parents or sa mga di magagandang pangyayari. Isa pa hindi din magugustuhan ng Diyos kung ating tatapusin ang ating buhay.

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1 week ago

Kaya nga ee, di talaga maiwasan lalo na pag nasasagad kana din. Ang hirap ng pigilan pag punonh puno kana ee tsk. Hahahaha, tanda mo pa yan wahaha. Tama tama, saka kasalanan un naku kaya no way talaga

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1 week ago

Meron mga ibang articles na natatandaan ko. Hehe. Minsan sa kadamihan nga lang di ko na matandaan kung kanino ko nabasa. Oo, yun nga kasalanan. Pero ang hirap din kasi hindi natin hawak ang pag-iisip ng iba at kung paano maoovercome yun. Tapos kung family pa man din ang reason kaya mahirap talaga.

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1 week ago

Walang sukuan!!! Haha diba iinom pa tayo ng gin! Hindi ko pa natikman yon.

Sana lahat ng tao, isipin na ang buhay ibinigay sa atin para magalit, umiyak, sumaya, tumawa, mabaliw, masaktan, tumalon, magmahal, at lumaban. Hindi para sa nasa paligid natin kung hindi para sa ating sarili. Dahil ang buhay, gaano man kahirap, kabigat, kalungkot, isa itong, regalo, treasure na hindi lahat nabibiyayaan na magkaroon. 😊

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2 months ago

Yayy, for sure. Iiyak at tatakbo sandali lang pero walang sukuan!!

Sana nga Meyzee, pero yonf iba kasi sa sobrang bigat si na nila kinakaya. Sana naman malinawan na sila.

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2 months ago

There are really times we resent our parents so much. We feel like they are holding into us like dogs on a leash. We seemed to not have freedom to decide, and when they apprehend us, we can't even fight.

I also felt that way to mother, but at the end of the day, i realize, she did this all for me. Of course, not including those parents who really abuse their children unlawfully.

My mom belongs to the category of strict because of love. Now that I am adult, I feel how she losens her rules for me one by one, because she trusts I can be independent, too, as how she wanted me to be.

I hope you'll keep loving life, and don't have revenge as motivation, (just an advice, you can ignore this, of course), instead, imagine a happy future awaiting you, when you work hard in the present. You are loved. You are precious. Remember that <3

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2 months ago

Ganyan na ganyan sya sakin, feeling ko robot ako na oag sinabi nilang ganito ganyan dapat masusunod, bawak baliin dahil makakatikim talaga ako 😢. Same din sakin, mula nong nastroke sya, affected na ying emotions nya na ang bilis nya umiyak. Ayon di na sya mahigpit. Malaya naman ako g gawin ang gusto ko ngayon, un lang pag lalabas pa rin with friends is not allowed, pinag iingat lang daw naman ako aguyy.

Ano, iniisip ko nalang na, yong pagpakaganda sa buhay ko at oag abot sa dreams ko, un nalang ang revenge ko sa kanila. Yong may naabot ako kahit paano, ganorn.

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2 months ago

Not ending our lives means, that we are not selfish. We think about our loved ones around us. They would live on with huge pain in their hearts and with many unanswered questions in their heads. I know this, because one of my cousins ended his life in his early 20's. More than 20 years passed since then and we still don't know the reason why. Enjoy your life.

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2 months ago

Yah that also, that's why they should think first before doing drastic things.

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2 months ago

Maybe its a normal to says or think some bad thing about our parent, but this day grabe ang mga bata ngayun.. di ko naemagine na nagawa ko noon ang mga pinagsasabi nila ngayun sa mga magulang nila... hayysst..

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2 months ago

Oi nga lalo na oag sobra na din talaga sila. Basta wag lang sana yung wagas na sasagot pa. Ako diko yan kaya noon, pero ngayon matanda na ako sumasagot na ako ee 😡

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2 months ago

I think I found the answers..thank you!!! maybe it was the answer I asked from him.❀❀

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2 months ago

Answer saan?

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2 months ago

I also Experienced those memories too when I thought going to school would be the last time my parent would see me. I thought I would be able to feed myself but I still discover I still need them with me.

The best is to be great and work hard to achieve success. With this, one would gain freedom from those treatment. But nevertheless, we need to understand that parents want the best for their children.

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2 months ago

Off course, when we fall we will still go back at them, but this time for sure we finally understand that it thei love for us, that's why they can so such things.

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2 months ago

I sometimes in my childhood leaved house and decided I'll never comeback and right after an hour or 2 I'll return there like nothing happened

And we all are not perfect in grammer but we are learning by writing and we're just getting better day by day

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2 months ago

Wow, while me I can't even take a step to get of our house. Lol

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2 months ago

Umabot din ako sa punto na grabe yung galit kos mama ko. Pumasok kasi siya nun sa realtionship, pero wala na yung papa ko that time. Ewan ko ano pumasok sa isip niya at naisipan niya pang makipag relasyon. Tas yung lalaking napili niya eh napaka lasinggero tas grabe magsugal. As in , wala talaga future mama ko don if ever nagpatuloy sila. Tinakot ko pa sya na pag hindi sila tumigil eh magpapakamatay ako and seryoso ako don. Buti nlang talaga naghiwalay sila huhu. Di ko taalga matatanggap if ever 😭

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2 months ago

Aba'y grabi, at buti naman at natauhan ano. Oag ganong tao oa naman naku, di mo alam baka may kapahamakan ng nag aantay syo. Buti at nag hiwalay sila

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2 months ago

Ganyan na ganyan ako ate ropa nung mga panahon na hindi ko pa naiintindihan paligid ko talaga. Halos isumpa ko na sila sa sobrang inis at galit ko eh. Buti nga ngayon habang patanda ako ng patanda nakakaya ko ng intindihin ang mga nasa paligid ko. Siguro kasi noon sobrang immature ko pa. Ang bilis kong sumuko sa buhay na ilang beses ko na talagang pinagtangkaan dati yung sarili ko. Tama ka ate, wala namang magagawa kung papatayin ko sarili ko, narealize ko lang na bakit ako magpapakamatay dahil lang sakanila? Bakit ako susuko dahil lang sakanila? Di naman sila worth it na maging rason para sayangin ang buhay kong binigay ng panginoon. Kaya here I am now, still breathing, living, and kicking πŸ˜‚ HAHAHAHA i won't allow na yung mga ibang tao magiging dahilan kung bakit ako mawawala sa mundong ito. Mas tanggap ko pa kung aksidente talaga or magkakasakit ako eh. Pero yung ibang tao, is a big no no no.

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2 months ago

Buti nga nag mature na tayo kasi madali nalang intindihin ang mga bagay bagay. Tinapon ko na nga sila sa utak ki sa sobrang galint k baga tsk. Mahirap sa unang pero masaya panrin!

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2 months ago

Kaya nga eh ☺️ Masaya naman na tayo ngayon. At least kahit nakakaramdam padin tayo ng sakit eh mas lamang naman ang kasayahan.

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2 months ago

Yan ganyan nga, saka di naman na sila mahigpit sakin. Tho minsan di talaga maiwasang mayamot sa kanila. Pero keri lang, natiis ko nga yong noon, yong ngayon oaba ang hihindi.

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2 months ago

Oo nga ate. Okay lang mayamot natural na talaga yan sating mga anak at parents. Pero at the end magakkasundo din

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2 months ago

Sending my hugs to you ate Ruffa. πŸ€—πŸ’— You are brave enough to embrace those thoughts and just keeping it yourself. It was hard for sure not be able to release it out, but you are strong enough to make it up until now. You are correct, killing yourself will not fix everything. It will just worsen the situation. Life is indeed beautiful and we have a lot to do to make it the best. Your dreams and experiences are what makes you stronger. You were hurt, but you chose to stay, that is because you love them. You do not want getting them hurt that is why you stop yourself from doing the worst things. And that was the best decision ever. πŸ’— Things may be difficult sometimes, but always remember that there is a light waiting at the end of the tunnel. πŸ’— Padayon ate. πŸ’—

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2 months ago

Thank you ng malupet bata 🀧. Iniisip ko lang talaga ang outcome ee. Not a good idea, if tinuloy ko yon naku, baka ako'y sising sisi na sa impyerno ngayon haha. Basta talaga may reason ka para magpa tuloy ee, mapipigilan non lahat ng masasamang iniisip mo. Wag basta basta papadala, matuto analisahin ang sitwasyon. For sure may solution yan. Hindi maaarning wala ee

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2 months ago

Totoo. Ang init pa naman yata don ate. Hahaha Pero yun nga, pag may reason talaga na magpatuloy, think million times na talaga muna e para sure. Wala namang mawawala kung mag iisip muna tayo. Analyze and reflect. Ganern. Hahahaha May mga solusyon talaga lahat.

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2 months ago

Wahaha anong ata, sureball na mainit yon naku. Yong hotness ko nga wagas na ang naglalagablab na. Lalo na yong puro apoy ang nasa paligid aguyy. Tama tama, chill lang tayo, hayaan silang mabunganga tapos isipin si irog kalimutan ang lahat. Wahaha

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2 months ago

Nung Bata ako nagtry ako maglayas dahil Kay Mama Kasi Hindi ko na din kaya. One time diko Alam bakit ko nasabi sa kanya dahil punong puno nako. Sabi ko Hindi porket nanay Kita ikaw na laging tama. And up to now mabigat padin loob ko sa kanya dahil sa mga ginawa nya samin. Yung pagkakalat mo sa kapitbahay na tamad anak mo , na walang alam. Napakasakit. Kaya pinanindigan ko nadin na talagang tamad ako. Alam mo Yung nasa sarili mo ikaw pamamahay pero parang nakikisama kapa din sa ibang tao Kasi dimo magawa gusto mo. Though nanay ko padin sya and sya nagbigay buhay sakin pero diba responsibility nila Tayo Kasi magulang sila e and Hindi sila Yung dapat nagdadown. Yung Wala Kang kaalam Alam chinichimis kana pala ng nanay mo. Tapos nung may anak nako Sabi nya skin mag aanak anak tapos ako aalilain. Apo nya Yun diba? At Hindi ako pabigat sa kanya. Kailangan ko Lang ng gabay ng magulang. Haysss ayaw ko na . Bibigat Lang pakiramdam ko

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User's avatar Yen
2 months ago

fighting sis!

So, if you are experiencing this kind of things right now with your family to the point of giving up your life, think again. ----- tama to. Buti na lang yung generation natin strong ne. kasi we experienced too much sakit sa magulang natin. haha. palo dito palo dun then iba pa yung mga masasakit na salita but we're still here and manage to enjoy life. diba diba. hehe. kaya fight lang ane. haha

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2 months ago

That's what I'm saying sis. Ang dami nating naranaaan noon na sakit mas malala pa nga maka sugat ang words nila kesa sa palo nila na after a day or two mawawala na ang sakit. Pero ung bigat ng words nila patama satin, wagas pa sa sinaksak nng knife talaga.

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2 months ago

totoo yan sis. para bang sobrang sensitive natin pag sa kanila galing yung mga masasakit na salita. hehe

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2 months ago

Ateeee Parotski, 'di ako sanay sa ganitong mga articles mo. Uwuu.

But, are you okay now? Maybe you're mind was filled with some uncertainties? Ramdam kasi kapag 'di ka okay eh. Ang seryoso mo. Anyways, I understand naman kung saan ka nanggagaling but don't think of that 'S word' again. It's bad. Mag-Wattpad na lang tayo at magboys hunting 'dun kaysa mag-isip ng mga bagay or decisions na 'di dapat isipin.

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2 months ago

S? Sugar Daddiiiii? Ahaha, I'm all good, minsan may di pa rin kami pagkakaintindihan pero nadadaan naman na sa usapan. I'm matured enough naman na to you know wahaha, to find someone fly and sing using his mic. BWHAHAHAHA

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2 months ago

That 'suicide' word kasiiii. Sugar daddiiiii (with 5 i πŸ˜‚) daw. Hahahaha

Hahaha ibang fly at sing using his mic naiisip ko uy. πŸ˜‚

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2 months ago

Bwahahaha, o yong isip ha. Wag mung saan saan pupunta. Wahaha

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2 months ago

I'm sorry ate Ruffa if I can't. I really tried to be strong and brave enough, I tried to smile and and foget all the problems that I have. While reading this, I let my tears to fall kahit sabi ko hindi na ako uulit sa bagay na ito pero sorry, hindi ko na talaga kaya....

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2 months ago

Huy! ano yan ha. πŸ™„ Anong susuko suko ka jan?! palo sa pwet

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2 months ago

Ay haha sorry na po, peace✌️

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2 months ago

Suntukin kita jan, wag ka magbbiro ng about jan 😀😀. You're okay naman na diba? Nag iingay kana sa Gc so for sure kahit papaano nalilibang ka. Don't even think about it, just fight!!!

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2 months ago

Sana all strong kagaya mo po :)

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2 months ago

Strong ka, yan ang isipin mo!

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2 months ago

Pero hindi nga kasi eh haha red horse lang strong na alam koπŸ˜‚

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2 months ago

Pakurot ka sa singit kay Marygoround or kay Femfem para magising ka sa katotohanang strong kang kabute. Wag papadala sa kung anonh nararamdaman mo. Basta aliwin mo sarili mo dito or sa kung anomang makapagpapalimot sayo ng problema mo kahot saglit lang!!

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2 months ago

I have to commend you for holding on that long. Others would have given up easily. I hope you get to talk to someone about your frustrations. I hope you have a friend you can tell all your feelings and emotions, someone you can release your thoughts. Keep praying, okay? Keep holding on. Yayaman pa muna tayo. Malay mo dahil dito sa bitcoin cash. Kaya laban lang. Dapat maranasan muna natin maing milyonaryo :D :D

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2 months ago

I had too, baka mabuang ako pag hindi ahaha. Saka basta naiiiyak naman mawawala na din ang bigat though di naman lahay ng nakapasan ee matatanggal peri at least nabawasan diba. Sa ngsyon naman okay na kami. At oo nga sana naman mag $20,099 na si BCH para ebribadi happy hehw

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2 months ago

We will always have negative thoughts and ugly things to think about when we are upset. But the best thing to do is to calm down and then think better. It's good that even though your mother punishes you so severely, you know that deep down she loves you. What happens is that she may have been treated like that in her childhood and she is doing with you what she knows how to do. But it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. I am glad that you are thinking of helping all your siblings in the future. God will do his work. There are many people going through your same situation. Make a point in your life. Strive to reach your goals. Find your inner peace and move on. God bless you always.

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2 months ago

Yew, that's the best we can do. And I can't believe, really that I was able to do it. I'm glad with that decision of mine. I never let those emotions eat me, I'm stronger than my negative thoughts I think 😁. Thank you, I will do that , I will just strive hard and try to achieve those yoals for my family πŸ’™

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2 months ago

Do it for yourself first and then think about helping them.

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2 months ago

I hated my mom before. I hate her now but not the same hate as before. Glad that we are not living with her. She values her boyfriend more than us, her children. But then she's still our mother so I must forgive her even she's not asking for it.

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2 months ago

Kuu, ganyan na ganyan din ako noon, buti nga si mommy ay di na katulad ng dati. Saka ang tagal ng nawala ng galit ko sa kanya diko din naman kayang magaling ng matagal. Yan lang mahirap sa Nanay mo, parang wala ata syang paki sa ano ee πŸ˜…

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2 months ago

Mukha ata seryoso ka ngayon madam.. So kay papa lang ako nagtanim ng galit.. Pero tumatanda na tyo hndi na mga bata. Kya dapat ay tama na rin mga ginagawang decision sa buhay

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2 months ago

Haha onga madam ee ahaha. Kaya nga matutong magpatawad rin, kalimutan ang past at tuloy ang ligaya.

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2 months ago

Ever since siguro di ko pa natry magalit nang husto sa mama ko. Yes, she disciplines us in any way like hitting but not sure to the point that I planted anger in my heart towards my Mom. Or maybe because I am close to my parents ever since kaya siguro ganun.

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2 months ago

Oo nga Noona, ako nama'y di rin kayang magalit ng matagal sa kanila. Yon nga lang, paulit ulit din kasi minsan ang ginagawa nila kaya lahi ring may bagong yamot para sa kanila. Ung okay na ung sa nauna tapos meron n naman. Ay aguyy talaga. Pero ngayon wala naman na. Naiinis ako sa kanya pero hanggang doon nalang.

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2 months ago

Again, it's like I'm reading my own story. I want to end my life. I wish I never existed because our mom let us feel it. I mean, like we did good things in our life. Na wala kaming naitulong sa kanya simula nung bata pa kami. Siguro monetary wala talaga, hello, we're still students. Ang sakit lang na parang ginawa kang anak hindi dahil gusto ka maging anak. I will not go into detail. Ang sakit masabihan ka ng walang kwenta, walang silbi, nang paulit ulit. Napakaliit lang na pagtatalo, pinalalaki, lahat na masasakit na salita nasasabi. Nakakasawa. Daming reasons talaga kaya gusto ko nang mawala. Including last night. Yeah, simple problem na nagawa or nasabi ng kapatid ko na totoo naman na sinabi niya. Pinalaki nanaman sinumbat nanaman ang lahat. Lahat nanaman damay, nakakarindi. I just chose to close my eyes while falling down tears because I can't take the painful words coming from her mouth. She is like that. Every time. She will never change. Hays. Well, she is still our mother. We can't do anything about it. I have dreams for her, I made a promise to my parents, to my mother when I was a kid. When we we're still on good terms. I have reasons to continue at ipamukha sa kanya na may kwenta ako. Dati sabi ko lang to make her happy, to make her life easy but now it changes. I know I am so far to achieve my dreams but I will get there. So, I think million times. Instead of killing myself(tho sumasagi pa rin sa utak ko yan hindi maiwasan) I chose to fight, I chose to be brave. Nalalapit na ang paghuhukom. Charot. So yeah, she just needs to wait for my sweetest revenge. And of course, it is for our father too. So, I won't give up. I'm happy that you surpass all of that too, ate! Padayon!

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2 months ago

I heard about it to Carismatic that's why I got the idea of writing this. Nakakalungkot lang na ganon ang ibang magulang no. Di mo masabi if mahal ba talaga tayo kaya nila ginagawa yon o ano. Parang sobra sibra na kasi pag ganyan. Yong ang babaw naman pero pinapalaki, pati yong nakaraang nagawa mo isasali pa. Ganyan din si mother sakin. Wala manding magawa kundi umiyak na laang. Takot ako sa kanya, baka pag sumabog ako ee palayasin naman ako sa bahay, ilang beses naba akong napalayas nyan na parang napakadali sa kanya na sabihin ang ganon. Parang "Dika gaanong importa, lumayas ka dito, di kita kailangan!!" Yang mga ganyan, feeling ko mandin ee wala akong lugar sa mundo dahil dyan. Yong pag nakagawa ka naman ng mabuti di nila pupunahin. Pero isang pagkakamali lang kala mo'y kung makareact ee nakapatay kana. I really hate her that time. Lalo na ung partner nyamnyon kasi talaga ang tinik sa lalamunan ko ee. Parang ginagatungan si Mommy na ganito ganiyan. Pero buti nga at nalampasan. Kaya ikaw din. Kaya nyo yan. Iiyak nyonlang, ignore her words. Relate ako jan kasi para kana ring sinaksak sa mga salitaan nyang wagas. Fighting! πŸ’ͺπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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2 months ago

Saludo ako sayo on the way you handle those anger in your heart.. ganyan nga before you do something always think of the consequences before doing anything. It will always save you 🀭

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2 months ago

Kaya nga madam, ayaw ko magpadalos dalos ng desisyon. Alam ko namang sa huli ee maiba ang magiging epekto sakn. Kaya think before you act ika nga.

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2 months ago

Yep ganyan dapat lagi

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2 months ago