You know I'm really not afraid to die, so if ever something happened to me some unfortunate events kill me then I will just watch those I am leaving behind with a happy face while I'm with San Pedro, I mean I know they will be sad but, that's just how life is right? We live, we die. We can't escapes death, it's just a matter of who's going to die first. As for me, I'd rather die early than watch my love ones leaves one by one. As to my Mommy, she really want to live longer. She's still enjoying her life so maybe mauuna nalang muna ako, haha.
Omoo, I'm not even sure if San Pedro is the one who's gonna get me. What if it's the Grim Ripper? Omoo, I know I don't deserve to be in heaven because I'm not really a good human being. I'm actually the black sheep in all of the untainted one and I'm actually cute so I'm sure I'm going to hell for this, just kidding. But honestly speaking, I'm a bad wanton woman. I'm a savage (yeah), Classy, bougie, ratchet (yeah) Sassy, moody, nasty (hey, hey, yeah). Acting stupid, what's happening? Bitch (whoa, whoa).
Okay let's be serious now shall we? I'm a bad person, I talk back to my Mom and I have a nasty mouth (just like what's on the lyrics above, lol). I sometimes snap at my Mama for a very small reasons that I hate to be disturbed. Bastos, but I don't unzip my pants with an audience. I'm bastos and lapastangan as my Mom's words. I say bad words and as in my mouth has no filter. I just get this traits to Mom so, mana mana lang yan. Even in front of them I still say bad words, I'm just expressing myself tru that, I mean fvck that sh!t! Right?
But if I will state all of my bad traits here, a 10 minutes reading time is not enough so I'm just gonna go on to the main dishes. But seriously, wait let's talk some more please. I have a lot more to say! Ahmm, actually, I also have this bad habits when I don't like what my Mom is saying. If it's just scolding and some words that I don't want to hear in my peanut size brain, I will show them how I put my headset in my ears 🙈, kalapastangan as Moms say. I know it's rude and impolite but I'm just sick of their nagging at me like they are some kind of perfect human being.
Sorry oh my I'm saying bad things about my Moms again 😩. But, even if I'm a bad human being I still have wish for when I die. I mean, Wish to do before I die. As you all know, I haven't been experience a lot of things in my 26 years existence of life. I'm still inexperience with so many things. I want to experience it before I die, I want to do those things, I want to achieve this goal and I want love again, chorrrr lol. So let me share it here. I just hope that before my life end, I will be able to achieve those wants, goals, dreams for my family and me.
We are not that well off and we still struggle sometimes because wr are out of funds. My Mom or Auntie has her pension as a source of income. She sell load but that won't really enough for the 3 of us. And then my Mama or my real mom. She's the one who's really struggling the most here. She has her eatery but it's not gaining profit anymore. She's always out of money that she need to ask for some assistance to her kids, us.
Well it's only natural to help Mama when she's in need. But I don't have the stable job so I can't always help her. I have my two other siblings but they are also struggling in Batangas. It's hard for them because you know how expensive our necessities now. Foods, essentials, any thing. Our 500 is not enough anymore, it won't even last for 3 days. That's why, I want to save money so that they won't struggle anymore. They will be freed from every problems because we have money.
Even if you all say that money can't buy happiness, we still need it to survive. It is the answer to all of our problems admit it. I know that money can also ruined someone's mind but, we will never survive in this cruel without money. Happiness alone can't make us full, that when you smile your hunger will suddenly fade. No! We still need foods to survive and we can't do that without money. And I don't know kung anong pinaglalaban ko, basta. I want to save more dellers!
You all know that I'm antisocial who just love to stay in her room. I want to experience the life in the city. I want to roam around and just enjoy the life to the fullest. We only live once and this is really a good things to do. I want to live there for experience and just go with the flow of time in the City. Maybe that is already enough to do what I want to do in the place. I'm really not afraid of the people. I'm just too shy to face a lot of people that I feel like I'm over reacting. Confidence, I need my confidence back that I had before when I was still in high school.
But anyway, maybe just maybe after that experience in the City I can finally disregard this shyness of mine. I maybe have a thick face here in read.cash but I'm telling you. I'm far different from personal than in the virtual world. I don't have a confidence and I'm just.. nothing? Ah, I don't know. But if I will do it in different place far from the sight of my family and kakilala, maybe I can be anything I want there. Maybe I can finally do what I want without the criticism of the others, I'm just afraid of how can a word bring someone's confidence down to the core.
You know what money can buy? A ticket! A ticket to go any places you want. Trip to Boracay? Travel good places in Philippines. Out of the Country escapade and buy a lot of FOODs. As you all know, I don't have a sense of taste and smell but I still love foods. And I want to eat all of the foods that exist in this world. Oh yes! Travel different places and try all of their delicacies. Who wouldn't want that kind of thing, definitely not me!
I don't have a particular place in my mind but everywhere is good. As long as I get to experience traveling. I want to do it alone but I also want to do it with them. And you know, I also dream of having someone beside me while traveling. A special someone, who will travel the world with me and we will make love to every place that we visits, ah that's the life I want. I wish to do it while I'm still in 30's siguro para kaya pang tumambling ba, ahahahaha.
I don't have a plan to get married and have a kids but, we'll never know. Maybe I don't like now then mamamalayan nyo buntis na ako later, lol. Just a partner in life is enough for me. And that partner will be my traveling buddies and we will ikot the world, and money is a must, sowiee.
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane, Don't know if I'll be back again
I just share the things, goals and experience that I want to do. This is not my last will and testament. This is just like a plan. It's not like we're gonna die if we write something like this no? And once more once again, I'm afraid of how I will die but not to die. Ciao na, ang dami ko ng sinasabi.
June 10, 2021