Allow me to rant: Am I demotivated?

“When you think you’re screwed, remember we’re all on a big, wet ball floating in the dark.”

Quote source

These days are somehow to me and I feel nothing is motivating me again even when I try my best to be motivated. I sleep more these days and when it's night, I sleep early again. I just don't feel like to look at my phone screen to do something while I keep postponing everything. Like yesterday, my phone was placed on the table while I used one hand to type posts. You see how weak and tiring I was? I wasn't bothered when it would take me to finish all because I didn't just want to do anything.

Even cooking these few days, it's really hard for me as I just need someone to do that for me while I lay my lazy body on the floor sleeping like I've got nothing to do. This time around, I have many topics to write on but I can't even type any words around them. I feel like having the power to help me arrange those words and be active for me online. Can it be possible? 😅

Yesterday, I was so weak early in the morning and I forced myself to make posts on different platforms and then, I zoomed off into dreamland. What is wrong with me? I asked myself looking in the mirror. I couldn't find an answer to it. I sat down back on the carpet since I already lifted my bed. I love sitting on the carpet because of how cold and cool it is instead of the bed which makes me sweat for no reason. I only bring the bed down at night when I want to sleep.

I ate my first meal around 3 pm yesterday and it amazed me how I wasn't hungry until then. My stomach gave in to rumbling around that time and I knew I need to obey nature by eating. I cooked a small macaroni and that was it. I just need a maid to do this for me. Lol

I managed to sit with my neighbours outside because I didn't want to sleep again. I guess my room has a spirit which ties me down to sleep but once I was outside gisting, it became lively for me and I was scared entering my room. Will the spirit make me sleep again? I asked myself but I stayed outside until I did some things online.

Am I demotivated? Because everything around me seems to take my focus away from the present while I kept reminiscing on the past and what will happen in the future. But I was told not to look at the past but focus on the present. Even the Bible says I shouldn't worry about tomorrow. So, why am I getting worried too much about the past and the future?

I keep thinking about how my service would be and what will happen after one year of serving my country. But it's too far for me to start worrying over that. That is something being negative sometimes can do to you. It makes things look difficult for you unless you snap out of it on time.

Waking up this morning, I felt motivated again and I stared at my mirror as usual and said something like, “Be active today. Don't try to lose focus and see how far you will go for today.” Yes, this is what I told myself early this morning and I don't want to be distracted or lose focus at all. I will try my best not to be demotivated whatsoever.

I know I have been inactive and I am beginning to let things especially the future derail me. No, I won't give in but focus on the moment, live and enjoy it and be grateful always.

Can you see what just happened? I couldn't form words with the topics I have with me but decided to rant and complain about being demotivated. Perhaps, I wasted your time reading to the end? I'm sorry! I just felt like putting words together this way and pouring out my feelings to you since I have you guys ready to encourage me as always.

Don't mind my ranting post today. Though it's normal to feel this way once in a while. I believe this will not continue like this. So, I have to get up and embrace myself while doing things that bring happiness to me.

Thanks for your time.

Image by Lenin Estrada from Unsplash

[October 20, 2022] (No 292 articles for the year)