This is a part of my life that I wanted to be kept hidden. I never told my family about it, especially to my husband. So you might be wondering why I am writing this. Honestly, I still feel awful about what I ALMOST did back then. I guess this is my way of letting go of that past and forgive myself.
I was 18 years old when I decided to live alone. My grandmother died when I was 17 and then my Tita took me in. I worked several jobs and save money diligently. So with only 3,000 pesos in my wallet, I went to Manila to seek a better future.
My feet took me to Novaliches. The place was foreign to me because I have never been there. And now that I think of it, I still don't know how I get there. Going back to my story. So I look for a small room to rent, luckily I found one and it only cost 500 a month, electricity and water excluded. That's okay to me since the water source is deep well, and I have no problem fetching water from it a few meters away from my room. After familiarizing the place, I immediately look for a job. After a week, I am still jobless and I am running out of money. I had to skip meals just to save money.
Then I met Kuya Erwin. I was fetching water when he suddenly approached and befriended me. He was tall, has a fair complexion, and "singkit". He introduced himself and offered to carry the bucket, full of water. Kuya Erwin was the first friend that I had in that unfamiliar place.
He was so good to me and offers to carry the bucket every time I fetched water. So one day, I asked him if he knows someone who needs a helper. I desperately need a job at that time so whatever job someone has to offer, I will surely grab that chance. Then he told me that the burger stall beside his newspaper stand needed extra help. So he took me there and I got the job.
It was a Burger Machine store, I think most of you knows that chain of burger store. I was on a graveyard shift. It was hard at first, especially when customers flocked at the same time but in the long run, I enjoyed it.
Kuya Erwin has a small newspaper stand beside my workplace. He will go there early in the morning and arranged the newspapers and after that, we will have coffee together.
Because of that routine, I grew fond of him. I developed feelings towards him. I don't know anything about him besides the fact that he was 23 years old and got a job at a printing company. I only met a few friends in that place and I think it is awkward to ask them about Kuya Erwin.
We became closer every day. And what I felt for him grows deeper. I love him. He never said anything about how he feels about me. But his actions speak for himself or so I thought. I met a few of his friends when they stopped by at my work and introduced me as his special friend. Then they will say, " So you are the one Erwin told us about." And I would just smile shyly. We had no label and I also did not know what we have.
One night, while he walked me home, he asked me if he could visit me in my room. And I blindly say yes. I feel so excited about the thought of me and him inside my room. So I anxiously cleaned my room and prepare myself. Then he came, he brought fruits with him. We talked, we laughed and had fun. Kuya Erwin was so fun to be with, he has a sense of humor that made him more attractive to me.
Then my most anticipated moment came. He suddenly holds my hand and slowly kissed me. It was just a peck at first, then he noticed that I am not against it, the kiss became more passionate. We kissed so passionately that we ran out of breath and stop then continued again.
Then he started to unbutton my blouse. I was so nervous at that time. My mind says no but my body says yes. I am so ready to give myself to him because I love him, foolishly in love with him.
Then suddenly we heard a loud "bang" coming from the next room. I was suddenly awakened from my foolishness and buttoned up my blouse. He wanted to continue but I said no, I suddenly feel ashamed of myself. I told him that he needs to go home and will talk tomorrow. I could sense that he was annoyed but didn't say anything and just leave.
After a few minutes, someone knocked on my door. It was one of the boarders. Then she told me everything about Kuya Erwin. She said that he was married and his wife is pregnant. That his wife lives in his mother in another town. I thought she was just joking but she said that she also fell from Kuya Erwin's charm and later she found out that he was married and ended everything with him.
I was so dumbfounded! I wanted to cry but could not. My body was shaking because of the anger that I felt. "I almost give myself to him." I keep saying those words like I am crazy.
The next morning I confronted him and he told me the truth. He said that he loves me and I have a special place in his heart. He said that we can continue what we have secretly. I laughed when he said that. I may be young but I am not stupid. Stupid enough to fall for him again.
After that, I never talked to him and decided to leave the place just to forget him.
I was young when that happened. I guess I was in love with the idea of love and him being so nice to me made me fall for him.
Almost
Yeah, almost, almost become a mistress. Almost give myself to the wrong person. A person who took advantage of my youth and foolishness. I know in a way that I became a mistress unknowingly but I could not accept that. For me, I was just almost become a mistress, just almost.
I am not perfect, I made mistakes. Mistakes that still haunt me. As I said, I never told this to anyone, because of the thought that they will judge me. So I made this article as a way of letting go of that past. Be free from that mistake that I had made.
Date Published: August 15, 2021
In fairness sissy , kahit bata ka pa at the age of 18 , hindi ka nahulog s patibong ni guy, nako kung iba ibang gurl sis , eh agad na bumigay, lalo ang mga pinay malambot ang puso at madaling mapaikot at madaling mabola, ang galing mo sis ang tapang mo at 18 , lumuwas ka na at namuhay mag-isa.