Sometimes We Don't Have To Ask For It.

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2 years ago
Topics: Life, Motivation, Grief, Blogging, Nigeria, ...

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There are some things beyond our control just as we have things within our control. For some situations, there is absolutely nothing else you can do about it than to deal with it and for others, it boils down to our choice to prevent them or avoid them. Whatever life throws our way we always have a choice and that's the truth. It doesn't have to be between two great choices but still, we have a choice.

This world is a wicked place but still, we see those enjoying life to the fullest and they would tell you differently. What am I saying? We have two worlds in this life; the good and the bad. When things go well, we feel on top of the world and happy but when things don't go right, we think we are the only one in the world facing hardship like no one else.

Have you ever lost a loved one? How did you feel? You would wish the world can stop momentarily for a moment just to take notice of your hurt and the pain that comes with it. You want the whole world to gaze and look in your direction to offer some sympathy as though that would magically make everything okay. We crave attention amidst our grief and wish the world can take a moment just to acknowledge our pain.

It's okay if we focus on ourselves at that moment because no one can understand the pain of losing someone except they have been there before. When we lost dad and then later mum, I wish the world would take a moment to notice and acknowledge it. I wanted sympathy, I wanted pity but even with the ones that came, it didn't make the pain any easier. It was at that moment I knew that I am the one with the choice on how to respond to any situation that happens whether I asked for that situation or not. I wanted that focus yet I forgot at that moment that people die daily and still, the world didn't stop for them, so why should it stop for me?

I learnt a lot in those moments of grief and everyone moves on quickly...why won't they? They have a life to live, they have families to get back to, they have history to create and happiness to disperse, so why should they wallow in sadness when the best part of their lives are still yet to be lived? I noticed also that being pitied can get you too comfortable. There were times I didn't even want to do anything because it was easy to grieve and that's the moment you can be excused for losing focus and not doing much with your life since everyone would give you an excuse that makes sense, "He just lost his father." "He is still healing." "Be nice, didn't you hear what happened to his dad?" "They have no support, what else do you want them to do?" Etc...

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Other people make excuses for you and you feel too comfortable that you just don't want to do anything but being pitied is like a ground that is not fertile because nothing meaningful ever grows there. It would get to a point where they would stop making excuses for you and start attacking you because it has gotten old. You would start hearing, "He is not serious. He doesn't know what to do with his life." "Is he the only one to lose his dad?" "I know of a child (even if they don't know) that lost both parents and he is now a medical doctor, so what's his excuse?" Etc...

The thing is, people move on quickly and there is no time for anyone to stay pitied for long. There are bills to pay, responsibilities piling up, life to be lived...no one has time to stay down for long because before you know it, your age starts counting and life starts passing you by.

There are things we can't control that would happen to us in life. It would knock us down, drag us to filth, ridicule us and make us lose focus but we always have a choice to make, whether to wallow in it or keep moving with life. It's not easy, God knows I know it isn't easy because I have been there. I was so close to my dad but I had no issues with my mum. When dad passed away, I tried to make up for the time with mum to get to know her more than I've used to. You know, trying to pour the love on her and when we were bonding and hitting it off, she also left the earth. It was easier for me to just make a mess out of life at that time because it would make sense to everyone but I knew I had a choice to make.

I didn't want it, yes, but it has happened, so I just have to get on with it and make a fine tune with the broken strings that life has given my guitar. I'm still making the tunes and it's making sense because I have those who dance to it...life can be beautiful again...maybe not as we would have wanted but it doesn't have to be worse either.

We don't have to ask for problems before they come but when they come we have to seek ways to be better; using that situation to our advantage. It's never easy but it's either we stay down or move on. If we keep staying under with the world's mounting issues, when are we ever going to get anything done? Take as much time as you can to heal before you move on but never live in denial of your pains or troubles and let the end goal always be to make you better and not bitter.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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2 years ago
Topics: Life, Motivation, Grief, Blogging, Nigeria, ...

Comments

I am sorry for your loss I admire your strength and your will this made me think of my own moments of big choices and I will remember your words if ever I encounter another one in the future.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Thank you. It means a lot and good to have you here.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

I can't claim to relate with your level of grief because I have not lost someone that close but what you have said is true. Sometimes, life's just hits us whether we're ready or not and we have to adjust as quickly as we can

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I love that; it doesn't matter whether we are ready or not. Life just hit us but we have to adapt and move on. Thanks a lot.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Indeed, the grief from losing our love ones can't be understood by others who aren't standing the same feet from us. I have been there, i have lose my brother and father and the pain is totally unbearable, my world had stop but not actually the world of others, of course they are not the one who lose them and their world would continue. Honestly the fact was the world didn't stop, only our pains from mourning made us feel that way. Our lives affiliated with ups and downs and yet it must continue.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

I am so sorry for the losses, my friend. It's indeed intolerable. Yes, we have to move on regardless. The world would leave us behind if we don't.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Grief, pain is all part of our living in this world. It is ok to want or seek that sympathy but also not ok to prolong it.

The pain we feel enables us to share in the pain of others. We cope. But a step at a time.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yes, we don't have to prolong it

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I tend to shut people out when I'm on the midst of my problems, I just don't want to hear things from anyone, or some concealing words that makes me looks so pityful so I just shut them off and just go back again when I already okay.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

It's perfectly okay to grief alone. I have done that before too and it's fine... You are allowed to deal with things alone.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

The main thing is to accept and understand that problems will not go away by themselves. Don't neglect your feelings and needs. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I love that; don't be scared to ask for help. No one can make it here alone and when we ask for that help and get it, we have to work things out still.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Ofcourse like can always be beautiful again. It's true that one can get too comfortable for his or her own good when constantly being pitied. The worse is when one continues to wallow in self pity. .. Life would always go on no matter what, it was here before us and would continue to be, long after we had gone. So, we should always be reborn with every challenge.... May the soul of your dearly departed continue to rest in the bosom of the lord

$ 0.04
2 years ago

Thank you so much dear. Deeply appreciated.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Life is really imperfect as it is. So many ups and downs and turning points. It's always important to go on with the flow and move on, I think if all of us can easily apply it I guess life would not be so tough but even me myself I can't do it.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Go with the flow, be intentional about getting better and move on. Absolutely, dear.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Challenging journey of life, isn't it? Indeed we have move on co'z we stay and do nothing then we done nothing as well.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yes, if we stay on the same spot we still won't get anything done.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Life always has up and down we always have choices to make. There are moments of happiness and moments of hardship in life but regardless the situation there’s always choices for us to make.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Spot on. Thanks for this.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Wow, this was really deep. Sorry about the departure of your parents. I can't imagine how that feels; having to grow up and fend for yourself and still yet, you didn't allow it break you. Thanks for sharing this with us. I learnt a lot

$ 0.05
2 years ago

I really appreciate this, dear. Thanks a lot. It's life, we have to keep moving.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

When my Dad passed I wanted attention I wanted people around comforting me and just talking to me and all but the moment everyone started going back to there normal lives it became worst because I was craving for that attention I needed more that I ended up saying those relatives and friends were wicked and didn't care about me forgetting they have their own lives

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yes sure Ola life is very very unpredictable. The world always mocks you and don't pity. We must enjoy our life to the fullest.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

That's the way of life, no doubt.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

You are right bro. I think this is mostly Africa, or let come down a bit Nigeria cultural act. At first they show you pity but long after they will be once to mock you

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yes, because they expect you to move on quickly. Humans move on quickly.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Life is full of surprises, sometimes its good for you but most of the time you need to have a decission in your life that you need to sacrifices and that sacrifices made you strong. Problems also are part of your daily battle. That experience will help you to fight your next battle in life. Stay strong and live your life to the fullest

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Stay strong and live. I love that.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

That's the reason we must live to the fullest dear ola, if you have something to say to your love ones better to express it in a good way.thanks for sharing olad😊

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Thank you, my friend. Deeply appreciated.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Everyone must be tasted with pain and grief in life.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

We can't escape it.

$ 0.00
2 years ago