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These past few days, I have had a problem. Whatever it is, I will say in the next article.
So this song, I will express myself what I feel about how to cheer myself up. Honestly, I don't know why I feel incomplete, I'm at a point in my life where I really feel what's missing. So I decided to make this song an article, because it symbolizes how much I'm trying to be good, Despite all.
Hope this song will be your inspiration also.
Click To Listen:
Title: Beautifully Broken. By: Plumb.
"Every tear, every doubt. Every time you've fallen down. When you're hurting, feeling shamed. When you're numbing all your pain."
Now, I feel it. I feel hurt, I feel sorry, I feel useless, I feel abandoned. I don't know where this feeling started and how it started. All the hardship I feel, I now whisper to myself. I feel like I've have turned my back away from the world again. I feel I turn away again, especially to the matter of who I am.
I'm looking for the answer again, I'm filled with this kind of questions again. Like, “Why am I in the world” ?, if anything, I’ll just say that in the next article.
I don't feel that I'm whole, I feel something is missing. Whatever is missing, I can't say either. I’m here at the point of myself, where I want to blame everything on me. I want to blame myself because I'm like this.
"When you lost your way, and feel so far away.. you're not."
Yes, I know I am not far away. I was just on the side, searching for an answer to everything. Even though my mind was very confused, I knew someone was guiding me even though I couldn’t see who it was.
I often look away, then ask myself why I am like this, and I always have an answer visible to my questions.
It's just that I need to be braver.
"You're beautifully broken, and you can be whole again. Even a million scars Doesn't change who's you are, you're worthy. Beautifully broken"
- Right? Even if we are hurt, even if we are always hurt, we will not be able to change what we are. The only thing that will change us is ourselves and then the life lessons that we learned.
"Every fear of being loved, for who you are no matter what. When you're stumbling, with each step and you're haunted by regret. And the darkness closes in, just listen."
Sometimes I don't think to listen, I just want to keep quiet. My mind also becomes closed and I let the darkness swallow me.
In the last line of the song, it says “Just listen”, yes right. Because if my mind will be closed, and if I will be closed to everything. I will never understand myself again.
"Oh, the God who made the stars, is the God that made your heart. And He's holding you right now "
Honestly, when I heard this line while I was scrolling on Facebook, I suddenly saw something, and I took a screenshot with it.
You know that feeling, you're full of questions, and you're full of sadness. The type that is lacking, the world will swallow me, then the darkness will swallow me.
When I saw the post on one page, I just laughed. I said to myself, "God, are you listening? Suddenly you answered my question, through this". I couldn't help but cry, I just told myself, which was so wrong when I asked.
That I asked myself, why am I in the world.
Sometimes, I forget why I’m standing up, why I’m resisting. And what is my courage for, why do I have to continue. When I find the answer, I tell myself,
"I shouldn't be like this, if I feel like I'm not okay I should say, I should let go, Because the more I let myself get to the questions I'm thinking about, there's a budding answer," I wish I had just died. "
So last night, I asked a question, that "If you ever feel something, then you don't want those around you to worry, will you gonna say it or will you just keep it on yourself?"
And here are the answers I got:
After I read all their answers, I realized something, I suddenly realized that it doesn't matter what the result will be as long as you live. Whether we say so or not, we are still at the point where we will have a hard time and we need to speak up.
I'm a quiet person, I don't just talk when I feel like I can still do it, no wonder why my ovary cyst got worse when I already knew since 2017.
So I want to thank you for your answers because somehow, I feel relieved. Because somehow, I was able to think properly.
Sometimes it is inevitable that our minds will be confused, the type where we lose the answer and the appetite. The type we will look for in all corners, it's funny to think that no matter how positive we are, we still come to the point where our emotions will be mixed.
It doesn't matter that sometimes we get upset, what's important? Those who are able to fight in spite of everything. The fact that we can overcome even the number of problems we have, is already a huge victory.