I'm lonely and broke

It made me sad knowing that I haven't published an article yesterday. I was so busy with what's going on with my life that I don't know what to do first. My baby turning 6 months made me restless for some days because I was anxious. I doubt myself again if I will do the right thing especially with the food I will let my baby try. She also doesn't have her own feeding essentials like her spoon, feeding bowl and and silicone bibs.

Because of this, I tried to resell again my friends' products like dresses, shorts, sandwich spread, and more to come. Lol. My profits from these items will be spent on my baby's eating set stuffs. You know I don't like to ask money from my partner. If I can do something about it, then I wouldn't mind bothering him because I don't like to depend on anyone. Hmm. I just hope the items I'll posted on my Facebook will be all sold out.

Anyway, one of the reasons why I wasn't able to respond to comments is because of my laziness and I feel like there's nothing left in my motivation. There's nothing/no one motivates me to write. It seems like I can't compose anything even though I have a lot in mind for I over think big time. Well, I guess it's because I think too much that's why I am confused which one to think about first. If only my head is like a storage bag, then it had already exploded due to overloading.

My grandma is not here at home too for four days now. She went to town, to her former employee who is the owner of Saver's company (home construction products). She was there to cook for them until they return to Cebu. Without my grandma at home, I was really tired because in the evening, I have to wait until my baby is asleep and in the morning, I will cook something for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus washing the dishes. I don't have enough sleep and rest for almost a week. I even told my sister that maybe I'll die any time soon.

As much as I want to connect, I can't do it right after I publish my article because my baby sleeps at 11:30 in the evening and then I will write my article afterwards and finish it at 1 AM. I don't why it took me long time to finish even a 3-minute-read article. And because it's already 1 AM, my eyes can't stand another one hour for reading articles that I chose to sleep. Honestly, I feel so bad these days. I am earning here but I am not exerting much effort like you guys. I didn't think that motherhood is this hard that I can't even give time to myself. Imagine I haven't taken a bath for three days because I was tired and my head is aching. I just wish that my grandma will come home tomorrow. I am so drained.

My sister is here to help though but sometimes, I am having a second thought to let her look after Clea while I am doing something and I guess it's because I haven't given anything for her. I am her older sister but I was not able to help her especially in financial needs.

I also don't like to depend on my partner because I want to let him realize that I can live without him. I want him to know that I can do everything even he's not around. I know I am such a secretive person when it comes to what I feel that I would not tell it even to my partner. I was also mad at him just this evening. I even chatted him that if my life is miserable than his life should be the same too. In short, I want him to feel the kind of burden I feel as a mom. It's not that I am tired of taking care of my baby. In fact, I am willing to take care of her and give up my job for I know she's not going to be a baby forever. But then my partner's salary ain't enough for us so I still decided to go back to work as soon as my tooth gets extracted.

Uh-oh! Sorry if I just write my frustrations here. I am just really exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I might look okay but I am totally broke. I am sad, bothered and I don't have anything in my pocket. I don't know what my life would be. I don't care what my future would be as long as my baby's life will be at it's best.

Buy how can I give a bright future to my baby if I can't even think straight?

And this is when I decided to fix myself A.S.A.P. I am not living just for me. I have my baby and she needs me.

REST. This is what I need to restore my faith in everything that's good.

I hope you understand.

Thank you, read-cash fam. I will bounce back for sure.

Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.

Ciao! ❤️