I'm lonely and broke

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1 year ago

It made me sad knowing that I haven't published an article yesterday. I was so busy with what's going on with my life that I don't know what to do first. My baby turning 6 months made me restless for some days because I was anxious. I doubt myself again if I will do the right thing especially with the food I will let my baby try. She also doesn't have her own feeding essentials like her spoon, feeding bowl and and silicone bibs.

Because of this, I tried to resell again my friends' products like dresses, shorts, sandwich spread, and more to come. Lol. My profits from these items will be spent on my baby's eating set stuffs. You know I don't like to ask money from my partner. If I can do something about it, then I wouldn't mind bothering him because I don't like to depend on anyone. Hmm. I just hope the items I'll posted on my Facebook will be all sold out.

Anyway, one of the reasons why I wasn't able to respond to comments is because of my laziness and I feel like there's nothing left in my motivation. There's nothing/no one motivates me to write. It seems like I can't compose anything even though I have a lot in mind for I over think big time. Well, I guess it's because I think too much that's why I am confused which one to think about first. If only my head is like a storage bag, then it had already exploded due to overloading.

My grandma is not here at home too for four days now. She went to town, to her former employee who is the owner of Saver's company (home construction products). She was there to cook for them until they return to Cebu. Without my grandma at home, I was really tired because in the evening, I have to wait until my baby is asleep and in the morning, I will cook something for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus washing the dishes. I don't have enough sleep and rest for almost a week. I even told my sister that maybe I'll die any time soon.

As much as I want to connect, I can't do it right after I publish my article because my baby sleeps at 11:30 in the evening and then I will write my article afterwards and finish it at 1 AM. I don't why it took me long time to finish even a 3-minute-read article. And because it's already 1 AM, my eyes can't stand another one hour for reading articles that I chose to sleep. Honestly, I feel so bad these days. I am earning here but I am not exerting much effort like you guys. I didn't think that motherhood is this hard that I can't even give time to myself. Imagine I haven't taken a bath for three days because I was tired and my head is aching. I just wish that my grandma will come home tomorrow. I am so drained.

My sister is here to help though but sometimes, I am having a second thought to let her look after Clea while I am doing something and I guess it's because I haven't given anything for her. I am her older sister but I was not able to help her especially in financial needs.

I also don't like to depend on my partner because I want to let him realize that I can live without him. I want him to know that I can do everything even he's not around. I know I am such a secretive person when it comes to what I feel that I would not tell it even to my partner. I was also mad at him just this evening. I even chatted him that if my life is miserable than his life should be the same too. In short, I want him to feel the kind of burden I feel as a mom. It's not that I am tired of taking care of my baby. In fact, I am willing to take care of her and give up my job for I know she's not going to be a baby forever. But then my partner's salary ain't enough for us so I still decided to go back to work as soon as my tooth gets extracted.

Uh-oh! Sorry if I just write my frustrations here. I am just really exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I might look okay but I am totally broke. I am sad, bothered and I don't have anything in my pocket. I don't know what my life would be. I don't care what my future would be as long as my baby's life will be at it's best.

Buy how can I give a bright future to my baby if I can't even think straight?

And this is when I decided to fix myself A.S.A.P. I am not living just for me. I have my baby and she needs me.

REST. This is what I need to restore my faith in everything that's good.

I hope you understand.

Thank you, read-cash fam. I will bounce back for sure.


Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.

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1 year ago

Comments

I know you can transcend trials in life. Just keep fighting. Being a mother seems to be hard but after that sacrifices expect also that your child in future will help you cordially.

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1 year ago

Laban lang gyud ate sis,,,I know kaya rani nimo...

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1 year ago

You will bounce back mate and I am sure about this. You are really a very good writer here and I appreciate your work a lot. You said the same wording which is in my mind. Nowadays I am also demotivated just because laziness is killing me every day and the reason is no motivation is left behind now. Btw, I wish you a happy life for you and for your daughter. Stay blessed.

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1 year ago

Ing-ana jud na mem. Mao na jud nay life natu as inahan. Laban lang. Di man pud na maglungtad. Makaginhawa-ginhawa na ta inig dako na sa atung mga junakis. Pahuway lang pud. Ayaw palabi hago sa imong kaugalingon.

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1 year ago

There are many ways to overcome loneliness,,, Loneliness leaves people depressed,,, You should make your six-month-old baby your partner,, And play with him, talk to him and get rid of your loneliness,,

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1 year ago

One thing that I realized kapag ganyan dn ang nararamdaman ko, is I lack sleep. Rest whenever you can sis. Kahit one time big time hayaan mo munang mag kalat at maligpit mo yan after mo makarecover ng sleep. Hayaan mong makita ng partner mo na napapagod ka dn sa lahat para marealize nya 'sana' ang hirap mo.

As for the food, boil ka lang ng gulay or fruits ts mash mo. Hindi naman required na magbib, ako nga minsan tinatamad na maglinis ng bib mas gusto ko na lang magwalis ng kinalat nya na pagkain tska hugasan kamay at muka nya ng water after kumain.

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1 year ago

Goodluck on bouncing back sis :) Hope to see you around more.

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1 year ago

I feel you mamsh ,ing ana gyud na maka agi jud tag ing ana.Sige lang gud pahuway lang ,og padayin ras life .Happy easter sunday!

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1 year ago

Sis I feel you,, we understand you ofcourse, being a mom is not an easy job., Pero don't put pressure lang sa self mo, minsan talaga mapapagod, need lang natin ng pahinga tapos laban ulit. As a mom lahat kinakaya natin,pero di talaga minsan maiwasan mag overthink. Ako sis naiyak lang ako minsan pag sobrang bigat na then I'll just simply talk to God. Laban lang tayo sis🥰💕🤗

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1 year ago

I expericed like that too.. rest po muna wag mona mag pa stress masyado..

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1 year ago

I hope that you can have time to rest sometimes,don't be too sad ,so you won't feel to much stress.It will affect you physically and emotionally too.

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1 year ago

I can feel your loneliness but you need to ask help from your husband. My husband cooks lunch and dinner because I don't cook. I can't do all. It's just me and husband with 2 kids.

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1 year ago

Please don't feel loneliness. Try to enjoy your life by keep patience.

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1 year ago

Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. We can relate to this experience, as first-time parents there are ton of frustration, especially for the future of our kids.

Laban lang mamsh.

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1 year ago