It kills me
Date: June 04, 2022
Author: JustMaryelI don't have a topic as my brain is overloaded with something and my head spins again unstopped, maybe because of radiation. That is why I really need to rest my eyes for a while. I don't want to abuse it again and again. Thanks kuya @ARTicLEE for saving my Saturday with your article.
What would I truly regret not doing if I died tonight?
Giving myself a peace of mind and what I truly deserve. I will not go deeper but lately something really bothers me which I constantly question myself and put doubts on. Overthinking a lot is not good but I can't control it and I even thought I died days ago because of some reason. I thank God that he didn't take my breath.If I died I wanted it in a peaceful and painless way.
What advice has someone in my family given and that I have taken just in time?
Mama's advice is to give when I have something to give. Her generosity influenced me and I witnessed it several times. When someone is in need and she can lend something she always gives and when someone can't pay because of circumstances she understands and says " I know the feeling of nothing". I always take this advice because the more we give, the more God will bless us.
What would I do if my biggest fear came true?
I'm very vocal about how afraid I would be if I lost Mama, even though it is a reality. When the time comes my biggest fear will come true. It will be the time of my devastation but I can't do something about it because it is part of human life but I wish for more years for Mama so I can spoil her like she did to us. When times come, I can't accept it right away but slowly I need to accept and be independent of my own.
Have I done something recently that I could be proud of?
Giving myself an award and for surviving those days I think I couldn't make it. I am proud of myself for fighting those battles of life that no one knows how hard to survive. I was at my end point but I chose to crawl and push myself harder to survive because no one can get me out there but myself alone. I need to be stronger than I could, which I am proud of.
What would I do with my remaining days, if I only had a year left to live?
I'll do whatever I can, including travel, family bonding and give myself the best as I can. Each day my goal is to put a smile on my face together with my loved ones so that they cherish the memories we build together.
Why am I afraid of being true to myself when others are around?
Afraid to be judged by them that is why I set boundaries and limit myself doing things as part of my introvert personality. I'm hesitant showing myself when people are not so close with me but when we are close enough and I am comfortable then I will show myself genuinely.
What do I really want from life?
Simply live a simple life where peace and love unite us. I don't need an extravagant life. All I need is a responsible and faithful husband and children whom I can call mine.
What aspect of my personality still needs improvement?
Appreciate myself, cheering myself, trusting myself, nurturing myself and loving myself. I gave what others wanted but I couldn't give it to myself. So, this time I need myself.
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Lead image is mine edited in Canva.
JustMaryel sending you Loveā¤
Maybe I will regret that I didn't had a chance to leave my parents with a comfortable life. Yun ang pagsisisihan ko kapag mamamatay na ako. Yung hindi ko nai-provide yung deserve nilang buhay before I die.