The Evolution of the Chismosa Species

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2 years ago

A keen hearing capacity that can hear rumors and disseminate them to other baranggays faster than your internet provider can, and eyesight that is far superior than a CCTV camera that can see a hundred meters away. Even Eminem, the Rap God, couldn't match their speaking abilities. They are identified to as "Marites" or "Karen" in other countries. "CHISMOSA" is a popular name for them. These species are both common yet rare at the same time. They are primarily found in rural places called barangays, although they can teleport from one barangay to another to gain knowledge from one of their species. They will perform their rituals and disperse the chismis that they have obtained all over the place once they have gotten all of the information. That's what they're renowned for, therefore that's what they're good at.

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Marites has also evolved into a new creature. They're similar to Pokemon. They change into new Pokemon as they evolve. The Marites mainly used words to communicate and spread information verbally back in 100 BCE. But, because to technological advancements, they have now grown into a high-tech one. They have a phone, which they refer to as a cellphone. The world has been in quarantine since the Covid-19 virus spread. The bunch of Marites will automatically eliminate you if you cough or sneeze badly. They'll send you to the nearest hospital and put you in isolation. The marites now rarely meet each other and perform their rituals in the streets due to the widespread of the Covid virus. Instead, they will share it on social media. They will make a post about someone without mentioning that person's name. On the platform, the Marites frequently share bible verses. Their profile images, like the computer backgrounds, are in a flower frame or have a beautiful background. The majority of them are inherently religious.


You don't want to mess with Marites or Karens since they have a variety of weaponry to defend themselves and their children. To vary their offensive, the Marites will employ a variety of weapons.

Marites frequently employ the following long-range weapons:

Tsinelas/Slippers/Flip-flops

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This is one of the most easily accessible weapons, which Marites can use in a matter of seconds. They have the ability to make it fly a long distance. They even utilize it as a hand glove to deal more physical damage if the Marites smack you. This is sometimes done to frighten their children into listening and obeying them.

Broom/Walis Tambo

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This is a long-range weapon that can provide 50% critical damage in a single stroke. When compared to another sort of broom, the Walis ting-ting, this one deals more focused damage.

Walis Ting-ting

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Coconut leaves are used to make this type of broom. The center of the leaves that support them, not the leaves themselves. With just one strike, the Walis ting-ting deals more damage. It affects a larger portion of the body. Each piece causes twice as much damage to the body. One strike will leave an indelible mark on your body.

The Clothesline/Hanger

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Hundreds of thousands of hangers belong to the Marites. That is why they regard it as one of their readily available weapons. The hanger may appear to be a small weapon, yet it is a powerful melee weapon. The target would suffer minor but persistent damage as a result of this. The small size allows marites to move and attack at the speed of light.

Belt

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This is a belt worn by a powerful parent which is the Father. This is also regarded as a long-range weapon. With just a single wip, it can reach its target in a 10 meter range. The damage will be 100% critical if you get hit by the metal part of it.

Verbal Abuse is the last and most serious of all the damages.

They aren't called Marites if they aren't as good as the Rap God Eminem. Like a machine gun, their tongues will spit out a hundred words every seconds. Eminem could NEVER. They'll blame technology if you get sick. This sentence will be automatically said by Marites: "Kaka Selpon Mo Yan." They believe that using smartphones is the root of all problems.

That is why, if you don't want to be featured in Tulfo, don't mess with the Marites.


Click images for image sources

Author's Note:

heeeyyaa! pls don't take this seriously, this is just for fun lmao. Well, I really hope you had fun reading this nonsense article of mine. Thank you all for reading. I really appreciate it :>

You can always hit the Like and Subscribe button if you want to.

Arrigathankyougozaimuch ❣️

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2 years ago

Comments

Hahahah seems like they were Archery masters before as they never miss their target 😂

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2 years ago

Naku mga terror moms ba yan hehe. So far belt at walis tambo pa lang naman ang natikman ko hehe.

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2 years ago

Naalala ko nanaman kung paano ako palayasin ako ni mama dati may kasama pang palo sa binti HAHAHAHA thank sa pag share mo nang ganyan😊 nakakamiss

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2 years ago

Mas may pakinabang tong si Marites kung ito ang contact tracer e hahaha na-enjoy kong basahin tong kwento mo hahaha

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2 years ago

Hahahhaha, kawawa ngayon yun may mga name na Marites talaga,hhehehe.. High tech na sila ngayon eh. for sure may gc na din sila at tg group,hahahah

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2 years ago

I have tasted every single one of them... I was a stubborn child growing up, us boys.. We got so smart that her techniques stopped working, like a patient dog, she would wait for us to go to bed, just after midnight, she will strike...oh, we have suffered

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2 years ago

everyone's childhood was awesome and fun if they experienced all of those HAAHAHA

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2 years ago

Hahahahahha sarap balikan ang pagkabata, minsan pa nga e pinasok ako sa sako tapos pina ikot², naranasan ko din lumuhod sa asin, monggo at kung ano ano pa hahahhaaha

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2 years ago

hooooy grabi talaga yung isinako tas ibibitin sa manga hahaha buti nalang never ko pa na try yun. yung mga pinsan ko lang yung mga naka try pinaluhod sa asin at monggo HAHAHA

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2 years ago

Grabe tung tawa ko lalo na sa mga weapon na gamit nila jusme 😂

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2 years ago

100% critical damage kapag natamaan ka don HAHAHA

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2 years ago

The species of Marites or Karens can also be called "Intergalactic Uncultured Swines". Their eyes are like satellites from space that catch scopes of scenes wherever their targets are. 🤣.

Haha, pakidagdag to. Dami kong tawa sayo. Kakainis naman talaga kasi yang mga toxic sa lipunan.

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2 years ago

BWAHAHAHA yan yung mga walang magawa sa buhay, ginawang career yung pagiging chismosa

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2 years ago

May nagparinig nga sakin na chismosa nung napadaan ako sa tindahan eh. Pinaringgan ko din sabi ko, "Magkano kaya sweldo ng mga chismosa kakachismis, nuh? Pagmalakilaki yan, ba't pa ako magtatrabaho, edi makipag chismis na lang din tayo pag ganun."

Mula noon di na nila ako pinapansin. Pabulong na lang sila sa mga kasamahan nila kapag may pintas na naman sila at chismis tungkol sa kin.

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2 years ago

Bwahahahahaha ang dami kong tawa bwisit wahahagaga. Pero natawa ako doon sa tsinela na nag evolve ma din wahahahnep. Legit yong kaka selpon mo yan naku. Lahat ma sa selpon sinisi ahahaha

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2 years ago

matik kapag sumakit ulo, kaka selpon agad sasabihin BWAHAHHA

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2 years ago

Hahahaha hanep ka! Made my day! 🤣🤣 Bwisit na Marites iyan. Pero tsinelas lang naranasan ko kasi kahoy na malapad ginagamit samin hahaha.

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2 years ago

parang fraternity lang, kahoy na malapad WAHAHAHA

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2 years ago

HAHAHAHA aliw yung kurot wala jan? 😂

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2 years ago

side weapon na yung kurot hahahha

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2 years ago

Lahat ng yan kala mo 🤣 HAHAHAHA dumaan na sa pwet ko aba. Mas nakakaiyak iyong belt mapapatakbo ka nalang talaga

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2 years ago

sammeeee experienced ko na lahat yan, sobrang memorable ng childhood natin dati HAHAH

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2 years ago

Masakit yung belt ha😅

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2 years ago

truueee HAHAHAHHA sobrang sakit, lalo na kapag natamaan ka sa may metal na part

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2 years ago

The slippers is my mum's biggest weapon🤣🤣🤣 once she holds it ,better run for your life🤣

$ 0.05
2 years ago

yup, that's so relatable.

everybody's gangsta not until your mum will get a slipper on her hand. you better run for your life HAHAHAH

$ 0.03
2 years ago

LOL! natawa ako sa evolution. Ang sikat ng Marites na yan, pati sister ko marites ng marites, nung una nalito ako kung sino hahah!

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2 years ago

sikat talaga yang mga Marites eh, mga nasa paligid lang yan naka bantay sa mga bawat galaw ng mga tao niya sa paligid HAHAHAHA

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2 years ago

Bwahahahaha, wait sis, tumatawa pa ko, bwahahahaha, hahaha, ang hirap pala itype yun hahahaha pag tumatawa ka, hahahaha. Di ko na tuloy Alam I comment ko hahahaha, babalik ako promise hahahahaa,

Ang galing mo kasi eh!! Dapat featured article to eh!!!

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2 years ago

HAHAHAHAHA thank you po ate

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2 years ago