The More You Deprive, The More You Crave

October 30, 2021

Food is life, just like what @Princessbusayo said in her recent article. But what would you feel if you found out that you have a food intolerance and you have no choice but to deprive yourself of taking the food you wanted because your body would react after consumption?

Undoubtedly, you'll feel sad, especially if you are a foodie or a food lover.

I wasn't a fussy eater. I ate whatever I wanted for as long as the food was edible and not exotic. May it be ordinary or local cuisine to something costly that the money in my pocket can afford to buy. I do love trying new kinds of food that aren't typical in my place or usually serve on our table. Because sometimes, especially on red days, my tummy and my mouth are craving for something palatable for my taste, except with the alcoholic beverages of course. And I don't hesitate to buy whatever that food is.

But the time came when I felt like the foodie part of me has been spared by whoever God of food was when reactions started to be felt by my system. Every time I eat delightful food, odd reactions in my stomach are ruining my supposed precious time to devour my favorite food. I felt like "I want to have my cake and eat it too, but I can't."

It's not that I can't afford to buy, but the consequences are much more intolerable sometimes, and alternatives are somehow unpleasant to handle.

It was the year 2017 when I learned that I have a food intolerance, specifically in gluten and lactose, after I underwent a medical test for a particular purpose. After knowing the results and things that I need to deal with, my mind was flying everywhere and collecting food that contains gluten and lactose that I have to avoid.

The first question I asked myself was, "how can I live if most of my daily food contains gluten and lactose?" That was truly absurd and dealing with this food intolerance made me starve most of the time, especially during the first year. How can I avoid eating food served on the table if I need to feed my body so I can act productively at work? Besides, food was served for free and was just too tough to resist. Or else, I'll be spending more money on buying food outside.

From breakfast, lunch, to dinner, all contain gluten and lactose. From bread to filling and spread, as well as coffee and milk. Some oats have gluten too and some tea is being processed in manufacturers which also process nut products that contain gluten. Even the condiments and seasonings used in cooking dishes have gluten as well. And the only kinds of food left with no gluten or lactose are rice, fresh vegetables and fruits, and water, lol.

Buying food has been a struggle as I always need to check the labels of the products and it's just too saddening every time I see my favorite snack and drinks containing gluten and lactose. And the prices of lactose-free milk and gluten-free products are a pain in the ass and it's quite difficult to find them in the supermarket.

Ever since I learned about my food intolerance, I changed my diet and tried my best to avoid food containing gluten and lactose, even resisted eating in fast food chains like McDonald's and Jollibee 🤧. And I was able to manage a gluten and lactose-free diet for a year (2017-2018), but eating oatmeal in the morning continued up to date.

My breakfast usually consists of oats with fruits or chia seeds, and a cup of tea. I prefer jasmine or green tea. No bread, no milk, no noodles.

For lunch, I opted to cook at home rather than having takeaways. Since condiments and seasonings contain gluten, I usually blanch or steam my food, and eating bland food was really not satisfying.

I ate more fruits and vegetables than meat and processed food, and my wallet always complains as fruits are quite expensive here.

As for dinner, it's all for free. And I should eat any food served on the table since I can't complain or demand my food preference. And I don't have the audacity to do it, so I better shut my mouth and feed it with whatever serves on the table than to be called demanding.

The food is good anyway. However, the seasonings contain gluten and that's what I was worried about. Because too much accumulation of gluten could lead to a more serious health issue. So I usually consume a small amount of food and my boss would ask if I am on a diet but I just always say that I don't eat much at night.

My body needed milk as well so I opted to ferment milk keifer so I could have lactose in my diet. That's also a process of decreasing lactose from milk. Milk keifer was expensive too, but gladly a friend of mine gave me some keifer grains as we're in the same shoes. Aside from fermenting milk keifer, she also gave me water keifer so I could have more probiotics in my diet.

The process of fermenting was quite strenuous as well as I had to monitor the time and check it regularly. It should be processed daily so it won't be over fermented because if it happens, the milk will be more curdled and the taste would be as sour as vinegar. And that was always the first thing I did in the morning, separating grains from milk and water and replenishing them with new ones. That costs me a plethora of time, effort, and money. Every month I consumed more than 4 liters of milk for this.

The fermented milk keifer was usually used when making snacks like oatcakes with chia seeds and nuts, or mixing it with my oatmeal or fruits in the morning. The food tasted different and was quite unpleasant but I just endured it and became used to it as days passed by, just for the sake of getting lactose.

Gluten/Lactose-free Diet Struggles

It was a struggle for me during the first year of having a gluten and lactose-free diet, as I can't completely eradicate them, especially when going out with my boss' family or with my friends during holidays.

Hot pot for instance has a lot of gluten. The dumplings, meatballs, sausages, siomai, udon, etcetera, and the appetizers and desserts have lactose as well. So every time we eat hotpot outside, I opted to eat more vegetables than meat. But it is sometimes too tough to resist the temptations of the foods on the table especially if they all look delicious.

When going out with my friends, they would prefer to eat in fast-food restaurants like Jollibee, McDonald's, or KFC, and all foods have lactose and gluten.

And at the end of the day, I would always suffer the consequences after eating the forbidden foods - flatulence, bloated and unwell tummy, and constipation. And sometimes, if I consumed too much gluten and lactose, the suffering would last for a few days. And I would go with drinking green tea or laxatives just to extricate the waste that was sitting in the colon for quite a long time.

So as much as possible, I would deprive myself of consuming delicious, yet unhealthy foods just for the sake of my health.

But the more I deprive, the more I crave, the more I suffer.

My diet was healthy, wasn't it? Except during holidays. It should have impacted my health positively, but the opposite happened. I was consuming less protein and fats that are essential to my health, so I was losing weight.

And instead of decreasing the hunger level in my body since I was consuming less sugar and starchy foods, it was increasing that led to excessive cravings and binge eating. I felt like my digestive system was working oppositely, and things were not in accordance with what they were supposed to be.

I was losing weight and easily getting tired at work as consuming more fruits and vegetables wasn't giving me enough nutrients and energy needed to have an active body and mind. I needed more protein and enough fats so my body could build more muscles and strength, but I was avoiding them. That only proved that I can't go with a 100% vegan diet.

Could it be because of too much diet and food deprivation?

I wasn't body conscious but health conscious. But due to food deprivation, I tend to crave more and the result is even worse as I sometimes fall to binge eating.

And as I became busier at work, I eventually lost the will to continue my diet as it requires too much time and effort, as well as money.

Then I stopped the diet and told myself, "I am working to feed my tummy, why do I need to deprive myself of eating foods that I wanted?" And I just cursed this food intolerance in my mind and thought that I might be able to tolerate it too just like facing the fear to overcome it.

What happened then?

I regained my normal diet and eat whatever I want but in moderation when it comes to eating sweets and processed foods.

Tea, congee, and any food with soup are what I like the most and they have less gluten and no lactose and are easy to digest.

If I crave sweets and something yummy I would go for it but in moderation.

The same goes with well seasoned-foods.

And I always told myself, "eat now and fart later" lol. This is really embarrassing and a bean that I shouldn't spill 🤦‍♀️. But it's better to have flatulence than to starve due to deprivation. That's even more unhealthy.

If there is a lesson I learned from here, "the more you resist your favorite food, the more you crave for it, and you'll likely overindulge in the end. So why deprive yourself of eating them if you can have them in moderation?"

Food is life. So savor it, but in a healthy way.

And this is my entry to @JonicaBradley new prompt "#20 Food." If you want to join, just visit the article here.