March 10, 2022
Enviousness is inevitable and whether you admit it or not, we all are at some point in our lives that we desire things possessed by others, material possessions, beauty, knowledge, love, and mostly a better life.
And we certainly learned different stories of how humans are capable of doing misdeeds just to attain their desires in life to the point that they become toxic, pessimistic, and some can even ruin other people's lives for the sake of their ambitions and eagerness to obtain their desires. And you, as well become toxic or pessimistic at times when you envy what others have that you don't have and can't achieve.
I can't deny the fact that I did envy other people's lives and desired things that they possessed and wished to have a better life just like many others. And living in a family that can't provide for my desires made me want to envy others.
Way back when I was younger, I felt stressed at some point due to having a big family and I tend to compare our family condition to my cousin's small family. She can get and buy what she wants. She got beautiful clothes, shoes, bags, and whatsoever, and their family never struggles financially. And me, on the other hand, just wished that I could choose the parents I wanted, so I wouldn't experience awful things and have a better life. I even asked myself, "what if I only have two siblings like her, I probably have a better life by now."
Was it my parents' fault that I got a not-so-lucky life back then? But then reality struck me that I could no longer put back my little siblings into my mother's womb and just accept my fate.
As I grew up and embraced my not-so-lucky fate, enviousness still exists. There were points in my life when I wished to have things that others have.
I wish I have enough money to buy things that I desire, clothes, shoes, bags, etc.
I wish I am pretty, so I could be more confident to walk in the crowd.
I wish I am smart, so I could easily excel at all points in life.
I wish I have a talent like others. I wanted to sing, to dance, to feel the feeling of being on the stage.
I wish I am more confident. I could probably get a better job, thus, get a better life.
I always wished to get the achievements and beautiful things that other people have. There were times when I failed job interviews in companies I truly wanted to work in but lose those opportunities just because of a lack of confidence. I envied my co-applicants and wished to be as confident as them. I got good jobs, but not the ones I dreamed of.
Sometimes, seeing my batchmates and previous colleagues excelling in the field they have chosen got me literal fear of missing out or being left behind and wished to excel like them too and acquire a good life like theirs.
The photos circulating online made me feel envious of other things and wished to have them too. Their traveling, staycation, food, beautiful things, and better lives..
I dreamed to travel too, not just because that's my dream, but because I envy my friends doing so and enjoying their lives. So I wished to achieve that too.
But I didn't stop wishing and dreaming that someday I could obtain things I desire and achieve the life I wanted. I never stop taking on new challenges so that someday, I could be as confident as others and so I could walk in the crowd and easily acquire things I aim for and learn how to stop the introverted me to take over when I needed to step into a beehive.
And just like what @fantagira said in her previous article, why envy when we can admire and learn?
Then that's it. I envy and dream until I learned to pursue them positively. I tried new things to challenge my introverted self and to acquire the confidence I needed to level up. I took the enviousness as a challenge and inspiration to move forward.
I envy them, but I was motivated by them at the same time. Just like in the adage, "if others can do, why can't you? So instead of just desiring things and envying others excelling in their lives, why not pursue them too?
That's when I started to step out of my cocoon and fully wandered around my beehive, taking new challenges, pursuing things I wanted. Little by little and one step at a time, things I wished and dreamed of started to fall into place.
Although there are times that I still envy others and I became toxic. But I somehow easily managed to divert my pessimistic mind into positive and worked harder to acquire what I want in life instead of envying them.
It is easier said than done because enviousness is inevitable. But we could make them as inspiration to succeed and achieve what we truly desire and become better in our own possible way. Material possessions don't really matter. What matters more is how we deal with challenges and learn to step up without compromising others aspects of life. And the small achievements and rewards are pretty more valuable than the beautiful material possessions we usually desire to have.
We can be envious at times, but be inspired and pursue our dreams instead of aiming for beautiful unnecessary things in life.
Thanks for reading.
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Been there done that, ms. Jane. I guess it's normal for us to get envy sometimes. And yes, make it as an inspiration so we can have what we desire to have that we think we can't