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There are bonds that systematically weaken us. These are the possessive and toxic friendships. A relationship that we share with absorbing people and that ends up turning a genuine and valuable feeling into the source of horror. Absorbent people exhaust us, weaken us and suck our energy on a frequent basis. They leave no room for the interests and needs that each person has individually. Probably when we reproach their demands they say they do it for our good. They question whether our attitude is appropriate and manage our feelings of guilt as they please. It is possible that these people do not consciously want to hurt us. Perhaps we too have become absorbent and toxic on occasion.
In the same vein, their selfish attitude can be explained by a chronic negative emotional state and a lack of self-esteem that they seek to make up for in the only way they know how: by making the people around them their own. Coercion of our emotional and relational freedom works like predation. Potential emotional predators seek out the most appetizing people. These are the people who possess the characteristics they envy: kindness, charisma, willpower, among others. As we already know, a good tree has a good shadow. Therefore, these possessive and toxic friendships approach the good essence of their friends, making up their actions with true friendship as a flag.
But at the same time, we must take into account that true friendship is not the one that prevents us from growing, but the one that nurtures the balance and well-being of all members. There are possessive and toxic friendships in every corner. They are usually people close to us. They use their power and cunning to satisfy their need for manipulative action. In this way they obtain the socio-affective nourishment they demand so much. The more masked they are, the more dangerous they are. They may be friendships of years and the intensity of the lived experiences prevents us from seeing the diseased tree within a lush forest. They find it difficult to agree to a direct confrontation, so they run away when something bothers them and does not fit their interests and their ego.
In addition, they tend to dress their reactions with dramatic emotionality. Likewise, it ends up locking them behind the bars of compulsion, leading to a repetition of their absorbing stratagems. But beautiful and healthy friendships are the opposite of possessive and toxic friendships. They are the ones that give us wings to fly and reasons to stay; they are the ones that enact sensitivity and emotionality in a balanced and genuine way. Remember that your ability to identify them depends on your ability to prevent them from trapping you and the people around you. Flee from daggers disguised as friendship and always seek balance, because I assure you that you will not regret it. Stay away from anyone who pushes you away. Having someone toxic around is not always so negative. Yes it is true that we should stay away, however, we can also learn something.
In conclusion, although it may seem surprising, they can teach us, for example, patience. When a friend's attitude robs us of a lot of energy, trying to remain patient and calm can be a good learning experience. Another learning is compassion. In observing that person and understanding that his or her behavior arises from a suffering that we do not understand. When someone is toxic there is an underlying cause that makes them this way. Understanding this will make us see them in a different way. In this way, we will know that their words and their way of being are caused by a history of learning that is not too correct. If we want to go a little further, we can learn about love. We can try to help this person and try to open his eyes about his behavior. Normally, there is none so blind as he who does not want to see.
Have you had toxic friendships?
Disclaimer: I would like to let you know that English is not my mother tongue, I may even make some mistakes in the elaboration of sentences in my posts. Feel free to correct me attentively. It will help me in my learning process.
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