@George_Dee
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Who should be responsible for home chores???
My mom once told me a story that she didn't want more than two kids in life but she ended up having four because she thought the female child own the chores, we weren't taught house chores until a certain event occurred to the family that shook us hard and we had to face reality. She use to believe that male children would get married and the wife would do the chores, I don't blame her because it is a rampant thing among the Nigerian tribe. They somehow believe that the chores belong to the female children and they overload them with chores, the males become idle and they carry on that mentality of the chores belonging to the female.
I read @olasquare article yesterday about men getting married with the mentality of having someone to help them with the chores at home. He narrated a story in the article and there are lots of lessons for everyone in it, you can read the article here. https://read.cash/@Olasquare/she-is-not-a-property-0fac1862 I think the problem of believing chores belongs to females started with the misinterpretation of why God created women. The book of Genesis 2:18 says, "**Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him".**
The word "**helper"** was misunderstood and today we see them as slaves that would come in our lives to bear children, cook, clean, wash, satisfy our sexual urge, etc whereas God was referring to a companion. **He knew living alone on earth would drain a man physically and mentally or am I wrong?** Let bring it to reality, do you know there are stages you get to in life that loneliness would add to your problems? That stage requires you to have someone who you can confide in, someone that can stand in for you when the burden seems unbearable, someone you can build dreams together with, someone you can both share your happiness and love with. `It is not mandatory because there are people who find happiness in being alone and I respect their decision.` Understandably, people lived with that mentality of house chores belonging to females because there was nothing to talk about when it comes to achievement, they are either been described with their husband status or kids. In this new age, women have so many opportunities to make histories and they are not ready to fold arms anymore. **We all have dreams, why then should women's dreams end because they are now married?** Some men have restricted their wives to the walls of the house, they no longer know what the outside feels like any longer because they go from one chore to another and it is so worse that they don't even care for themselves. Some of them demand time forcefully from their spouse while some just absorb the stress which ends up affecting them as they grow. I would love to say that taking a woman shouldn't be to maintain the home, it should be for a greater purpose which is the love and happiness they bring into your life. It should be based on the feelings you both share and not just for the purpose of just having a woman figure at home. A responsible man should be involved in maintaining the home not just financially and aside from the fact that some find it hard to do these chores because they weren't taught, society has a different interpretation to see a man do home chores.
*I once watched a movie where the mother-in-law walked in while the couples were having a good time cooking and tidying the kitchen together. They just got back from work and decided to do things quickly so they can relax, the woman was busy with the blender while the guy was washing the dirty stuff.* *The mother-in-law was shocked and pretended to be happy seeing them together but she wasn't.* *She called her son at night and told him to stop acting like a fool because men have nothing to do in the kitchen and the guy was surprised but he knew where it was coming from, it is that Nigerian belief of men being superior.* Since it is a rampant belief it would be difficult to completely eradicate it and I must commend mothers who insist on their male children knowing how to do house chores. Condemning a particular gender to chores would not reduce if we parents don't start teaching the chores from a younger age so that it would be part of them when they grow. I have met men who do chores and that doesn't stop them from being the man in the house, they cook, do laundry and even take care of the kids as well. Aside from helping and relieving their wife the stress, they are also laying a good example for their male kids who will eventually understand that it is important to support their women as well.
None of the genders was condemned to house chores, these things are what we need to do as an individual to stay alive and good, putting it on only women wouldn't be fair. I hear of cases where women are referred to as full housewives because the man is always busy, you can't busy throughout the week, month or year, and finding time to relieve your wife of that strenuous duty is very important. If you think you don't deserve to do anything else because you are working, I can bet with you that your wife might be able to do better than you are earning for the family. In my opinion, I prefer a working wife who can support me when things are not going well financially. It is best when both of us can stand in for each other in any area of our lives. Life is really about understanding. Thanks for reading. Lead image. https://unsplash.com/photos/O7sK3d3TPWQ
59 comments
It starts with changing how we think because just as you have rightly mentioned, the mother in law would walk in to see the wife seated, relaxing without knowing what she had done but the husband would be washing the dishes and they would say the wife is using charms. It's their home together and it's not the sole responsibility of the wife to keep the home but both of them. It's basic understanding that is lacking and as you have said, the word 'helper' is being misinterpreted... Women are many things but not slaves.
Everything about African has to do with how we think and if anything will change, it would be our mentality first. I hate that superior feeling over women, it will never help a relationship to reach its full potential even if they are married.
There is a bigger need to realize this: Women are not meant to be full house wives. I do not like the idea of being at home full-time as a wife. I prefer much more of a career woman. This is because she have a duty as a man who also has a career and there would be no excuse for the man to blame the wife for not acting according to the norms of the society. And if he does, it is because he wants the wife to be a full house wife.
I don't support a woman being a full House wife, it means all the education she had was just to be at home. No I won't take that, we both will do things together as I have stated in the article.
It's an aim to balance things. So she would not be the only one doing the children thing and house chores.
Those impressions are just mere sayings by women's of having 2 children,but later on they would get to give birth to 4 children which has changed their personality.
You missed the point in the article.
Oh....it actually skipped my mind,it was what I was thinking that came to my mind....the person responsible for house chores should be the girls.
Can you tell me why it should be girls?? I would be happy to know why.
Well I think the reason is that they would live their parent and move on to marry someone so they have to be good at home in order to see a good husband though.
In terms of house chores; I believe in equality unfortunately our African mentality will always be a problem in homes.
Daddy's see themselves as god and they don't have business with anything called chores all because they have dropped 1500 for soup, they go around bragging that they have played their part as a father.
Unfortunately it shouldn't be so..
Me and my husband share responsibility at home and I am happy that we don't have issues on chores. We help each other in cooking, cleaning and even taking care of the kids.
That's the best way to live, everyone will be happy and the kids will learn as well.
House chores, doesn’t have to be gender based, guess we still need to learn a lot here in Africa
Africans are really behind, amongst everything we have copied from the whites. We didn't copy to be caring and romantic.
I am glad to hear your positive thinking. I don't think the duty of house chores is only held on females but men are also responsible for it, actually responsibility helds on both. I wish people can accept this fact.
I think the world should be used to males and females working together to keep the home running, the point is that we are the same.
My first article I published on this platform was the purpose of marriage. In the article I explained with the biblical verse for the creation of a woman. Help meet is connected to the things a man cannot do for himself. Obviously, a man can cook for himself, same goes for washing of clothes and cleaning the house. Those things are not in the list of why a man should get married. The most important thing God created a woman for is the problem of loneliness. The word said it is not good that the man should be alone, that's clear enough to know why a woman is needed in a man's life. Tradition is the enemy to progress. Traditional beliefs are the reasons why the majority thinks home chores belongs to the women. In my house I cook, do laundry, sweep and clean the house regularly. In fact, I don't like someone else doing my laundry.
You explained the word "helpmeet" perfectly. I remembered the little time I spent with my dad, he doesn't allow anyone to sweep or do his laundry because he will never be satisfied with it. I think I took that from him, I love to do a lot of things at home for myself.
I don’t think there should be a thing call woman chores again this is 21st century. I know we had difference upbringing, but the concept of housework being a woman’s job is now very outdated and really goes back to when women weren’t allowed to work or vote or own property. Today, women are recognised as equally capable of being able to generate income for a household. Being a wife is no longer a support role! When both husband and wife work, they need to share household responsibilities
I don't buy the idea of sharing, what if one is ill or out of town? Do it mean you will his or her share of the chores? It has to do with the willingness to stand in for each other always and not only when necessary.
Tradition has made us lose focus on the need for a woman in marriage. There is no law attaching the woman to home chores. There is nothing a woman can do in the house that a man cannot possibly do. From cooking, washing and taking care of kids, the man, I mean a complete man should know how to handle those things. The woman is not a slave. She is to close the vacuum created by loneliness and to act as help meet for the man.
I think the only unique role we can't fill in for each other is reproduction and aside from that, we should be willing to support one another with every other thing that has to do with relationship.
That's the mentality of some people, they are being fed with the ideas of pushing the house chores to female Alone. Both partner are meant to help each other , woman are not slave , they also have their own future to build. Gone are those days when they say that female education ends in kitchen and they failed to train some of the them in school. There are some female children who do better than a male child, there should be equality in gender, and some of this fault comes from our parents because they have the believe that the house chores belong to the females alone , there by leaving the male child without no house chores and they will get to grow with that kind of training. So I will say that Charity begins at home, they should be thought from a tender age .
You have a great point, charity definitely begins at home. If they are been taught and see how their father supports their mom, they will see it as a necessary thing to do when they grow.
Hay tantos países que se creen que la mujer es como un trapo. Se limpian con ella y no le dan su lugar. Que dolor odio estas culturas así. Pero bueno pienso que todas estas mujeres de verían de levantar fuersas y sublebarse. No al miedo. Si fuerza y valor
One funny thing is that my lecturer talked about this exact same thing today and she said it's the wife's responsibility to do house chores (the part she empasised on was cooking). Just as the man's responsibility is to pay the rent and other bills, the woman is to cook and take care of the house. The man can choose to do those things as well and it's a good thing, but it shouldn't come to a point where the wife insists on sharing house chores amongst themselves, unless she also agress to paying for the rent and other bills that is originally the man's responsibility. I kinda see the point she's trying to make, and I agree with her. I personally know how to do chores and have no problem in doing them with my wife when I am married, but where it becomes a problem is if she starts insisting that I should also be doing house chores. Since we are talking about sharing chores equally, then bills should also be shared equally and that's the true essense of equality
I get her point, it is more of a supporting thing. It will never be balanced in the sense that you cant expect financial support from a woman who does not work. A working woman knows that she needs to support the family one way or the other and a family where the couple is both working are financially buoyant because they earn from two different sources. When there is maturity, no gender will insist you must do a particular responsibility, and poverty has a hand in this shit.
Is of course anyone work, it is Nigeria mentality that has caused a lot of things sha. We are meant to help each other both male and female. No one is a slave to the other.
Nigerians are terrible with that idea and some ladies are just so dumb that they go into relationships having nothing to offer.
many say women are for the kitchen even some girls especially the naive or naive ones will put it in mind they just want a man that will take care of them,,, for me I can't marry you cos you wanna have my dishes washed or cook, as you said is a helpmate so in all ramifications
You are right, some women go around with the mentality of having someone to take of them and in return, they will become house help, the way we think matter when it comes to relationship stuff.
exactly and the way on think is the way either will follow
I also prefer a working wife. The money she contributes doesn't necessarily have to be much, but she should have something doing... also about house chores, i believe the husband should offer a helping hand from time time. It shouldn't just be the woman alone.
That's the fact, complementing one another from time to time is the key.
I want to be a career woman at the same time a wife that does household chores. I want my husband to do the same thing as well. Division of work in the house leads to a better living with prosperity and understanding. I just watched a Kdrama where both partners are having careers but in the house, only the woman does all the chores. The woman got full of her husband's laziness so she demanded a divorce.
Allowing the woman to do everything despite the couple having different dreams is a cheat. We all have equal parts to play in running the home smoothly
This is really a sad misconception about us women. Well, it was written on the history, and hard to remove it already. However, we are already in this generation where women are also capable of things that men can do. Men can do chores as well if they want to. Before I said to myself, if will marry a man, I don't want to be a plain housewife. I want to work as well. And it would be better if my husband would help me do the chores lol
You made the right choice about the kind of man you want, it is annoying that some part of the world still lives on the dark side. We are meant to support one another and not the superior kind of thing.
Equality serves for both, we are in a new generation where both women and men can do things equally, we are both caplable on doing things regardless of the gender. I always look forward to get a man but not to be just a burden I want both of us to work for our own not just him who will do the labor and me is just a housewife, for me it's not appropriate. I guess we should work and do things together.
I weep for our society. Even when you come up with this to make them understand some certain point, they would call you a feminist...and feminism in our society is a dreaded word.
Lolz, the reason why I don't support feminism is that people have taken it too far. If a woman is forcefully demanding equality, is she ready to pay bills? I think supporting your spouse willing should be the key.
If we read another version of the Genesis, it says "helpmeet". This means that women should support their men and not them doing everything. So many people have misinterpreted the verse and are ignorant of many things. Women shouldn't be confined to the kitchen alone because they have future and dreams too.
Many of them even have bigger dreams than males and they do not have to dump them because they are now somebody's wives. Do you know that what has discouraged lot of young ladies to get married and it is why people are buying the idea of feminism.
Kids should be taught early on to do chores for we can't always rely on somebody else to do things for us. Learn the basics and go on from there.
When the kids are taught from a young age, it would be part of their lives when they grow.
Exactly the woman is not made for the household chores she has right as the man have she also have right to enjoy his liberty and personal space. But in most of the societies females are treated badly and fell pray of discremination
Yeah, we have mixed up the importance of women in society.
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