A lot of people don't know most of the issues they have isn't tied to a spiritual problem but based on how they think. It's not new and I believe we must have heard that if we want to change our lives then we have to start to change how we think. You cannot keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. Nobody hates you but you don't love yourself enough to effect the change that you need to get better outcomes.
I can believe in this time and age, a man would think a lady is a property that he can have in his house to do the things he can't do or to just be there for his amusement. I find it shocking that civilization hasn't caught up with many men yet. This is not about culture or anything but about doing things differently while still preserving our culture. No one asks you to be less of a man for the sake of civilization, I am only asking us to be better men while still making our women feel valued.
I had a video call with my big baby today (one of my numerous daughters, but this one is precious to me) and she told me how a guy has been asking to date her. She is still in school and this guy is way older than her. Of course, I have no issues with those who date someone younger or older, it's the ability to communicate while being completely free with the person that matters to me.
Many years ago, I asked a lady out and she was 7 years older than me 🙈🙈🙈 and she told me she couldn't because in her culture it would be frowned at and after I tried to convince her for a while and she didn't bulge we just stayed as friends. It hurts me that she is still unmarried to date and she jokingly chatted me up last year about how she is disappointed she allowed what people would think to get in the way of what she wanted.
A lot of time, we allow what others would say to affect what we want and that's a wrong approach because the truth is when you allow the fear of what people would say to get in the way of what you wanted, when you end up not getting what you wanted, these same people would be the same that would blame you for wasting too much time. I believe she had many younger people on her trail and she blew them off as she did with me. The thing is, we should do what we feel is best for us and stick to our choices without regrets. Our background somehow influences the choices we make and that's just life, so I can't blame her at all.
So, let me get back to the story of one of my daughters. The guy has been asking her out and after she didn't bulge, this guy asked her to find someone for him, maybe her cousin or anyone that is ready for marriage because he is around 37 years old. That was the part that got me angry a bit because he is not just looking for someone to love but he is looking for just anybody because he feels age is no longer on his side. That's not the best way to choose a life partner because they would both look like desperate souls. There would be so many things that would be swept under the carpet all in the name of "Let's just get married" and marriage is tough on its own even with someone you have known for long, how much more those who felt age is no longer on their side and they just want to "be together".
There is this joke from many years ago and it says "Most marriage proposals we have these days started with, 'You are what?!?'" (Do you Gerrit? If you don't Gerrit forget abourrit). Many people get married because their girlfriend said she was pregnant. Some genuinely love themselves, no doubt but some just come together because she was pregnant without thinking of the future. Don't bother putting that child through a horrible divorce... You can both keep the baby but you don't have to marry. We all make mistakes... Who doesn't? I am more shocked about guys who get confused when the girlfriend mentioned that she is pregnant. Come on... You had sex without protection, what were you expecting, a plasma TV?
Most people make lifelong decisions based on their current realities and that shouldn't be the case. We need to reorientate ourselves and start thinking better. When we think better then our lives would go in that same direction where we can do better.
What birthed that topic as you might be thinking the topic is not really in sync with what I have been saying... It's a build-up, don't mind me. So, this my daughter asked him what he expects in a woman and I was shocked to see the things he blurted out. He said he needed someone that can cook, that is good in bed, that can take care of their children and do house chores. I was forced to tell her to tell him what he needed should be:
1. A maid.
2. A prostitute or Friend with benefits.
Except he wants the maid to still warm his bed at night anyway. I am shocked by the way some men think and women are not properties you have to keep for your amusement and do the things you can't do. The choice to be a full-time wife should come from her and it's not something you have to impose on her. It should be her choice and if she chooses to be one it doesn't absolve you as a man to still help her out. You can't dump everything on her because she is human also just like you.
If that guy was my friend, I would have given him a dress down and who knows maybe that's why most ladies aren't with him because from the look of things, he prides in telling ladies what he wants from them and I am sure no reasonable lady would agree with those terms. Women have dreams, aspirations and goals... They want a life and they need someone to support that dream too and not drag them down.
Men, we need to do better and think better. We need to change our perspective, especially where women are concerned. I know culture and experience plays a huge part in how we see things but we can still do better.
Thank you for your time.
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A wonderful and insightful post @olasquare. A thoroughly engaging read. We need more men like you in this world, creating awareness and leading the way with respect for women as more than just chattels of old. Sadly in some cultures, women still do not have a voice... or a life to call their own. Although I follow you, I came to this post via Dreemport.