I describe my life as a Candle

This is the First time that I will write a Prompt. Since, I saw and read a lot of works from my Friends and other writers here publishing their own story about Questions and Darkness by @JonicaBradley . But before I will start, I would like you to know that I don't know how to write one because it is my first time so I hope that you will understand and I am not that good at English and you know that.

I was the youngest and I have a older Sister which is she is 2 years older than me. We are not that close before because you know, that is just a normal bond as a Siblings and we always fight even if it is just because of small things.

While my Mom is away because she need to go to overseas just so she can give us a better future, they decided that we will live in our Grandparents house and Our Life is became miserable because of how they Treat us at a young age, I experience difficult life living.

During our time of living to their house at the young age, I can sense that My Mom's Family did not like my Father. I pity my Father because all I know that time is he is always doing is best and giving everything just so they can accept him in my Mom's Family. So, as a small kid that doesn't still open her full mind to reality, I was very angry to My Mom's Family. So,I endure everything and I want to ask them that time if:

Why they are treating us different?

Because in my 9 years of living in this house, We are just the Family that they treat different. Like my Mom's Siblings (My Uncles and Aunts) always hate my Mom and Father and even us as their children.

Our Grandparents has a favorite Grand Children and I never expect to them to treat and feel what our Cousins experienced everytime that they are here will we also experience it and I remembered that until now they are still doing that because when there was a time when we go to the outing, My Grandpa shows that he really love my cousin like he is willing to give the things that we did not experience receiving some gift from him. I was once became his favorite but it was changed when we moved here.

My Uncles and Aunts always giving my cousins the most beautiful things.

• I remembered that when our Aunt who is in USA, every time that she sending us a Package or Balikbayan box, I saw a lot of my cousin's names writen in the things. Like I counted it 3-5 things like shoes,Bags, Dresses, shorts, shirts, etc. While Me and My Sister just recieved a 2 shirts and or sometimes it is just One and it was just looks like it can be use only in the house.

• They always command us but they couldn't do it in their own child or in our cousins.

Reason why My Father decided to move out in the House and live in our old house alone.

Do we really deserve to experience this things?

At the young age, I experience having a difficult life living with them. I was hurt because of how they treat us and I couldn't also tell my Mom that time so I endure those things alone. Because my Sister and I are not in the good terms before and I understand it maybe because she doesn't like to involved in this kind of feeling because we are just the same.

I wanted to ask them if Do we really deserved to treat like that? Like how they just treat us different? They don't love us? That are the most questions that I wanted to ask.

They even became the cause of my Depression and Anxiety until I become a mess. My World become dark and I have a chain on my neck. I can't breath. Imagine, at my young age, I experience killing my own because of them.

When I became 17 years old, I already become a strong lady. Because of them I learned to talk back, roosting them with my words, and I become a better person. I learned to fight when they include our name in their conversation. Because, I became get used to it and there's no single time that I never heared them being like that and I hate them the most. There's no day, time, and year that I kill them to my mind because of how they treat us.

Not until I become 20 years old, I already spill those questions to them. Because I already full! My Grandma always giving rant when we have allowance that our Mom gives to us. She always ask why 'Why we didn't buy Foods?', 'We always buying things?', 'You don't share your money?'.

First of all, there's no time that I didn't share my Money, That I did not buy foods? When I was working as an online seller, My earning every week from that work, Will spend in our foods so that even in a small earning I can help them with just small amount. When my Mom give us allowance, I share the other half of it buying Lechon Manok if we didn't have dish knowing that My Mom Giving my Grandma allowance too so why I still needed my Allowance to her?

Plus when I'm buying food, they didn't eat it. Just like how they do to our Father. It become Dejavu for me so the moment that, that happened I go to my room and lock myself until my Mind and Heart become calm. I don't know when it start but when I'm depressed, I can't breath properly and i lock my self from the door and because I hear things and until now I experience that, I spend during 12mn crying.

Second, Why we always buying things? Because we did not experience having things like what our Cousins recieved to our Aunt. We always recieved a one piece of thing? But they did not hear a thing from us instead, we are still thankful. I still thank her even if it is unfair and I am jealous. Do we don't have a right to buy the things we want? Do we don't deserved to be look decent?

Every time that I buy things because my Mom want to, They always say different things. So when I full because of them I give everything my best so I can Ask my Grandma if they want us to Die and vanished to this world? Because they always hated us and I'm tired of crying everynight. I'm tired of blaming my self. I'm tired of everything! I ask her, What do you want me to do so that you will ACCEPT us as a Family? Because they always treat us as different even if we don't have a difference because we are all 'Palamunin'.

My World Lights up when those Questions that I wanted to ask for how Many years was Answered by my Sister. We had a conversation before since that time, I'm already to give up.

Why They Hated my Father?

Because my Father is a alcoholic drink. The allowance that supposed to be for the Current that our Mother give, he buys for alcohol. I always curious why my Allowance every time was just short and I'm just thinking that my Mom's salary is not that big but after knowing that he used our Allowance to buy Alcohol, I already understand everything.

The night when he always go home late, My Uncles hated my Father, The words that I always heared about him in this family was always my Father's fault.

So the time that the Food that our Father's give reason why they did not accept it is because they don't like to recieved anything from him anymore. I already did understand why our Grandparents heated him because who can't parents will not hate their brother-in-law if he is like that to their daughter right? My Mother is working overseas and enduring being away from us so that, she can just give everything for us and here is our Father, living in the house of our Grandparents without no shame.

But Why We are also include to those hate feelings? Why they need to hate us too? That is what they feel sorry for if we feel like that. They did not ask for forgiveness, and I still heared some names but It is not from our Grandparents anymore but from our Aunt and Uncles wife Lol memosa pasok 😂 but I don't care anymore because I'm already get used to it.

That's the reason why I wanted to lived with my Sister, I wanted to be far away from them. I want to earn money because I wanted to help my Mom build our own House so that those people will shut their mouth already.

But I have one Question that still not Answered that is

Why my Father leave us?

He leave us, He already had another Family, why it is easy for him to leave us like that?

I hate him because he leave us because of another woman. He did not understand the things that I understand. Like My Mom needed to go overseas because if she can't, My Sister will not go to college, she can't give everything that we want. But what about him? Instead of being helpful and give her best as a Father to help us too to our dreams, he become selfish.

I once have a conversation with him but the funny thing is, He is using his new daughter's name and he also profile her. Asking me "How are you?", "I miss you" etc. But I ignore him. Then when I ignore his messages because who can answer those messages saying he miss me but his account and name is his new daughter's? , Then he already said things that we as a child hated to hear the most.

And I realize that It is better for Me and My Sister to live with my Grandparents because here, We are safe. Because here, even if those chit chater daughter in law is always saying words, I can tell that my Bond with my Grandparents is now okay because we can now have a proper conversation and our Family become a little okay. Since our Aunt and Uncles are now paying attention to us.

My Lesson Learned:

Maybe in the past, we experience difficult in life. If we can't experience that, Maybe we can't learned to be brave and to be strong. I'm still thankful because even if I experience those, maybe I don't learned some lessons like:

• Being Contented to what they give- even if we just recieved one, we should still thank because it is still a blessing

• Use Money to buy Important things- I observed that our Grandma is just very strict in Money because she priority how we spend our money because she doesn't like us to be like our Father. Which is why I learned now that saving is more important than buying things.

• They are being Strict in everything because they like us to feel how parents are because our parents couldn't do that. They want us to feel the they are still here to guide us and to protect us. Those words, those actions, even if it is strict and makes me cry, Will be for my best. If they can't do that, maybe I am not here now.

I'm thankful to my Grandparents because they still raised us good. Despite of what bad things I do in the past, They still accept me and still care for me and now that my Questions are already answered, I don't have a heavy weights in my heart and I can sleep properly during at night.

I learned that I was being immature back then. Instead of hating them, I should be thankful and grateful because even if I don't have a Parents in my Side they are here to be my Family and I learned that We have two kinds of Parents in this World:

• Parents that are strict but they just do that for the better even if they can't say words that they love us, they prove it by their action.

• Parents that just telling you that they love and misses you but they leave you in the moment that you needed them

Which one is the real Parents?

And Last! I realize that there is no question that cannot be answered and in every darkness there is still light.

Thank you for reading My Article! I hope that you can also share your experience in the past and what you learned from it 💚

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