Fear of asking for help.
FOAFH is an acronym to these words:
Fear
Of
Asking
For
Help
We all know that it's good to ask people for help. The truth is that, no matter how we want to paint it, we need eachother, we actually can't do things on our own, we need eachother to actually pull through and succeed.
What are some psychological reasons why people are afraid to ask others for help?.
Asking for help often makes people feel uneasy, they feel like they are exposing their problems to others. It doesn't just go well with them, they wouldn't also want to feel dependent on the help of others.
The fear of rejection: (this one is me ooh,I practically don't like it when I finally speak up and tell you my worries and problems and boom... The next thing you say is that you can't be of help or assistance). People are scared to be turned down, so instead of being turned down, they'll rather keep their problems to themselves and just not bother asking for help.
A short story from my experience... Lol, I love talking about my experiences. (smiles)
Incase you don't know this, am a part-time student in the prestigious Yaba college of technology. My part-time classes falls on weekends alone.
In my first year and my second semester, there was a little bit of difficulty based on finances. The money to foot the school fees was just not forthcoming, part-time school fees is like; times 3 of full-time fees (triple expensive). Things were hard, life was just too tough. My brother and I couldn't pay our fees till exams fully commenced. I could remember how I would keep trying to dodge, so I won't be sent out of the examination hall, once one isn't with ones docket, one won't be able to seat for the exams.
I literally don't know how it happened but I was able to seat for the exams without being harassed. But the problem here is that: "the fees were still left unpaid." They kept closing and opening the school's portal. Still the struggles was just there.
Without payment of ones fees, the exams are as good as useless and that's because it's when you've paid your fees, you would register your courses. So do tell... Of what use is seating for an exam that is not registered?. Answer is... There will still be no result!.
The thing is, my very close friend, "Vicky" had enough money in her account back then, the money would have paid my twin and I school fees and there would still be change. She told me about the money she had.
My mind kept pushing me: Ask her, ask her to lend it to you, so you can pay your fees. By the time you finally have money for it, it might be too late, the portal might have been closed, but it won't be too late to pay her back.
But I told my mind: Wo, leave me... I can't ask her, she knows I've not paid my fees, if she wanted to help, she would have.
My mind: Just ask and hear what she has to say.
Me: No, I can't ask her, what if she says "no" what would then be the use; staining ones ego and still be rejected at the end?.
And that was how I never asked Vicky, till they closed the portal, by the time the money was finally available, there was no going back. The portal for that semester had been closed for good.
And now readers, all the exams I wrote for that semester are as good as useless. Infact I didn't see my result for that semester when the results were finally out. That's automatically an extra year for me, since I had carryover in all those courses.
Truth is that, if I had asked... She might have said "no" and also, she might have said "yes." But how would I know?
I never asked...
Fear of looking incompetent and feeling ashamed: for some people, like myself, the fear of feeling shameful as regards our situation would make us not to ask for help. I think this happens mostly to people who doesn't like talking about their problems, they'll rather keep it to themselves than to spill it all out. Oh!.. this is the typical me.
Another experience of mine.
There was a time, there was hardly any food in the house, if we even saw "cassava flakes" I'd have been grateful.
There was practically nothing... My stomach was rumbling with hunger, I had friends that I was so sure of... So sure that if I had asked any of them or told any of them that I was completely famished with not even a grain of rice, they would have supported me with something, even if it's a cup of rice or beans.
But...
I said completely nothing, I felt too ashamed to tell my friends that I was hungry, I felt it would look and sound like am begging, the shame was just too much. I kept it all to myself.
My mum would say: Girlgirl, ask your friends, they might have.
Me, to my mum: Mummy don't worry, no need. They don't have.
My mum: Who told you?...
Me: (adamant) I cannot ask them.
It's really burdensome and that's the truth, not asking for help doesn't mean you're strong, it's just toxic to your health.
Someone who finds it hard to seek help from others might as well end up dying in silence.
It's better to ask and be rejected than not to ask at all.
Appreciation: It's one thing to be sponsored, and it's another thing for that sponsorship to be renewed. Dearest @Talecharm this heart is expressing its gratitude to you, for renewing your sponsorship. Thanks alot, and I'm immensely grateful for your loving show of care and support.
Till we meet again in my next article and in yours.
Thanks for reading.
I find myself in the category of those that don't ask unless if we are very close....and only if the thing needed is on emergency. But if we're far or I notice that you'd say or procastinate when I ask, I better not say it. How do I know someone that would procastinate or say no? A clear example is the uncles and aunties in the family. I know it's not their fault to always turn down because they have family to take care of.
During school days, God blessed me with the kindest of friends, always ready to help anytime