Sometimes, I Try

I have spent most of the last two days assessing things. A lot of things randomly fall under 'things' but this is a routine assessment exercise I indulge in every now and then. It helps me evaluate things in general such as my personal relationships and how much has changed since the last time.

Today, I am writing about an event that happened on Monday. One of my classmates had called out every member of the class to a party. It was her birthday before, and she hadn't been around, so she decided to do a little celebration with the class. It was time, and virtually all of us came out to the gathering, we had started with some introduction, for the sake of the party, and then started playing party games.

It was fun I must admit. Even for me who is not exactly a fan of parties and public gathering. You see, even with all those jokes and fun going around it got to a point it seemed I have had my fair share of fun and just sat down watching everything and everyone do their thing. I was reading a post by @HappyBoy titled Anti-social or not, and I could relate to a lot of what he wrote. My friends will often find it unusual when I am calm and quiet.

In my freshman year, I was basically all by myself, and had just one person as a friend. I usually spend most of my time in the library reading books. And I must admit that had a lot of impact in my life. It's sad that my reading has drastically dwindled over the years. I guess the point I am trying to make is that I was an introvert then.

I only started having friends in the university in my sophomore year. I had told myself that the first year had been to observe and study those I'd like to befriend. Well, anything to make you not think you're antisocial or introverted. I created a circle of friends, needless to say a small circle, but time has a way of turning circles to trapezium and trapezium to triangle.

I have always been the kind of friend who will visit you ten out of ten times we hang out. I like to go all out in relationships. But this comes with a flaw rooted on the foundation of expectation of balance. As I fan of homeostasis, I very much crave balance in every system,and even in the system of friendship. Oh well, this is me digressing and skating into the zone of free writing.

As I was saying, shuffling between School when we it is in session and home when we are on holidays really puts into perspective how I am not the same person. At home, I am usually more quiet and rarely initiate conversations. In school. I have my friends around and it is usually all laugh and jokes. My dad would often say he doesn't understand how I can be in a dark room all day; because I like to drop the curtains and switch the light off. I always prefer the room dark and it is mostly because my eyes are very sensitive to light.

Aside the fact that I don't like going out to public places, most of the people I grew up with at home are usually not around when I am holidays. Surely, everyone is up and about with their lives, for one reason or the other. That is not to say that I don't go out sometimes. I can be fun when I want to be. But I usually just stay home watching a show on my phone or surfing the internet reading random things. This is fun too.

It is not like I am suffering from schizophrenia, thus, why I am two persons at home in school. I will say there is similarities between both behavior, the only difference is that home lacks the friend factor I have in school, which can act as environmental stimulus to trigger a certain response from me.

Wait, I feel like I just wrote everything and nothing. Turned out I dived back into free writing. Hahaha. Well, sometimes, I try.

Thank You For Reading 🖤🖤