Sometimes, I Try

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Written by
2 years ago

I have spent most of the last two days assessing things. A lot of things randomly fall under 'things' but this is a routine assessment exercise I indulge in every now and then. It helps me evaluate things in general such as my personal relationships and how much has changed since the last time.

Today, I am writing about an event that happened on Monday. One of my classmates had called out every member of the class to a party. It was her birthday before, and she hadn't been around, so she decided to do a little celebration with the class. It was time, and virtually all of us came out to the gathering, we had started with some introduction, for the sake of the party, and then started playing party games.

It was fun I must admit. Even for me who is not exactly a fan of parties and public gathering. You see, even with all those jokes and fun going around it got to a point it seemed I have had my fair share of fun and just sat down watching everything and everyone do their thing. I was reading a post by @HappyBoy titled Anti-social or not, and I could relate to a lot of what he wrote. My friends will often find it unusual when I am calm and quiet.

In my freshman year, I was basically all by myself, and had just one person as a friend. I usually spend most of my time in the library reading books. And I must admit that had a lot of impact in my life. It's sad that my reading has drastically dwindled over the years. I guess the point I am trying to make is that I was an introvert then.

I only started having friends in the university in my sophomore year. I had told myself that the first year had been to observe and study those I'd like to befriend. Well, anything to make you not think you're antisocial or introverted. I created a circle of friends, needless to say a small circle, but time has a way of turning circles to trapezium and trapezium to triangle.

I have always been the kind of friend who will visit you ten out of ten times we hang out. I like to go all out in relationships. But this comes with a flaw rooted on the foundation of expectation of balance. As I fan of homeostasis, I very much crave balance in every system,and even in the system of friendship. Oh well, this is me digressing and skating into the zone of free writing.

As I was saying, shuffling between School when we it is in session and home when we are on holidays really puts into perspective how I am not the same person. At home, I am usually more quiet and rarely initiate conversations. In school. I have my friends around and it is usually all laugh and jokes. My dad would often say he doesn't understand how I can be in a dark room all day; because I like to drop the curtains and switch the light off. I always prefer the room dark and it is mostly because my eyes are very sensitive to light.

Aside the fact that I don't like going out to public places, most of the people I grew up with at home are usually not around when I am holidays. Surely, everyone is up and about with their lives, for one reason or the other. That is not to say that I don't go out sometimes. I can be fun when I want to be. But I usually just stay home watching a show on my phone or surfing the internet reading random things. This is fun too.

It is not like I am suffering from schizophrenia, thus, why I am two persons at home in school. I will say there is similarities between both behavior, the only difference is that home lacks the friend factor I have in school, which can act as environmental stimulus to trigger a certain response from me.

Wait, I feel like I just wrote everything and nothing. Turned out I dived back into free writing. Hahaha. Well, sometimes, I try.

Thank You For Reading 🖤🖤

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2 years ago

Comments

I also like some level of reciprocity in a relationship. If I'm going all out, I tend to expect the other person to do the same

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I can say you and my bother have things in common, he also love droppings curtains, he doesn't like seeing light facing him, and could stay alone for long, he hardly had friends. But me, i'm the other way round.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Hahaha. That's good to know. Used to think I was the only one

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2 years ago

Since then I'm always alone, or should I say I'm anti social as there are really time's that I choose to be by myself. I felt lazy going out and making friends is quite hard to me.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I can relate to what you are saying. Going out can be difficult sometimes

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Before or even until now i love to do things alone, i enjoy doing things alone but when opportunity gives way to be with friends and other people i will go too and have fun with them.

Just know your limitation and no problem about that.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I agree with you, know your limitation and work within that

$ 0.00
2 years ago

There's nothing wrong with staying at home to relax and have some fun with our own company, I'm an outgoing person but I also go places to place all by myself and I found it more satisfying and enjoying

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Absolutely! Gelayy. I agree that there is nothing wrong in that. Thank you very much

$ 0.00
2 years ago

No worries

$ 0.00
2 years ago

What a nice freewrite :) And I can relate with you. I am more of a homebody than being outside and with people. Nothing is wrong of course, we just love our peace :)

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Hehe. That is good to know about you. Hehe

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Hmm. People like you are very few but greatly admired by other. I'm very sure that among your classmates,both in the high school, couesemates and even roommates,no one would ever remember ever having even a little quarrel with aimure 😁

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Hehehe. You always have a way of making me laugh through your comments

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Your reading has drastically reduced because betnaija and readcash has drastically increased 😂

$ 0.02
2 years ago

More like FPL and read.cash

$ 0.00
2 years ago

A person can have two different personalities, depending on the environment in which he is and the nature of the people around him. Keeping your circle small and real is better than a large and fake circle of acquaintances

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I very much where with you Lara. Small and real trumps large and fake

$ 0.00
2 years ago

My lifestyle is basically one sided. I keep to myself always whether indoor or outdoors. I spend most of my time indoor as an introvert and barely have any friends.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Well, long as you're comfortable in that lifestyle and harming no one, there is no problem with that

$ 0.00
2 years ago

A lot like me, I used to be a lot introvert till I joined college. There I wasn't able to enjoy life, was feeling left and alone, even my phone and books weren't enough for me. But surprisingly I am an half introvert now haha, new thing. I am a bit of shy with home and relatives but a completely different person with cousins and friends.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

True, it's like you're different person around different people

$ 0.00
2 years ago

When I am inside my room I like stay there with darkness. No light, no noise I can stay there so peacefully. But when my mom come in my room,she always told me I am saving the electricity bill haha.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Hahaha. That's one of the benefits. It saves the bill. And brings peace and quiet too

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2 years ago

I can say that I am also an introvert and I like to be in my room with the window and the curtain down and in the dark. It is a pleasure to immerse myself in my thoughts and navigate them.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Truly, it is. There is a sort of tranquility I find when in a dark room. Helps me focus my thoughts too

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2 years ago

I can definitely relate to this. Being a middle child, although I have a lot of siblings, that just left me in the middle which left me mostly by myself. In school and work, I can also be fun. I take cues from others but not someone to initiate such. So when I am not in school or not at work, I am mostly alone. I can relate too to a dark room. I find comfort in that, like a blanket enveloping me.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Exactly! There is some sort of peace that comes with being in a dark room by yourself. And it is important to observe the people around you and see if they want to talk or just be by themselves. Saves one from awkwardness

$ 0.00
2 years ago