How come she is different?
I don't believe she is my mother. We do not have the same looks and she hates me for a reason. It must be a good one. Perhaps I am adopted. She always says I need to be grateful. "Grateful" I hate the word and I do not see anything to be grateful for. I do not like and can not eat the food, I spend days in the hospital, my days at home are filled with fear. If you never know what will happen the next minute you are in trouble.
The housekeeper left.
She said she will get married and there's someone new. She's young but not my friend either. If you are me you do not make friends. It's dangerous and you cannot invite someone. Today Francoise asked me about spending the holidays with her grandparents in Belgium again. I don't know why she asks me because at school we hardly speak. Addy and Wim and some other boys play with me if they have time. Caroline is nice too but they do not live in my neighborhood.
I will ask if I can go to Belgium.
Francoise her mom is kind and it cannot be worse as staying home. I don't know how to ask so I will after we are and I cleaned up. The only thing that can happen is she scolds at me again and beats me to death. I don't mind if she does, it wouldn't be the first time. Death... it's better as being in this house with this person. I cannot tell Francoise or other people because no one will believe me. My mother says the blue spots are because I am clumsy and I always lie. I am sick. If a dog is sick it's put out of its misery. That's how people call it. Dogs are lucky, they are put out of their misery and they dare to defend themselves.
"Respect your parents", is what my grandmother preaches. She says it's written in the Bible. That book filled with murders and phrases that don't make sense. Stories where criminals are rewarded and good people ignored. I didn't tell my grandmother I no longer pray. Why should I ask for help from someone who doesn't exist?
I feel safe if he's with me. He watches over me, stands at the foot end of my bed. All dressed in black. He's the only friend I have and I am happy he is with me.
June 15, 2020
you are not an accident, and your mother is your mother for a purpose. Whatever your been throughs, just want you to know that Jesus loves you, if our father and mother have forsaken us, God will be our home. Those people killed in the Bible where the disobedient, but thanks to everything Jesus done on that Cross, He gave His life and shed His blood so we will be save from God’s wrath and it gave us a new living way. Whatever emptiness in your heart right now, God is willing, present and on act to fill it. Sending you my prayers.