Have you got any scar on your body? I don't mean the scar in your heart that your ex left you when you broke up. I'm talking about the real scar, a deep wound that didn't completely heal and leaves you this mark.
It's been a long time but I can still remember how I got the scar on my forehead. It was the year 1999, I was 9 years old and in Grade 3. It was afternoon, the sun is shining fiercely. I'm waiting for my Mama at the basketball court in our place. She went to the school to get my report card and I was so excited for her to tell me that I'm the Top 1 in our class. I just want to hear her say "Well done!" So I'm waiting for her patiently.
I was waiting inside the tricycle that parked in the court. Waiting for my Mama to arrive, finally, I saw her and I rushed running to her. I cannot contain my excitement but as I make few steps out of the tricycle, I felt an object hit me straight to my forehead and a liquid drips into my face and that's the last thing I remember before I lost my consciousness.
When I wake up, I can feel the pain and as I look in the mirror, I wonder what's the bandage around my head for. My clothes are covered with blood. I saw the face of my parents and they weren't happy.
What happened is I was hit with a stone by "Toto". That's how he was called. He lives in our place, age around 20+ at that time but seems like of 10-year-old boy and he's mentally challenged. He hit me hard.
When my Papa asked me what happened, I told them he( Toto) was taking a fit at that time and throwing stones and hit me. And they believe me.
But that wasn't the truth. I didn't tell them the truth. Until now no one knows the truth except me and him.
But his family didn't buy it. They know him. That I must have done something for him to hit me with a stone.
Rewind: While waiting for Mama
I saw "Toto" talking to himself as he was holding a match with spiders in his hand. I started bullying him while I'm inside the tricycle. Calling him "crazy" and that he wasn't right all sort of words that will trigger him to do something bad. And he warned me and I remember that. He got a stone in his hand and said "Babatuhin Kita! (I will hit you with this stone!)"
But I didn't listen and continue to mimic him, annoying him, trigger his anger. And as soon as I saw my mother and run. That was the time he did what he told me will do. And it hits me so hard that even it heals because it's deep, it leaves a scar.
Who's fault is it? Was it mine?
Of course, it was mine!
But did I admit it at that time?
No, I didn't. I played as if I was the victim.
Maybe because I was too young and afraid of my Mama or Papa will hit me if I told them the truth.
Who am I to justify my wrongdoing now that I'm old?
Do I deserve this scar?
Yes, I do! That teaches me a lesson. If I just talked to him nicely or play with him because even he is 20+ his thinking is still like a child, maybe I wouldn't have this scar. Maybe we will be good friends. But I was bad. I was really bad. And that's part of my childhood that I wouldn't forget.
And I made peace of my childhood memories, and forgive myself. I face my childhood self and admitted what I've done. But never to Toto. I don't know if he is still alive. But if he is, if one day we meet again, even though he will not recognize me, I will still like to tell him that, "This scar in my forehead, you didn't do it, It is me. But I blame you for it. And say sorry."
After that incident, I got scared of him that he might hit me again if he sees me. I never go to court again and always try to avoid him. The scar left on me grew bigger as the year pass. I used to cover it with my bangs.
And that's the story of my scar.
What's the story of yours?
Thank you for reading. ❤❤❤
That's the thing about scars. They tell a story that either teach us a lesson or remind us about a time in our lives that we don't want to go back to. Yours taught you a lesson. One that you'll hold on to for the rest of your life and that's growth there. I'm sure, in one way or another, Toto knows that he's not to blame for the scar.