Same Ground

My love
It's been a long time since I cried
And left you out of the blue.

Actually, it's been exactly a year since I cried when YOU left me out of the blue. I miss you so much that it hurts to even think about you. I didn't know this before and never have expected that I'd feel this extreme emotion of badly missing someone but can't do something about it. The only thing I can do as of the moment is to write about my feelings and hope that it'll somehow ease the loneliness.

It's hard
Leaving you that way
When I never wanted to

I think it's worse when you're the one left behind without any explanation at all, trying to look for clues why you did it. Do you even regret what you did? Coz I honestly have a lot of regrets right now. They say that you'll only realize the value of a person when they're already gone. And I think that's really true. Now I regret about taking you and your efforts for granted. Your efforts to make me happy and to cheer me up when I'm feeling down, I took all of those for granted and I'm really sorry about that.

Self-denial is a game
A stranger I never woulda want until
There was you

I denied myself of getting to know the guys who were trying to get into my life. I blocked all of them from entering my life and build thick walls they can't penetrate. But then there was you.

You unexpectedly came during the hardest time of my life, you insisted on staying by my side even if I shooed you and told you to go away. You destroyed the thick walls and walked halfway to my shielded heart.

'Cause I have learned that love is beyond

What human can imagine

More it clears the more I gotta let you go

Love is really beyond what we can ever imagine. I told myself not to fall in love yet because I still have a lot of things I need to achieve alone. I have these so-called intergalactic standards, no one could reach. But when you came, those standards were forgotten. I admit I was shaken by your sweet gestures and words of love. My poor heart started to be swayed. We started to travel and explore the world of being in love and I admit it was euphoric. But I have to step on the brakes when you suddenly told me you love me and that you are willing to prove your love for me through proper courtship. I was scared when you told me that. I'm not ready for a relationship, so I told you to wait. I know it was a selfish act. But you told me you are willing to wait till I'm ready even if it takes several years. We agreed.

'Cause what I don't understand

Is why I'm feeling so bad now

When I know it was my idea

I could've just denied the truth and lied

But why am I the only one standing stranded

On the same ground?

I know it was my fault. I should blame myself for not giving you the chance to prove your love for me. I should blame myself for not giving us the chance to be happy. I understand that you might have felt tired of our situation and I understand why you left. But why do I feel so bad about it? Why am I still waiting for you? It's been a year and I should move on. But why can't I do it?

It hurts so much when you left without a word. I was left drowned in my own feelings, hurting, and yet I can't tell anyone about it. I don't want my friends to have a bad impression about you and I don't want them to judge you.

My love, it's been a long time since I cried

And left you out of the blue

It's hard, leaving you that way

When I never wanted to

Self-denial is a game

A stranger I never woulda want until

There was you

I wouldn't have stopped you if you told me you were leaving. I would understand that you no longer want to continue the friendship that we had. I would try my best to understand. But what can I do? You left so sudden.

But hey! I don't regret meeting you. I don't regret spending so much time with you, sacrificing my sleep just to talk to you. I don't regret letting you come into my life. Because when you came, I was so happy. You brought a spice into my bland and boring life. You inspired me to go on with life even if I want to give up.

After that first date, I decided to level up our relationship.I decided to give us the chance to be happier. Because you're a good man, it's amazing to know that you are a family-oriented and God-fearing man. I saw how much you love your sister and how much you respected your mother. It's so good to know about your willingness to make some sacrifices for your family. You didn't reach the standards I've set but the qualities you possess is already enough to capture and melt my cold heart.

'Cause I have learned that love is a word

Gets thrown a little bit too much

The best excuse to fill this infinite abyss

I'll never ever have to pray

I'm so thankful and happy that I met you, that you've made a significant contribution for me to change my strict perspective on some things. You helped me to become a better version of myself.

If all else fails

Would you be there to love me?

When all else fails

Would you be brave, to see right through me?

I still think of you everyday though I'm trying so hard not to. It's ironic how I told you to wait for me when I'm ready, yet I'm the one waiting today. It's been a year and it seems impossible for you to come back, but I'm still waiting for you. I'll wait for you till the time that you could tell my face that you can no longer fulfill the promise. When that time comes, I'll pray so hard for you to have a happy ending with the right girl God will give you. But for now, I'll be here standing stranded on the same ground, waiting... - @thepandagirl 🐼

For those who may read this, forgive me for being so sentimental. I just want to vent my emotions last night and came up with this.