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"Worst among the Worst"

|#N261/7TH-TM|05/12/2022|8:11am `Where did I go wrong? Am I not good enough? When was the last time I heard you said, "I love you" to me? I can't even remember that. Why you suddenly became so cold to me? I've got a lot of questions in mind. You don't even bother asking me why...` ________________________ Good day my dearest read.cash family!๐Ÿ˜Š How are you? What are your plans for today's hustling day? Me? I still don't know. Maybe, I will just go with the flow. Have you remembered those times that when I publish a blog or an article in here, in some parts of it, I included about my relationship problems? As for today, I am trying to force myself to write this up and share my deepest feelings regarding how our six years relationship being gone all of a sudden. *(My apologies if I may not able to organize my words well.)* Two months ago, we had a frequent fights where I left sleeping in tears. As the days gone by, I noticed that he didn't make an effort to come and visit me in our house again. He didn't even greeted me on our monthsary days. He became so cold to me, in the sense that I am feeling bothered and I am really confused about it. Why? He didn't replied to my chats. He didn't answered my calls. And with that, I ended up picking another fight with him again and again and again, until one day, he made a worst decision. He said that he wanted to split up with me. I was so shocked to the point that I cried after reading that chat coming from him. Like, why he did that to me? I was the one who initiate to do the effort so that we can fix the problem but him, why? "*Gulong-gulo talaga ang utak ko. Ang dami ko'ng tanong sa sarili ko. Umiiyak ako gabi-gabi until I realized, "Bakit ko ba pinipilit ang sarili ko sa kaniya?"* Like, I lowered my pride just to save his ass. But it turns out, he still want a break up. Then, the next day, the fight still keep coming, then he said that I should break up with him, so I gave what he wants. ***"If you want that, then fine. But don't ever blame me because you are the one who chose it first than fixing this mess."*** I said that to him. I shared a post on my facebook account the following day. Some of my facebook friends, asked me what happened. Then I received a chat coming from a friend of his saying, *"Ma'am, please promise me that you won't him MGD that I was the one who told you this shocking revelation."* Upon reading that message, nanginginig na ako. Then, I replied to him, *"Please, just tell me."* Hindi ko kinaya yung sumunod na messages that he sent to me. *"Ma'am, I am so sorry kung ngayon ko lang to nasabi sayo. I felt guilty na kasi ang bait-bait mo po pero si MGD may kalokohan na ginagawa, especially kapag umuuwi siya dito sa lugar namin."* *"Ma'am, everytime kasi pag umuuwi yang si MGD dito, lagi niyang kasa-kasama ang iisang babae. Marami na ding nagtataka sa kanila kasi lagi talaga silang magkasama. Even nga nung time na pumupunta ka pa dito." (That was three years ago.)* Then, I asked him kung sino yung babae. He sent me a photo...My world suddenly stops, tumulo yung luha ko habang tinitingnan ko yung photo kasi kilalang-kilala ko yung girl. Then I said sent a direct message to that asking, kung anong meron sa kanila ni MGD. She replied, *"???"* but then, I received another chat from her saying, *"I am sorry Ren, ayaw ko nang gulo."* *"I told MGD already."* Dun palang my read.cash fam. I am so sure na talaga na may nangyayari na wala ako'ng kaalam-alam. Then, another one saying, *"Naging close lang talaga kami ni sir."* Tumulo talaga yung luha ko. Nanginginig ako sa sakit. Then, MGD's cousin suddenly chat me revealing the same one. Lalo ako'ng nadurog kasi marami pala talagang may alam tungkol sa kanilang dalawa. Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko. And another cousin of his chatted me also, still stating the same one. Napatigil talaga ako, but I force myself na basahin lahat nang mga chats nila sa'kin. Sobrang sakit sa part na nalaman ko na alam pala nang pamilya ni MGD yung tungkol sa kanila. Kaya pala nung time na namatay yung papa niya, hindi niya ako pinapunta dun, though I insisted. Nandun pala yung girl. I confronted MGD, but he kept denying it. But then again, I really make a way for him to tell me the truth. *"Na.tyming lang na siya yung nasabihan ko nang mga problema ko. Nung panahon na hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. Alam mo yung sitwasyon natin."* He told me that. As in? May tyming pala pag ganun? Natawa ako pero durog na durog ako. *"Anong klaseng sitwasyon MGD? Yun bang LDR tayo? Bakit? Sa tingin mo ba, chill lang ako kapag wala ka dito? I almost kill myself thinking na baka may ibang babae ka. At hindi talaga ako nagkamali sa hinala ko. Sasabihin mo sa'kin na tyming lang na siya yung nandiya-diyan to comfort you. Pero hindi mo inisip na nung mga panahon na kinailangan ko yung comfort mo, inintindi ko nalang kasi alam ko na malayo ka nga. Pero hindi ako naghanap nang comfort sa iba. Yung tipong kailangan kasa-kasama ko lagi yung tao."* (Binalik niya yung past na nangyari. That was four years ago.) Sinumbatan ko siya kasi, nung mga panahon na kinailangan ko siya. Nung mga times na kailangan ko nang makakausap, but he was not there. Tas malalaman ko nalang that he was with another girl. Sinumbatan ko din yung babae, *"Sinabihan mo pero palagi parin kayong magkasama? Buti ka pa, nakakasama mo siya. Pero ako, ako na yung Girlfriend, ako na yung Fiance pero wala siya sa tabi ko nung times na lugmok ako. Yun pala, nasayo! So that means, gusto mo rin na kasama si MGD!"* As in, my read.cash fam. Sobrang naawa talaga ako sa sarili ko. Tas sasabihan pa ako na, *"sige dun ka maniwala sa kanila." But nung sinabi ko sa kaniyang, "Kung hindi totoo, bakit lahat sila parehas yung sinasabi sa'kin."* Hindi na niya sinagot yung tanong ko. And yesterday, nagchat siya sa'kin saying, ***"Don't bother me anymore! At wag mo ding papakialaman si girl."*** Sa galit ko, I said to him, *"Ang kapal nang mukha para sabihin yan sakin. At alam mo, bakit ko pa sasayangin ulit yung oras at panahon para sa taong walang nang kwenta sa buhay ko. Ikaw yung bumitaw. Oo napagod ako MGD, pero hindi ako bumitaw kasi gusto ko pa'ng ayusin. Naghintay ako na mag-initiate ka, pero ikaw yung nagpapahabol. Tas malalaman ko pa na lagi mo palang kasama yang babaeng yan. At talagang pinagpalit mo ako sa may anak na. Tas sasabihin mo yan sa'kin ngayon. Ang kapal talaga nang mukha mo! Well, hindi mo na ako masisisi kasi binigay ko ang lahat-lahat na meron ako. At hindi ko pagsisisihan yun kasi alam ko sa sarili ko at alam mo rin kung ano ang sinakripisyo ko para sa'tin. Minahal kita eh. Minahal kita. Buong-buo. Sumobra pa nga!"* I told him na i-block na ako. After nun, I blocked him also. Same as with the girl. I ate my dinner together with my parents. After that, my papa went to our barrio proper while me and my mama stayed at home. My mama asked me about MGD. Kasi nalaman niya na wala na kami through my Aunt. She asked me kung ano yung rason. So I told her everything. Galit na galit yung mama ko. Habang nagkukuwento ako sa kaniya, gusto ko umiyak pero I told myself na hangga't kaya ko'ng i-handle, hindi na. Sa dami nang sinabi ni mama, ang tumatak talaga utak ko, ***"Don't ever cry for a person who is not worthy of your tears!"*** ________________________ *I don't know kung kailan mawawala yung sakit. But I don't have any other choice than to accept the fact that he chose that girl over me. That he chose to ruined our six years relationship because of her. Masakit pero, I will let him go na para sa sarili ko na din. Because I know, God's time will come, magiging okay din ako. And I need to face the reality, na yung relasyon na gusto ko pang maayos, tinapos niya lang sa salitang,* ***"Wag mo na ako'ng guguluhin."***

________________________ If you have reach up to this part my fam. From the bottom of my heart, "Thank you so much for hearing me out" (Crying) That would be all for this blog. Thank you for spending your time my read.cash family. Take good care of yourselves!โฃ๏ธ MAY THE GRACE OF THE LORD BE WITH ALL GOD'S PEOPLE!๐Ÿ˜‡ ________________________ `I want to extend my deepest gratitude towards the people that keep supporting my works in here. To my avid readers, likers, subscribers, and upvoters. As well as my sponsors; (old, new, and renewed ones). Having you as my Readcash family and virtual friends, gives me the an immense sense of satisfaction. Thank for the love and support you have given to me. Thank you for being my everyday inspiration and motivation to keep doing this thing. Thank you for making my Readcash journey fruitful. May the Lord God bless us more fruitful days, months, and years to come!` *Just Love!โค๏ธ* *@renren16*

`See you in my next article!๐Ÿ˜Š` xoxo(*ห˜๏ธถห˜*).๏ฝก*โ™ก `All photos owned by yours truly.` _______________________ *PREVIOUS ARTICLES:* **"Paralegal Experiences"** https://read.cash/@renren16/paralegal-experiences-243271e5 **"Missing You: Ang Daming Ganap"** https://read.cash/@renren16/missing-you-ang-daming-ganap-cb7978ef **"Happenings Today"** https://read.cash/@renren16/happenings-today-d7f03524 **"I am a Paralegal"** https://read.cash/@renren16/i-am-a-paralegal-b6652646 **Achievable yet Challenging!** https://read.cash/@renren16/achievable-yet-challenging-e7590c0d

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