"I am Broke by the Pain of Rejections"

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5 months ago

|#375|Blog No. 18

11.29.2022 @3:33 PM|

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How would react to something when you think you have done enough to be worthy of recognition? How would you feel when you think you deserve it? That it was being left up to you, when you feel and think that you have given your 100% for it, when it cost you a lot and when you have sacrificed to have that spot that you wanted, BUT...They didn't see it?

Peace and good health be with you my read.cash family. Reading the statements above and with the title itself, I bet you have an idea of what I am going to share with you today. You are not mistaken because, "yes" its another sentiments of mine. Well, all thanks to this platform and most especially to the people in here for not losing interest to listen, hear, and read my personal stories and experiences up until now. Most of you here knew that I am an only child and I actually don't like on talking my personal problems with my parents because I don't want to add their problems too, especially when it comes to financial matters. Again, thanks to read.cash and to some certain people who are ALWAYS at my side regardless of what circumstances I am into.

As a degree holder for almost four years now, I am honored to have it. But here comes the great pressures that I have shouldered for years now as well. When I graduated, I was then too complacent of choosing to chill out and not look for a job back then. My parents just then let me do what I want. Maybe because they also think that I need to rest after spending my entire four years in pursuing a degree. After a while, I started seeking job opportunities may or may not related to my degree. On my first try, I was rejected because they told me that the spot was already taken. Well, in fact I've got an info that it was given to a certain person that was close to them, specifically the head of that private school. "Iba talaga pag may backer."

http://lifeandothercrises.blogspot.com/2015/05/if-youve-ever-rejected-anyone-youll.html

Despite that rejection, I didn't loss any hopes and I again, looked for a vacant position. I got hired. As much as I wanted to stay in that job, I was very disappointed with my working environment. I stayed for just a month alongside with searching for institutions that offers and NCII for my rankings. So, when I've got to find it, I decided to resign and asked about the requirements for that course and to my surprise, they offer me to become an instructor. Without any hesitation, I immediately submitted their requirements and waited for their call because they said so. The thrill and excitement turned into frustrations and disappointments again. I've waited for a couple of months already but they didn't call me. As for the NCII, I didn't pursue it, instead I decided to get a Certificate of Completion to a private computer tutorial services that last for a month. I forgot the entire payment, kind of huge though. So, with that I tried joining the Teacher's rankings last year. But my points didn't reach their minimum. That means I wasn't able to secure a spot in the RQA. By that, I decided to use my earnings from the job I attended for a month and I become a load reseller. Then read.cash came which saved my a*s. Regardless of my income at that time, I still think about securing a job other than doing just the side hustle, especially that my parents, specifically my mama keep on adding the pressures.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/485051822346696782/

I applied another Institution which now related to my field but I ended up with nothing. And you know what, everytime I hear this statements, "our HR will call you," "we will keep in touch," "we will give a call," something like all of these statements, gives me a hint that its just there way of saying, "your application was rejected" to not make me feel bad about it. And just recently, I tried to apply a job vacancy but they replied me with an email saying, "our Hr will call you." I just humbly said, "I will wait for it," though there is nothing to be wait for. They are just giving me another false hopes.

Here comes this year's rankings and I decided to join again. But still, I wasn't able to reach the minimum points of 70 because I only had 63.+ on my grading sheet. I've got another breakdown. I cried and cried until my eyes run dry not allowing anyone sees me. I even cried silently in the middle of the night, because I don't want my parents hear me crying. Though my boyfriend will keep encouraging me to move forward, it was like a push-and-pull in my part because I am also after of the encouragements from my parents, yet they made me feel so useless and unworthy. Hearing my mama saying,

"Your degree is just useless."

"Why can't you give us good results like your cousins."

Everytime I shared with her about a vacant job that I tried applying for, she will then said,

"You are just wasting your time and energy for that. At the end, it will be another rejection."

See, how rude were all of that? What makes me feel hurt the most was that it comes from her, my very own mother. The worst thing was when I am being compared. As for my papa, though he will not say anything, I also felt the disappointments he had for me. I just can't explain how it feels exactly. Like when I am sitting in our living room with them, I am not comfortable anymore. It feels like I am on a hot seat and probably into a fire pit if I stayed with them their for a while. My boyfriend advised me to talk with them wholeheartedly of how I felt but I just can't stand seeing them cry if I will share my sentiments especially that I really experienced this thing before when I talked about how strict they are to me back then. (Its a long story to tell.)

I chose to be silent and shoulder all the pain I felt within. Though I have Rhed with me, I intent not to let him see me crying again and again. There were times that I noticed myself just keep silent for a while. There were times that I am just choosing to stay on my room for a couple of hours doing nothing and emptying my head. Feels like I have my own world. Is this bad? Do I need to go and see a doctor? (smirking)

As I go on writing, I just can't stop myself to do deep sighs. Honestly, I had a thing in mind to something that anyone shouldn't do. But its a mortal sin, you know. I don't want to face a real pit. (Laugh out loud) In my situation now, I can't proudly say that I am doing great. Though other people sees me as of having a great life today because I can face them with a real smiles and pure laughs, deep down, I will honestly say, "I am broke."

And because I don't want to hear any hurtful words from my mother, I just keep my works silently and looked forward that sooner or later, I will be able to taste the fruits of my labor.

https://harrisrichard.com/tag/etymology-of-hope/

Let me end my blog with this bible verses;

-Psalm 23 "You're going to make it. Trust Me."

-Matthew 14:22-23 "Focus on Me, not the storms."

That would be all for this blog. Thank you for reading. Hugs and Kisses!

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Sponsors of renren16
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My warmest thanks to all my avid supporters; readers, upvoters, sponsors (old, new, and renewed ones). It is my pleasure to have you and become my inspiration and motivation as I go on to this journey as an online writer and a blogger. Thank you for your undying love and support, and for showing how kind and generous you are. Thank you for making my read.cash journey a wonderful one. May this platform last for a long period of time and our friendship, may on virtual or not goes the same. May the Lord our God bless us more days, weeks, months, and years to come!

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Lead Image source:

https://kileegoeckecom.wordpress.com/2018/01/21/living-pain-rejection/

Blog Title: "I am Broke by the Pain of Rejections"

Author: @renren16

See you in my next blog!

TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!😇

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PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED ARTICLES:

"My Kind of a Perfect Christmas" https://read.cash/@renren16/my-kind-of-a-perfect-christmas-2cb36d17

"Scratching Everywhere" https://read.cash/@renren16/scratching-everywhere-cd502b7f

"Its all about Letters" https://read.cash/@renren16/its-all-about-letters-5b8d98cc

"She's Fifteen!" https://read.cash/@renren16/shes-fifteen-b5c8e02b

"A Year and a Half" https://read.cash/@renren16/a-year-and-a-half-45b368a5

_______________________

OTHER EARNING SITES:

Noise.App

Core Mining

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Avatar for renren16
5 months ago

Comments

Let that rejections becomes your fuel, the better has yet to come

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5 months ago

Do I need to push it more my friend? Hehe. Medyo napapagod na kasi ako.

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5 months ago

There will be rejections along the way. These will become a life lesson to us. Don't lose hope!

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5 months ago

I will definitely agree with you dear. I will try my best to keep up. Thanks☺️

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5 months ago

You should really talk to them mareng, have a heart to heart talk. Let them understand na di mo namang ginusto lahat ng nangyayari. You are doing your best, sana naman kunting pang unawa meron din sila. Never nakakatulomg ang pagcocompare pero ginagawa pa rin. Mas nakakabigat sa pasanin yan mareng. Sana ay fight kalang. Pasasaan ba at makakahanap ka din ng work jan. For now wag lang tumigil na sumuBok. PUSH!

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5 months ago

Last na ginawa ko yun sis, mutingan na mahimatay si mama sa sama ng loob. Tas ilang araw kaming hindi nagpansinan at nag-uusap. Ang bigat din sa loob ko kasi tatatlo na nga lang kami tas ganun pa. Kaya hangga't kaya ko pa naman ihandle, inahayaan ko nalang. Kaya nga umiiwas nalang ako na magstay sa sala for a couple of hours para di niya na masabi yung ayaw kung marinig.

Oo mare, push pa. Makakahanap din sooner or later.

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5 months ago

Ayaw na lng na dibdiba sis ky ana jud ng parents mgcge compare sa laing tao gni. Ningkamot na lng ka next time. Don't forget to pray lamang jud.

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5 months ago

Naa man gu'y times nga masubraan napud usahay ba. Dili man lamam jud pud ma-appreciate atung ginagmay nga effort. Basta sis uie. Sakit sa buot. Maong dili na laman ko mag-share kung naa ko'y apply-applyan kay makadungog ra gihapon ko'g way laming storya.

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5 months ago

Mgsilent move na lng ka sis ky kung imo ingnon Sila mga expectation ana di na mabangbang hehehe. Utong na lng usa samtang kaya pa hano.

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5 months ago

Mao jud sis. Mao bitaw na ahung gibuhat sa pagkakaron. Kahibaw ka sis, naa ra ko's kwarto permu ug wa ko'y buhat sa among bay. Atubang sa cellphone basta naa la'y wifi. Banghan ko ug magstay ko ug dugay sa sala tas kami ra kay murag mautro ang vibes.

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5 months ago

Ouch, too much... I also vacant this moment and no one pressured me to do so 😅 I explained to them my plan and restart my studies and it's fine, just that I said I will be the one who will support my own study in the future. Maybe blogging will help for a while because I saved up some, but it won't last forever so maybe I will took a sideline. I was just laughed when my uncle tried to call a work for me, and they rejected me all ahead 😂 "over qualified" daw whahaha sila daw nahihiya... But at the end of the day, we shall have the faith. ❤️

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5 months ago

Kung ganyan lang sana ang pamilya ko sir Eunoia. Pero hindi eh. Lumaki ako sa pamilyang prangka kung magsalita. Pero kahit ganun, pamilya ko pa rin sila.

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5 months ago

Arang ka lisod ng mu feel kag pressure mamsh. Na feel na nako katong wala pakoy work. Sa balay palang ko. Laban lang mamsh! 💪 Muabot ra ang adlaw na gusto nimu mahitabo. Keep praying mamsh. 🙏

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5 months ago

Tinuod jud na Mamsh. Tas labi na kung gikan pud sa ginikanan nimo. Sakit sa buot pero inahan man lagi. Dili man kapugngan natu kung unsay isulte nila. Perp sige ra gud. Saon ta man.

Thank you Mamsh sa concern.

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5 months ago

Bitaw mamsh sakit pag gikan sa parents nato. Basta continue lang mamsh. Positive lang lagi.

You're always welcome mamsh.

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5 months ago

Mao lagi Mamsh. Paita. Pero sige ra laman. Di na laman lagi ko magbanha para pud dili nako makadungog ug storya nga dili maaju gikan nila or ni mama mismo.

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5 months ago

Mao lagi mamsh. Hilom nalang mamsh para dili mu dako mamsh.

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5 months ago

Truth! Para malinawon ang palibot. Haha

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5 months ago

Dili jud lalim ang rejections sis .Pero I know God has a better plan para nimo.Stay strong ta diring dapita sis ha

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5 months ago

Gajud sis. Makapanghupaw nalaman lagi ta'g lawom ani ayy.

Paningkamutan sis. Salamat.☺️

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5 months ago

Y sapayan sis...Pray lang..Giyahan lagi ka ni God.ayaw pagpakawa sa paglaum

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5 months ago

He will sis..Saleg man ko Niya sis.

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5 months ago

tama na sis

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5 months ago

Di man sa karun sis, pero for sure umaabot na.

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5 months ago

Ayaw ana love. Alam ko kaya na nimo ayaw ka wala sa paglaom. E ampo nalang na nato tanan. Challenges lang na nga gihatag sa Ginoo sa imuha I know kaya na nimo salig kaayo ko nimo. Naa rako permi love mo suporta sa tanang desisyon sa imong kinabuhe. I LOVE YOU ❤️

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5 months ago

No worries, nasud rana sa ahung utok pero dili na naho buhaton man. Hahaha.

Kahibaw ko love. Just that, naa rajuy times nga mutukar ahung taytok ja mag-breakdown ko'g kalit.☺️ Ug salig pud ko sa imoha love. I know naa ko'y ikaw. Maong Thank you sa pagpafeel ana diri naho. I LOVE YOU TOO.❤️

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5 months ago

I was feeling like some years back but I decided to leave that spot. I have opted out from anything job application, it's very difficult in my country to secure a job. I applied in so many places, went to many interviews but none yielded any positive result. I'm into laundry business now and it's okay by me than to be getting turned down by these emoloyers

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5 months ago

That's a good thing. What matters now is that you are happy with it my friend Kacy.

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5 months ago