I am not that bad as you think

Blog:232-6th
Date :March 28,2023
Time :9:18am

I don't have anyone to talk to. I wanted to vent out the pain I am feeling right now. Anxiety attacks me again last night after we argued with my husband. It is just so hard for me to bear the pain that my husband causes me.

The situation was I found out from the call logs on his phone that he was talking to his girl co-workmate so I ask him politely what's their topic why they have to talk over the phone but my husband reacted so weirdly, he got mad and he told me I am accusing him, but I am not accusing him I ask him so he can explain his side but as usual or as I expected he always thought I wanted to fight. I have the right to ask coz I am his wife. I was just wondering why of all people or his co-workmates why that girl contact him. He can't answer me with a solid reason so I tried to call the girl, same with my husband she can't give me an exact or direct answer to my question, I even ask her why all her co-workers why he have to call my husband, does she have any contact with other co-workers?

Yesterday, the husband got the chance to talk with the girl and the husband told me that the girl and her husband broke up. It's like the husband was trying to say that I was the reason why that girl and her husband broke up. Like? why me? If that girl is loyal and doesn't do anything stupid why do they have to break up?

Last night I ask my husband why that girl has to call him over the phone. does that girl don't have any other contact with her other co-workmates? My husband started to get mad and even told me that I was the one who cause the trouble with the girl and her husband. Why me? He even felt pity for the girl coz the girl cried as he said that made me react hysterically and throw things all over the floor. I felt so much pain like he was on the side of the girl and what about me, I cried so many times for 3 years of being with him but I never felt that he felt pity for me. I cried so much and even shouted out of anger. I'm fed up I did everything just to make our marriage work. I did a lot of sacrifices just to make our family intact but why? why do I have to be in pain over and over again? I don't deserve to be treated this way.

My face after crying so hard last night and I only slept for 2 hours.

My husband never tried to make me calm down only my eldest daughter try to make me feel okay. I felt bad for my two kids that they have to witness such a terrible situation. I never wish to have this kind of relationship.

Then his mom arrive and was trying to tell me to calm down but no one can dictate to me what to do or what to feel. It's over with us with her son. I regret marrying her son. They already did that even before. Marrying his son is the biggest mistake I ever made.

His parents can't even give us a piece of good advice coz his parents is not a good example as well. His mom told me to just stay and sacrifice no matter what happen like even if we kept fighting but I told her I will never be like you and your husband. You both didn't know what the effect on your children is of having parents who keep fighting. I was from that kind of family. I grew up hearing my parents fighting over and over again. I never wish my kids to witness me and my husband fighting over and over again. So I decided to finally leave my husband. Leaving him for good. I don't care if we are married, marriage is just a piece of paper. Marriage is not a guarantee that you and your partner will stay forever. It takes courage, patience, love, and respect to make it work.

Ending thoughts

For now, I am still trying to find a house for rent, near my workplace. I choose to rent that going back to my parent's house coz I don't want to be in toxic surroundings. I need to have peace of mind and I can only get it if I will stay in a place where I only need to think about my two kids.

Anyway to those who are new to my account, I am sure you have to back-read all the articles related to my husband for a better understanding of why we ended up this way. If you will advise me to have a heart-to-heart talk, then that's useless, I've tried so many times before and I always end up hurt. It's useless talking to someone who thinks that every time I open up something he will think that I am accusing him or I am starting a fight.

Relationship with no respect and love is impossible to last.

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To my ever-dearest readers, upvoters, and likers who still continue to support me up until this time, thank you for your precious time and for your efforts. I love you all.

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