▌█║▌║▌║ ║▌║▌║█│▌
SCAN TO SEE YOUR WORTH
error.
error
error
*worth cannot be found.*
try again
But listen to this music first
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_x2VkkzyDo
Maybe you are seeking for something that's already in you, you're just looking the wrong way and maybe the reason why you feel worthless at times is because you believe you really are. When in fact you are more than enough.
you are already enough.
and you don't need anyone's validation.
there's no grading system to be qualified as a human being. We are all unique in our own ways.
Stop searching for meaningless judgement, and quit wandering around paths that you're not sure of just to be like everybody else. You don't have anything missing, you are already equipped with everything you need to be who you are.
*Just because you don't rhyme doesn't mean you can't be a poem*
*free verses don't follow rules*
*but their peculiarity makes them stand out*
Just because may not be able to do what others can do, doesn't mean you can't do anything.
you've got something that some people don't
you can do something that nobody else can.
Trust yourself and your ability to see how worthy you are and you will find that you have always been enough.
-abrilata
REST
This is for the Silent Escape -
for hearts to go beyond their shelters,
for the dreams and desires of a hopeful soul
trapped inside a growing vessel.
This for the missing piece
that you haven't found yet
but don't mind searching,
even if it takes you a hundred miles
and a thousand years.
This is for the tears
that have dried up inside your pillow,
for the blankets that temporarily warm your skin
on the coldest nights with frozen bones.
It's for the pain and scars
that grow with you for ages,
yet you never show the world
how injured you are.
This is for your strength,
for feeling exhausted
but still standing up
to resume your journey.
This is for your mind
that swirls with the thought of giving up,
but you're scared of even trying it.
This is for receiving
the painful treatment of life,
yet you never complain.
This is for you
who's always reminding everyone
that you have their back,
even though you know
no one has yours.
This is for you who have been so alone
but never left your heart in shivers.
This is for taking care of yourself,
for making your heart so beautiful
that it emits light that stays even eyes closed.
This is your time,
and this is for your healing.
I am rooting for you , whoever you are, I know God has a plan for you
You might not find your purpose right now the way other people already found theirs but I know there will be a perfect time for everything.
You are worth it. You are loved.
Question
You fought too hard
just to give up in the end.
You hurt yourself
Just to love someone.
You survived Just to surrender
but can you still call it a wise choice?
When you gave him life
but you forgot you used to have your own.
That is a question I would like to ask for those people who burned themselves like a candle just to give others light.
wake up.
choose a love that will show you how love truly works, not one that will leave you questioning your worth.
I first posted it to other platform a year ago and a fellow poet commented
*To give up/surrender is sometimes the wisest choice. Such as an abusive relationship, you give and give, try and try but they only take and think of themselves. You can love them but the wisest choice is to leave.*
leaving doesn't mean you are weak. when in fact sometimes it is the bravest decision one could make
love--> pain --> chances--> love--> pain--> chances--> pain
the cycle repeats
if love is no longer present
and pain is all what's left,
ask yourself a question
is it still a wise choice?
one mistake is forgivable, same mistake maybe is worth a second chance
but a repeated mistake turns into a habit and you have to reevaluate what's really best for you
if that habit is not easy to break
and the cycle keeps on going.
someone has to cut it. Someone has to end it
--
I created all the gif in this article
all text are mine and original
-abrilata
You will love again
You set your limits,
and promised yourself,
from this day on,
you won't believe in forever.
They hurt you so much,
that you no longer feel the pain.
So, next time they offer love,
you won't return the same.
Your heart is filled with hatred,
from multiple wrecks,
you found comfort
in scars and broken pieces left.
You hate to love,
claiming there's nothing left to give,
but trust me, love,
you will love again.
I wrote this after talking to a friend who have lost interest in everything including love. Because of a Dark past and painful memories she no longer believe in second chances.
Those people that she treasured did nothing but cause her trauma that leads to her depression. She invested too much feelings with the thought of getting the same thing in return.
but what happened was too cruel to even think of and because of what happened,
she no longer believe in love.
I understand where she's coming from
because I did feel the same thing once.
from my experience , its almost as scary as diving into a hole . You wouldn't know where will you land , you wouldn't know what lies ahead however taking that 1% leap of faith can also be incredibly rewarding.
When we give ourselves the chance to love again, we open ourselves to endless possibilities of experiencing joy, connection and intimacy to that person. While there is a risk of getting hurt, the potential benefits of a fulfilling and loving relationship are worth it.
It is indeed scary but at the same time, it's also courageous and worthwhile decision. Its fine to feel uncertain and to take things one step at a time.
our feeling is valid and it is understandable to feel hurt or discouraged after previous wreckage. But It is Important to remember that pain is temporary and healing is possible.
Yes it may take some time and you may take a rest, take some time to heal and focus on yourself.
when the time is right, you will love again
" *It's so hard loving*
*When your heart is broken*
*And you're left there bleeding through the cracks*
*But in time I know that it will heal*
*'Cause no one's ever fully broken in the end*
*You will love again*"
--John Michael Howell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTflHxocDcI
abrilata : evening solace
She's not Ariel
*Her golden hair*
*And rosy lips,*
*Her dreamy eyes*
*And curves and hips.*
*she dance in waves*
*She sings in pain*
*She can't be touch*
*By drops of rain.*
*When she's alone*
*She swim above*
*And just like us*
*She fell in love.*
*And think about*
*If she wants to stay*
*or love someone*
*So far away.*
*She gave up all*
*Her precious voice*
*Thinking that*
*It'll be good choice.*
*From tails to toe*
*She went to earth,*
*Never thought*
*That she'll get hurt.*
*She doesn't know how*
*Her heart stops beating*
*As she understands now*
*how to feel like drowning.*
*She faced the consequence*
*And turns into a seafoam*
*but she still see the man as an ocean*
*She still sees him as her home.*
-abrilata
Freed
Before the closet breaks
and door split in two
before the lights turned off
and walls enclose this freedom
I'll hold my tears
I'll bite my tounge
and let these words
bleed
and let these words
wander
like a hurricane.
All the remnants
of midnight whispers
will rise with pride
and fragments of secrets
will reform like it was meant
to be sang by voiceless
memories
left untouched.
sharps will fall from
enraged mouths
and hurt this beating organ
inside my ribs
eyes will stare
in full digust
and make me feel
so low and unwanted.
for I am something
undefined-unknown
my emotions are taught to be
somewhat cursed and sinned
I am freeing myself
out of my own rope
this love that I have
glows more than the afternoon sun
It will blind those who are blind of truth
but I will remain glowing
and my light will let me live
like its my first time to be alive.
-abrilata
Somewhere in Ann Arbor
How many times do we have to ask ourselves what is missing? What else do we need to achieve that happiness? and If we already got everything that people say good for us, why? why do we still feel empty?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BON7k7Pb0d0
`" Somewhere in Ann Arbor there's`
`A broken traffic light`
`Blinking softly for an audience of one"`
Sometimes when we are clouded with thoughts, we usually find comfort in most unexpected places.
Busy street.
have you ever tried going out for a bit, just taking a walk to breathe some air and let your feet lead you somewhere because you feel like nights are too overwhelming for you.-- It calms you down yet it is somewhat drowning and that's too much to carry on your chest.
Its not a surprise anymore that when midnight strike, this is when our feelings became more vulnerable, our senses are wake and the emotion keeps ranging and filling our insides, making us a prison of our own thoughts.
The first stanza tells a secret that's about to unfold.
those lonely streets became his companion and the broken traffic light is his witness.
`A boy who takes his comfort in`
`The shelter of the night`
`And stays up until the morning just because`
Aren't we all once became like this boy ? staying up until morning just because.
maybe because our thoughts are too loud that we cant even hear our own heartbeat.
when that happens, we are defeated by non other than ourselves.
Imagine, running from something that scares us
but how can we run from ourselves? . right? how?
`Somewhere in Ann Arbor there's`
`An empty parking lot`
`Where he likes to go and look up at the moon`
The sky, stars, the moon, the universe sometimes talk to us and because we're too busy fixing ourselves, Their answers and signs are often ignored.
but when we got no one, and wanted someone to see us as how we wanted to be seen, we look up above and wish that someone out there is listening and someone out there stare at us as how we stare at the moon.
peaceful, healing, genuine
`Ask himself where things went wrong and`
`Why he feels so caught`
`And hopes that things start`
`Changing someday soon`
For those people who feel the same , for people who are too confused to analyze what's happening, what went wrong, why is it so hard to figure everything out
for those people who wanted to speed up time just to skip the hurdles and chaos.
you know, we can't slow down the time
we can't expect something to change
if we're afraid to accept what really it is that we need to change deep down.
`he's got it all`
`He's got the life that they all`
`Said that he would want`
`And oh, he's got it good`
`So why the hell can't he`
`Start feeling like he should`
he's got everything . But all that everything is something that he don't really own.
When can we really say its ours, when it's other's decision, it's their voices, it's what they want for us in the first place.
we have it, but we can't really claim it.
This is what will happen when we keep on choosing other's decision for us instead of making our own.
We will blame them in the end, but in reality
it's us. They did that to us
because we let them.
`Somewhere in Ann Arbor there's a`
`Table set for two`
`Where he'd like to find some company to share`
`Spends the evening spilling his whole`
`Life to someone new`
`Perfect smile and ribbon in her hair`
when lonely souls got no one, they will seek some sort of companionship
We all have this character side.
we wanted to exhaust our youth and live like there's no tomorrow give almost everything for a temporary happiness
`Somewhere in Ann Arbor there's a`
`Vacant hotel room where`
`He leaves all of his lovers high and dry`
`Pretends he's got the thing they want`
`And when he has them fooled`
`He crumbles and escapes into the night`
This is where the story end
a secret of being weak and coward; that's when you look at it superficially
but to dive deeper.
again,
how can someone give something
when he doesn't have it in the very first place?
how can we give our whole self to someone
when you don't know who we really are in the very first place?
how can we give reassurance and love
when we, ourselves don't know where to find it?
2:33 Am
Midnight Playlist
Anson Seabra's Somewhere in Ann arbor from Songs I wrote in my bedroom
3/15
-abrilata
Emerald eyes
*If destiny’s child has a song titled Brown eyes,*
*Billie Eilish has an ocean eye,*
*Kelly Clarkson has a song behind these hazel eyes,*
*Anson has emerald eyes*
*wink*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Z4gKL2XAfQ
Your eyes reveal what your mouth couldn’t express there are gazillions of emotions hidden inside a person who’s scared to show what he/she really feels. But eyes never lie.
Sometimes, you get to feel the person’s feelings when you look straight into their eyes, happiness, lonesomeness, hope—love
The first thing I noticed in this song was the way how the lyrics were made.
Anson is so considerate that he did not use pronounce *She/her/hers and he/him/his*
love is universal you can love whoever you want to love and you get my point.
You are free to send this to your loved one. No matter who he/she is,
Bonus if he/she has an emerald eye.
doesn't matter if you don't have that someone because this song will let you feel a million emotions enough for you to listen to it on your own and play on repeat because it will hug you and give the comfort you need.
The warmth of his voice, the soft piano in the background, the lyrics that tell a story
A whole lot of love in a single piece of a song.
Imagine a long drive and a time for yourself and you play this song while passing on a greeny field, the sky is ambered color and you notice that the sun is about to set. You opened the window and feel the cool wind.
Then you will think of someone you love
Or someone from your past
Someone you want to be with
Or someone you haven’t found yet
You’ll wonder if there is somebody out there who can see your soul through your eyes
You’ll wonder if you’ll receive the same warmth, you have given them.
Or if there’s none yet, you’ll think of a question “when?’
--
For those who already found their loved one, I am hoping for a love that never changes
For those who wanted to come back to someone, I am hoping for a love that never forgets
And for those who still wait for someone, I am hoping for a love to come to you in torrents.
You may be lost for a moment but soon, *I believe, you will find the person you can call your home.*
Midnight Playlist (2/15)
Anson Seabra's album: Songs I wrote in my bedroom
Title: Emerald eyes
Dawning of Spring
If there's a song that triggers my memories it would be Anson's
both the happiest and painful times that were tucked yesterday come to me in a heartbeat and it made me realize that I am still a human.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B2ZW50HZvk
*for me, this song primarily conveys innocence and reckless love-- a memory that we wanted to go back to when the present world fails us. But of course, that is impossible and the only back door is through dreaming.*
`where everything is impossible,`
`live without worrying`
`love without a rush.`
*young love,*
where you can paint your future without judgment.
there's no direction that you need to follow because love, for you, is a continuous adventure.- an endless door of possibilities, happiness, and peace. You don't need to meet people or society's expectations. you don't need to love like everybody else.
*all the memories were free*
as we age, we learn to bottle up all our emotions and memories to protect ourselves from massive self-destruction and we yearn for a place where memories couldn't hurt us.
*Young mind, heart, and innocence*
when a young heart love, everything is pure. Everything seems possible and there's no other feeling but getting lost in the moment.
`the feeling of eternal love`
`the feeling of thousand butterflies`
`the feeling of peace in the arm of the person who made you feel all that`.
and you just want to stop the time and stay young forever.
the sad thing is it's just a dream and the reality will wake you up.
Midnight Playlist (1/15)
Anson Seabra's album: Songs I wrote in my bedroom
Title: Dawning of Spring
Memories we had
What if we have past lives?
And we were just born again and again to a different body that we wished we have.
*But we just don't know it because we don't appreciate the body we're in right now.*
What if we wished for this body before?
But time just took our memory away?
We say now, that dreams are better than reality because
We can be whoever we want to be or be with whoever we want to be with.
What if the beautiful dreams that we're experiencing every night were not just dreams,
But a fragment of our memory a long time ago.--Reminding us, begging us to remember them even in a way of what we called *dreaming*.
And then, there will be a nightmare after that.
And I know nightmares are scary
because we can feel the fears,
the pain,
we're not able to move, and yes.
When we're having nightmares we all are about to die.
What if they're not just nightmares?
What if they are some tragic memory of ours before?
the transition from one body to another body.
and memory fade inch by inch
But we don't want it to happen
So we'd fight the time using a clenched fist.
But we failed
And as we go to another body
All we can do is cry.
And we'll born again to another body
As a baby
and we'll cry after getting out of the womb
*because the memories that we're holding*
*are slowly slipping away.*
2am thoughts
Seven days spectrum
Sunday morning
Cold coffee on the table
Chapped lips
Covered with crimson Red tint.
Walk outside
Like nothing happened last night.
Monday noon
Sitting on the bench
Having a marmalade
Shades on
To cover my swollen eyes.
Tuesday sunset
Amber dress
Yellow snickers
Yellow bag.
Down the street
Head turner as they call me
But inside I know
From this pale skin
I hide faded memory.
Wednesday afternoon
Tired as well
Staring at the horizon
And see nothing
But your eyes
As bright as the emerald
Then I haven't notice
That even my shadow left me
Like you did.
Thursday shade
Sky changed hue
Barefooted on sand
Leaves dances on waves
The sky is redder than ever
But I am feeling blue.
Friday night
From here I see
City lights sparkling.
The taste of whiskey
Lingers on my tongue
And all I wanted to do
Is to blend with these indigo walls.
Saturday's dawn
Lamppost flickers on the street
I am still awake
Escaping these ashed pain and inside bruised
By being numb
By turning into lilac's bush
*From seven days*
*I lived as a paint*
*As colorful as the spectrum*
*And then you came*
***as a paint stripper.***
2am colours
Diving in your universe
🛸 🌎 ° 🌓 • .°• 🚀 ✯
★ * ° 🛰 °· 🪐
. • ° ★ • ☄
▁▂▃▄▅▆▇▇▆▅▄▃▁▂.
*Before you say you made me whole*
*Then why have I kept on searching for my pieces until now?*
*Before you boast that you love me*
*Why do I ask myself since when?*
*And before you claim that you hold my heart.*
*Why do I feel like there's something wrong?*
*so I pause*
*And remind myself that its enough*
*To believe that your flame has lived in me*
*but all I felt was smoke.*
*I think it's enough.*
*To say lies to make me feel better.*
*I knew it ever since that when you said you'll stay,*
***It only means for now*****.**
*That when you say you love me*
*You mean for a moment*
*and I remember our moment*
*that sunny morning when you've said*
*You'll return before the sun goes down*
*And then I wait with eyes open*
*And cried because my shadow started to appear.*
*And so I realized that I've been lost for a long time.*
*Seeking for you instead of myself*
*Been addicted to the ecstasy of love I thought it was.*
*Been swimming in shallow water not knowing that it'll drown me to death.*
*Been climbing the highest trees*
*And the desire has made me climb higher and higher*
*Not even thinking about how to get down.*
*Been waiting for the rain not to get wet.*
*but to be with me*
*so I am not the only one crashing on the ground.*
*My heart was young and I wanted to discover things that'll make it grow.*
*and accidentally found you*
*And accidentally flatters me*
*And you accidentally pushed me to get into your universe*
*I float,*
*I dive,*
*I flew*
*and It feels like heaven*
*To be with someone who no longer holds this universe*
*But became the universe itself for me.*
*But its getting worse*
*I could no longer breathe my air*
*And in all accidents,*
*there is an exemption.*
*It is the pain I felt.*
*I deserve this pain.*
*Because I chose to love.*
*I know when to stop*
*And I did it already.*
*it hurts but I know it'll get worst*
*if we continue these lies*
*I don't want to remain broken*
*And you won't even notice that I'm already gone*
*Right Before you say goodbye.*
`2 am voices`
Wall and Brick
*These are just some quick drawings I made during those heartaches and lonely times lol.*
*luckily I can express them through short stories, animation, drawings, etc.*
*It somehow helped my anxiety so I'm dropping it all here hehe.*
Have you ever cried in silence that your throat hurt so much you can't even say a single word?
well, my love is drifting away, and I can't do something about it.
THIS IS A SHORT STORY ABOUT WALLS AND BRICK
There was a wall
In a garden full of roses,
and a brick
who's always afraid of rain.
The brick started
to run away,
and a hole
suddenly appeared in the wall.
The wall decided
to seal the empty hole
While brick
lost its home
The brick started to conceal
the emptiness and longing,
and the wall decided
to strengthen itself.
The wall felt contentment
and kept its distance
from thorns and roses,
While brick lived a life
full of rain .
after long years,
the two crossed paths again;
and Brick apologize
to wall instantly.
Wall accepted the apology
almost immediately
But he showed to brick
that the hole has been filled already.
- The end -
I*t is indeed true that sometimes, you'll only realize the value of a person when you lost them.*
*Our mind is clouded with thoughts, fears, and what if's that we didn't even notice that we're being self-centered.*
*we left people behind and save only just ourselves.*
*But when all the things we did, kick in, we'll soon admit our mistakes.*
*we always thought of ourselves and we thought that their world is revolving around us so, we can stupidly think that we can just go back and return to their arms.*
*but life doesn't play your rules*
*and stories don't always end with a happy ending.*
*it's wrong to play with people's feelings*
*and everything will only make sense*
*when it's all too late.*
noon cries
Feelings
*I grew life inside my body*
*While my fears swarmed inside and devoured it.*
*My hands move on their own accord*
*Scratching my skin until it bleeds,*
*Stretching out 'till it reached my spine.*
*I heard the crack, and I feel it spreading all over my parts*
*My nails started digging*
*Broken lines on the back of my left hand*
*and these angry teeth took over by pulling the skin out*
*tearing it straight up to my shoulder.*
*There's blood everywhere*
*And my bones finally found their way to get out.*
*So I started counting*
*As they made their final relay.*
*Ready set go.*
*I, myself was their only audience,*
*So I cheer them up,*
*My voice is shaking*
*Go, go, go.*
*I scream " Go,*
*run,*
*leave." And I stopped.*
*I feel the sting.*
*And it started to contain me.*
*I search where it came from.*
*Not from my skin,*
*Not from my bones,*
*But from my throat*
*From my last words.*
*Go, run, leave.*
*Then it finally hit me.*
*I didn't realize that those words are more painful*
*than the pain itself.*
*I know from that moment as the tears blurred my eyes,*
*And few of my words clogged my throat,*
*Aside from my own pieces and skin and blood and bones,*
*There's one thing I can't seem to let out,*
*Feelings.*
afternoon cries
Fall back
*He'll come to you showing his heart bleeding*
*Sobbing, cursing telling you that she left.*
*And you'll give him comfort*
*Then you spend nights healing his scars, listening to his cries, sowing his heart back to its place,*
*And he'll get used to it.*
*But every time it happens,*
*He looks at you and asks why does it feel*
*Like it's always the first time*
*When in fact it is a never-ending cycle?*
*Then you left without even thanking her.*
*And come back begging for another healing*
*But she's done serving you.*
*We'll soon realize*
*That there are two types of people in this world*
*The one that we love the most and spend the rest of our whole life with that losing this person is not a big deal 'cause we know they'll come back.*
*Destiny will bring them back to us*
*And the one that we can never ever hold into our arms*
*But staying by their side makes us so alive and breathing is much easier*
*and we know that if we lose this person*
*We will lose them forever*
*So we will hide them in our most sacred place*
*Protected and untouched.*
2am whispers
In love in silence
*Our love has finally arrived*
*But this time we are on our own journey*
*Losing each other halfway*
*But our memories never left.*
*We remain silent,*
*Finding each other in secret.*
*Like how we discover a song,*
*And suddenly fells in love with it.*
*And getting bothered*
*That a time may come*
*And everyone will say it's their favorite.*
*It wasn't ours, to begin with*
*yet we claim it and keep it to ourselves*
*But at the same time,*
*we know*
*That a masterpiece deserves to be heard*
*By the whole world.*
*Like how euphoria filled our hearts*
*Every time we visit places that we only saw in magazines.*
*How we love to pull out our little cameras and capture random things we found interesting.*
*Dewdrops,*
*busy streets,*
*skyscrapers,*
*sunsets,*
*lamppost --sky*
*Pictures that weren't supposed to be shared*
*It doesn't need to be judged,*
*it doesn't need to be criticized.*
*For we know that it's already perfect in our own eyes.*
*That's how we define this love of ours*
*This love that we keep in our safest place*
*So no one can destroy it.*
*We understand we are happy,*
*we accept*
*we forgive*
*We don't have to explain and*
*Nobody has to know.*
12 am whispers
Midnight colors
`1am`
*Standing on the balcony,*
*Hearing footsteps down the road.*
*I want to feel the wind.*
*But the fan on the chair gives enough air*
*to dissolve all my sweats.*
*My eyes start to soar;*
*But I ain't tired yet*
*I can still feel the caffein through my veins.*
*Heavy breathing;*
*Rapid palpitation;*
*Numbness all over my body;*
*rise and fall of my chest;*
*Burning bones;*
*chilling blood;*
*blurry sight.*
*This is what I really want,*
*as how I see it more clearly.*
*When I am not wearing eyeglass.*
*The city is in a deep sleep*
*The light of the remote buildings-- mixed in colors*
*a perfect blend in darkness.*
*Picturing a blurry lifeless scenery*
*appearing like a bokeh from a distance*
*This is the real spectrum*
*roaming around the city every night*
*yet no one noticed*
*that such beauty exists.*
Pahinga
Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata,
at nahimbing sa saliw ng banayad na musika,
at ako ay napunta,
sa dako kung saan nahihimlay ang mga ala-ala.
Marahil ala-ala ng nakaraan,
marahil ala-ala palang na nakaabang
lugar kung saan nagiging malaya
ang puso na umibig nang hindi nagkakasala.
sa panaginip na iyon
naramdaman ko ang pahinga.
sa mga bisig mo mahal
aking naala-ala
ang iyong mga haplos
at pag-ibig na ipinaramdam
kasama ka sa tahanan
na tayo lang ang nakakaalam.
mundo kung saan walang oras
na kailangang habulin
mundo kung saan
matatawag ko na ikaw ay saakin.
ikaw ang pahinga
at nais na hantungan
ikaw ang sa dulo
ang nais na mahagkan
ikaw ang pahinga
ikaw ang sandalan
ang pangarap
ang nais na makamtam
sa pagmulat ng mga mata
hindi batid kung naroon ka pa
kaya't sa sandaling pahinga
aalalahanin ko ang pakiramdam
na kasama ka.
`3am : Tahimik na ang lahat at puso nalamang ang maingay`
Cut or keep
*If we want to grow a plant, we have to be a good gardeners*
*And to be a good gardener, we have to know what’s good for our plants*.
if your plant is dying, you have to look for the problem
is it because of the plant itself?
Or because you handle it the wrong way?
If you saw a pest what would you do?
Keep it? Or eliminate it?
If you saw an infected leaf would you keep it?
Or would you cut it?
**In life, there are people that we need to keep**
**And there are people that we need to cut off**
I remember one quote that I have come across on the internet
That In our life, there are three different people that we should never forget
***Those who have helped, those who have left, and those who have put you in difficult times***
**1. Those who have helped us in our difficult times**-
they are the one that we need to keep. In my own experience, there were moments that I almost give up because of this tough life but I have friends/family who constantly reminded me that life is really messy and It’s all in my hand if I’m going to do something to make my life worth it or just let all my problems control over me. Without them I don’t think I can do it, I don’t think I can move forward.
**2. never forget those people who left us in our difficult times.**
We need to remember that person, who among us loved the idea of being left behind? None right? We don’t want to be that person. We don’t want to be that cruel, we have to remember it so we won’t turn into that kind of person. We will not be doing the same thing to others. We know what it’s like to be left behind and we don’t want anyone to experience the same thing so, we will change our approach. In that way, we can prove to them that we are a strong people by not keeping hatred but turning it into something useful and beautiful. They might have their own reason why they left you/us It’s fine to ask questions I know it is hard, but we have to respect their decision.
**3. Never forget those people who put us in our difficult times.**
I personally encountered people who have been the reason why I am experiencing dilemmas and tough times. In my opinion, those are the ones that we need to cut off in our lives. Just straight to the point eliminate them. Toxicity is harmful, does no good and we don’t need them in our lives. Never forget them. Those difficulties that you’ve been through, remember them. Hold it because that’s how we will learn things further.
`If we want our life to grow`
`we need to keep what we need to keep`
`and we need to cut what we need to cut.`
That’s it
You are a gardener and you take control of your plant.
No one else.
I want to hear silence again
I want to hear silence again
When my mind went empty and I forgot what peace feels like,
I ask God for words- for noises enough to fill this most complex organ inside this aging vial.
And then I woke up hearing the flat line.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeppp!
Buzzing and ringing and hissing and whizzing – yet the room I’m in is completely immersed in a void of silence. I felt the sudden ache in my neck after looking left and right; from the ceiling above my head – and the wooden floor beneath my feet. I stomp the ground, I tapped my table , I scratch my window, I hum, I spilled my coffee, I wiped the stain, had shaken my blanket, throw the mirror and hit my head yet nothing sounds exactly what I’m hunting for
Where does the Sound come from?
I went outside for a little walk. Hoping to find some healing. Seeking for escape and it leads me to a portal of constant chaos. I feel it everywhere the ache of hearts, the war between people, hatred, anger, guilt, greed, and envy, and resentment but with just a single click of a button, all were hidden in a mask of smiles – and labeled it as “happiness”
Running away with both hands covering my ears
as the noises in my heart turned into silent tears
I can still hear the high-pitched sound reigning in my head.
Scarier than the monster under my bed.
4 am :
Tinnitus aka ringing in ears,
this is something I never thought I'd experience
and I am wishing for one thing. silence
I am choosing none
*It's all ups and downs but I am in between.*
*I traced my steps back from where I've been*
*the sins I have committed--those mistakes I've done*
*The regret remained here but the hope is long gone.*
*If I had the ability to retrieve what I've lost;*
*Then I consider my life dull and empty.*
*If I would fight, I would fight at all cost*
*But that won't change anything in me.*
*Perhaps there'll be a satisfaction*
*If I resume my run.*
*But If I am to choose between stopping and go on*
*Then I am choosing none.*
*'cause If I stop there would be no tomorrows*
*If I go on then there's no way I can go back*
*If I want get rid of all my past sorrows*
*Moving forward is a must.*
*But I am in between*
*It's like choosing both important things*
*And choosing means losing the other one*
*So again, I am choosing none.*
*No doubt struggles have caused me*
*Not to believe that life is an option*
*But at the same time it’s the same reason*
*Why I became a better person.*
*No doubt , pain has caused me*
*Not to trust and not to believe*
*Yet pain has also taught me*
*How to forget and forgive.*
*If I have the ability to recreate it all*
*And come out from my hiding*
*I might achieve a perfect life.*
*But still, I won't change a single thing*
I am writing this for you
I am writing this for you
Just in case you feel lost;
Just in case you feel like giving up.
Please know that I believe in you
that someone, somewhere on the other side of the world
is wishing and rooting for you to go on.
I know you don't know me;
I am just a stranger merely a person
who's words would want to remain here on earth
and in silence , I am writing for you.
Just in case you think no one would ever care
just in case you think you didn't matter.
I am just someone who will remain small and unnoticed but
my spirit is kindling and flaming and I know God will notice
this passion- that there's a small human being praying in secret for
another stranger
for his life to continue,
I am writing this for you.
Just in case you feel so empty
and needed a friend to lean on.
I am giving these words a life
so it will reach you wherever you are.
I know there's magic in words
that can hear someone's secrets
I am listening.
I am here.
I am writing this for you
I am writing this with all my heart
and I am hoping it will reach you in no time.
I believe in you
I believe that you can
I believe that you will surpass everything
I believe that you'll get through it
I believe that you will continue
I believe that you will go on
I believe that you will live.
so I am writing this for you
I am writing this because the word
still need you.
Don't leave us.
2 am . I know you're going through something hard and heavy.
I am here
I am listening
cry it out
and start again.
Sa taong hindi ko pa nakikilala
Matagal na akong sumusulat ng tula para saiyo
Ngunit hindi kita kilala.
Nais kitang masilayan bago pumikit anga king mga mata.
Dahil ang oras ay may katapusan.
Hindi ako habang buhay makapagsusulat ng mga kataga
at hindi rin ako habang buhay mananatili sa mundo.
NASAAN KA?
Huwag mo'ng ilisan ang paglalakad
Dahil baka sa mali'ng direksyon ka mapunta.
Nandirito ako sa dulo.
Nag-aabang ng pagkatok mo sa aking pintuan.
Ngunit kung sakali'ng hindi ka dumating bago magtakipsilim,
Maghihintay parin ako.
Dadalhin ko na ang lampara,
kumot at unan.
kung sakaling hindi ka makarating,
Ayos lang,
magdadala ako ng kape,
Magdadala ako ng balabal.
At kung hindi ka parin makakarating bago pa pumuti
ang aking mga buhok,
AYOS LANG.
kukulayan ko muli ng itim ang bawat hibla,
maglalagay alo ng kolorete sa mukha.
Para maabutan mo manlamang ako'ng maganda at kaakit-akit
kahit na saglit lamang.
At kung hindi ka parin dumating,
bago ako dalawin ng panghabang-buhay na himbing,
AYOS LANG.
Dahil nagawa ko'ng magsulat ng maraming tula para saiyo.
Ayos lang dahil nagawa ko ito'ng mag-isa
Ayos lang kasi nagawa ko'ng maghintay
Ayos lang kasi nagawa ko'ng hintayin ka.
Kahit pa alam ko'ng naghihintay ako
sa taong hindi ko pa nakikilala.
3am: mga kataga na kabilang sa aking lumang pahina na nooy nailimbag
bunga ng paghahanap sa taong hindi ko pa nakikilala.
ilang taon nang ligaw ang aking puso
at hindi ko namalayan na nasa tabi ko lamang pala yung matagal ko nang hinihintay.
Alam kong hinintay mo rin ako hindi lang sang ayon ang tadhana sa ating dalawa.
at kahit pa natagpuan na natin ang isa't-isa, hindi parin mawawala ang takot na baka
bukas makalawa--- maglaho ang iyong pag-ibig at maging masaya ka
sa kanlungan ng iba.
-abrilata
Run free
*Human can be our best friend*
*Dogs can be our best friend too,*
*But there’s this one distinctive natural trait that is always present in dogs, but most of the humans lacked off*.
***“loyalty”***
I am a dog lover
I believe that they all deserve a home, and just seeing few dogs being , mistreated, or abused tore my heart into pieces. If I am just wealthy, I’ll buy a land and adopt all the forsaken dogs in our town. But that is impossible.
*I don’t even have a single penny in my wallet, lol.*
****Story time****
I had this little puppy that I got last year in April 2020. He’s the sweetest darling I’ve ever had. I always let him sleep on my lap or beside me, and he never failed to wash away all my tiredness and negativities every time I went home from work.
My field of work was full of toxicity, and I could only breathe out every time my shift was over. During those days that I am clouded and problems rain on me, I rely on my puppy—my little ball of sunshine.
His cute little face and big bright eyes that are hidden behind his fur always capture my heart. He loves biting the hem of my shirt, and he’ll look at me when I carry him with just one arm and hug him close to my heart.
I remember whispering my secrets to him and all the things I have never said. But of course, he doesn’t understand everything, and even if he did, I bet he’ll hug me real tight and tell me that everything's going to be just fine.
*But every story has its ending.*
On the same month of September, he left me.
It was pouring outside, and I thought he was just too sleepy, so at first, I let him sleep for the meantime, but all of a sudden, he refused to eat and even drink. Papa went outside to ask a Veterinarian about my puppy’s case, and as far as I remember, he was given a glucose powder. But my puppy still refuses. I was working, so I couldn’t take care of him, and I know that was my fault. On the same night, he let out his last cry and died with eyes open. After that, every day, until today, I can’t help but blame myself for my negligence.
The pain was unbearable, and I couldn’t even explain it through words.
I want to ask him ,
"*hi , can you hear me in heaven?*
*because I pray for your pain to subside.*
*I am sorry for just crying*
*'cause I don't know how to say goodbye.*
*I tried to fight for your life but I failed*
*prayed to God To let you borrow my heartbeat*
*so you'd stay*
*so you'll stay a little more time.*
*Hi, My dear I hope you know I'm the luckiest*
*for you are; the shiniest star and rainbow in one.*
*I tried to fight for your life but I failed*
*prayed to God To let you borrow my heartbeat*
*so you'd stay*
*so you'll stay a little more time.*
*I had to let you go 'though I'm scared*
*that I'd lose my little happiness*
*but you're in pain*
*and that pains me a thousand more time*
*so run free*
play, even without me and don't you worry
I'll remember you always in my heart
https://youtu.be/SKLuU3f0Z2k
If I could turn back time
I'd spend more time with you
12 am: Iam not crying. I am not crying. I am not crying
Lindol
namumungay na ang aking mga mata dahil sa antok--sa mahabang oras ng pagbabasa
naramdaman ko ang marahang paggalaw ng aking lamesa
sa isip-isip ko'y nasagi lang ng aking paa.
Hanggang sa nagpatuloy ang pag-uga
kasabay ng malakas na pagyanig ng lulupa
kulang kulang isang minuto na ramdam ang lindol
alerto dahil marahil mayroon pa'ng pahabol.
Ang tahimik na gabi ay nabalot ng takot at kaba
ngunit uunahin ang kaligtasan ng pamilya.
ang mga nahihimbing kong kapatid ay ginising ng aking ama
at sinabing "bumaba muna".
Ramdam rin ng mga alagang aso
ang lakas ng lindol;
dahil hindi sila mapakali't
kahol ng kahol.
Binuksan ang social media
upang magbasa ng balita,
at nalaman na ang lindol
ay abot hanggang sa metro-manila.
Umulan ng paala-ala
mula sa mga kakilala
mag-iingat ang lahat
"manalangin sa Ama".
Na sana'y ang paglindol
ay walang iniwang malaking pinsala,
na sana't sa paglindol
walang buhay ang ginambala.
Na sana ang Lahat ay ligtas
at walang nasaktan
o walang pininsalang
kabuhayan ng ilan.
Ang lindol ay hindi nahuhulaan
kung kailan darating.
kaya't manatili tayong may alam
sa kung ano ang dapat na gawin.
at bago ako tuluyang mahimbing
panalangin ko sa Ama ay awa at kaligtasan
para sa pamilya
at sa bansang sinilangan
1am nakaramdam ng paglindol ang iba't ibang
lugar sa bayan.
mag-iingat po tayong lahat.
Pag-ibig
Ang pag ibig ay isang sulo ng apoy
Na kapag ito'y tumama lahat ay aapoy.
Hindi lang puso ang gagana kundi utak at katawan.
at sa pag ibig kailangan mong magbigay at masaktan.
ang pag ibig kung minsan ay pagsasakripisyo.
Ibibigay mong lahat kahit walang matira sayo
Dahil ang pag ibig hindi makasarili kundi mapagbigay
Kahit piga kana'y ang lahat ay kaya mong ialay.
Dahil ang pag ibig ay isang regalo
Na maaring sakanya at maaring sayo.
kung bubuksan ang loob ay makikita mo
Na nilaan lang sayo ang nilalaman nito.
Sapagkat sa pag ibig walang pinipiling okasyon ang pagsasabi ng mahal kita.
Kundi dapat ay araw-araw ipakita mo'ng mahal mo sya
At siya ang dahilan ng pagising mo sa umaga
kailangan mo pari.'ng ngumiti malungkot man o masaya.
ang pag ibig ay binubuo ng malawak na pag iisip
At maluwag na pagtanggap.
Kung hindi para sayo ay dapat mong matanggap
Dahil ang pag ibig ay hindi namimimili ng mamahalin.
Kusang makakaramdam ka na dapat syang mahalin
Pagkat sa pag ibig walang pinipiling itsura
Dahil sa mata ng nagmamahal lahat ay maganda.
Sa pag ibig kailangan rin ang pagtanggap ng buo
at pagbibigay ng hindi lalabag sa puso.
Ang pag ibig ay hindi lamang para sa'yo o sakanya.
Kundi para sa mundo mo at para sa mundo niya.
Dahil ang pag-ibig kayang umikot sa kalawakan.
At kaya nitong baguhin lahat o sino man.
Ang pag ibig ay masarap maramdaman sa taong nagmamahal din sayo pabalik.
At tutumbasan ng matatamis na yakap at halik
Dahil ang pag ibig ay ang pinakamalakas na sandata sa mundo.
Ito rin ang kapangyarihang bubuo saiyong pagkatao.
Ang pag ibig ay parang musikang masarap pakinggan
Isang ala-alang masarap balikan
O lugar na dapat mong puntahan
at daan tungo sa walang hanggan.
Ang pag ibig kayang magpabago sayo
Ito nga ang bumuo at ito din ang wawasak saiyo.
Dahil ang pag ibig hindi natatapos sa masayang istorya.
Minsan ang hinahanap mo ay nasa ibang pahina.
Ang pag ibig ay sinlabot ng ulap na hinihigaan mo.
Pero ito nama'y sintalas ng patalim at kutsilyo.
Ang pag ibig oo masarap maramdaman.
Pero ito din ang pupunit sayo ng dahan-dahan
Dahil sa pag ibig hindi lahat magiging pabor sayo.
at tanging damdamin lang ang kalasag mo.
Dahil ang pag ibig ay hindi baril kundi palaso.
Na tanging seswertehin kung ito'y masalo.
1;am ang tunay na pag-ibig ay mahirap bigyan ng depinisyon.
Bitaw na
**Gustong gusto mo ipaglaban yung nararamdaman mo para sakanya. Ngunit ang tanong makikipaglaban din kaya sya?**
Ayaw na ayaw mong pakawalan sya,
Ang tanong gusto ka ba nyang makasama?
Mahirap kapag yung pinapangarap mo ay pinapangarap din ng iba,
At yung pangarap mong kasama sya ay ang pangarap nyang makasama yung pinapangarap nya.
Mahirap kapag gusto mong yakapin sya ng mahigpit at iparamdam sakanyang importante sya.
Pero mas mahirap ang malaman na hindi ka importante sakanya.
Masaya sya kapag kasama ka.
Pero mas masaya sya kapag kasama yung iba
Paano kanalamang ba magiging matapang sa nararamdaman mo?
Kung siya mismo yung dahilan ng kahinaan mo.
Susuko kanalamang ba?
At hahayaan mo kung saan sya masaya?
O ipaglalaban mo yung nararamdaman mo;
Hanggang sa maging pareho ang nararamdaman nyong dalawa?
Gagawin mo ba para sa kanya?
O gagawin mo yung paniniwala mong magbago yung nararamdaman nya?
Paano kung ayaw mo syang pakawalan?
At masaya kang makita siya saiyong harapan.
Pero sya naman tong nasasaktan.
At pinagtitiisan kanalamang?
Pagsisiksikan mo pa ba kung ano yung gusto mo?
Papatunayan mo paba yung nararamdaman mo?
Pagpipilitan mo pa ba yung siya ay makasama ?
O bibitawan ang lahat para lang sakanya?
'Yan ang mahirap 'pag nagmamahal ka,
Minsan hindi palaging pabor saiyo.
Lalo't kailangan din nang pagsasakripisyo.
Pero panghabang buhay kanalamang bang magbibigay at magbubulag bulagan?
Papaano kanaman masusuklian ng parehong nararamdaman?
Hanggang kailan ka maghihintay
Kung yung hinihintay mo ay alam mong hindi na darating sayo?
Aalis kaba? at lilimutin ang lahat?
O paniniwalain mo nanaman ang sarili mo'ng may pagbabago?
Kapag alam mong imposible na
Kapag alam mong ayaw nya talaga
kapag alam mong wala na
at kapag sinabi niyang itigil mo na,
huminga ka ng malalim
sabay bitaw na.
..
2am. hindi basehan ng pagiging matapang
ang kakayahan na ipaglaban ang nararamdaman mo
dahil hindi lahat ng kaya mong ipaglaban ay
gusto na ipaglaban sya.
kaya't ang tunay na basehan ng pagmamahal
at pagiging matapang,ay ang kakayahan
ng pagtanggap at pagpapalaya
Ikaw
Saang dako ko hahanapin
ang lubid na bibigkis sa atin?
Mula sa Mundong tinayo ng kamay nating dalawa
At binuo upang puso'y maging isa.
Saan ako hahanap ng pinakamatibay na pilak
o ginto na babalot sa ating pinagsamahan
Nang sa gayo'y abuhin man ang lahat
huwag lang ang ating pagmamahalan.
Saan ang mga tanong na sabay nating sasagutan,
at ang sagot lamang ay ang TAYO magpawalang hanggan.
Saan ang daang ating tatahakin mula sa ulap,
Na pinagtibay ng lagusang binuo ng pangarap.
Saan ang tubig na papatay sa nagaalab na apoy ng ating damdamin,
Na kailanma'y hinding hindi matatatangay maging ng hangin.
Saan ang kulay na ihahalo sa pinintang pag iibigan nating dalawa,
Na sining lamang ang tanging makapag didikta.
Marami ma'ng pag subok marami ma'ng babala,
Sisimulan ko nang itusok.
Ang tinasahang munting pana.
Handa akong lumaban
Gamit ang sandatang lakas ng kalooban
At kahit manghina nang paulit-ulit ay pilit akong tatayo.
Hilahin mang pareho ay wala paring makapaglalayo
Kahit na tumakbo nang milya sa iisang laro,
Wala paring lugar sa akin ang pagbabalat kayo.
Sinabayan man nang luha ang bawat taon at oras nang ating pagsasasama,
Sa huli ang pangako ay tayo paring dalawa.
At kung sa buhay man ay pagod kana,
Masaktan man ay papasanin parin kita
Handa akong isakripisyo ang lahat sayo lang walang iba.
Dahil hindi mawawala ang rason at salitang "dahil MAHAL KITA".
Ikaw ang pumuno at nagbigay-kasiyahan,
Na dati ay para bang dahon na bumabagsak ng dahan-dahan.
Ikaw ang dumilig sa pusong nilanta nang panahon,
At wala nang puwang pa ang sakit sa kahapon
Dahil ikaw ang humawak sa aking kamay.
At sabay tayong lumakad sa iisang tulay
Walang paghinto walang pagtigil,
Walang tumututol walang pumipigil
At alam ko mang nabibilang nalamang ang aking buhay sa mundo,
gagawa't gagawa ako ng paraan upang mapahaba ito.
Hindi ako bibitaw sa pagkakahawak sa kamay mo,
Mamahalin kita hanggang sa huling hininga ko.
At walang butil ng luhang lungkot kundi kasiyahan ang tutulo mula sa ating mga mata,
Dahil sa huling pagakakataon ay kasama kita.
At sabay tayong tatakbo kung saan sa dulo ay naghihintay.
Ang matiwasay at parehong panibagong buhay,
Masira man ang unang ipininta ay muling magkukulay
Dahil ikaw nalang natitirang rason kung ba't ako nabubuhay
alas dos imedya. itong tulang ito ay naisulat ko , pitong taon na ang nakakalipas
ngunit ang buong damdamin ay nanatili parin.
Maghihintay
Hindi man ngayon,
hindi man bukas.
hindi man sa makalawa
hindi man panghabang buhay.
mananatili akong maniniwala at maghihintay.
sa iyong pagbabalik.
sa muli nating pagkikita.
sa iyong pag alis ang buong akin ay saiyo na ibinigay.
at alam kong malapit kana
sa dako kung saan ako naghihintay.
maghihintay ako sa pangako mo'ng ika'y magbabalik.
at sasalubungin ako ng matamis mong halik.
maghihintay ako sa iyo'ng pagkatok sa aking pintuan.
at sabay nating sasalubungin ang hangganan.
ang hangganan ng mga hapis hilahil at dusa.
hangganan ng sakit at luhaang mga mata.
hangganan at dulo ng mundong lugmok sa bangungot at kasamaan.
lunod sa impluwensya ng panandaliang kasiyahan.
Dulo ngunit sya ring simula ng paglinis ng aking sarili mula sa nakaraan.
kung saan totoo ang buhay na walang hanggan.
doon kung saan walang bangungot at walang mga halimaw na hahabol.
doon kung saan walang ibang tunog ng pagsamo at hagulgol.
Iyon ang tanging pangakong iyong binitawan.
ang nag iisang pangakong aking pinaniniwalaan.
dahil hindi man kita mahawakan,
hindi ka man makita ng mga mata.
nararamdaman ko ang iyong kapangyarihan.
nararamdaman kong nariyan ka.
nagmamasid at naghihintay ng pagkakataon kung saan ilalapat mo ang iyong mga paa.
sa lupa kung saan ang munting binhi mo'y ako at walang iba.
babasbasan ng iyong kamay ang makasalanang lupa
na isyang magiging libingan ng mga hangal na kaluluwa.
Alam kong ang paniniwala sayo ang tanging makapagliligtas saakin sa pagkabaon sa kasalanan.
Luluhod ako habang ibinibigkas ang iyong pangalan.
at sa pintuan kung saan hinihintay kita.
maging abo man ang katawan alam kong darating ka.
marami mang tinig ang humahadlang at humuhusga.
marami mang kamay ang pababang humihila.
hindi ako patatalo, hindi ako patitinag.
Dahil walang kapangyarihan ang dilim kumpara sa liwanag.
hanggang sa huling pag ihip ng hangin,
huling paghampas ng alon sa buhangin,
huling paglubok ng araw sa dapit hapon.
maghihintay ako
panghabang panahon.
(*Huwag kang magmadali handa akong maghintay.*
*Kaluluwa man ay pang abutan.*
*alam kong sisingilin ako ng iyong mga kamay)*
1am poetry: ako'y maghihintay
Not even Deja Vu
The Intangible relic
She just vacated.
Many time passed by
And her life goes wasted.
See how she lost --- lonely offspring.
Alone, waiting, and finding for something.
For the piece of soul to be renewed
There's nothing left for the ingenue.
Her eyes are full of wonder
While staring at the horizon.
Wanting to go yonder.
Carrying all left emotion.
A little girl who is beside me
Cut into shred
soul and her plea
"*bring me back she said"*
Her voice is shaking
as if her life is full of storms and rain.
I feel her spirit;
I feel her suffer from the pain.
She is naïve,
moving in a world she didn't even know.
My heart was stunned
as I watched her go.
I cry to the deepest,
is this what I should see?
A girl begging for the return of her soul
The girl who else but me.
I know there's something left unfixed before
Bring me back before I tore.
Bring me back to the way I used to be.
I'm scared, for I AM now Is not ME.
I want to go back to the past before I broke.
Before I turn to ash and smoke.
But there's no way back.
No bridges, no seas, neither key nor lock.
and I hope someday
I could accept the fact.
That- not even Deja Vu
can bring me back.
2:00am :
Deja Vu is an illusion and feeling that you have already experienced the things that is happening now
I wrote this with the thought of imagining that I am capable of meeting my younger self , back when I was still a kid. I want to tell her that I am doing my best to fix our future so that the dreams that she wrote and listed inside her little diary will come true.
This path that I am taking is too far different from what she have planned and dreamed about . but I am making my own way towards our goal and success.
Time seems a bit slow for me but I'd rather deal with it than wait for things to change over time. I know that won't happen. if it does, I will remain in my place and that would be the end of my dream. So I'll continue.
I will continue this journey even I can't bring back my old self. The challenges that I have experienced changed my perspective in life and I know that is normal and what's more important is that I haven't lost my perseverance and my will to dream.
@abrilata
