ang batang juan dela cruz
"*Inay inay bakit ang iyong kyutiks ay hindi pantay ?*
*Bakit nasa dulo lamang ng hintuturo?*
*bakit kulay asul?*
*Bakit hindi buo?*
*Bakit? Bakit inay?*
*Bakit hindi lahat ng iyong kuko ay may kulay?* "
--
Kawawa naman si Juan dela Cruz na limitado lamang ang alam sa kanyang saring bayan.
mananatiling nagtatanong
At bulag sa katotohanan.
Kawawa naman si Juan dela cruz na lumalakad sa kalsada.
Punit punit ang damit at walang sapin sa paa.
Bata saan ka pupunta?
Ah-- alam ko na kundi sa eskwela.
Ang bag na may mukha ng lalaking nakangiti at nakaimprenta.
Ay nasa likuran at dala dala.
Higit sa paghahangad na may magandang bukas,
Inaabangan nya ang asawa ng babaeng nagbibigay ng tsinelas.
O di kaya ang babaeng ubod ng dunong.
O di kaya yung nang didisiplina
O kaya yung nakatali ang buhok na nakaputi
O kaya yung hindi katangkaran at kayumanggi.
Naghihintay na pag uwi sa tahanan hindi na sya magtataka.
Kung bakit may "KYUTIKS" pati ang Ama.
Si Juan dela Cruz na palaging nagtatanong.
Pero nananatili paring T*nga
Naghahangad sya ng Talino gaya ng mga nasa itaas.
Pero mas gugustuhin nya nalamang magbalat ng patatas.
Dahil ang PATATAS AY GINTO.
Ang kamatis ay GINTO
Ang sibuyas ay ginto.
Aba!! Maging ang patis GINTO!!
Masaya na sya sa Asin na nasa mesa.
Ang kawawang si Juan dela Cruz nangarap nang maging magsasaka.
Dahil baka sakaling Umani rin sya ng gintong palay.
At ang pula,puti, asul at dilaw ay maging kapantay.
Patuloy lamang sya sa matayog na paghahangad
Dahil ang pangangarap nalamang ang natitirang walang bayad.
Pero ang batang si juan,
May kinatatakutan.
Ayaw nyang magkasakit
At sa Ospital pang abutan.
Hindi sya natatakot na mahiga sa kwadradong kahon habang may barong na damit.
Kundi Natatakot sya sa patakarang
"BAYAD MUNA BAGO ADMIT".
Kawawa naman si juan dela cruz.
nasanay nalamang sa pagtitiis.
Natakot nang sumubok.
Natakot nari'ng mangarap.
*Pero tapos na ang KAHAPON.*
Ang kasalukuyang Juan dela cruz ay
Matapang.
kaya ng alamin ang tama at mali.
hindi na sya inosente sa mga bagay-bagay.
Marunong na syang magdesisyon
At higit sa lahat.
Si juan dela cruz ay hindi na puro katanungan.
Sya na ang nagbibigay ng solusyon
Matalino sya
Kaya si Juan dela Cruz?
Hindi nya lahat Iaasa sa kanyang Pinuno.
Magtatrabaho sya,
Magsisipag at tutulong sa pag unlad ng kanyang bansa
Dumaan sya sa parehong baku bako at tuwid na daan.
Magigi syang matalino
Para ang kanyang Juan dela Cruz jr
Ay maganda ang kinabukasan.
At----
at ang asul na likido ay naipatak rin sakanya't napunasan.
hindi pala kyutiks ang nasa dulo ng daliri.
Iyon pala ang tanda ng matalinong pagpili
malapit nang mag alas tres- ako'y iidlip na
ang tulang ito'y matagal ko na naisulat at ibinabahagi ko ito sa platapormang ito
dahil nalalapit nanaman ang halalan.
salamat Ama
Lumilipas ang panahon,
Parang ang bilis ng oras.
Pero ang bagal ng ikot ng mundo.
*Parang paghihintay kong sumikat ang araw tuwing kalaliman ng gabi.*
*Parang papel na iniwan ko'ng walang sulat sa aking tabi.*
Blangko, pero masaya,
Masaya pero parang malungkot.
Parang malungkot pero nakangiti.
Nakangiti pero may luha.
May luha pero panandalian lang.
Buo ako pero parang may kulang..
Hindi ako maghahangad ng kumpletong AKO.
Hindi ko hihilingin na buuin ako.
Dahil sa pang araw-araw na pagharap ko sa hamon
May pagbabago.
Hindi sandali, hindi sobrang bilis, hindi ganun lang, hindi walang kwenta ,
hindi kulang hindi rin sobra.
Nararamdaman kong hinilom na ng panahon lahat ng aking katanungan.
Kahit malabo alam kong mero'ng kasagutan.
Kagaya ng mga normal na araw na paghihintay ko'ng lumipas ang oras at huminto ang panahon.
Hindi ko na hihilingin na manatili kung saan ako naroroon.
Dahil alam kong kailangan kong igalaw ang aking mga paa .
At magpadala kung saan man ako mapunta.
Normal na araw na para bang gigising at bubungad ang bintanang saksi.
Sa kung paano ako gumagalaw,nagsusulat at umiiyak tuwing gabi.
Normal na araw lang.
Oo normal dahil para saakin bawat araw tinitignan ko bilang espesyal
Bawat araw may dahilan kung bakit nagaganap.
Mga araw na nagmasid saakin mula pa noong iyak at tawa lamang ang kaya kong gawin.
Mula pa noong tuhod at kamay palang ang kaya kong gamitin hanggang sa pagtayo ko sa sariling mga paa.
Mula pa noong ipakilala ang mundo saakin ni ama't ina.
Marami ng nangyari, marami ng tawa at iyak ang pinuhunan ko para sa matibay na pundasyon.
Kasama ang mga taong tumutulong at umaalalay sa'akin.
Mula pa ng hayaan nila akong mamili ng direksyon.
Sa kung ano ang dapat at nararapat para saakin.
Pinipili ko nalamang maging masaya habang nililingon ko ang kahapong humubog sa katulad kong maraming katanungan.
Habang nakatingin sa bukas at sa paroroonan.
Kasama ka, kasama sila,
Kasama kayo,
Kasama ang lahat.
Kung saan natuto akong ngumiti, tumawa ,umiyak at masaktan.
*Kung saan tuloy tuloy ang lahat ng nasimulan.*
*At paghingi ng tawad sa lahat ng aking kasalanan.*
*Tawad sa aking mga nalimot at nasaktan.*
*Tawad sa Maykapal sa minsang paglalapastangan.*
*At tawad sa sariling minsang nagpapayakap sa takot at kasinungalingan.*
Hindi dito nagtatapos ang lahat dahil umpisa palamang ito ng aking istorya.
o kaya kwento ng dulaang ako ang bibida.
Marami ma'ng tungkol sa akin ang hindi alam ng iba.
Pero alam ko'ng ang nakakakilala sa akin ay iisa.
Ang pinaka Dakila sa lahat.
Ang dahilan kung bakit ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon upang mabuhay.
Siya na lagi kong kausap sa mga gabing punong puno ng lumbay.
siya na dahilan ng pag-asa sa mundo
siya na dahilan kung ba't mayroong ako.
salamat sa hiram na hininga Ama,
salamat at iyong iminulat ang aking mga mata.
patuloy kang minamahal at sinasamba
ang pagpapala mo ang siyang lakas sa tuwina.
alas dos: mahihimbing palamang ang pagod kong katawan
para sa panibagong bukas at pakikipaglabana kaya't nagpapasalamat ako
sa lakas at buhay na iniregalo saaking ng poong maykapal
ala-ala na tanging ako nalamang ang nakakaala-ala
***Mahal,***
tuntunin mo ang imbakan ng aking nakaraan at ikonekta sa nalimot mo'ng kahapon.
Nalimot mo nga ba? O pinili mong kalimutan gaya ng sinindihan mo'ng apoy sa apat na sulok kung saan pareho tayong nakakulong.
Napalitan ng upos ang init na matagal nating pinagsaluhan.
Mas pinili mo'ng iwanan ako'ng ginaw sa piraso ng ating nakaraan.
nilabanan ko ang kirot sa pag aakalang lumaban karin,
sa pag-agaw sayo ng tadhana
palayo saakin .
***Mali pala, wala namang humadlang***
***Yun pala,-yun pala hinayaan mo lang.***
Habang tinutunton ang ala-ala ko'ng binasag ng isang kahibangan,
Pilit ko'ng pinutol ang pisi na nagtatali sa ating dalawa upang mahabi naman ang "AKO".
Dahil nakakapagod rin pala'ng pumulot ng basagang piraso.
Pero wala parin pala.
Puro nalang ako akala
Hindi ko na alam kung bubuhayin paba ang apoy o hihiling nalamang ako ng ambon,
Hindi ko na alam kung hahabulin ko ang panghabang panahon,
Wala parin pala,
hindi rin ako makakatakas kahit-
Kahit pa lingunin ko manlang ang pareho kong umiiyak na langit.
Mananatili nalang ako sa silid na ito kung saan lumisan ka,
Dahil narito ang lahat-lahat kung saan tayo nag umpisa.
At sana kung sakaling bumalik ka, sagipin mo ang aking katawan na nalunod na sa sariling luha.
Hindi kita hihilahin pabalik , ni hindi rin ako magmamakaawa.
Mahal,
***isusugal ko ang aking ala-ala sa pagbabalik ng saiyo.***
***At kung hindi man palarin.***
***Magpapanggap muli ako.***
Gaya ng pagpapanggap mo na hindi ako totoo.
Pakiusap,
Mahal , tuntunin mo ang imbakan ng aking nakaraan at ikonekta sa nalimot mong kahapon.
Hawak mo man ang tadhana,
Nasa akin naman ang panahon.
dahan-dahan kang lumakad sa bubog na mula sa akin,
Alam kong masakit, pero mahal,
Ang ala-ala ko ay ala-ala mo narin.
--
alas dos imedya -
ito and mga salita na nananatili sa aking kwaderno ng maraming taon
at ngayon ay hinahayaan nang lumaya.
sepulcher under the northern light
My love,
after all the lightning,
thunder and hard rains,
You still stun with your magnificent beauty.
Your lying hair,
those eyes even closed,
the thick lashes are still alive,
With your pretty white clothes.
Under this tenebrific night
which is covered by the stars and moon,
To marry you under iridescent aurora
- we'll make it soon,
Your dreams are my dreams,
Your beams are my beams.
Your scars are my pain,
Your tears are my rain.
My love, it's your voice
the music that I missed,
And the first time you gave
your very last kiss.
I longed for the warmth of your hand
that I used to hold.
We're entwined by tears right now
With your body's ice cold.
I remember your laugh
-those days that we've been through.
I thought to make it last without existing hue;
My love,
It's been a while
since my whole world was gone.
I started our story,
and you left it undone.
Yes, your beauty remains
in your lovely face,
Yet soon, your soul
will leave this place.
You will be out of my reach for now.
But I wouldn't let go of our sacred vow.
And when the horizon reaches the night
We will marry under the northern light.
With both coldness, I'll make it right.
For my body will rest , better by your side.
Soon we'll be the stars, and sooner will be ether.
With both souls as one, in a sepulcher forever.
*"Your dreams are my dreams, Your beams are my beams.*
*Your scar will be my pain.*
*Your cry will be my rain.*
*Your breath will be my breath.*
*~~Your death will be my death."~~*
1am poetry: endless love
No, you will never be a flower
***you are not a flower , and you'll never be one.***
I know who you are.
You're the most beautiful creature that God ever made.
You are the offspring of love.
Your beauty doesn't fade.
You're once a seed,
Once molded by sun and shower
By then, you're freed,
And they've said you're worst to be a flower.
As the time came, You gained ages.
You hide and grow some edges.
Others mock you.
Others laugh at you.
Others asked you why
But you gave nothing but a sigh.
You turn your back.
Your thorns were your cover.
Inside the cave,
Away from the other.
I know how you felt
being different from a few;
but being different
Means something new.
The way you tucked yourself into darkness.
The way you feared the beam.
The way you forget what is happiness.
The way how badly you wanted to scream.
Yet, you know no one will listen.
Does no one dare to stare?
How you are beaten?
For who the hell cares?
You thought that the world cursed you.
And cure can't mend.
Everyone left you,
and silence was your only friend.
You hated the world,
Even your birth.
But you realize that you are rooted.
To the depth of earth.
There are always two options for you.
Either stepping out
Or let the darkness claim you.
If you choose the cave over sunshine,
it'll paste your roots into metals.
But if you forgive sunshine,
It'll color your petals.
Come out slowly;
and watch the world welcoming your return.
It'll fulfill the feeling ;
more than Being reborn.
Let the universe Show,
And watch you grow
That even you are rooted
You flow.
And now you'll realize;
that they are all correct.
yes you're no better than any flower that has more room;
because you are a garden where flowers bloom.
2 am poetry for people who don't know their worth
you are not a flower :)
all drawings are original
feeling of not having feelings
*I lied*
with all those enormous words ;
That I can do it all alone,
Without the help of anybody.
That I can live without being loved ;
That I don't care at all.
I'm a little girl trapped in this aging vessel.
I couldn't control my words.
I curse,
I yell
I get angry.
I feel the spinning world ,
And I am to fragile to handle things by myself.
I want to feel the slow motion.
I want to feel the butterflies in my stomach.
I want to see the colors of the rain.
I want to hear the music of someone's voice.
*I want to be in love--- I want to be loved.*
The body that I'm in started giving up.
My mind stopped on thinking,
But this little thing in my chest,
I don't know yet .
I think it has no plan to stop its own beating.
It keeps me alive ;
But my lungs can't handle air.
*And I can't even remember when was the last time I breathe.*
I am afraid to admit that I am wrong.
When all I need is a comfort.
I want to feel safe in an unsafe world.
I want to feel like I am protected.
I want to be loved.
I know it takes time. But;
I need it now.
Before I forgot that I am wanting this for a very long time.
Let me feel the feeling in a safe haven.
Because I am tired of dealing with a feeling of not having feelings.
quick 1am poetry . Just untangling words inside my head
Silence means yes
I look at this dead music notes;
listen to faded pages ,
catch every sad soul ,
dance with the leaves floating onto the waves
*( I'm alive but everything around me doesn't know how to breathe)*
capture the wind ;
held every drops of water,
burn the mirage,
repaint the sky ;
connect the stars together with the moon and sun
(*yesterday I was alone today I saw life budding as a companion but tomorrow I will burn it )*
Burn every nightmares .
put the old dreams in a bottle ;
throw it to the ocean ,
paint every hair strand--- like the color of the pigeon's feathers.
Rip every wrinkled walls of my body ,
patch them with a cold damp of dawn and whispers of forgotten midnights
(*until I breathe the breath of ashes*)
Floating like dust ;
safely silently landed on earth .
Return to what I am designed to be ---a mud waiting for a hand to shape me like a true human and soon will reform me based on his standard
and I will fail to do so
and I will refuse
and he will hate the whole universe for it
and he will hate himself for making something that could end his immortality
or simply hate my existence ;
and we will both suffer ,
until there's nothing left but love .
But he will love me out of anger and this story will lasts long until we both die in the end,
holding hands together while one of his hand on his back,
hiding a dagger.
But my knife is already on his chest.
now with your blood all over me let me ask you this .
"*have I reached your standard?*"
how do I look?
" *am I finally breathtakingly beautiful?"*
silence means yes
quick 1am poetry
who's hurting?
I Turned on the radio , and the song plays smooth.
but its sad, it's painful, --- it's hurting.
I feel the wrinkled skin of the wall,
pressing against my back.
and it's cold,
it's lonely--- It's hurting.
I looked outside the window, search for something beautiful
and I saw this pure soul wandering around.
But it's lost, it is forgotten --- It's hurting.
Whenever I feel that someone or something is hurting;
I always give my warmest hug.
So I hugged the radio,
the wall,
and finally
I hugged the poor soul.
and to my surprise, it hugged me back
followed by a question
*"why did you hug each one of us?"*
and I answered *"because you are all hurting"*
"*and why did you hug me back*?"- I added.
"*because you are hurting too much that you didn't recognize us"*
the soul answered while looking straight to my eyes and continuedto talk.
"listen dear, The song on the radio was your voice,
these walls were walls that you've built long time ago.
and me?
I am your soul
and I am not lost.
you forgot about me . We've been here all these years waiting for you and finally today you surrendered.
the soul releases deep and heavy breaths and added
" if there is someone who needed a hug right now,
it is you.
you've been hurting for a long time.
`quick 12 am writing.`
Kung kailan hindi ko na kaya
I had this weird dream of a man and a woman and they both seemed so familiar. it's like I was watching a whole movie and it's heartbreaking
The scene was vivid and everything else was quite blurry. I think they were lovers I saw it on the way the man holds his flowers and when he was about to give it to the girl but then my dream suddenly shifted into a cemetery. that's weird and creepy but
the tomb has a flower that looks exactly like the one that the guy was holding.
when I woke up I decided to write a something but it's in Tagalog.
(I won't use any image because it will only ruin the passage 😂 and my gifs doesn't fit in as well)
so here it is.
Pinili kong lumakad sa puting buhangin na minsan na nating nilakarang dalawa, nag iisa't tinataw ang lahat sa mga dapit hapon na hindi kita kasama.
Hanggang pang abutan ng takip silim at itago ang sariling luha sa lilim ng punong mangga, Pinagmamasdan ang pareho nating pangalan na malapit nari'ng mabura.
*hahayaan kong mabura ang inukit mong pangalan. Pero hindi ang ating alaala.*
kalmado ang dagat,nanatiling maliwanag ang buwan;
Pero hindi nanatili ang repleksyon dahil sa patak ng ulan na tila isinasayaw ang imahe kasama ang mga piraso ng dahon.
nanatili itong kalmado pero hindi sa ibabaw ng alon.
Ramdam ko'ng unti-unti ang pagkirot sa aking lalamunan.
Tumingala ako upang ihanda ang mga mata pero ang pagbagsak ng mga luha ay hindi ko mapigilan.
Batid ko, na ang paglabo ng aking paningin ay hindi dahil sa luha.
Batid ko, na ang pagkulubot ng aking kamay ay hindi dahil sa lamig at ulan.
Dahil napagmasdan ko
Kung paano natuyo ang mga dahon
Sa aking pagtingala
ang isa isa nilang pagbitaw sa marurupok na sanga
at kung paano sila bumagsak ng dahan dahan.
at dahan dahan
Binawi ng panahon ang bawat alaala , unti unti narin akong naguguluhan.
Isang araw, sa pagbukas ng aking mga mata,
Wala na akong maintindihan.
ngunit ligaya ang dumalaw saakin nang makita kita sa aking harapan.
Lumakad ka palapit at hinaplos ang nakaukit nating pangalan.
Nanatili kang nakatayo't hawak ang paborito kong bulaklak
Masaya ako sa iyong pagbabalik.
Sabik ako sa muling pagsalubong nang mga yakap.
Sa muling pagpapaalala ng mga halik.
naintindihan ko ang lahat.
Pero hindi ang pagtulo ng iyong mga luha.
naintindihan ko ang lahat.
Pero hindi ang pagluhod mo sa aking harapan.
naintindihan ko , pero hindi ko maintindihan
Kung bakit inilapag mo ang mga bulaklak sa aking paanan
At paulit-ulit mong binibigkas ang patawad at paalam.
*Hindi ako makahinga*
*Dahil wala nang paghinga.*
*hindi ako makaluha*
*Dahil wala nang mga luha.*
*Bakit nanatili ka*
*Kung kailan hindi ko na kaya.*
E N D
**My Analysis**
They were lovers
The man left
The woman waited until she aged and die
The man returned
The flowers are for the woman's grave
The woman didn't know that she's dead already because she's still waiting for her lover's return
The man's heart have filled with regret
I'm still thinking about that dream
because that was the first time
I've ever dreamed of something
so dramatic,
eerie and painful.
The first step of healing
When you get a cut or wound on your skin, it usually starts bleeding.
if it didn't bleed then you're an alien. lol Just kidding.
There is a first stage in wound healing and it is called Hemostasis. I know the name is too science but don't judge. Because this is a good kind of Blood clot that prevents too much bloodloss .
but we are not going tackle and disect each stages of wound healing here or you'll get bored.
In life, when we experienced pain, it is not always all about cuts, wound or scar
and **Hemostasis** just doesn't work the same way
"*dahil ang unang hakbang sa paghilom ay pagpapakatotoo at pagtanggap na nasasaktan ka*
Be honest with yourself and admit that you're in pain . This is the first step of healing.
no joke, let's say for example you would like to heal over a certain heartbreak and trauma but you wanted to move on. People who are willing to save you from pain range in torrents but you decided to close your door and kept your wall high and sturdy.
you are protecting yourself from experiencing the same pain again but what you are doing is not healing. You are tolerating the pain.
learn to admit it. Do it little by little you don't have to hurry you are not in a race here. Healing takes time , it may not happen immediately but eventually it will.
And before that, you have to initiate the first step and make your own antidote using two powerful ingredients.
**Trust and belief**
*trust yourself and believe in God*
self affirmation that you will overcome the pain no matter how enormous it is or how lost you are in life and with God's power healing isn't impossible and you'll be home in no time.
*Is trust and belief enough?*
no, you have to run a self check .
on a scale of 1-10 how bad it is? be your own doctor how. Asses yourself .
What is the cause of Pain? , are you hurting because of someone? over people's action? or because of yourself? how severe it is? can you still cope up? did it leave you too much damage?. What about the duration? how long have you been dealing with pain? what did you do when it worsened? did you try to look for remedy? did you help yourself? or you just let it sit ?.
any forms of treatment? any kinds of medicine?
you are the one who can answer all these and you are the one who can heal yourself.
ask yourself a close ended questions
are you in pain?
yes or no
do you want to heal?
yes or no.
to be able to heal you have to accept that you are in pain.
are you in pain?
yes or no?
do you want to get away from that pain?
yes or no
do you want to move forwad?
yes or no
do you want to reclaim yourself?
yes or no
can you do it ?
yes or no.
ofcourse who wouldn't want healing right?
you have all the answer to yourself and the only question left is "**How**?"
My friends often ask me about advices , decisions or solution and believe it or not I only had one answer to it. What I'm giving is my insight and they are the only one who can figure out the solution to their own problem.
*does that mean I'm a bad friend?*
that-- Iam not sure if believing in their own capacity and providing them full support so they can make their own decision makes me a bad friend then I guess I am . Let them think what they want to think but I will never make a decision for them knowing that they are the one who have a full control of their lives.
If they're going south then I'll be the compass but they have to figure out first where the north is.
accepting truth, self check , then what's next?
**Implementation**
*how long does it take for a wound to heal?*
It depends on how deep the cut is.
*what if the wound and pain isn't measurable, then there's no way to heal anymore*?
there is. Actually there are alot of ways. You've done the first and second step there's no way you can't get pass through the third.
*what are these?*
Empty out all hate and resentment if it's too heavy if it's dragging you down , if it's delaying your Journey. let it go
practice eliminating toxicity and unhealthy thoughts.
treat your mind to block of negativities
apologize to yourself , think of your body and mind as a temple of your soul, clear your thoughts and treat it with full respect and your heart will heal , your mind will heal. you will heal
and this type of healing promotes happy life.
Beware, I'm a user
*when you're in the midst of having nothing and hope is nowhere to be found,*
*you will do everything to survive.*
So I did
**Beware I'm a user**
This story will be about a friend that I've mentioned in my previous article if you still haven't read it ,here's the link. 😁
I'm almost there but I have to begin again https://read.cash/@abrilata/im-almost-there-but-i-have-to-start-again-74bbd7d9
I met Dory (not her real name) when I transferred to a new school in **Quezon City Manila.** She's my classmate in a few major second-year subjects. Just a few subjs. because I'm an irregular student by that time and I'm taking subject from first year and second year.
we are totally different not because of our Nationality or the language that we are using but because of our perspectives and how we see things in life.
*she's kind and pure yet her world is a bit compressed and is only limited to judgments that people set upon her. while I'm the exact opposite. I am cruel. I don't allow people to run my world. I am not easily swayed.*
I remember the first time I noticed her presence, it was one of my afternoon classes when she and her groupmates are having a little huddle about a material that they accidentally broke during their chemistry laboratory class (" her groupmates" only because I'm done with that subject, the university credit it from my records). I didn't mean to eavesdrop but It was a really off conversation but dory wasn't aware at all.
when working in the laboratory, one must be very careful, Class is divided into groups and is given a tackle box with a set of laboratory materials such as test tubes, and cylinders, flasks, etc. Their group leader will give them a certain task like assigning someone to keep the key for their locker, who will collect papers , who will take care of the experiment, and who will wash the materials after their laboratory activity.
We all know what is the purpose of a group. To learn and help each other at the same time.
but that wasn't what happened to Dory and her groupmates.
I believed Dory was assigned to wash the used glass materials and accidentally broke a set of testubes.
one member suggested dividing the fee to each of them so they can replace it and help Dory with the payment but the Leader and other members raised their brows and rejected the idea. Their leader said that Dory should pay for everything since she's the one who was responsible for it and others agreed.
It was Okay for Dory she can't say a word and can't even oppose.
I am not sure what happened after that, and since I'm not in the position to step in, I just made a judgment in my mind.
***what a crappy leader.***
Dory was also staying in our School Dormitory but we have different rooms. and Since I don't go outside too much we never really made a decent conversation.
I was busy finding a job and thinking about ways to earn money while studying because I don't want to bother my family. I get used to eating sky flakes the whole day. I still don't know how did I survived that 🤣 but yes, my family don't know about it or they'll bawl their eyes out.
it was our second semester and Dory is still my classmate. little did I know that it was her second time taking that subject. Our professor who handles her before makes fun of her by intentionally speaking in vernacular so she won't understand.
she would say something like " *Ito si Dory, Pangalawang beses ko na nagiging estudyante Pero hindi pa rin maintindihan yung lesson"*
some of my classmates didn't like it, others have no reaction but most of them laugh at that very insulting joke.
Dory laughed too. without knowing that our professor is already shaming her in front of the class. I felt guilty most especially when Dory said hi to me after the class when she noticed me staring at her and asked what did our professor say and why did everyone laugh.
I lied. I said *I'm sorry Dory I wasn't listening* 😅
but then I grab the moment to tell her that I'm going to make our assignment and report if she wants she can do it with me or I can teach her the things she doesn't understand and her eyes brighten up. that same evening we did our homework together. and I did my best to teach her what I've learned.
Honestly, I felt like my nose is bleeding every time I'm trying to explain everything to her in English I'm not fluent in English she's not either. She doesn't know how to speak Tagalog. Since she's from Timor Leste.
maybe, dory noticed that I don't have any snacks when she visits my room so she started to bring food and she'll give it to me in return for the tutorial.
she wanted to pay me money for the tutoring session but I declined
I already felt like a user for receiving something in return. It wasn't in my nature but I also need her help to survive.
We had this honest conversation when I ask her if she felt like I am just using her in exchange for food and she said "don't be stupid " 🤣 I felt at ease
Before I quit school I said goodbye to Dory and she cried. She showed me her laboratory reports with high grades and said that she won't be able to pass without my help. I said I won't be able to survive without her food and we laughed
it was the very first time I felt needed and it's really heartwarming.
Hi thank you everyone for taking time
To read this
And also thanks @randomrewarder visiting
My previous article and those who have upvoted it
I'm really happy 😍
I'm almost there but I have to begin again
When they've said "*when everything falls apart, they are falling to their right places"*
I couldn't just agree to that. I don't want to submit over a certain belief that it's fine and it was meant to happen in the first place yet having no ability to reroute it all leaves me no choice but to accept everything. And do it all again even if it means starting everything off of dust.
I am under the old curriculum. I graduated from high school AY 2015 then decided to enroll in the nearest university under Allied Science Course.
My sister who's working overseas has helped me settled in by paying my college tuition fee. Back then, Our municipality offered a scholarship so I did not hesitate to apply. Fortunately, I got in and I gave my allowance to my parents. I already bought my medical kits and books so I don't need more money I'm fine with just having enough funds , besides I'm already grateful for all the help I received from those who supported my studies. All I need is to focus on studying so I can graduate without problems, get a decent job and support them in return.
I even wrote a whole journal and letter about my plans once I received my college diploma
Until a massive financial problem arrived in our family.
I won't get into detail. But the problem was so enormous that it shattered all my dreams and plans in just a second, I got depressed with what happened and I come to my darkest point in life wherein all my hope had ceased to exist.
**2016-2017** I was supposed to be an incoming third-year student I already bought my third-year white uniform and lab gowns it was a set of 3 but due to our financial problem and my sister can no longer afford my tuition due to her problem, I had to transfer to a school that offers a lower amount of fees.
I browse and search for any universities that can credit my subjects however all my applications were either declined or requiring me to go back to first year to take the prerequisites subject and subjects that are university mandated. I can't go back to zero. That was what I repeatedly said to myself while combing each school that offers the same field as mine.
Luckily I found a school in Quezon city it's quite far from our location but that was my chance. I have to think through it I talk to my parents and siblings we considered the costing, lower tuition fees but the transportation to and fro is the problem it's almost the same when I have to sum up all the expenses. But compared to all the universities here in my location I don't have to go back to zero or first year, that school can credit my subject but I need to still take few subjects of second year and first year to proceed to the third year.
One year adjustment I guess that would be fine compared to two. So I was advised to grab the opportunity and my father will take care of my dormitory.
I enrolled as an irregular second-year student. I can't apply for a scholarship because I took only a few subjects and my credentials did not meet the whole unit required. I claimed that I can make a way by applying for a part-time job but here's what happened. When I receive my Class schedule even though it's only a few subjects I saw that I had only a few hours' time interval and it did not match the time for the job I was applying for. I remember I had a subject which was from 5:30 pm and 8 pm but the Job needs people who are available to start around 6 pm.
That was a really hard time for me. I was pressured and ashamed at the same time that I just keep receiving financial support from my parents and siblings. I really don't have the guts to tell them "ate, Kuya Papa, mama Wala napo akong stocks ng food dito, wala po extrangpera". That was so embarrassing for me I don't want them to worry about me and send me funds that were meant and saved for electricity and water bills.
I had to do something. I can't just sit around.
going back, I have a classmate from one subject which is an east Timorian she's an international student from East Timor or Timor Leste. (I would write a separate article about this friend of mine) I helped and tutored her with the subjects that she find hard to understand then she would share her dinner with me and give me snacks. That - I can say saved my tummy from hungry nights.
**2019** I cleared all the needed subjects to proceed with third year, I passed the battery exam without any conflicts and all my grades were passing I don't have any failing grades I'm halfway there.
but then, another problem arose. And this one is greater. I felt like I was the most unfortunate, Everything that I held for so long are slowly slipping away from my grip and I know that It was the dead end.
I am not selfish. I want to finish my study but I don't want to burden my family we struggled financially So I finally decided to quit school. On the same date for my third-year enrollment. My parents blame themselves and I saw all those tears. I understand everything I'm in the right age so I told them that it's fine. I will find a Job and I will help them so they don't have to worry anymore.
**Fast forward**
I found a decent Job in a BPO industry I kept my mind busy from all the problems it helped my family with the expenses and paid other debts but I wasn't able to save some for studies because my family needed it more but don't get me wrong I don't complain. It sounds cringey but they are my happiness and I will always put them first no matter what.
This year 2021, my other sister Got a Job as a Software Engineer and she talked to me asked me if I want to continue my studies. I didn't lie. I said I want to. I really want to, then she told me go back to my university and inquire on how can I continue my studies and she'll take care everything . So I immediately emailed my previous school ( due to ECQ, there are travel restrictions)
I received a response. but that was a response that I don't want to read again.
I applied to other universities but all of them has the same answer. they are using the new curriculum (K12) so I have to start from the firstyear regardless of the units I have taken in the past.
I don't want to believe it.
but this is the only choice. take it or leave it
so yesterday my sister accompanied me and I enrolled as a first year AGAIN. I'm grateful but Honestly I want to cry.
If this is just a bad dream
I hope someone can wake me up.
Hi I'm abrilata, I'm new to this platform
and this is my second article.
all Gifs are original.💕
Abrilata
Here in the Philippines, "Abrilata" is a Tagalog term for a can opener.
Okay, I know what you are thinking.
" *why would this newbie mushroom potato write such a thing that is obviously nonsense?"*
before anything else, I'd like to say hi to everyone here in readcash.
My name is Abril I am a Filipino and I'm from the Philippines. I discovered noisecash first just last month and I noticed that most of the users there were talking about readcash so here I am testing my fortune and please bear with me I'm still a newbie to both platforms and I still don't know if I'm using it correctly.😅 oh am I allowed to use emoji here? I don't know.
**what is my noise cash username**?
I'm afraid I can't tell because of Googolplex reasons and one of them is just me being 98% shy potato and 2% human. let's say I'm treating noisecash as a trailer and readcash will be the whole movie which is in different genres, by different genres I mean I could share my roller coaster life here, experiences, feelings, secrets, expressions, and whatnot without worrying about people's judgment they don't know me in the first place.
Setting Proper expectation
I am not confident with my English. I'm not fluent as well. English is my second language and you may notice grammatical errors in this article or my future articles but I am open for corrections and I accept criticisms because I know that is how I learn.
Honestly, I find it so hard when I have to say something about myself because I don't know where to start. It's like every first day in class where I have to Introduce myself in front of so many people, all eyes are on me and I can feel my body shaking and my soul moving out. so I'm sorry I'm skipping facts about myself right now and I will write a separate article about myself soon. *wink*
Abril and abrilata (Can opener)
I'm working silently in this virtual world and part of my job is to boost a person's dying confidence. Many of us are afraid to show our talents due to a lack of support or discouragement from other people.
but I'm gonna be that can opener and I will never stop opening the lid until you can confidently show the world what you've Got.
I can be your friend we can exchange opinions and I'll stay with you always because
I know what it's like to feel demotivated or when no one believes in you it's suffocating and intoxicating.
let me share one of my favorite lines in
"***The Waves****" by Virginia wolf.*
`*I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me,`
`I am arch, gay, languid, melancholy by turns. I am rooted, but I flow. All gold flowing*.`
Do not let their judgment ruin your passion.
Don't let your voice vanish.
Do not let people limit your movements
Don't keep your paintings inside your box.
your colors are meant to be seen.
Show it to me.
Show it to us.
I made all these gif's I used here
because I want my article to be original
in everything.
If you want to know how I made this
just hit me up. I don't bite 🤣
honestly as I'm writing this
I don't know why the words in this gray
box are changing colors. I'm having a mini
heart attack send help 🤣
@abrilata
