@abrilata 4 December 2021

I want to hear silence again

I want to hear silence again   When my mind went empty and I forgot what peace feels like,  I ask God for words- for noises enough to fill this most complex organ inside this aging vial. And then I woke up hearing the flat line.   Beeeeeeeeeeeeeppp!   Buzzing and ringing and hissing and whizzing – yet the room I’m in is completely immersed in a void of silence. I felt the sudden ache in my neck after looking left and right; from the ceiling above my head – and the wooden floor beneath my feet. I stomp the ground, I tapped my table , I scratch my window, I hum, I spilled my coffee, I wiped the stain, had shaken my blanket, throw the mirror and hit my head yet nothing sounds exactly what I’m hunting for   Where does the Sound come from?   I went outside for a little walk. Hoping to find some healing. Seeking for escape and it leads me to a portal of constant chaos. I feel it everywhere the ache of hearts, the war between people, hatred, anger, guilt, greed, and envy, and resentment but with just a single click of a button, all were hidden in a mask of smiles – and labeled it as “happiness”   Running away with both hands covering my ears  as the noises in my heart turned into silent tears I can still hear the high-pitched sound reigning in my head. Scarier than the monster under my bed.   4 am : Tinnitus aka ringing in ears, this is something I never thought I'd experience and I am wishing for one thing. silence