@ZehraSky 10 October 2021

I can't breathe without you

You might already know that I got the title from a song. Actually, this song was on repeat for the first few months of pandemic. Not because I was sad, it's just that I really love sad songs. I think there is just something that calls me to them. The sadder the song is, the more I remember it and the more that I put it on repeat. Well, this song is kinda like that. But it also spoke to me because it feels like I can relate to the lyrics. I was actually surprised because I was feeling nostalgic and sad when I went to Youtube and saw this in one of the recommended. Of course, I clicked on it as I was just in the right mood for it. https://youtu.be/qsUK-BG5OQQ As I was listening there were some memories that I remember. And I thought that sharing them here will finally set me free from them. So I looked for the lyrics of **Breathe** by Taylor Swift and decided to share what I was thinking about on some parts. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwit1dTFybnzAhXQ7GEKHRBWCMoQ5s4FKAB6BAgMEAE&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.lyricfind.com%2F&usg=AOvVaw1KqTMyFU55C34LrRgbHHJU ***I see your face in my mind as I drive away,*** ***'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way*** ***People are people,*** ***And sometimes we change our minds*** ***But it's killing me to see you go after all this time*** I remember during graduation, I saw you walking away with your family. The thought of calling out to you went to my mind but I held my tongue and watched you go. ***Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,*** ***It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see*** ***'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,*** ***Now I don't know what to be without you around*** I knew who I was when I'm with you. It felt like I was invincible, as if I could do anything. But we both knew things always come to an end. We knew that and yet, we still foolishly hoped that it will never come for us. ***And we know it's never simple,*** ***Never easy*** ***Never a clean break, no one here to save me*** ***You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,*** ***And I can't,*** ***Breathe,*** ***Without you,*** ***But I have to,*** ***Breathe,*** ***Without you,*** ***But I have to*** We experienced different endings with people so we knew how much it hurts. We knew that it is something that no one can help us get out of. I wished it did not have to be this way. I knew you so much that it felt like you were a part of me. But now that the ending came for us, I have to keep moving forward, and so do you. We have to keep walking despite the fact that we are now taking different roads from each other. ***Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt*** ***Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve*** ***People are people,*** ***And sometimes it doesn't work out,*** ***Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out*** It was not your intention to fall, and it was not my intention to not reciprocate. I thought we could still work it out. But the awkwardness eventually got to us. We tried so hard, didn't we? I think that should be enough, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes, I wished it could have worked out. However, no matter how hard I wished, the outcome will never change. ***And we know it's never simple,*** ***Never easy*** ***Never a clean break, no one here to save me*** ***You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,*** ***And I can't,*** ***Breathe,*** ***Without you,*** ***But I have to,*** ***Breathe,*** ***Without you,*** ***But I have to*** ***It's two am*** ***Feelin' like I just lost a friend*** ***Hope you know it's not easy,*** ***Easy for me*** ***It's two am*** ***Feelin' like I just lost a friend*** ***Hope you know this ain't easy,*** ***Easy for me*** The day after graduation, I could not sleep because I was wondering whether I should congratulate you. After all, we promised each other that we will still be friends. But we were in our respective relationships by then. It finally occurred to me that I just lost my bestfriend. I was the one who started to distance myself from you, but I still feel sad about it. Losing you, felt like I lost a part of me that I did not even notice was there until it's gone. ***And we know it's never simple,*** ***Never easy*** ***Never a clean break, no one here to save me*** ***I can't,*** ***Breathe,*** ***Without you,*** ***But I have to,*** ***Breathe,*** ***Without you,*** ***But I have to*** ***Breathe,*** ***Without you,*** ***But I have to*** ***Sorry (oh) sorry*** ***Sorry sorry*** ***Sorry sorry*** I am so sorry for hurting you. I wish it did not have to lead to this. I wish I could still message you out of blue just to rant and be surprised when you reply before I even finished typing all of my messages. I wish I could tease you again about your failed attempts with relationships. I wish I could try to make you treat me to milktea again, or play games with me again. I wish for it so much sometimes that it hurts. Last time, I wanted to message you but fear got the better of me again. I wish that we could have been each other's bestfriends for a long time. But I think that I should close our book now. I should stop waiting for a chapter that will never be written because I might end up hurting you again. Closing words When I first heard this song, I immediately assumed it is for lovers that broke up. But as I listened to it again and again, I realized that it applies to more situations than just that. And I figured out why this song just keeps playing in my mind. I hope that by writing this down, I will be able to forgive myself for hurting you, and feeling guilty for it. I hope that I can let go of the what-ifs I have about our friendship. Thank you for being with me during my loneliest days. I enjoyed every memories we made. I still hope for your success and happiness every night. I wish you the best. I am now closing this book of ours that I should have done ages ago. Farewell, my bestfriend. May you find peace in whatever road you take. Thank you for the memories. **Thank you for reading this article!** If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here: ****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16 ****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97 ****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569 ****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f ****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7 To show my appreciation for the support that I have been receiving, please accept a small gift I prepared for the first reader. https://branch.wallet.bitcoin.com/qO4JQOnfekb