My Pain Of 24 Years

I just regained consciousness after 3 days of being in coma, opening my eyes lazily I could see him, lying on the bare floor and my grandma sitting on the only chair in the room. I felt guilty of causing him more harm than he could ever prayed for. Then a thought came to mind, what if I should just wake and run away. Run far from him, to a place he will never see me again, am just tired of seeing him go through pains .

Hi! Am Lisa, am 24 years and a sickle cell patient. Been living this way from birth, cursing everyday for the mistake my parents made. Yes! I often see myself as the worst person on earth. How could there be so selfish, what type of love did they felt that prompted them to get married even when they were not medically fit. Little wonder how a Professor and a lawyer were so cruel to bring me to this world. I was born sick and have been that way for the rest of my life. 

I got to know about my condition after series of being deceived by my parent, it was normal to fall sick, I was curious to know why was i always the only kid felling feverish, cold or having pains in my joints every time.  Doctor what's really wrong with me, I asked keenly, my grandma looked at me, and for the first time, I saw her tears. As a chikd, I always felt grown up don't cry but here was my grandma shedding tears for the mistake of her stubborn Romeo of a son. He was hesitant but later gave me an answer. An answer that made me change the way I looked at everyone, an answer that made me hate my parent for I saw them as murderers. You are a sickle cell patient, and those pains you do feel are called crises. 

Can I be cured, why haven't I been cured for all the times have been here? I was so eager to know. He shook his head, explained everything to me, talked about my parents grievous mistake,  then I knew I was never going to be heal.   You need to take your medications and never skip a day if you really want to stay healthy, he said .  I nodded in affirmation, knowing that was my only chance of being alive, alive only for my grandma because she was never in support of his marriage to my mom. I went home feeling relieved but also feeling unloved, if they really loved me, why were they married. Few hours later, the lovebirds returned from work, all laughing and playing like their first time they met, the only thing I admired about them. How was your session with the doctor today my little angel, dad asked. 

I got to know the whole truth today, I replied. What truth, they both asked in shock. That I will never stay without being sick, that I am an expensive mistake of my parent and nobody really cared about me. I said amidst tears. They knew I now know the reason why I am always sick. Am so sorry darling, I can explain everything to you, you are not a mistake,  all I did was to save your mom from being heartbroken, dad answered. And you never considered if I will ever be fine ? I answered.  I wasn't able to bear staying with the people who were the reason for the pain, I moved to stay with my grandma.  She consoled and made me felt loved, at least genuinely. 

Hello! Am Richmond, a voice called from behind. Seems you are new in the street. I turned to see someone beaming with smile, a smile I couldn't get off my mind. Yeah! Just moved in with my grandma, I replied coldly. We began talking, I wasn't scared to telling him about my health. At first I thought he will avoid me, until the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I couldn't contain my joy, I ran home to tell grandma. My number one cheerleader was so happy for me. 

Things moved well between us, except for my incessant body pains and fever.  The good part was, I had two people who really cared for me. At first I was enjoying it, the attention and everything . can I ask you a question, have you ever been happy to the detriment of others ? Probably not, but here I was, being happy Richie missed his lectures to stay with me during my crises. The once intelligent Richie was now struggling with grades, I was so pathetic to ever felt happy. 

The last thing, I could remember was during our last visit to the doctor with Richie, after complaining about my sudden pain in the chest, test were carried out and it was confirmed I had acute chest syndrome. I took everything like it was just normal, probably nothing sounded new to me anymore. Just last week, I was diagnosed of acute renal failure. We left the hospital heading home. Held by the traffic, we spent almost 2 hours there, and suddenly, the pain in my chest began, this time I couldn't breathe, so I was struggling. That's all I could remember and Here I was, waking to see the face of Richie, the man I wanted to destroy his future because of love just like my parent did to me. 

I shook my head and fought back tears, I knew I was never going to be happy. Maybe I may not survive for long but I need to go, I really wanted giving Richie a future, he truly deserved. I had also wanted to stop stressing my grandma. I sneaked out of bed, pass the reception and ran with all the strength I had left to the train station. Entered the last train heading to where I have no idea but definitely it was going to a destination far from the people I cost so much pain.  Though I will miss them both, especially Richie. The train got to it's final destination and everyone got down, except the sick girl who ran from the hospital with a canula in her left hand for I had no where to go.

Was I wrong to leave Richie and my grandma ? If you were Richie or grandma, will you ever forgive me ?

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