Believing in Hope, Against Hope.
Date: Wednesday, April 13th 2022.
At the last I, finally, decided to write something today. Cos' in truth I was not motivated to do anything at all. It is late now. I have been stuck in bed all day wondering how I'd make an outline for a book I wanna write. For long moments I was like, "Can I live to the expectations I set for myself?". Weird, right? I know. It's become a habit for me. I always question my own potential. I, even, went as far as thinking whether people are actually born lucky. I mean, there are people in this world who are born into all the riches and luxuries beyond any of my wildest dreams. But regardless, I try to see myself measuring up to them someday, and the challenges I'll have to overcome. Still, I can't help but come to the conclusion that it's so not going to be easy.
Big brother said to me once, "Life isn't fair!". Being the first child comes with a lot of responsibility. There'll come a time (and, I'm afraid it has already), when I begin to cater for my siblings. I mean, of course... When you have younger siblings whether you're the first child or the second or third... You'll feel like you've been automatically burdened with a responsibility! (Pardon me if I used the word - "burdened"). This is how I'm feeling right now. If I'm to look at how things are going in the country recently. It's even more discouraging. It takes a million effort to be able to overcome the hardships staring us in the face, and honestly, it's terrifying!
I feel like i have this responsibility to be selfless. (Not that i've been selfish all my life, Lol. I can't believe I'm laughing with this headache). It's just like I have gotten to a stage where I cannot think of myself anymore. I don't know why I'm telling this here, cos' it is hugely - immensely, personal. It has never been easy for me expressing how I feel to anybody. I feel like I'm pressured to go he extra mile. Not that anybody told me to, or anything. Still, without them saying it... I know I must!
Am I hopeful that I can become any of the things I have dreamed about? I'm not sure. I do not even know if hardwork would get me there. Or, perhaps my firm determination and gutsiness to never give up. But, I must keep at it. Like something someone said once, "I have seen Men who endure bitter hardships and hard work amount to nothing, however I have NEVER known Men who achieve their dream not be hardworking!".
This post may strike you as odd, or inconsequential as I am merely just rambling. Regardless, it is why I had to write it out. I simply cannot keep it in any longer. Spending hours of thinking one particular angle is definitely no joke. I still have to do what I intend to even with all the unfavorable circumstances I'll be facing. In the end "To dare is to do"; is it not?
I apologise if you find this post of little importance. It's just one of those days for me. I have this persistent headache and I'd like to rest my head now. I hope I wake up better tomorrow than I was today.
Here are my previous articles; especially short stories, that'll surely pique your interest. If you want to engage them.
Thank you for sticking with me.
Until we read again. 💐✌️
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Life actually isn't fair, everyone has to work hard, some way more than others