I Wish I Was..!!

"Me and My thoughts be always bombard with hypothetical situations like "what if" or "if I had" or "I wish I had..".. I'm sure as heck am not alone in this.. right you guys?"

Well, well, where are your manners dear blackdoll? why would you start this post without proper intro or wishing them good day?

"Oh yes sorry you guys, you know what, my trait is that when I become close with people, I throw these formalities out of the window.. and just mingle like my besties..."

Well fine blackdoll, but that does not make you right for doing this because nice people here deserve your good wishes too, am I right?

"oh yes right, am sorry.. so let us start over..."

"Good morning one and all, how are you guys doing today? as you guys can see I'm here talking to myself and also in third person because I have this fragment of imagination from a couple of days which I'm unable to stop thinking about, and that revolves around the question "I wish I was..."

Growing up, in a town in a low middle income class group, the only thing I had and owned was my imagination.. I felt like I was this super woman with super powers inside my own head., a literal goddess if you will.... It was my own world. I can do whatever I want to do, create my own friends, love and make stories with them.. I used to laugh, treat myself so well and also cry in all those fake scenarios I have created.. Guilty as it is, I still do it today.. Among the thousands of fake scenarios my mind creates, I wanna write about few of them below, as I really really wished I had that life from my imaginary world in the real world and not the current boring one... Let's dive in...

I Wish I was Born Rich:

I'm a grown a$$ adult and not even once I have come across an individual who does not love/respect money. Those people you know, who advise saying "meh money is not important bla bla bla" stuff, turns out, dude they already have abundant of it and that is why they hecking do not know the value of it.. This was one hypothetical imagination that I had created myself in my mind that in every story I make, I picture myself as a super rich multi millionaire but at the same time a sweet girl helping other paying their education, surgeries etc.. This is something I think a lot about in my reality from my imaginary world... Oh my, imagine that was true and I was super rich, the mere thought brings me happiness and a hope that

Yes, I will be super rich in future :)

I wish I was Healthy:

Don't get me wrong, am super thankful to God for not having any chronic issues until now but one thing I mentioned in my "insecurities" post is that I hate the fact that I cannot see like everyone else if I don't wear my glasses. I had been called names like "four eyes" all my life and people even go to extent to call me ugly.. I genuinely never cared I promise BUT, I always had this thought in my mind

"How does it feel to see the world without the need of glasses or contacts.?? I wish I was not partially blind"

So in my imaginary world where I'm a strong queen character, I do not wear glasses... I have perfect eye sight and additionally perfect teeth, hair and so on.. There are actual people in this world that living that "perfect" life and here I'm trying to be happy in my imaginary world with my imaginary strong health, that is something I always wished I had in real life...

I wish I had loved someone:

I feel so bad and awful for myself not finding this before but you guys, love is very important in life, especially the one you share your house with, bed with, kitchen with... In my imaginary world, I have such juicy amazing partner in every individual story I make, that loves me, respects me and never hurt me like real life people do.. I always thought..

"what it is like to sleep with and be in love with and live with and have kids with and be so passionate with someone that truly genuinely love me, hold me, respect me, uplift me and only me??"

This is something I think every single day of my life. I just want to kiss that man from my dreams, that perfect dude I have created for myself, that dude only who have the ability to calm me down.. my imaginary man knows me, understands me, without even communicating. He is crazy about me as I'm about him... we are madly deeply in love together...Gosh, I wish I could meet him.

I Wish I had skills that made me famous:

They say that it takes a village to learn and get trained in something that you will eventually master after several years.. but if you take few kids, they are born talented... I will give you an example, it takes years of practice to even hit an ace in tennis but there is a girl in our state, who became a famous tennis player and she learned to play tennis only from few years, like 2 or three and already mastered it and gained fame from it winning tournaments.. it was like a miracle... nobody knew her before and she became over night sensation one day and everyone is talking about her now...Good for her, am so happy for that kid..

In my imaginary stories, I have always seen me as one such person that had one life skill that I'm known famously for.. one story I was a musician, another I was a good cook, another one I was a great manager in corporate and this goes on.. because of my strong and bold personality in real life, I have never even imagined being weak in my "created" stories in my head.. But I always wished in my real life, I wish I was that kind of person with skills, with something I'm good at.. but in reality, I feel worthless.. absolutely useless...

I wish I was born in a great family:

Before I even start this, I will provide a disclaimer that I absolutely 100% adore my current parents. I love them. My Ma and dad, without them both, God knows what would have happened to me. Mamma sacrificed all her happiness for me and my bro. Dad never took a break from work, not even half a day, just coz he wanted us to pursue good education, which we could. I'm eternally thankful for it.

BUTTTTT...

Let's not sugarcoat the fact that I come from an extremely toxic family. My dad was amazing, my mom was amazing but they were amazing separately.. all my life, I have never seen ONE day without my parents fighting like street dogs.. the abusive words, the toxicity, the hate towards each other, the judging, oh my GOD.. Their motive is to provide to us well but because of lack of money, we always had indifference between our parents to the point I started hallucinating from very young age about

"having that perfect family where dad always come home soon, parents never fight, they are very supportive of children, they are proud of their kids, they take kids out often, they travel more, they make sure their kids make new friends, get new experiences..."

Need I go on?? you knw what, I'm an extrovert who behave like an introvert.. I'm a people person who hate to be among people.. I make friends easy but absolutely do not go out.. I have 1000 friends yet nobody talks to me, am always alone.. I'm a loner... My parents confused me and fucked up my life but also made sure I studied well...

do you guys understand how confused me as a child would be?? I never truly understood whether my parents loved me or hated me.. I never felt special.. I never felt existed.. I never felt anything... I just lived...I just breathed.. I just...

And that is why, in all my imaginary stories, I had this perfect family. My Mom and dad were great, I have siblings, cousins too.. lots of friends, all of them are sweet and kind..

I often go sit in a corner and jump into one of these families and smile stupidly for myself not knowing that within a few minutes, I will be going back to my sad reality..

I wish I had all these...

NEW PROMPT: well you have seen this, if you understood this post, well and good... if you did not, then here is the prompt idea... write about "the things that you wished you had from your imagination in your real life...".. I can't wait to read yours too..

Love you my sponsors, friends, users, everyone else, thank you for making me feel not alone. You have no idea how you guys are helping me... in fact, you might be even successful in keeping me alive lol.. SO, thank you... from the bottom of my heart... Thank you @TheRandomRewarder and @MarcDeMesel sir... You all are walking angels on earth.. because the time I spend here, feels like I have one happy family that I never had with lot of friends, bros and sisters... :)

Yours bloggingly

@Theblackdoll