Am I dying?

Date: April 25,2022
Author: Sequoia

"The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
His perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting
Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated

Forever, he is glorified
Forever, he is lifted high
Forever, He is risen
He is alive
He is alive"

These are the lyrics that I keep on singing repeatedly as I listen to the song FOREVER by Kari Jobe. If you have been listening to Christian songs, I am certain that you are familiar with this iconic and amazing song.

Death...

Who doesn't fear death anyway? Regardless of your strength and stable your mind is, you still have moments when you get scared of this thing called death.

The end of human life. The finish line. The dead end.

No one can escape it. You can run away but you can't be excluded.

Death comes in so many ways. As the renowned game back then says, there are dumb ways to die.

Some of us die young and unexpectedly.

No warnings, no reminders, no countdown.

One of the most painful death is the sudden one.

It's not literally painful but spiritually tormenting.

Why? Well, just imagine you being in a soul form and already left the physical world without even forgiving those who harm you and without asking forgiveness from the people you have made wrong.

You lived with a heavy heart and die with a heavy heart as well. What an unfortunate death.

Maybe you are already curious why I am blabbering about this depressing scenario. Well, lemme tell you something...

come closer...

a Lil bit closer...

I think...

I.am.Dying

_________________________________________________

Those words made me lose my sanity for these past three days.

I discovered last April 22, 2022, that I have a pea-sized lump under my nipple when I was touching it. Well, it's my habit to massage or touch my breast unconsciously. I was talking to my aunt when I realized it and immediately told her about it. Her forehead wrinkled and fret was written all over her face.

She told me to see a doctor right away and disseminate it to other members of the family. They look so worried and that made me overthink as well.

Therefore, I decided to convert my remaining BCH for the consultation which is 800 pesos or $16. I did the withdrawal with my eyes tightly closed. LOL.

Would you blame me if I can't stop myself from overthinking? I mean, what if, it is what I think it is? Just thinking about it, it makes my world crumble into pieces.

I mean, why me? I am too young. I still have a lot of things to reach for my family. I still want to live longer and enjoy my life with my loved ones.

As I am writing this, my tears kept on flowing and there was no way to stop it. I am so full of what-ifs and uneasiness. A lot of things are going on my mind.

I am just writing this to express what I feel because I am so stressed and worried at the moment. I don't think that I can still compose my posture if ever I receive the result. Oh well, there's no result yet so I must not let my overthinking consume me.

If there is one thing that I have realized. that is to enjoy every bit of your life because life is totally short.

I will entrust everything to God. Let His will be done. I believe that all things work together for good.

_________________________________________________

My appointment for a check-up will be tomorrow at exactly 1 pm. I will just update you guys. Sorry for this negativity. Have a safe night ahead!