Bereavement is the name which is being given to the process which one goes through after the death of a loved one.

When I gained admission into the University, I can remember vividly my first day in class, there's this cool, gentle and smart girl sitting all alone in a corner. I was like this girl is still young, and we are in the same level, wow!!! I smiled at her and she smiled back.

On getting to my hostel that day, I stay on the 3rd floor, as I was going into my room, I noticed the girl entered a room on the 2nd floor. I went after her, she said that's her room. I was like, woe!!! So I have a course mate that shares the same hostel with me.

She told me her mum was in her room, I immediately went in to greet her out of respect. She was so happy seeing me. And she immediately handed her daughter over to me. She said and I quote " please my daughter is a young girl, take care of her, if there's anything you guys need, don't hesitate to call me, even down to money, I will send it"

I was like, who is this woman?

The time after someone's death is often called the mourning period, and people are said to be ‘in mourning’ or to be ‘grieving’ or ‘bereaved’. No matter what people call this time or process, the death of a loved one can be an extremely challenging time. Nobody will request or ask to become a bereaved person, yet it is something that happens to most people every blessed day.

Back to my story

From that day henceforth, I and the girl do things in common, we eat, dress, and go to class together. We were so inseparable. Our course mates were awed at the friendship. And some even tried to come in between us, but couldn't.

Then came a day, the Non teaching staff of our institution embarked on a 2-weeks warning strike. They stopped bringing light, there was no water and some started going to class without bathing.

The 3rd day of the strike I went outside to get snack when I saw my friend coming outside the hostel, she said her mum is outside. I turned back, and we both went to greet her.

Immediately she saw us together, she said thank God you are both together, go pack few things, we are going home together. I'll bring you both to school very early every morning. That way you'll have access to water and good food at home. I told her I had to confirm from my parents, of which I did and they agreed. This was the beginning of my timely visit to their place. I typically became a family member.

We all know that we one day will come in our lives that we will face bereavement, but we live in hope that we can avoid it for as long as possible. What no one dares to think about is what it is like to face the death of someone so close to them, let's even say their own child.

Last week I heard that my friend's mum died, she was more or less a mother to me too. Its such a sad 😥 😢news. I just wish I could turn back the hands of time.

I was so devastated and had been down ever since I heard about her demise.

It feels so wrong and so unlikely to happen that we even try not to think about or even dwell on, for fear of tempting fate.

Nevertheless, it is sadly something that many people have to experience. No two people will experience the loss of a close person in the same way or in the same time frame. One could be bereaved through the loss of a young friend, or the loss of an adult. It could be something expected (when there is a terminal illness, for example) or something unexpected (due to anything from an accident to suicide or a sudden outburst of health issue). It can be a peaceful one or a traumatic one.

If you have experienced the death of a loved one, remember that all reactions are natural and normal. Here are some guidelines that might be helpful:

• Go so easy on yourself. Dont be too bitter on yourself. Basically you will not be able to do what you normally do as you will keep remembering your times together.

• Be calm, and very patient with yourself and even with your emotions.

• Avoid making major decisions if possible (changing residence, changing jobs, etc.) for at least a year after the death of your loved one.

• Cry as freely and as much as you feel the need. Crying is a very healthy expression of grief, and it releases tension, its better to cry than to bottle up your resentment or bitterness .

• Find a very good listener, someone who will just let you talk and tell them things running through your mind.

This article is a tribute to my friends mum, who took care of me as her own while I was in school. She was a good woman. And a mother indeed. Till we meet to part no more.

She would be laid to rest this Friday and I pray for grace to bear the loss. Peace for the family members she left behind.

So sad!!!