It is autumn in most parts of the world. Well, autumn in the Northern hemisphere and most likely spring in the Southern hemisphere - rough guess. So while I stare at the dried leaves along the pavement and half-wishing I am experiencing the cold autumn like we did approximately two years back, I got to thinking how life and almost everything follows a certain pattern or cycle. In seasons, we have the winter, spring, summer, and the well-loved wardrobe change of nature -fall. Of course, the months cycle around to make a year and so on.
And when some usual cycles get disrupted, we know that the earth is unwell.
That goes the same with our hair apparently. I never thought of that though - hair cycles. I mean, I know they grow but I never thought they have this sort of season or pattern or cycle.
And when that gets disrupted, something is not well with us.
And that knowledge got laid before me because of a certain situation - my situation years back.
The Bits and Pieces
I used to be a really uptight person. I was hard on myself and very ideal coming out of college. Things has to be to the tee and to my standard. But now of course, we know life does not always go our way. If it does then we would not be thinking about the homeless or we won't be thinking about poverty, etcetera. Dreams don't come to being the moment we said we want it to happen or transpire. Getting a job does not guarantee your dreams will come true the very next day. Of course, that is an exaggeration but it kind of paints a picture of how much I want what I want to come to fruition. It sounds bratty but of course it was a gradual realization and it did take a toll on me -physically. These things accumulated and I think one time, it happened.
The Phases
The hair growth goes through this : anagen, catagen and telogen - growing, resting, falling out. It was so cool when my dermatologist was explaining it. So the hair grows majority of it, then at some point they stay that way and they they fall of but the growing cycle should already be starting by then. This cycle goes seamlessly but due to some biological or psychological disturbances, the cycle seems to get disrupted and there comes a long gap between the growing and the falling out. Some experience it totalis - all hair (facial hair sometimes included) and some areata - just a spot. Alopecia.
The Cause
Biological disturbances say it's auto immune but since my lab works were perfect, they charged it to "stress". Which is most likely true. The first derma told me about one of her patients being a business man. They were doing good progress, but one time he got really pissed at being stuck in traffic and the stress caused him to start his hair fall again that same night.
Some people, I later on learned, just really have a cycle of having tremendous hair fall that they have it once every three years and it no longer surprises them.
The Discovery
My mom complained about the amount of hair fall our shower drain is catching. I was not surprised but to her it is alarming. At that time, I shrugged it off. But at that same night she was wondering about the amount of hair fall, I was combing my hair in front of the mirror and playing with how I will split it. Split it halfway, a little to the left, a little more to the right instead, a little bit more... and then boom! A perfectly circular spot the size of a five-peso coin. I stared at the mirror for a long time. And with shaky voice I called out to my mom. And the rest is history. We went to the doc, got steroid shots on the spot (yes on the scalp). Went consulted another doc who got a better med and program in mind but med is not here in the Philippines. Mom's nurse friends were able to find me from their area and they sent to us- angels they are!
The Ordeal and the blessing
It was a shock. It was an ugly thing. How do I tell my friends because if it goes worse, it will show. That time, I can still hide it when I put my hair up in a ponytail. Thank God, though, my friends and office colleagues were supportive. When I had to use a wide hair band to hide they fix it from time to time. The revelation of course was always shocking. My friends had that, "Show me.. no wait.. don't show me.." situations. Those who dared see had that, "Oh why did you show me?" reaction after. It was crazy hilarious.
When most of the important people were already told, they asked of course, how they can be of help. I told them the same thing my derma told me - as much as possible refrain from extreme emotions. Extreme shock, extreme anger, extreme frustration, extreme impatience, etcetera is a no, no. Physically, I have to be mindful about how tight my scalp is getting. I need to massage it, relax my thoughts because if my scalp is tight, that means I am handling something stressful and I could trigger the gap even. Also, no hair pulling - habit, conscious or not, drying hair and make sure I'm not using a fine-toothed comb.
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Eventually, handling it got lighter even to the point of being hilarious. When my hair started growing finally after some shots, I and my brother went for a massage. There is a part in the session where the scalp massage includes pulling of the hair. When the masseuse was about to do the hair pulling I pleaded, " Please be careful when pulling my hair, you might pull off my whole wig." The confused and scared look on the masseuse was hilarious my brother was not able to hold back laughing so hard.
I'd say it was one part of my life's adventure that called my attention to become conscious on my state of mind. That halted my train of thoughts from dwelling too much on the "what should be". If my plans get frustrated, I am conscious in calming myself down. It was in those times that I prayed to God to help me divert my attention if I am starting to go down that enticing pull of blaming myself, repeating scenarios in my head I should not.
It was in that time, upon learning it, during the recovering stage, and even up to now that I learned to laugh at myself instead. I still get frustrated, yes. I still express and air out my woes but I no longer dwell in them. I learned to weigh things if they are worth wasting energy on and over or should I take a step back and see if there are other ways to go about it.
Closing thoughts
It is a known fact that our bodies react to how we handle things that get thrown our way. How harsh we are with ourselves shows, too.
Things didn't go your way? .. Don't lose your hair over it.
Pray for a diversion. It is easy to just see and mull over the pain or sadness, but really, it is not all that that is in front of you. There are lots of things to laugh about sometimes including ourselves. Laugh and be thankful.
Sometimes, I tell my friends...
Thank God He is a God of humor. Would you believe it? He found it hilarious and apt to add you in my life. Thank you .. I needed you.
ยฉ Pichi28 | #ClubBrokeBCH
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Oh I finally found your alopecia story. Wow I haven't got to that point yet. I guess I don't have any spots for now. Lord I hope I don't have any soon. ๐
I guess this means I should not get triggered by others. In my case, probably the hair fall was also caused by my noisy neighbors and their chickens. ๐ค I am thinking it all started from there. Oh well.
What meds did you get from overseas?