Unrequited Love.
We've all been there, right? We have all been at that stage where we loved someone so deeply and the feeling just wasn't the same. It hurts so much that we begin to doubt ourselves. We begin to think we are not good enough or perhaps if we have certain things, maybe their attitude or approach would have been different and they would accept us.
It's one of the most unhealthy feelings to have and a terrible situation to be in when you tell someone you love them and they tell you "thanks". There was this joke that was all around social media many years ago about a guy who said he went on a date with the lady he was really into. After spending around $300 on that date, she hugged him when they were departing and she said "Thanks bro." Hahahaha. This is a typical example of being "Friend-zoned" and guys are always celebrating when a friend leaves that zone, that's for you to know how deep it is.
I've had to date people I know I might never get close to, in my head. You know when you claim a certain celebrity in your head and would fight tooth and nail to fight for the love of someone that doesn't even know you exist? Hahahaha. Just as we have so many broken-hearted people who are feeling sad due to Rihanna's pregnancy. Not like they would ever come close to dating her but there is this fantasy they have built in their head that only they can explain and express better.
I can remember when I was around 18-20 years of age, I would always claim "Genevieve Nnaji" and "Omotola Ekeinde" as my girlfriends. I would watch all of their movies and get jealous of those who kiss them in the movie; delete the image of the man in my head and put myself in that movie 😂😂😂😂🤣. It was crazy but sometimes we just want everything to be perfect and where else can we invent our world if not in our heads?
It's the world we live in where it's not a given for your love to be reciprocated. It's not an act of wickedness at all because not everyone would feel the same way you feel and just because someone loves you doesn't mean you have to love that person in a romantic love way, back. It's a harsh reality but it is the truth. Imagine how weird it would be if you keep loving people - dating them because they love you. What about your feelings? What about your morals and standards? What's the point of dating someone you have no feelings for which would definitely end up in tears anyway? The truth is, you would never be able to give your all because there is something about having mutual love, it comes naturally and you would go the extra mile for that person.
I used to think it was about me or probably because I didn't have enough money then or maybe I wasn't looking good enough but I got to understand much later that it was never about me and in fact, they were doing me a favour for not accepting my love advances because it would never have worked out and I would feel worse off for investing so much into it and the other person won't be able to do certain bits. Not as if they didn't want to but it just won't come since they had no feelings for me whatsoever.
I had a girl then and I told her how I felt about her but I noticed the way she was avoiding it. I decided to visit her at her request anyway because I am an indoor person. I got to her place, we laughed, made out and I felt I'd gotten myself a girlfriend only for her to tell me a week or 2 weeks later about a guy asking her out and she was willing to give it a try with that one. That was the point I knew she didn't dislike me but she just didn't see me in that line as someone she would date. It hurts like hell and shattered my self-worth a little but I got to know it wasn't about me at all.
I know we live in a world where most relationships are based on money but trust me, not everyone is after your money. Yes, money is good, absolutely good, but if they don't like you, they don't like you, so having money or not having enough wouldn't have mattered anyway.
We need to take the focus away from ourselves because a relationship involves two hearts. Someone said love is temporary amnesia that makes you forget there are other 7 billion people in the world. It involves both parties being on the same page so you won't have to get hurt eventually. Even with someone you are on the same page with, it's hard enough, now imagine someone who has no feelings for you whatsoever and you want to push for such love?
It's never about us neither is it about not having the looks or certain things but it has to do with another heart too because what comes from the heart touches the heart so if they don't love you from their heart, just don't sweat it. It's hard to be on the same page when you are not even reading the same book. Unrequited love can be painful but it's not about you most of the time. Others have the right to process the feelings or reject them because we all have an idea of what we want our love life to be like, at least.
Thank you for your time.
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Another very real and well written article Olasquare, so glad I am not in that situation now, been with my wife for 45 years lol. A lot of people get frustrated and upset when things don't work out with another one they really like, not realizing that in the scheme of things, that wasn't the right one. Came from Dreemport and skidded to a stop here while passing by to read this!