@Jules_951

Being an introvert Overtime I have come to learn and understand that human behavior is constantly being studied and classified into several categories in order to have a deeper understanding of why people act in a certain way or do certain things. As a child of course you have little idea of these categorical classifications of human behavior, but once a person begins to grow, you learn about these things and they sort of help you place yourself in a category too, as well as place others based on the characteristics they poses. I also realized that some people are not just one thing, they could be a mix of both, maybe tilting more to one side than the other. From personality traits to temperaments and so many others, they contain classification of characteristics that we can relate to as behaviors of our own. Ever since I heard of and understood the terms introvert and extrovert; I immediately knew what category I would fall into based on my own characteristic behavior. I have also learnt that heredity, environment and level of exposure play roles in determining the characteristics of your behavior as well. All of those factors did play a role in determining the characteristics of my behavior and what category I fall into, i realized based on my behavior and habits, i tilt towards the category of an introvert. Being majorly introverted, I tend to be sometimes misunderstood as I also believe extroverts may often be misunderstood. Humans in general, we sometimes misunderstand situations, intentions and each other as well. Once proper, transparent and honest communication comes in, those misjudgments and misinterpretations tend to be cleared up and a lot more clarity is achieved. Being introverted is sometimes characterized by a ‘quiet nature’ a phrase that gets misinterpreted a lot.  Yes I do have a quiet nature, which in my own case means I am not the first to speak in a crowd; I enjoy my quiet time in a quiet space, sometimes just listening to my radio or to music without having to make conversations with anyone. It doesn’t mean that I don’t talk or raise my voice, I absolutely do, I am a human with a mouth and a voice, I have emotions which sometimes tend to drive the tone and tempo of my voice. I don’t hate people or company, I absolutely love being in the company of those people with whom I can be comfortably myself. Loving and enjoying your indoor and quiet time a bit more than the time you spend outdoors doesn’t equate to hatred for the outdoors. Sometimes when I get angry or sometimes raise my voice when fueled by my emotions, I’ll be looked at as if I have committed a crime or gone wild, as if I am not allowed to get annoyed or shout. I’ll begin to hear things like ‘she’s just pretending to be ‘quiet’, ‘she’s a pretender’ and I begin to wander why all these comments simply because I had either gotten irritated and infuriated or because I got into an argument, raised my voice, shouted or broke something out of annoyance, does it all now make me a pretender for expressing my emotions. This is not to say that shouting at people or breaking stuff and getting into arguments are healthy means of expressing annoyance, to me it is not but I’m human and I get caught up in those sometimes destructive expressions before I catch myself, pull back and try to control my emotions. Sometimes I am able to calm myself before I get to the point of having an outburst and sometimes i am not, It doesn’t mean my personality changes when I don’t. It’s like some people have this expectation of me that just because I am majorly introverted in nature, I am supposed to always be this calm, quiet, non-talking and inexpressive person, which I can’t always be. When you do decide to speak up for something or for yourself, in a local Nigerian expression people would say ‘ehen so you can talk’, of course I can talk.  I do tend to be sometimes hesitant to participate frequently in socializing activities, it doesn’t mean I don’t love to go out or meet new people, I do. It does get annoying when you’re sometimes labelled or looked at as weird and pretentious for expressing yourself and just being you. Taking out time to understand a person I think does help create a more compassionate, supportive, encouraging, healthy, tolerable and peaceful atmosphere and environment. Yes these behavioral categories are there but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give room for us to be human. Accepting that a person falls into a certain category and understanding that they as individuals are more than those behavioral categories helps avoid misjudgments of a person. I am definitely speaking to myself as I write this as I know how annoying it can be when I’m being misjudged or expected to behave in an exact manner and I am also learning to understand people as individuals, not just based on a certain category or classification. Thank you so much for reading.

Is there a manual for growing up? In different countries and continents around the world, being an adult or as they say a legal adult varies from one age to another. In my country the legal age is 18, at that age you are legally recognized as an adult, you are supposed to be treated and looked at as one. As an adult there are certain things you’re expected to have the capacity and the capabilities to do, you are expected to act in a certain way, speak in a certain way and in some cases you are expected to have had or acquired certain experiences, assets and skills. I then ask myself if a particular cut out template has been set for grown-ups and adults, then is a specific manual or set of guidelines and instructions for growing up. When a person is born, you are born into a family, which in terms of nationality belong to a local government, state, country and continent. Growing up there are some things which play a role in and shape that process of growth; your nationality, the country and continent you’re born in play a role in the characteristics of your environment, such as the economy, security situation, educational standard and opportunity, lifestyle and others. For some people in terms of ethnicity, faith and beliefs, they are born into an ethnic group, a culture, religion and belief which also play roles in a person’s upbringing. Parents and family contribute their own quota to the upbringing of their children and the young ones around them. Education and academics; schools and teachers play a role too, a person’s access to education would depend on various factors, finances, opportunity, health and also support. Not to take away the natural progression of growth that takes place from childhood, biological changes, eating habits, diets, behavioral changes and all other things which happen naturally as we progress in age. The intellectual, psychological, mental and emotional growth though is what’s mostly affected by environmental factors, level of exposure, culture, religion and other factors that make up a person’s lifestyle, experiences and play a role in their upbringing. Level of exposure is important in the growing process, good and healthy exposure of course, as it gives room for interaction and learning. In a country for instance where the economy is down and struggling, security is bad, educational opportunities are limited and people are literally struggling to survive and get by; a person who’s born into this kind of environment may have to struggle extra hard to feed not to talk of going to school and studying. If such a person is able to study and get through school, get a job and starts working in the same environment. Their level of exposure and experiences won’t be the same with a person who was born in an economically stabilized country with better security and affordable and accessible education. Culture and religion, being another factor, does guide and limit the lives of some people, some children born into a particular culture or religion may later decide to follow suit with what they were introduced to or change and deviate into another direction of their choice, but all in all culture and religion does guide the practices and choices of people. Parents and family as well, help in the key upbringing of a child, the training and upbringing they give to their young ones also depend on the level of exposure, education, knowledge and information that they themselves have acquired. Finances, health, support, opportunity and accessibility play a role in determining the level of education a child would possess. If there are different people born into different families, states, countries, continents, ethnicity, cultures, religion and beliefs; with different financial status and capabilities, different health conditions and different levels of exposure, their experiences wouldn’t exactly be the same too. That means; they won’t all finish school or graduate at the same time, they won’t all start work at the same time, they won’t all get married at the same time nor have their own kids and start families at the same time, they wouldn’t “grow up” at the same time. The conversation of being an adult and all it entails should be relative and not specific. A person shouldn’t be referred to as being too slow or too fast in terms of being a grown up just because of their biological age. Some people younger than the legal adult age have had to “grow up” and take up responsibilities in place of their parents due to different situations or circumstances. They are now seen to be grown up at a younger age, not everyone has that experience and they “grow up” at a different pace. Everyone strives for success, progress and excellence whether it is in academics, career, relationships and life. It won’t all happen at the same time and at the same pace for everyone, and it doesn’t mean they are not growing or that they are growing up wrongly. Even in terms of relationships and friendships, whether it is romantic or platonic, a person’s level of exposure, acquired information, knowledge and education plays a role in determining the success and quality of those relationships. Since all of these are determined by factors that differ for different individuals, it is only normal that their experiences and achievements at different ages would differ and vary. If there was a cut out, specific manual for growing up, one that was designed to get us all grown up properly and at the same time, then it would be a question of following the instructions and guidelines but I haven’t come across it yet and I am now learning to accept that everyone’s pace is different, our experiences are different too, because we are influenced by different factors which affect us differently. Hence we might not all gain, acquire and possess information, knowledge, skills and assets at the same time, which means we might not all “grow up” at the same time. The process I think is important as it also helps in grooming and maturing us as individuals, the process though sometimes similar, is experienced differently from person to person. We should be encouraged and supported through the process regardless of the biological age, we learn and grow every day, and should be encouraged to do so and not discouraged because of age or the presence or lack of  achievements. Thank you so much for reading.

Taking my own advice Good evening everyone, thank you for the words of encouragement, i very much appreciate everything. Today I decided to write about heeding to our own words, on several occasions I have at some point or the other given my two cents to a friend and even family. When someone comes to talk to me about something and then asks for my input or advice and I give my input, I sometimes think back to that conversation and think about what I have said and whether or not I would take my own advice if found in similar situations. I realized that I can all but try to give an opinion or advice based on my own perspective of a situation and what I feel may be appropriate for it. All of which of course is all based on my mind-set, point of view and my understanding of the situation which may or may not be helpful to the recipient. Sometimes in giving advice, I do think of what I would do if I was the one wearing the shoes, in reality I may not even follow my own advice; the situation might hit me differently, in a different environment and under different circumstances and I might react absolutely differently from how I advised someone else to. Does that make me a hypocrite, does it mean I should stop giving advice if i won’t follow my own advice; yes, no, maybe, I don’t know. What I do know is that things are sometimes easier said than done, things do happen, life’s situations affect us all differently, the experiences could sometimes be similar which is why we often have the capacity to empathize with someone else in their own experiences and would give advice based on our own handling and dealing with that situation, with the intent to help out. The one who wears the shoe knows where it hurts, as much as I want to be of help and give good advice, as much as I may have been In similar situation myself, I may never fully understand how a situation affects a person because we are different individuals with our own individual makeup, strengths, weaknesses and limits. Which is why sometimes when we give advice, the recipient may not always follow through with it and that’s okay, not every advice is good and suitable for everyone. It all depends on the recipient and whether or not they decide to take the advice and follow through with it. Sometimes it’s not always advice per say, sometimes it could be an opinion on an issue. Based on the individual, an opinion could be seen as good, bad, needed, unnecessary, appropriate or inappropriate; it is about deciding what is needed for you and what isn’t. I sometimes after being asked for advice or after I’ve given my opinion, I realize that as much as I’m talking to someone else, I’m also talking to myself, reminding myself of certain things that I too should be doing. Talking to another person, sometimes also helps me remind myself of how I should respond and deal with issues if faced with them too. I think that’s why judging a person’s response or reaction to a situation without fully understanding it would be different if it was I in that situation. which is why sometimes applying a bit of consideration, empathy and understanding when giving advice to others and even to ourselves is necessary as much as honesty and truthfulness is important when giving advice, the intention is what matters as it would determine how we deliver the advice, how the recipient would take it in and the outcome it will have. Whether we are giving or taking advice, it is all important as no one person has all the knowledge or understanding, we learn and glean wisdom and information from one another, which is why I’m learning how important it is to have the right mind-set and intentions when giving our two cents to others and to ourselves too.   Thank you so much for reading.

Debuting on read.cash Hello to everyone here, i am excited and at the same time super nervous to be putting up my first article here. I was introduced to this platform some months ago by a friend of mine and it has been a great experience since then, there are definitely a lot of talented and knowledgeable writers on this platform. I am glad to have come across such a platform that gives the opportunity to learn, interact and express oneself freely through writing, coupled with the opportunity to earn as well. I look forward to learning more about BCH, gaining more financial intelligence and also learning from other people's experiences and knowledge. I was a bit unsure about what to write about in my first article, after much though i decided to just start writing. For some reason i have always had a thing for words, you could call it love or appreciation, i'm not sure but i think it has something to do with the power they have whether they are written or spoken. I think it’s also why I have a special admiration and respect for poets and authors. For a long time as far back as I can remember owning a phone that could text; I remember often looking forward to the Christian yuletide celebrations, asides from the happy atmosphere, the food, family and every other wonderful thing that comes with it, I also loved the opportunity to send Christmas and new year messages to loved ones. I never understood it but I looked forward to sitting down with my pen and paper and composing Christmas and New Year messages to send out to loved ones. I’d write down the things that reminded me of Christmas; lights, laughter, joy and I would enjoy the process of putting it all together into a meaningful message, it genuinely made me happy. On getting into secondary school, I became part of the press club/literary and debating society, which meant I got involved in essay writing and composition, news casting, debate writing and a bunch of other stuff. Being introverted in nature I didn’t fancy having to stand in front of an audience to argue a case or topic, which was why I stuck to writing and developing the necessary points for the debaters, a process I enjoyed too. I had no issues with reading the news, though I still don’t understand why I refrained from debating in front of an audience but absolutely loved reading the news, which was also done in the presence of an audience but that is me digressing. I have often heard the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can’t hurt me” and in thinking about this line, a lot of things come to mind. Words come in different forms, languages, and with different intentions, motives and forces behind them but does that make them any less powerful? I understand why one would choose to doubt a person’s word or flat out ignore them, especially when Lies, derogatory words and insults come into play, when you know a person is lying or throwing hurtful words at you, it would cause you to ignore and disbelieve those words. That in my opinion is not letting those words have maximum power over you but they could affect someone else, who may not know how to handle or deal with them. I have used words carelessly, sometimes letting emotions or sentiments get the better of me, sometimes it’s just as a result of my own carelessness. After some time though maybe when I’m thinking in retrospect about the events of a day, I would realize that they were certain words I didn’t have to say, sometimes it is at that moment I realize I may have hurt and offended with my words. Then I try to plan out how to rectify my mistakes, it teaches me a lesson every time; words can sometimes be like spilled milk, once they are out and on the floor, it takes a lot more effort to rectify, clarify and change them than it took to say or write them in the first place, it’s not impossible but it takes a lot more intentional work especially when emotions and feelings are involved. I then say to myself in correction, why not learn to put that intentional work and effort into either staying quiet and just listening to try to better understand the situation or really thinking through your words before saying them. It is not easy to do or remember when you are knee deep into a situation, emotions can get really tough to control, what I think helps me at times to reconsider my words is to quickly think about the after effect that they would have, would it be worth it or not. Sometimes we do face situations when we need to be blunt and brutally honest; there are also times when we need to speak up for ourselves regardless of whether or not a person would like it. Intention I think matters in those situations, when I do need to speak up and speak out for myself, I am not intending to harm or hurt anyone but rather to defend myself, set boundaries or just give a voice to something that affects me. They are times when I do need to be honest with somebody; a friend, a brother or family who need and sometimes request for honesty, which can be hurtful at times but of course the intent is not to hurt but to be of help. As long I can be honest with myself enough to know when the intention behind the words is to hurt and anger, I can catch myself in time to try to change that intention. It is difficult in reality, for instance when I’ve been hurt or angered, I want to also clap back at the person. Practice does make progress; I try to remind myself of that. As long as I am willing to keep practicing and working at being better with the intent and purpose of my words then it will get better. That’s not to take away the fun that could be had with words; jokes, comedy and the laughter they bring. Whether it is with friends or family, being able to tease and joke around is wonderful, sometimes though a joke can rub off the wrong way. I do enjoy good banter and being able to have a good laugh with friends, family and loved ones, comedy shows and movies too. Just thinking about it as I write this; whether its laughter, joy, happiness, sadness, anger or pain they are aided in their communication by words, and actions too but words also play a role. Words can be beautiful, if used beautifully and with pure intentions; they can bring smiles, make peace, mend hearts and breed love but they could also cause frowns, incite wars, break hearts and breed anger and hate. Which is why I think they are such a powerful tool and why I love them so much and admire people who use them beautifully and with good intent; thinking back, I realize that why I probably like reading, writing or just even listening to words is simply because of how it makes me feel. The smile that reading a nice poem or message brings to me, the feeling of usefulness and satisfaction that writing gives me, the enlightenment from listening to  profound words being spoken, it goes on and on. I of course haven’t been and am still not perfect when it comes to being conscious, intentional and humane with my words, Which is why even though I know that I’m human and would slip up and make mistakes, I am consciously trying to be more productive with how I use my words. It is definitely not easy, it hasn’t been for me but I know it is something worth working at. To me words are essential and yes they do hurt me but other times they are also all that I need to make me feel better on a bad day, what do words mean to you? Thank you so much for reading.