Some Level of Pain.

One of my many daughters (I have a lot of them; self-adopted) many years ago lost her mum and I couldn’t help but feel sad for her. If you have ever lost someone then you will know the pain of losing someone. She cried only for 5 minutes, more like she needed someone to comfort her. She had been hiding the pain in her heart so I allowed her to cry. I just gave her my shoulder with rubs. I was scared she might be affected if I didn't let her grieve. She isn’t smiling anymore; not that I expected her to, but she is getting numb to pain and that is a dangerous path to follow.

It is sad when those who have never dealt with pain advise you on how best to manage the pain of losing someone. They think from their head rather than from their heart. When you want to offer counsel to another, the first thing they will ask you is, ”Has it happened to you before?”

I laugh and chuckle inside when someone is going through something and I hear people try to comfort such a person by saying, ”I understand what you are going through”. No, you don’t and you can’t, except you have gone through the same thing too or something similar.

This adopted daughter of mine is about to write her A-Levels examination and the CEO of the academy told her friend to stop pampering her and tell her to read; someone that just lost her mother? That is a terrible way to console people. In as much as he meant that in good fate so she can move on and focus on her life while not wasting money, I still feel he went about it the wrong way. There is no easy way to tell people goodbye and there is no easy way to move on from the pain of losing someone that close.

A lot of people try to act tough thereby forgetting the sensitivity of the situation another person is going through. When we want to be kind, we should be kind. There is no easy way of moving on, especially for a 20-year-old that just lost her mother.

I can remember losing my dad just a few weeks before my third-year examination. A lot of my friends were already feeling bad for me and they just knew that the examination might turn out bad. I cried, lost it, and screamed but I let it all out. I threw tantrum and I lashed out at people. I didn’t want to bottle anything inside, so I dished it out so hot 🙈. It is only in times like this that you can get away with it. Only a few people can relate to the pain I was going through then.

I have dealt with a lot of pain and people wonder why I am so lively, playful and troublesome. I don’t do pity parties and I know I don’t want life to have one over me. I had the wisdom to accept the things that I cannot control but sometimes it comes with experience.

I had a series of hurt; from losing my sister, to losing my dad, my mother, my uncle, my cousin, and a few friends too not to mention some heartbreaks that make you questions if you will ever be good enough for any lady. Pain is real and losing someone is very real. We need to stop living in denial of it.

I could relate to what she was going through she was in a phase where nothing else makes sense and she won’t mind ending things because she felt there is no sense in living. She was at a very vulnerable stage and I was glad I was there for her because others would have taken advantage of that.

I went home when I heard dad passed away. I was blank all through the journey. I got home; I didn’t greet any of my relatives, with brothers trying to speak to me as I was walking through the gate. I don’t even know who helped out with my bag as I moved up the stairs. Went to his room and that was where I lost it. It took three people to pin me down with empty assurances from relatives as usual.

I wasn’t done healing when mum passed away too. She missed her husband too much and she developed hypertension as a result of it. I was at home with her and I even led the fellowship downstairs where she was gushing about how everyone loves it when I teach, just before the fellowship. The moment we finished the fellowship, I saw her fighting for her life on her bed. I have never been so helpless in my life. I wish there was something I could do and I wish I could wave a magic wand but I had to run outside, call for help and we carried her downstairs into the car. I didn’t know she has passed away as we were carrying her downstairs. I ran after the car that took her barefooted and people had to run after me and pull me back because they felt I was going mad. I am someone that would never walk barefooted and there I was, running after the car taking her to the clinic because they couldn't wait for me.

Value the lives of those around you and create as many memories as you can with them. I wish I could go back and create as many memories as I can with my late sister, dad, mum, cousin, uncle and some friends. It should get better with age but not every kind of pain. You need special focus and understanding to handle it well. There is nothing like managed pain because when it hits you, even the hardest of people would act like a baby. There is no manual and it can’t be taught. Cry if you must, and don’t bottle it up. There is no better way to deal with it than to let it all out.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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