Unfortunately, corona virus still does not stop. In my opinion the time of quarantine is near again.
Everyone around is striving to use self-isolation in order to turn into a “better version of themselves” - this is what coaches, authors of personal growth trainings, fitness trainers on Instagram, and just acquaintances who report about their culinary exploits, a new foreign language, are persuaded to this every day. kilograms and books read. What is the endless "improvement" fraught with for our psyche? And is it worth even aiming at self-improvement in the turbulent times of the coronavirus crisis?
Social isolation
The situation of self-isolation is described by two concepts of modern psychology: non-normative crisis and borderline situation. A crisis is a period when habitual values, skills and life guidelines cease to be relevant for the changed reality. Sometimes this stage naturally accompanies human development - for example, adolescence, and then we are talking about a normative crisis. But there are also sudden, drastic changes that no one expected. In this case, the crisis is called abnormal.
A borderline situation is understood as circumstances that are associated with a risk to human life and health or are subjectively perceived as such.
Both do not necessarily have negative consequences, sometimes even the opposite: new values are formed in a person, ways of adapting to reality are expanding. But in order to get through this difficult period, resources are needed, especially the most basic ones, such as adequate sleep, balanced nutrition and rest.
Is it possible in general in such a state to switch to self-improvement and escape from stress?
When it comes to self-improvement, the main question you should ask yourself is, "Why?" Both the crisis and the borderline situation are a regime of increased stress on the psyche around the clock. You have to deal with very difficult experiences, withstand tremendous pressure. This is a period when even the most elementary actions take a lot of energy. You wouldn't ask someone who has run a long marathon to go straight to a fitness center to work on their abs, would you? Likewise, here is the main question that a person should ask himself in a difficult situation: "How can I help myself, how to support, how to cope with distress?" Distress is understood as a negative form of stress that has a negative impact on the general psychophysiological state.
Of course, everyone puts something of their own into the concept of "self-improvement". However, whatever it is, this process requires a certain emotional resource, which in times of crisis is usually in great deficit. Now about the "distraction from stress". The distraction strategy itself is one of the adaptive ways to cope with those difficult life circumstances that are beyond our control. Provided, of course, that this is not done through alcohol abuse or other self-destructive behavior. But this is not always possible. If the reality outside the window "storms", it can be difficult to be distracted from it. In this situation, I would recommend relying on what helps you personally: watching TV shows helps some, talking on the phone with friends for others, and moderate physical activity for others. Perhaps, for someone, learning and reading developmental literature is just one of these ways of relaxation. Perhaps someone from the outside will appreciate this as self-improvement. But the main question is - does it become easier for you personally to go through the conditions of self-isolation with the help of such activities? If so, why not. But if this is experienced as a compulsion, as another heavy obligation, save your strength. They will still be useful to you.
Where do the promises to start "a new life on Monday" come from? In this case, in quarantine?
I think promises to start living in a new way on Monday (Friday, next week or month) is such a good old way of planning what you really don't want to do, but "people say what to do."
What are the risks of perfectionism?
A whole bunch of mental disorders: anxiety, depressive conditions, increased chemical dependence and other unpleasant manifestations. But the saddest thing is that perfectionism is hardly useful even for achieving success. In order to succeed in any business, you need to be ready to make a huge number of mistakes, to regularly face difficult feelings of powerlessness, disappointment, fatigue, confusion, shame - and be able to withstand them. The more difficult the cherished goal, the more significant should be the level of self-support, which is understood as the ability to treat oneself kindly in times of difficulty. As far as perfectionism is concerned, this is in every way a losing strategy. At the cognitive level, perfectionism carries so-called dysfunctional judgments, that is, distorted ideas about the world and about oneself. Emotionally, it aggravates the state of distress. Physiologically, at its most extreme, perfectionism leads to increased fatigue, eating disorders, and sleep deprivation. This does not mean that mental health involves a passive attitude and abandonment of goals - quite the opposite. But on the road to success, it is important to rely on two factors.
First, on the real values and desires of the individual, which come "from the heart", and not from other people's attitudes and ideas about "coolness" or duty.
Secondly, on objective reality: the presence or absence of certain resources, a sober calculation of time costs.
Perfectionism, to put it mildly, is not compatible with a both factors.
Is it normal if a person, instead of wanting to become better during quarantine, wants to succumb to laziness and live in an "energy-saving mode"?
Not just normal, but very reasonable. The main task of the psyche during a crisis and a borderline situation is to survive the increased load, to withstand the situation of uncertainty and to adapt to new circumstances. Adapting to change and reassessing skills is usually impossible at an early stage, since it is not yet clear in which direction, in fact, you need to change. A more advantageous strategy for the psyche in this case is the process of slowing down: a person listens to himself, his actual needs, takes care of his condition and gradually accumulates strength for the transition to a new stage of life. As for such a thing as "laziness", then, in my opinion, this is a completely mythical construct. There is a conflict between the desired and the necessary. There is a low energy level. There are objectively difficult, stressful circumstances. Sometimes laziness takes the form of an unconscious protest against someone or something. Very often, laziness signals a person's unwillingness to meet with difficult thoughts and feelings. Pure laziness in the way our culture usually describes it is almost impossible to meet.
What dictates the demand of modern society for continuous self-improvement?
I think this is due to a paradigm shift of personal good. For centuries, a person's life has been determined by his social class, gender, age, religious norms and position in the family system. Within this paradigm, little could be influenced at will.
The XX century brought many changes, and one of them was the idea that everyone is able to achieve any cherished goal - one has only to want. This is fine in itself, but there are nuances.
First, there is continuous pressure from society, which often begins with the parental family, broadcasting what exactly should be considered a success, what should be dreamed of and what “real happiness” is. With this approach, a person is often deprived of the opportunity to think about what he really wants.
Secondly, in the most difficult cases (but, unfortunately, quite frequent in my practice), a person cannot even clearly tell about who he is and who he really is. Where, in theory, there should be a person, there is something like a broken mirror. Whom, tell me, in this case, "improve"? Yourself or someone else's ideas about yourself? Not to mention the cases when people are trying to improve something that is actually great in itself.
Third, the desire for equality for all. This is all wonderful. However, in fact, we are not equal. We all have completely different starting positions: financial, family, emotional, social. Any success provides a certain resource. Sometimes wealthy parents living in the capital are such a resource. Sometimes - a strong nervous system, won in the genetic lottery. But if you ignore the resource factor, you get the impression that anyone can achieve anything, you just need to "try". And this is an illusion.
Just in case, I will indicate: I do not want to say at all that dreaming is harmful, goals are unrealizable, and personal development is bad. Of course it is not. I am only stating what is important:
in matters of self-improvement, first of all, honestly answer oneself to the question of what that “self” is
assess your own resources soberly
learn to support yourself where resources are scarce, as well as get support from outside
modify the idea of "personal perfection" and replace it with something that is more consistent, on the one hand, with the subjective world of man, and on the other, with objective reality
Is it okay to constantly be in a race for the "best version of yourself"?
The question of the norm is quite complex. Modern culture dictates that being in constant race and competition with each other is both normal and beneficial. Modern psychology, in turn, asks: what price are you willing to pay for such a "norm" and what will you get in return?
What can be said to justify those people who have chosen a "passive" position for themselves during quarantine?
The main thing that you must understand is that there is no need to look for excuses for this.
How not to start to complex at the sight of photos and videos of people who have devoted the entire quarantine to endless "achievement"?
I think it's important to remind yourself that the picture on social media is always the tip of the iceberg. You do not see the current psychological state of the person, and you may not know that anxiety disorder or manic phase of bipolar disorder is sometimes attached as a bonus to the next certificate of successful success. You do not know what resources a person has, who could afford the next "achievement". You can't even be sure if it brought him or her joy. But even if we assume that someone else's certificate got someone easily and simply, and brought joy, and benefit too, - what do you personally get from this? How does this speak about your real values, desires, your personality, finally? Sometimes only a psychologist can help to deal with these issues.
The photos used in this article are taken from the site www.google.com
During the quarantine, I wanted to go crazy, I used to walk with the children, we were sitting in the pastry shop, in the cafe, then suddenly there was nothing, who was talking about what, we just threw ourselves from the online school.