I don't deserve the pain

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2 years ago
Topics: One shot, Fiction

As I glance through my window, I see leaves falling down. The wind is not too strong nor too soft, but enough to make the surroundings a bit comfortable.

I am not in the mood to go out today and meet people. I just feel sleepy and wanna spend my whole time today laying down in my bed. I'm feeling cold even when it's hot. I want to talk but I don't have someone to stay beside me.

There's this feeling inside me that I cannot explain. I am smiling, but deep inside I feel sad. There's something in mind that makes my heart in pain.

I honestly don't deserve this kind of pain. All my life, I have always been doing what's good for me. But never did I thought that by being like this would somehow cause some things I would have experienced if I just let myself to do them.

I am not mad, nor angry. But I feel pain, even when I don't deserve it. I fell in love with someone I couldn't have. Someone whom I really love so much, but also someone who might not feel the same way. And that's how I feel pain in my heart.

I'm too stupid in love. I did not take the chance to confess when I have it. But now I am regretting 'cause it seems like the person I love who has found someone already will end up being forever.

Yes, it is so painful knowing that I am not the one in that position. It's painful that I have to conceal what I really feel when I am in front of the person I love. It's painful when I see her smile while I was faking mine just to hide what I truly feel and prevent breaking down in front of her. But still, I don't deserve this kind of pain.

At first, I thought that ignoring her messages would somehow ease the pain and help me forget my feelings for her. But it only worsen the feeling I have inside of me. I wanna cry out loud but I can't in front of her.

Out of the blue, I suddenly feel the need to call her. But when I look for her number in my contacts, my thumb seemed to have been stuck. I can't click the call button. My heart beats faster and I have a hard time deciding 'cause my mind is being confused.

I was shocked when I saw her calling me. I cleared my throat before answering. She said hi and I said hello. She just asked about how I was doing. If I am just fine because she said she has not been receiving any message from me lately. It's already my chance but my tongue seemed to fold backwards. I just answered with a short reply, "I am fine."

As I expected, I am really a fool when it comes to love. Maybe, just maybe, I will still have the chance. I am not hoping for something to happen with her current relationship status but maybe, if destiny will give another chance to me, I hope that the stars will align and help me confess my feelings. But if we are not really destined to each other, I hope someday that I could still say it to her that I once loved her and she will always have a special part in my heart.

It is sad and definitely painful. But I wish someday, I will also find someone who will love me the same way as I love.


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2 years ago
Topics: One shot, Fiction

Comments

Just give a try.. Maybe she love you also😉.. Some women hiding their feelings even they are in relationship. Falling in someone is not a mistake. Just be prepare the consequences.

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2 years ago

I'll take note of that but this is just a story and I just made it out of boredom yesterday 😅

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2 years ago

Yuhhh I know.. Some writers here really make a fiction story😉.

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2 years ago

Take a deep breath and let yourself feel. There's nothing wrong with loving someone and the worst thing they can say when you tell them is No, and that will actually help you move on faster rather than wondering "what if...?"

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2 years ago

Thanks for that. But anyways, it's just a story. ☺️

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2 years ago

Haha, OK. It's a good one

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2 years ago

Maybe you'll just afraid of rejection, a famous saying said, if you feel overwhelmed towards the person then immediately confess it, there's nothing wrong in showing and telling what you feel, there will be two scenarios, he or she might accept you nor reject you, the most important thing is you've tried and there's a relief in the your heart since your brave enough to tell that you love him or her.

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2 years ago

Thanks for the words but this is just a short fiction. 😅

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2 years ago

You will definitely find your true lover, someday.

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2 years ago

It's just a fiction po hehe.

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2 years ago