@Maestro02 14 May 2021

A moment of realizations.

I've been sleeping late for the past few days because I'm finishing my schoolworks. I remember when our education was still being conducted face-to-face, I was not in a hurry with my schoolworks. I remember that I was not so tired at night when our situation was not yet in the **'new normal'**. I remember that I used to spend the night because I was still doing activities that I had to pass tomorrow. I also remember back then that I was going home at night because we were practicing our role plays that would be performed the next day. I also remember that I didn’t do much at night before because I had already done my assignments before I went home. I have also written essays and short stories that need to be submitted tomorrow. This is how my life used to be. A student who is a bit busy but I can say it also has been **‘adventurous’** and I used to enjoy while learning because I was happy with what I was doing.

Unlike today my anxiety often attacks me. Often awake because activities are coming to an end. Often tired because I will do modules all day and do it over and over again every day. I’ll admit, I’ve changed to the **‘New Normal’** I’m experiencing now. It's been over a year since I last experienced wandering around and enjoying what I'm doing. To be honest, I'm not very happy with what I'm doing right now but I can't stop it because I have a dream. I can't stop because I will still be answering my siblings' studies. I can't **stop** because I still have so many things to achieve. As my stay here on earth also lasts, so do the realizations that I know. I realized that I was in the adult phase now. I realized that I could no longer enjoy the things I wanted very much. There are things I need to **reduce** because there are more important things that need to be done. I was nervous that I might not be able to handle it but I also thought that ‘**others can handle it,** so it’s not impossible that **I can handle it too**’. I am also in a phase of my life that I need to set aside a little amount for my family. Well, I'm ready to be here since then. I made up my mind that I would come to the point where I would be the one to support my family. As of now, I can help my family somehow. Sometimes I can buy what we need and I can also pay our bills here at home using my own money. Another realization of mine is that you also need to reward yourself sometimes. The other day, I experienced a lot of stress in my studies. I was stressed at that time because our teacher giving Learning Activity Sheets and Mastery Tests and Performance tasks **simultaneously**. I admit, we hold our time to do school works but it is not enough to finish all at once. I do activities every day but I am still in a hurry to do. Just imagine that.

These past few weeks, when I’m tired I’ve been playing **Mobile Legends** and it serves as my **break**. I'll just play 1 or 2 games and my brain will be fine again. I can say that Mobile Legends has contributed a lot to my **mental health.** It helps ease my feelings and relieve stress even though I can only play occasionally. Just yesterday I rewarded myself because I knew **I deserved it.** By doing this, my feelings of loneliness and stress are reduced. I was also given the opportunity to buy my dream thing which boosted my perseverance to do my activites. I used to accumulate for it before, but now I’ve got it. This way, the stress I feel is reduced. **Closing Thoughts.**

There is **nothing** wrong with rewarding oneself. It can be a way for your good. ***I can say that giving a reward to yourself is giving value to yourself as well.*** Others may not be able to do it for you even though you have helped others a lot but I can do it for myself. I know the hardship I feel now is only temporary so I will do my best to overcome it and be the best version of my self. You can read my previous articles: **I've been Demotivated.** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/ive-been-demotivated-a7ac80e2 ****My Goals and Wishes for the month of May and my Achievements in April.**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/my-goals-and-wishes-for-the-month-of-may-and-my-achievements-in-april-19cdbd56 ****It Starts with a Pen.**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/it-starts-with-a-pen-b3c7f91a ****I Made my Mom more Proud.**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/i-made-my-mom-more-proud-cfe57a3c ****Flowers and Photography: Some of my Best Shots for this Month.**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/flowers-and-photography-some-of-my-best-shots-for-this-month-5ee44945 ****Just Keep Going Even if it’s Hard.**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/just-keep-going-even-if-its-hard-a70dae38 ****Do you still remember your Life before the Pandemic?**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/do-you-still-remember-your-life-before-the-pandemic-255311f4 ****I Will Always be Grateful for all the Support I Receive.**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/i-will-always-be-grateful-for-all-the-support-i-receive-e90d547f ****Always take your 'Me Time'**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/always-take-your-me-time-2c4a979f ****Music benefits my life: Benefits of music to my life**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/music-benefits-my-life-benefits-of-music-to-my-life-461b6401 ****Celebrate your Silent and Small Wins.**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/celebrate-your-silent-and-small-wins-ccfe1e9c ****Benefits of Playing Games: Virtual Games and Physical Game********s**** https://read.cash/@Maestro02/benefits-of-playing-games-virtual-games-and-physical-games-1e283a5c