Waiting to hear my Father's voice for 17 years!

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Date: 28th May, 2022. Saturday

Father. A word enough to explain it’s importance in anyone’s life. A man who looks like other simple human beings but when it comes to protecting his family, the man, the simple man turns himself in an army. The tree of the family which ensures that each members must have the benefits and necessities of life. The one who always work day and night to bring happiness with him to his house. I had lost this option from my life. I had no way to have those blessings anymore. 17 years ago, on this very day, I buried my father with my own hands. From then, I lived everyday in search of that man but this is the rules of Almighty, once gone... can never be back again. Father, I still deny the fact that you are no more with us. I'm drowned, broken, lonely and sad without you.

Today is my father's death anniversary. Writing about my father will not bring him back to life. Neither I'm writing this to gain sympathy from any of you nor drawing money. I'm writing this to you because I'm feeling suffocated deep inside my soul. I need to speak but I cannot. I need to shout but feeling like someone is scratching my soul. I need to do it. My worth is nothing without my friends and I consider my friends as my family members. So speaking with you means sharing my feelings with you all. This may make me feel comfortable. Let me speak my beloved friends.

2005, the year which was a dark aged year for me. On this very day 28th May, I lost my father. From having a beautiful evening the previous day to suddenly losing the roof of my life, I had the worst day of my life. I lost my father, a smiling guy who just slept beside me and shared his warmth with me. My father always slept beside me holding my hand but I didn’t know that it was the last day of my life. I slept comfortably because I knew my father would not sleep untill I do.

I woke up suddenly when I felt someone was pushing me and screaming loudly. My eyes were sleepy but I could feel something bad happened. It happened actually. We lost him. My elder sister and I was standing there having no idea what was actually happening then. My mom was holding him when he was dying. My sister and I sat beside him and hold his hands. We rubbed his hands, feet and even I gave CPR. I had no idea about it and learnt it from text book. It didn’t work. We already knew that it was coming to an end. I put my ear on his chest. It was slowing down, the heartbeats were slowing down and suddenly, there was silence.

I looked at my mother and sister. They were still trying their best. I slowly uttered that he was no more. A moment of silence took place and I still felt that I am the sole listener of that sounds. Both mom and sister bursted into tears while I had no clue. I tried my best to cry but I felt like a huge stone was placed on my chest. I was unable and found myself numb. One of my uncle heard everything and rushed but it was late. He informed my relatives and cousins. I was still looking at him and trying to make myself believe that I had lost the supreme support of my life.

I wasn’t crying till then. My inabilities of crying is still justified by myself. Why I was unable? My mom grabbed me and was telling me that he was no more. Her words then helped me realize that it was over. I screamed top of my lungs. I shouted, screamed and cried. That mere child has lost his biggest friend, the best companion of his life. I was stubborn enough to accept the facts and denying that father had left me. It was around 1am. The next morning, we had too many people at our home. My schoolmates demanded early leave to be with me. School authority declared holiday after an hour. There were too many people consoling me and my family.

After completing last rituals, I carried him on my shoulders along with my cousins to his grave, put him down gently there and buried my father with my own hands. Yes, I did. This is the worst feelings of a son when he buries his parents with his own hands. It will never be forgotten.

My life changed after that day. I had to take care of my family. I was only 14 years old then and from the age of 17, I started earning to support my family which is still going on. I became a comedian, a joker for my family to ensure smiles on their faces. That's why I am so good at making people comfortable and easy with me and smile. That's how I am living now. In the end, I smile & let bygones be bygones.

Dear Allah, I'm nothing without you. You have helped me always and still holding my hands in this situation. I pray cordially, bending my head and kneeling before you, let my father rest in peace, take care of his soul. Have mercy on him. I am seeking forgiveness on behalf of him. He was a good man, a good husband and definitely a good father.

Abbu, I will see you on the other side of this world, in heaven. Please embrace me when I'm there and call me with name. I'm waiting for your voice for a long long time. I miss you, father.


I'm sad and upset dear friends. Hope you understand.

  • Picture of this article belong to me.

Thanks for being with me.

©Lucifer01

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Comments

With this you show me the true love you have for your father. From heaven he must be happy that you are his son. God bless you

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2 years ago

Your daddy must be proud of you because you became the solid foundation of the family now, you give importance on being the sole supporter and the wall of the family. Cheer up mate...

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2 years ago

Thanks dear. Your words meant a lot.

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2 years ago

Hey buddy, don't feel down, we are here. What happened was gone, we can't do anything besides accept it. Don't feel alone, we are here to accompany you. We are a family.

Feel free and brave and stand, we all have something lacking but also we try to do our best that's the life that I have understood.

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2 years ago

Thanks dear. Your words heal.

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2 years ago

No matter how long we lost someone, we can still remember them through the memories they shared with us. Anyway, thankss for sharing your story with us my friend. I believe your fathee is in a good place now, and he's with you wherever you are. I presume he's proud of what you've become.

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2 years ago

Thanks a lot dear. I'm honoured.

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2 years ago

You're so brave to tell us the story. I have been thinking of writing the same, how my dad passed away and my last memories with him but I just couldn't finish it. He's now 16yrs away from us but we'll never forget.

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2 years ago

You should have. I can feel it. Sorry about the incident. It hurts.

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2 years ago

I understand you. This is very painful. If I may say so, I was lucky that this happened to me later, at the age of 34, last year, and you were still a child. I know that you are religious and that it gave you strength, but I am very disappointed. I don't know if life has to be this unfair, how can I believe in anything. I send you a big hug and support, I feel the same. I can't wait to fall asleep to see and hear my father again, in my dreams.😟

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2 years ago

Tight hug. I know it. You can feel it & sorry, I made you sad.

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2 years ago

I'm sorry mate. Rest in peace. Father is a mountain for son. when he is gone he collapses on the mountain

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2 years ago

Sorry to hear that,you are so brave my friend

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2 years ago

I am sorry to hear that my friend! I am jus can wis for your father. Yaa Allah, forgive him, have mercy on him, give him strength, forgive him, and place him in a noble place (heaven), widen his grave, bathe him with snow and ice water. Clean him from all faults, as You clean white clothes from dirt, give him a better house than his house (in this world), give him a better family (in heaven) than his family (in this world), and enter him into Paradise, protect him from the torment of the grave and hell. Aaammiinn

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2 years ago

Thanks dear. I pray so.

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2 years ago

May Allah bless your father with highest rank In Janah. Amen Don't worry everyone will gone and we have to replace our status in this world. I am feeling sad you lost great pillar of your family in 2005.

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2 years ago

Long ago dear. I'm fighting with that memory for long long time.

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2 years ago

I am really sorry to hear that, buddy. I couldn't imagine the pain, but I know it hurts so much. You are such a good man. Being there for your Mom and Sister is the best gift you are giving to him. I know that he is so proud of the man you have become.

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2 years ago

I don’t know whether I'm good or bad. I'm just taking care of my family.

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2 years ago

I'm sorry to hear that.

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2 years ago

I maybe haven't experienced this yet and I am not yet ready. I know losing family badly hurts.

One I am sure of your Father was so proud of what you become Devil.

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2 years ago

I didn't know this story of yours. Wherever he is now, for sure he's proud of you.

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2 years ago

Thanks dear. ❤️

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2 years ago

I am so sad to hear about that and actually I have the similar feeling when my grandfather died a few years ago. I always wanted a few moment more talking with him, though it is not possible I know. I wish to dream him and talk or have a few seconds there in my sleepings.

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2 years ago

May ALLAH bless him

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2 years ago

May ALLAH bless your dad with Jannat too.

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2 years ago

One thing I know for sure is that your Dad will be proud of you anywhere he is.

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2 years ago

I understand your situation because I also face the big loss of my father I lost my father and no one can compete with my dad

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2 years ago

I can see how you miss him. Try looking in the mirror. And you'll see him as you. I'm sorry...eternal memory 🕯

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2 years ago

It's ok dear. Thank you.

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2 years ago

Some of who grew up without a father figure know how it feels. I empathize with you.

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2 years ago

I'm so sorry about your loss. It must have been hard on you to lose him at such a young age. But he would be proud to see the man you have become because of it

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2 years ago

So sorry about his death. May his gentle soul rest in perfect peace. A father, just like a mother is irreplaceable

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2 years ago

Losing the backbone of the family so early, I respect you man for standing strong for yourself and your family after that. At the age of 14 I don't think I would have took it positively. Don't worry he is happy seeing you doing how fine man you have become as well as making other's life beautiful through your words and teachings.

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2 years ago

Thank you for sharing with us this side of yours Luci! It must have been hard for you but look at you now! Successful and accomplished.

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2 years ago

It must have been difficult for you. I imagine you two were close. Time has passed, I am sure he'd be proud of the man you are now. May his soul continue to rest in peace.

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2 years ago

Sad to hear about your dad no doubt life is incomplete without a father But we can't do anything because it's a natural process everyone who comes will have to go one day :)

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2 years ago

I know how sad it is when someone died already who's always at urbside when ur just a kid. I live with my grandma for almost years and when she died years ago, I can't still move on until now.

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2 years ago

I can't even imagine the pain you're in my father gets a lil sick Because of smoking I get scared till death cause I can't imagine a day without him being there for me so it's just scary being in your shoes . May we all see our parents live long and be healthy 😞 amen

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2 years ago

May Allah give uncle to the heaven as a biggest gift. I know your feelings because I lost my DAD also.

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2 years ago

I know brother. You understood the pain.

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2 years ago

Awww so sorry my dear. My condolences once more. Allah is the father to the fatherless and you can never walk alone.

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2 years ago