Join 82,187 users already on read.cash

Goodbye; Depression

37 55
Avatar for Kristofferquincy
Written by   188
3 months ago

I feel so tired that I've slept off about three times while writing this.... not sure if it will eventually make sense by the time I'm done but I'd write it anyways.

It's still Tuesday over here, few minutes to 10.pm at the time of writing and I still feel happy, without any feeling of regrets and depression. I guess today really is a good day for me.

I sincerely hope this new feeling continues everyday; as mentioned in my article titled "a new routine for a tuesday", waking up today was like the best feeling ever, I've not felt this way in a long time, I've not been happy in over four to six months, what's the universe trying to tell me by bringing this sudden form of happiness, I wonder what's about to happen...haha.

I'm writing this as a follow up article to my previous article, a means to let my readers and subscribers know that I'm still feeling happy even tonight, I used to think I needed a therapist before I can be excited about anything again, before I can smile again, laugh again, jump up in celebration and feel like every other person; maybe I was wrong, maybe happiness is somewhere within me and it simply requires a little something to trigger it, a little something which I haven't figured out yet.

Maybe I've been bottling up my feelings for too long and i simply need to let go before I can feel good again; I mentioned being angry last night due to a little misunderstanding between I and my uncle, and I really expressed the anger for the first time in years, his wife noticed this and had to stylishly apologise on his behalf after I went into my room to relax. Right now I'm guessing my happiness today is simply psychological and due to the fact that I finally allowed my emotions to be expressed outward after a long time. I've always kept my feelings to my self; sad, happy, angry, hungry, excited, depressed, and so on...in a way that no one understands what I'm feeling or going through at the moment. My late mom (I miss you mom...you left me too early) used to complain at a point that she didn't know when I was happy or sad...but it wasn't my fault, I guess it was my temperament; I'm a phlegmatic person hence it's difficult for my emotions to be expressed on the outside, coupled with the fact that I trained myself to be this way...

I guess I've gotten so used to being cold and unexpressive that even when I deserve to be happy or excited, it just doesn't come. Maybe I don't know how to be happy anymore or maybe my brain has gotten used to being melancholic all the time.

I feel bad each time I remember the telephone conversation between I and my elder sister last year around May or June (can't remember exactly) when she told me she gained admission to Manchester university; my response was "alright", after which she had to ask if I heard what she said properly ...I guessed she didn't like my response at the time, I had to fake a new response and was like "wow, that's nice, tell me about it" and yada yada... I was happy for her but I couldn't express it because I didn't know how to.

Maybe I've been too stuck up in my shell for too long that my emotions are beginning to fail me, just maybe..maybe I need friends, maybe I need to hang out more, maybe I need to take long walks to see things from another dimension, another angle, another perspective. Maybe I simply need to travel to a place with people that share the same passion as I do, maybe this will help my interaction skills and take the depression away finally.

I woke up feeling good and happy today but I'm scared I may not wake up feeling the same way tomorrow. Maybe I shouldn't fall asleep so that this good feeling wouldn't leave me alone, maybe I should sleep for only a few hours and wake up before the depression comes back, maybe I need to wake up as a baby without knowledge of whatever is called depression. Maybe I need to wake up happy, just maybe.

Do you think something is wrong with me or maybe I require a psychologist? Your opinion matters a lot and I'd appreciate it.

Thanks for reading my unending thoughts about depression. I deserve to be happy, I do not deserve to be depressed daily......

Toodles!

Lead image from unsplash

23
$ 9.65
$ 9.27 from @TheRandomRewarder
$ 0.13 from @meitanteikudo
$ 0.05 from @Ruffa
+ 7
Avatar for Kristofferquincy
Written by   188
3 months ago
Enjoyed this article?  Earn Bitcoin Cash by sharing it! Explain
...and you will also help the author collect more tips.

Comments

There is nothing wrong with you. Your biggest problem is that you prioritize depression over your happiness .It almost certainly happens to all of us that we get depressed and it takes a long time to get over it but I think you need to set aside some time for yourself. The time that only you will spend for yourself .This approach seems to me to inspire you to refresh yourself and keep yourself happy. This is my own idea. I find peace in myself a lot of the time. That's why I shared .

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You know it's wrong for you to say I prioritize depression over my happiness.. I sincerely do not appreciate that response.

I've gotten used to being depressed that I'm now addicted to it and seeking a solution. I didn't choose to be depressed so your statement is not the ...right thing to say.

Set time aside for myself? I don't think you've ever been depressed. You don't set time away from depression, it grabs you and becomes a part of you. I've been depressed everyday , and every hour for the past .....many years ago..

Depression is not something you can just eliminate by simply saying "set time aside for yourself"...

$ 0.00
3 months ago

My comment was to show you a way but it was not my intention to make you more depressed . I'm sorry if my answer bothered you .Honestly we can each think from our own position but from your position I may not realize as much as you are depressed. Depression is a part of my life because I have been through depression too My friend has helped me a lot to overcome this depression even though he is my online friend. This time I think we need to have a friend or loved one by the side who can always guide us and understand our state of mind .I have said before that my friend is online. In fact I have not met him directly yet but I always call him wise because I obey him. If I ever get a chance to write about my friend, I mention these things. Have a good night.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Thanks a lot dear, you're a life saver. Kindly ignore my initial response, I was only reacting due to the fact that you didn't understand my level of depression.

Let's be friends...

$ 0.00
3 months ago

There is a common saying in our country that when it comes to friendship, you never have to say thank you or never say sorry! Friends are always accepted as a support system.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

That's a really nice concept. What country are you from?

$ 0.00
3 months ago

From Bangladesh and you?

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Nigeria.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

First of all, I would like to say that nothing is wrong with you. And you are not alone. As what you have said, you are a phlegmatic person and that attitude is normal to that temperament. I know, because I myself is a phlegmatic too. I am having a hard time expressing myself back then. However, sometimes we need to come out from our shell and explore the world as you have said. We are humans and emotions are normal. Don't bottle up your emotions because the time will always come where you will explode. Engage more. Excercise. Do the things you love. Try new things. Step out from your comfort zone. However, if none of these things work, then try to seek some medical help. Nothing is wrong with it

$ 0.01
3 months ago

My dear @sequoia, I really appreciate all you said and it's the truth. But it's not easy to suddenly change your temperament and begin to interact with everyone, since it's not something I'm used to doing. Another thing is... I'm a very selective person hence it's hard for me to relate with people without properly evaluating who they are, which I'd rather not do but stay away completely.

Anyway, maybe I need a psychologist, maybe not... I have no idea.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You have a point anyways.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Chris always keeping his emotion to himself, get a friend or maybe a girlfriend tho... Just an advice, you can always talk me to 😔🙂

$ 0.01
3 months ago

I don't appreciate it when people say "get yourself a girlfriend. A girl friend wouldn't make you happy. Life is about priorities, a girlfriend can come later when I actually need one.

I don't intend to talk to you...go to sleep.. 🤣🤣

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Aouh... The last part hurts a bit

$ 0.00
3 months ago
$ 0.00
3 months ago

I think it's normal to feel sad, what makes it wrong is if you feel it every day. Nobody deserves to be depressed. We have this life to live and it's our choice on how do we run our lives. Choose to be happy always :)

$ 0.01
3 months ago

I'm trying my best but it's not easy. Maybe somethings are beyond our control. 😩

$ 0.00
3 months ago

It's really unavoidable to get angry, sad and upset kris, anytime it really happens to us. we just need to calm ourselves and know how to react to what's happening, And don't let others lose your happiness, Let them, it's important that you are happy. .

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Thank you, my dear, I will try to be happy always irrespective of circumstance.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

The only problem here is, you think too much. Why not for once, free your mind and think no one, as is nothing just clear your mind from those thoughts? If you want to feel happy everyday and not only for a day then try to think differently.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

But it's not so easy, help me, teach me. What can I do?

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I'm happy to hear that you're happy my friend. Enjoy the rest of the day. Be happy, always. 💗

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Thank you, but I'm not sure I will wake up the same way tomorrow ... I'm scared.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Good morning! How's your day? I hope yore feeling great today 😊

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Yes, I'm feeling great and even better. Thanks.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Glad to read you are finally opening up your shell. I hope you get to enjoy being happy and of course, not being scared that you might not feel the same tomorrow.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Opening up my shell? Nah...its still closed and tightly closed, I guess the happiness forced itself in an in enjoying it.. haha..

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Open up Kris! You ain't getting any younger, lol! I wish happiness will always force itself on you, lol!

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Maybe I need a girlfriend. Just maybe.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Well, only you can answer that :)

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Lemme take you from farmboy 🤣🤣 I'm kidding, do not get angry.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

🤣 you funny😁

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Depression eat the person and his mind also freeze. Depression is not good for health and it make every person to very bad situation . Avoid depression make you're day happy and very beautiful. You're morning Also good And Very Nice if you Walk and take tea

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Thanks friend.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I am glad you are feeling happy today kris❤ I hope it continues like this and you never lose it. Goodnight!

$ 0.01
3 months ago

I sincerely hope so..thanks.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I think you expressing your anger to your uncle was the trigger to your happiness. You might have been bottling this feeling for long and things like that always have a negative effect on our mental health

$ 0.01
3 months ago