Tomorrow is my birthday - random thoughts
Tomorrow is my birthday. He won't hug me. He will not call me before anyone else and wish me good luck. He's not here anymore. I lost him. And he was important to me. The most important.
He would be angry if he knew I was infected with Covid now. He would tell me I wasn't careful enough. It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm infected. My body hurts and I don't feel well. But my soul hurts more. And I can't heal my soul.
Tears are hard to stop. But I don't stop them. They have their way. They have to go that way, over my face, to the pillow. And I also have to go my way. Without him. And I don't want that.
I miss him. Missing is a difficult word. There is nothing I can do about it. And it never stops. It is always there to remind how much it hurts.
I never told him I loved him. I kept the words for some other days. I don't keep them anymore. But now it doesn't matter.
I never told him that he always knew how to choose the best gift for me. I loved the barbie dolls he bought me when I was a kid. I never said thank you to him, and I should have. He gave me everything.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ve always wondered why people celebrate when they get old, but I loved celebrating. Now I don't wonder anymore. And I don't want to celebrate. I just want to keep quiet. And to wait for this to pass.
Thank you very much for reading.
Article and lead image are original and mine.
I hear you. It happened to me the first few years after my mother's death. But then I understood that life is like that, you know. I have come back to celebrate life and like you, I have a son. And I don't want him to stop his life when I'm gone. I respect very much the pain of your soul. But think about it. Personally, I understood that at least you have to live in honor of those who are gone.