@Jdine

@Jdine 20 February 2023

Hello! Just wanted to ask, why is it that I can't submit my post to some communities and some comnnunities have blue highlight in their names? Thanks for answering! :)

@Jdine 20 February 2023

Kinds of an Injured Heart What comes into your mind when you hear the phrase 'injured heart'? Maybe something physical? Or maybe you think it's something like a wounded, broken heart? Both are very painful, traumatic, and sad, and both have the possibility to heal. Having an injured heart prevents you from functioning at your best. It gives you the feeling of discontentment and despair. It takes away your courage and faith. It brings you to a place you never wanna be in. Now, I am not talking about the physical injury of the heart. I don't really know how to talk about physical injury of the heart. Let's talk about the emotional injuries of the heart in this article. ***Offended Heart.*** The word offended itself, means that you got offended so deeply it made a mark in your heart. It may be something cruel that someone has done or said to you. Or something they didn't do or say. ***Rejected Heart.*** There are many factors that we felt rejected. It may be the cause of verbal abuse, unfaithfulness, and/or lack of affection. These things make us feel rejected. Sexual and physical abuse can also be factors of rejected heart. Because we feel like we have been refused to be respected. We feel like we have been declined for love - for compassion - for caring. ***Wounded heart.*** This is when we were deeply hurt. It can be either by someone else or by ourselves. The feeling of so much guilt. Guilty for knowing we hurt ourselves. Or the pain that someone has brought us. The trauma that wounds our hearts. ***Rebellious Heart.*** It's when we got rebellious just to prove we are strong. That we were not hurt. That we are not hurt. There are times we think we are being strong by not doing what is told and doing the opposite of what is asked of us. But the truth is, we sometimes just hide behind our rebellious hearts. Sometimes, even if we know the right thing to do, we still choose to do the opposite just to prove something. ***Unforgiving and Vengeful Heart.*** An unforgiving heart is when we can't find the courage to forgive the people that hurt us and we bury the pain inside and we seek revenge in any way on anyone. It's like, it doesn't matter if we hurt the person that hurt us or a different person as long as we hurt other people, we're fine with that. Whatever injury we feel in our hearts, it is always the cause of something traumatic. So big we felt like we couldn't handle it. In which we become depressed and hungry to hurt other people or even ourselves. However injured you feel your heart is, please know that it is not your fault. Your feelings are valid but it doesn't mean you have to live with it. There are people that care for you. There are people that are hurting when you're hurting. People that share your emotion even without you realizing it. And these people can be our motivation to come out and stand up again. Prayer is also a powerful tool to overcome these situations. Our situation may seem like there's no hope. But let me tell you one thing. Hope is what's promised to us and peace will be given to those who have faith. :)

@Jdine 2 September 2022

I need a distraction Work is a good type of distraction. It's a good thing I am currently working. As in I am on duty right now. To be honest, I don't really know how I feel. I feel so many emotions- different kinds of emotions. I am mad, I am sad, I am hurt, I am relieved and I am nervous. I can't say I am having a breakdown. But I am so close to it, I guess. What makes me mad is that my pain is not acknowledged. It's like, it isn't something important, and feels like my reaction to the pain the person caused me is more important than what that person made me feel. People push you to your limit and when you react, the only thing they remember is what you said and how you reacted. And what's making it worse is they try to turn the tables on you. Trying to make you feel like you're worse than them. Like what you said was so cruel. I mean I only reacted to the pain you caused. I know I said hurtful things but my pain is as valid as yours, is it not? People hurt you and make you feel like the villain when you stand up for your right. Now, what makes me sad is that I never wanted to hurt the person with the things I said. Those may be true but I never wanted to slap those words in his face. What he did was unacceptable from so many angles. IT IS UNACCEPTABLE and I had to stand up for my right. I'm also sad because I realized now how small he thinks of me. How small he thinks my place should be. I am sad because I know now he doesn't appreciate me. That's what I feel right now. I am hurt. I am hurt for the same reason I am sad. I was hurt by what he did to me and how he reacted to a misunderstanding that led to us hurting each other's feelings. I am hurt because he doesn't even acknowledge my opinion and seems like what's only important to him is how he feels. I am nervous about how this fight might end up. He took my words really badly. Not even considering why I said those words. Not even considering he also hurt me. Not even considering what he did was way worse than what I said. I am nervous I might just end up apologizing instead and let my pain just be on the side left unacknowledged. I might sound like I have pride issues but no. Or maybe you can say that. I just want the pain to be acknowledged. A kind of pain that's not only hurting me emotionally but in all other aspects as well. Not apologizing for standing up for yourself is not a bad thing. I tried talking to him about it but all he points out is what I said. Like I am solely to blame. It makes me feel like I'm just a crazy girl yelling about things for no reason. Like, all I have to do is just accept the pain and not do anything.. cause if I do, then I'm the bad person. That's how he talked. That's his point. I SAID hurtful things. That's the only thing he remembered. He didn't remember him pushing me around. And now, I am left with emotions left and right. I am confused. Am I really the blame? Am I really the bad person? Is it really okay to stand up for yourself? Is this gaslighting? Am I being gaslighted right now? I don't know. And I have no one else to talk to. All I can do is write about it. A post that I can't even be really open with and pray. I want to talk to someone. I want to get it off my chest. But who? Who can I talk to physically other than myself? I am so close to talking to my supervisor but I don't think it's professional. And I'm afraid I'd make a mockery of me. I am so close to just keeping it all til my tears run dry. I prayed and prayed and still praying.

@Jdine 20 May 2022

Is it okay to share your password to your partner? This has been one of the reasons why couples fight and claimed to be one of the reasons why a partner trust the other. Especially if it's a social media password and/or the mobile phone password. It seems that for other people, sharing your password to your partner is one way to determine the level of trust in your relationship. However, there are also those who likes to keep each other's privacy. Fight starts when one likes to keep his/her privacy and the other wants otherwise and demands an access to their partner's social media accounts and mobile phone. This could give misunderstandings that can cause a buildup of doubts between the couple and can be very annoying and suffocating which might lead into a toxic relationship. Unless, your partner has no problem sharing his/her password to you. Then again, there are couples who has no issue in keeping their passwords to themselves. They don't need to know your password to trust you. People who value the privacy of their partner. The same goes to couples who share their password but still keeps the privacy. What I mean is, even though your partner knows your password, he/she doesn't open your account unless it's really important or necessary. And I don't mean "stalking" when I say important and necessary. What I meant was for important and necessary situations like when it's life and death situations, or something like that. Not to stalk. There are upside and downside in every situation. There are pros and cons in knowing your partner's password. It depends on what your purpose is and on how the situation fits the importance of accessing their account/ phone. Trust is important in a relationship. Without trust, knowing their password will never be enough for you. If you think they're hiding something from you, confront them. Ask them to open their account on their device if you want. Or don't ask if you think you won't even believe what they say. Personally, I think looking through my husband's social media accounts or texts or calls once in a while is okay. But to do it every day just for me to trust him will not do both of us any good. But I'm not gonna lie... we know each other's password. We're even logged in on each other's phone. He cloned the app and we logged in our Facebook on both of our phones. But I removed the notification and I rarely open it. I even forget that he's logged in sometimes. He sometimes ask me to message his mom or other people using his account. I don't like scrolling through his messages. I respect his privacy the way he respects mine. Am I stupid for not looking? Am I easy to cheat on? The answer is no and no... It's not stupidity. It's being mature and having manners. It also doesn't make him cheat easily. I can prove his loyalty and faithfulness without disrespecting his rights. And I believe that someone who wants to cheat will always find a way to cheat no matter what. Even if you tie them in a tree, even if you lock them inside the house, even if you watch their every move. And the more you suffocate them, the more they want to let go and be free. There's also no point in wasting your time doubting instead of enjoying your time and your relationship. Every time you doubt, you're wasting a peaceful and happy moment with him/her. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt. But that doesn't mean you avoid the facts. Action speaks louder than words. Be respectful but smart.

@Jdine 19 May 2022

We stayed in an unusual home. Yesterday, we went out of town to attend the 84th birthday of one of our family friend. The location is about 3 hours drive from our 1ahometown. It was our first time, actually, to go to their home. We met because they rented one of my family's property and opened an alfresco typed Korean restaurant. We've been friend since then but never got the chance to visit their hometown until yesterday. We didn't know anybody else other than those who stay in their restaurant to manage and those people who worked and/or still working there. But we didn't get out of place. They are very accommodating and hospitable. It was fun. There was a lot of food and drinks. And as of course, there was a lot of singing. Videoke turned on and almost everyone went in for it. Children played with each other and adults enjoyed drinking and singing. We stayed the night because we came from far away and it's past midnight. We transfered to our friend's house to stay the night because her mother's house is already packed. Their relatives from other provinces stayed the night there. When we were accompanied to our room, I noticed that her house has a kind of an unusual structure. How do I say this...? Her house has unusual space planning. Or maybe it's just me. LOL. I mean, it's not bad. It's doesn't look bad or anything. I just haven't seen anything like it before in person. Her spiral stairs are always placed on the right side of the house which I find them quite narrow for a house that big. Which is good in saving space. But not so narrow, though. It fits one person that looks like you're going down the basement every time. For a house that big, I think they could've made it a bit wider like a castle spiral staircase. Anyways, surely she had an architect and all and maybe (as I've said) it's just me. Maybe I'm just too big. LOL. But I liked the house. It has this 'you-think-you're-out-but-you're-still-inside-the-house' kind of vibe. It's very refreshing and cozy. The interior is uncluttered and very minimalist. Big windows covered by long curtains at night. It gives the feeling of cold breeze coming in the huge windows during summer. But can also give warmth during cold nights. A feeling like a porch is placed inside the house and is turned into a living room. Then you have the doors..Doors to every bedroom. You have a living room in every 2 bedroom doors. Like they're split into two the north part of the house has two bedrooms and one living room and so does the south part of the house. This is on the 1st and 2nd floor. The kitchen and dining area is on the first floor but has a different hallway. The basement is turned into a studio type house. And it's so cool. I mean there's kitchen area, dining area, a bathroom and a bed. Our friend said she stays their more than she stays in their master bedroom. She said she likes the cold temperature and the privacy she has when she's staying in the basement. The rooftop is great to loiter around. It's a great place to hang-out and a great place for parties. It's big and child-proof. The grills make it safe for children and drunk adults. 😅 Unless you open the one with a latch for fire exit purposes, I think. But it's unreachable for little kids. The house is surrounded with walls you can't climb unless you want to hurt your hand and feet with the broken glasses pinned on top of the wall just incase you get passed the barbwire on top of the wall as well. The gate is as high but it doesn't have the broken glasses and barbwire, though. But they are spikey. Sure, they have dogs. Our friend said they let them out the cages sometimes and sometimes the dogs stay in the cages. Good thing they're inside when we went there. They have two Dobermans and 2 Chows. Two blocks away is their dog farm which is taken cared of by her brother. It's also one of their family business. This may not sound all interesting but I still want to share about our 'mini vacation'. We don't go out of town often. So this kinda feels like we're going on vacation. I would like to share pictures but I respect their privacy and I haven't asked her yet about posting the pictures in a blog. I will if she gives consent. Even in Facebook, I haven't posted pictures of her house / property yet because I wanted to ask her first. I did post pur pictures but not her property and I think it's inappropriate for me to just post it without her knowing. I also don't want to post our pictures here as I want to remain as private as well. This platform has been my place of escapism and I want to remain it that way. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed your 'insides' of our vacation.

@Jdine 17 May 2022

Now, who's the fool? I knew he was fooling around. I knew he was secretly meeting someone else. I knew he was cheating on me. And I knew he fell out of love. The thing is, he didn't know I knew. I kept my silence all those years. I watched him and let him lie to my face. My feelings were so strong that I chose to keep silent. I let him fool me. At least that's what he thought -he fooled me. But I think I can say that he didn't really actually fool me. At least not in the way he thought he did. Because I knew. You can say you fooled someone if they didn't know. In this case, I knew... So, maybe I fooled him instead? I fooled him by letting him think I had no idea. I fooled him by making it seem like everything was okay and that I wasn't hurt and by making him think I believed him. But still, I feel like I'm the one who lost. I feel like he won after all. Because it doesn't matter if I knew. He got what he wanted. He hurt me. He's with her now. He's finally free. Isn't that the reason why he lied? Because he wanted to be with her instead of me? And it happened. Even after I pretended nothing was wrong. I'm thinking, that maybe fooling him was a bad idea. Maybe I should've given it a good fight. Maybe I should've fought harder. Or maybe I should've used a different strategy. Maybe, if only I was brave enough to stand up for myself, we'd still be together trying to fix things- or maybe not. I don't know. How could I know? I was weak. I didn't have the courage the confront him. I was too afraid, too selfish. I'm thinking, is it right for me to say I was selfish to myself as well? Because I feel like I was. Can someone be selfish to herself? I mean, it's confusing. I was thinking about my own pleasure. The pleasure of him still around. But at the same time, I was betraying myself. So it kinda felt like I'm my own devil. It was even an accident to catch him in the act that forced me to confront the issue with him. Even after that, I was hesitant to ask at first. I was forced because there's no other way to react other than to, of course, confront him about what's happening. I feel like such a wimp. I feel so disrespected. And I blame myself for it. I let it happen to me. I let myself down. And I feel even weaker now that even after all that happened, I still want him. I just want to hear him say sorry and just hug me. And I feel like I don't even care if it's sincere. I feel like it's okay as long as I can still be with him. I feel like I can pretend nothing's wrong again just for him to stay by my side again. And I feel like by thinking about all of these, I'm letting myself down more. Like I'm betraying myself again. Like I'm disrespecting myself again. That I can't trust myself. It hurts. It hurts and all I want is him. And that's what's more painful. It's hard to resist. I just want everything to be okay. I just want to be happy or pretend to be happy with him by my side. I want to stop. But how? I want to close my eyes and just stop thinking. Stop thinking about anything at all. I want to rest. It's very tiring. Sometimes I wish I never met him. But then I take it back. Because thinking not even knowing him hurts. What should I do? How can I move forward? It hurts. It's eating my soul slowly and I can feel its every bite. Stop. Can somebody please make it stop? 📝FICTION 📝 Thanks for reading!

@Jdine 16 May 2022

Let me love you part 5 [final] Jenna was silent. Morgan got up and offered her a drink. He remained as casual as he could. Trying his best not to hug Jenna. When Morgan handed Jena the glass, she cleared her throat and tried to start talking. 'I missed you' the only phrase she was able to come out with. Morgan looked a bit confused and Jena felt awkward about what she said. Morgan hugged her tight and says he missed her as much. Jenna felt relieved and tears fell down her face. She did miss Morgan and she's really sorry for making him feel like he's competing with her best friend. Morgan hugged her tighter and kissed her forehead. He wiped her tears as he stared at her with his eyes shouting 'i love you'. Jenna never felt more at home than ever. Morgan and Jenna spent the night talking and reminiscing while drinking. They didn't talk about Hank or the proposal. They didn't care about anything else and just enjoyed the night. Something they both needed. When Jenna had too much to drink, Morgan carried her into their bed and just lay there until she fell asleep. He respects her so much and didn't want to go overboard as he still thinks they need to clear things out about their relationship. When Jenna wakes up and sees Morgan asleep beside her, she slowly got out of the bed to make breakfast. She's never been so happy to wake up and make breakfast even before the Hank issue came out. Yes, she's done it many times but today is different. She's never been this happy and contented. She then decided to see Hank and talk to him. She wanted to clear things out with her best friend to make way for her relationship with Morgan. Later that afternoon, she went to Hank's house. Hank almost didn't want to open the door. But of course, he did. He apologized to Jenna. Jenna told Hank that she already made a decision and that she doesn't want their friendship to end. But Jenna asked Hank to give it time because it isn't as comfortable as it was before anymore. She felt bad for Hank but she didn't want to lose Morgan. Hank let her go. As painful as it is, he lets go of the girl she loves. He lied and told Jenna he'll be leaving to do a project abroad. He wanted to go abroad to start anew. He can't find the peace and healing he's looking for if he's somewhere near Jenna. Jenna wished him good luck. Months passed, the day that started it all came. Today, Morgan is proposing to Jenna. They're on a vacation on an island with their family and friends. Morgan stands up and started speaking 'I would like to thank all of you for making this vacation memorable. Especially to this beautiful lady beside me. Jenna, you are the most beautiful thing that's happened to me. You are my north, south, west, and east, you are all of my directions. We've been through a lot and I still want so much more. I will stay with you no matter what. I love you and will always be grateful of you. Jenna, let me love you forever. Will marry me?' Everyone shouts in joy. Jenna was tearing up while Morgan was speaking. 'Yes! Yes! Yes!' she answered. Morgan and Jenna married the next year after Morgan's proposal. Jenna tried to contact Hank to invite him to their wedding but he didn't answer. She was a bit sad about it but it didn't make the wedding any less than happy. A year after, Jenna gave birth to their baby girl. They were so happy and never thought they couldn't be happier with Ashley now in their arms. They dedicated their lives to their family. 2 years later, one afternoon, the family decided to have dinner in their favorite restaurant. When they were having dinner, they saw Hank enter the restaurant. Jenna was a bit shocked to see him after so many years. Morgan's already okay with Hank. He even asked Jenna to invite him to the wedding and to Ashley's birthday parties. Hank saw Jenna's table. He seems okay. He waved at them and smiled. Morgan approached him and asked him to join them. Hank said he can't because he was waiting for his friend for dinner. Hank said he'd love to come to visit some other day. When Hank visited Jenna and Morgan, it was awkward at first. But then they talked and cleared out everything in the past. Hank apologized to Morgan for what he did in the past. Morgan told Hank he forgave him already. Jenna called Morgan into the kitchen and asked him if she and Hank can talk privately. Morgan agreed. Jenna and Hank talked and had a closure. Hank told Jenna that he loves her and still does but he's moving on. He told her that he wants Jenna to be happy. He also told Jenna that he may not be there like how it was before but she will always be his best friend. He also told Jenna that she doesn't have to pity him because he's sure that he'll be okay and that there's someone out there for him. He told her that he was genuinely happy for her. Jenna pitied him a bit and was a bit sad for him but she loves Morgan and Ashley so much. She thanked him and she said she wishes for him to meet the perfect girl for him. They hugged and let go. Jenna continued to have a happy life with her family. While Hank met someone that he's dating now for over 2 years now. They still talk and see each other on social media with no problems. Let me Love You (Part 1), Let me Love you (Part 2), Let me love you (Part 3) , Let me Love you (Part 4) https://read.cash/@Jdine/let-me-love-you-38570e3d https://read.cash/@Jdine/let-me-love-you-part-2-59b440a1 https://read.cash/@Jdine/let-me-love-you-part-3-747f0cf1 https://read.cash/@Jdine/let-me-love-you-part-4-607bed5d

@Jdine 15 May 2022

Expectation and Disappointment It hurts when you got disappointed. Especially when you're expecting it to someone you care about. They say, expectations hurt. That may be true. But I think, it's the other way around. Expectations don't hurt. It's the disappointment that does. Expectations turned into disappointments are what's painful. It's really not just the deed itself but also the people you were expecting it from. Sometimes, if only not for the person you had the expectation with, it wouldn't hurt as much. It would be sad but it won't be as disappointing as it would feel if not for the person. It wouldn't be as painful as it would be if we didn't expect it with someone we care about. Then we start to feel as if we've been cheated on. That's when the pain of disappointment arise. It also hurts as much when you get disappointed with yourself. Self-pity starts to crawl in our thoughts. Guilt and shame plays in our minds. I think this is one of the hardest to get over. Often times (or maybe a lot of times), we get over disappointment by blaming others. This is the first thing we do. 'Why did he/she do that?, Why didn't they do this?, Why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do that?' These are our first defense. Then sometimes we blame ourselves. 'Why did I let it happen?' Then we think of things that we should've, could've and would've done. We end up with regrets and hate and doubts. If it hurts to get disappointed, then why are we still expecting? Why do we continue to expect and take the risk? This one's obvious. Because we believed. Because we had faith. Because somewhat we felt like we wouldn't be disappointed and we like the feeling of victory. The act of expectation is inevitable. It's natural for people to expect. It's not something we choose not to do. Deep inside of our thoughts, we are expecting something... no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that we are not expecting anything in return. We expect because we believed we deserve it. I think you can agree on me with this. There are disappointments that are hard to get over. There are those we can take lightly. It depends on how much the expectation is and with whom we expected it from. It depends how deep we believed. Disappointment, as well as satisfaction, is what makes the expectation real. It's true that not all expectations lead to disappointment. Satisfaction, however, is a different story. (*But I won't go over satisfaction in this article. )* How can we prevent disappointments? We can't. It's in the risks of expectations. We will never know. If we know we'd be disappointed, then why would we expect in the first place? What we can do is just be ready or at least try to be ready for any outcome. And when we're caught off guard, the only thing we can do is start the process of healing. It may not be easy but we owe it to ourselves.

@Jdine 24 November 2021

Sanity left the room.. oh wait, it's back. My mind is blank. As the night deepens, I am becoming more anxious. I am becoming more annoyed. It was supposed to be a lovely day. It was supposed to be a celebration. A happy day. A happy night. But all my effort washed out. The thought of security vanished just like that. In one snap. Have you ever felt like you were saving your money for something that is essential in your daily life and you didn't want to worry about how to afford it but then... You lost it. No, you didn't lose it. It was taken away from you by someone that knew what the money is for and how important it is for you at the moment. But it wasn't really taken away from you, though. You gave it, but you were somehow was just forced by the situation. Like you wanted to do it but then you didn't want to. But you did it anyway. Like you're in-between "it's okay but no it's not okay" but you gave it away, anyway. The feeling of regret. The feeling of being lost and angry because you have no one to blame other than yourself. Then you have to start from scratch but then the disappointment is getting in your head that you're starting to lose your wisdom to start all over again. You lose interest to sacrifice, to make an effort.. But "you need to" keeps playing in your head like a lullaby. So you end up being more annoyed. You end up hating yourself. You end up being irritated. Mad. You want to scream. You want to blame others. You want to point fingers. You want it back. You want to turn back time, thinking that you should've said no. You should've been more firm. You should'nt have let him know about it so he won't get the idea to take it away from you. BUT BECAUSE YOU'RE VAGUE, you feel happy as well. Or a litlle bit. May a bit more. Maybe you're just bipolar. (I don't mean it the wrong way, please, I don't mean to offend anyone) THIS IS WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW. I feel a regtret but my mood shifts to being contented and happy and full of courage but then when I think of that happened, my mood shifts back to being a bit mad and regretful, mostly sad... What I do, when I feel this way is try as much as I can to see the blue sky in this dark dark night. Literally. As I've said it's already late at night. And when I don't see the blue sky (cause it's evening), I seek the light of the stars. I try to look and focus on that light thinking there's still light even on darkest hours. i can do this. I can still see in darkness. I am still alive. I can still wait patiently for the bright bright bright sun to shine again. There's still hope. I did it and I can do it again. I can start from scratch again. I can be patient again until I can see clearly under the bright sky. The blue sky. There are times that you just have to choose what path you take. I think it starts from there. When you set your mind to what you want, no matter how many times you fall, no matter how many times you have to start all over again, you will and you will stand up. it will follow. As what the "Secret" implies... "law of attraction"... `"If you can see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hands...."` and `"Like attracts like"` So I decided to see in in my mind so I can hold it in my hands. I decided to envision what I need and let my body do the work for me to get what I need. I let my mind communicate with the universe and my soul communicate with Him and wait patiently for the right time again. I decided and chose to be postive despite the negativity. I decided to block the stress and just be contented with what I have and what I have to work through. Besides, aren't I lucky to have to be working hard for something than have nothing to work out about? Isn't it that working hard for something means that there's something to look forward to? That something is in store for you. Something great is on it's way depending on how well you do and/or how dicipline you are? Isn't that something to be thankful for? Isn't that better than to just live day by day with no goal to pursue? Isn't it exciting to sacrifice AND accomplish something **great** in the end? Wouldn't it be satisfying? Wouldn't it be fullfiling? Wouldn't it bring self-worth? Wouldn't it be great to have the sense of purpose? Like you have this purpose, and this is what you're supposed to do.. Not for her, not for him, not for someone else.. hence, this is your purpose, this is what you're supposed to do, for yourself... for you. It's like, you are given the chance to receive an extravagant gift and you need to extend you hands to receive it... you need to open up your hands and expose your palms.... you need to grasp the gift... or walk towards it... or travel a little to receive it.. or even travel miles to get it. You just need to move. Even babies need to learn to move to get that bottle of milk. Heck, we need to move and chew to eat. We move and we get what we want. We get what we want and we become satisfied. So, how can you be satisfied if you don't get what you want? And how can you get what you want if you don't move? This is not an article about faith. But ofcourse, faith is highly encouraged. Faith that no matter how many times you fall, you are able to stand up with His help.. even when you feel like you can't do it. Even when you feel like you don't need to do it. HE wil be by your side... uhmm no... let me rephrase that.. I beg to disagree with what I just said... HE'S ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE 24/7, 366 days for all eternity. HE was, HE is and HE will.. Past, present, future. HE HAS BEEN ALWAYS THERE. Always has been. "Has been" something that happened in the past and is still happening in the present. But it will never it "HE WILL HAVE BEEN BY YOUR SIDE" because HE will never leave you. "Will have been".. future continious.. Something that is still happening but will end or will be finished. It will never be the case because HE will never be finished being by your side. "HE".. I don't think I have to elaborate on that one. We all know who He is. HE is the one.. The one and only.. Our God. Wait, I look like I'm starting to teach english grammar and faith at the same time. Which makes me think.. I never thought it would be much easier to teach some verb tense in this manner. I'm not sure if it's appropriate or inappropriate, though. I have still limited knowledge when it comes to that (religious) topic. So, if I may have offend anyone for using verb tense in expressing my thought about faith, I'm sorry. It just came out off of me. This is freewriting and I am not deleting anything I type expect those typo errors (spellings, a little bit of grammar like missing words or letters) when I wrote this article. Just to be clear, I am not using HIM in any way. Instead I used the 'verb tense' to express my thoughts about my faith. And not the other way around. Anyways, going back... where was I? Ah! Yes.. About deciding and keeping a mindset. I was sad and irritated earlier. I was irittated while I was writing the first paragraph and my mood slowly changes while writing the 2nd paragraph. I felt a tiny positivity rising as I go on to the 3rd paragraph. Maybe it's good that I decided to write this letter earlier. Maybe it helped me realize. Maybe I should do this often. LOL Not that I often feel irritated or confused or anything. What I'm trying to say is that, maybe I should write more often to just express my thoughts. No matter how random it may be or how bizarre it may sound to others. Maybe I should write more often. Just because. I mean, why not, right? It's not like someone is stopping you... unless you write something that is against the rule.. or law.... So.. that's it for now. This might be very long to read.. Yeah it definitely is long to read but I hope you enjoyed my not so little piece of essay. :) See you on the next one. Oh before I forget.. I am open in constructive criticism. I want to write better. I like to write in this kind of manner. Like in this article. I don't know how to call it. I'm thinking "freewriting". I always thought it's called freewriting. I love writing random thoughts. Although I also write stories. Not that I am good at it. I still think I need practice and I plan to this by writing essats first. Random thoughts first. Anyways.. There you have it. Thank you and have a great day! 💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤 Jdine

@Jdine 22 November 2021

Let me Love you (Part 4) Jena could not believe what she just heard. She doesn't know what to feel. Confusion is what surrounds her now... *"Lock the door when you go, will you?"* she told Hank as she walked towards her bedroom without looking back. She went into her bedroom and sat on her bed. She now knows why Morgan was so upset. He surely knew Hank knows about the proposal. Morgan always told Jenna that Hank might have a feeling for her but she assured him that they're only best friends. The days became awkward between Jena and Hank. Although they still see each other at work, there's an obvious awkwardness between the two. Hank regrets the night she told Jena about his feelings. It was never a good idea to tell your best friend you love her and tell her that her fiance was supposed to propose to her but you sabotaged it, he thought to himself. Jena's still confused. She knows she loves Hank. And she knows she loves Morgan as well. What she's confused about now is what kind of love she's feeling for both of them. She tries to ignore the situation. She won't talk to Hank about what happened that night as if it never happened. She makes it obvious to Hank that she doesn't wanna talk about it. Lucky for her, Hank understands her actions. Morgan however is trying to contact Jena and ask for an apology. He wants to work things out with her. He realized that Jena is worth fighting for and that he won't let even a best friend get in between them. He tried calling her but she never answered. He tried going to her house, her office, still, he couldn't find her. Until one night Jena stepped into Morgan's front door. Morgan was surprised to see Jena. She looked exhausted. She looked stressed. Morgan invited Jena inside. Jena sat on the couch. It looks like a deja vu, she thought. Like when Hank went into her home that night. Jena didn't know how to start what she wanted to say. She didn't even know what she wanted to say. All she knew was that she missed Morgan as much as she misses her best friend. It has been so long since the I wrote part 3 of this story. I almost forgot how the story went. I had to visualize and read the story from part 1 to part 3 again just so I can relate again. LOL. I think I did well, though. It seems the story is inside me again. I mean, it seems that I can visualize the characters again and feel them. Hope you enjoyed reading part 4. If you wanna read the previous 3 parts, here are the links: Let me Love You (Part 1), Let me Love you (Part 2), Let me love you (Part 3) https://read.cash/@Jdine/let-me-love-you-38570e3d https://read.cash/@Jdine/let-me-love-you-part-2-59b440a1 https://read.cash/@Jdine/let-me-love-you-part-3-747f0cf1

@Jdine 19 November 2021

When there was me and you I remember when you were still here. When there was no one or nothing more important to you but to make me happy. When all we have was love and understanding. When there was only 'us'. No other 'she' or 'he'. I remember when we used to walk on the street with your arms on my shoulder and holding each other's hands. The time when even the distance didn't bother us no matter how far we walked. The time when we eat street food and just sit in the corner of the park and enjoy watching kids play in the playground. We used to dream together, planned for how many kids we want and dreamt that one day we'll still be sitting in the same spot watching our kid play. I remember when we used to do stargazing. We set up a blanket backyard and laid down to watch the moon and stars. We lay there and just hug. I remember, there are times we end up sleeping and wake up 4-5 hours later. It was hilarious. I remember when we used to cook together. We burnt some, we achieved some. We cook and eat together. I remember you forgot to put the timer on and we end ordering a pizza instead. It was still worth it. The meal was still great. I remember your funny jokes and how you make daddy jokes sound so funny. I remember those awkward jokes and those annoying ones as well. Ones that almost made us fight if not for your quirky laugh. I love it though. I remember our movie nights. At how you laugh at me when I try to distract myself by singing happy songs and covering my eyes and ears while horror movies. And how I still insist to watch scary movies despite my style. I also remember you hated watching reality shows cause you never believed it wasn't staged. I remember our late-night talks. When we just tell stories of how our day went especially when we can't sleep. Or how we read a book together. I miss reading our favorite book. I remember how you make it sound so alive. I remember how cute you look when you try to be grumpy. I remember how scary you look when you're protecting me from danger. I remember how good you smell. I remember how serene you look when you sleep. You look so innocent yet still remain very manly. I remember how you smile. I remember your laughs, your eyes, your lips, your touch, and your embrace. And then I remember you walking out. I remember you walking out without looking back. I remember how you were so angry and how I was crying and you didn't care. I remember how cold your stare was. I remember how cold that night was. I remember how dark everything seemed. I wonder how I was left out in the dark. I remember how painful it was. It is.. still painful... It was something I can never let go of. The happy times. The time when you still loved me. It's hard to cope up. It's hard to move on. Staring at your picture, sitting in the corner of my room. Tears still fall every time. The memory brings pain so deep that even the happy moments hurt so much. I wish you can hear my cries. I hope you can hear me call your name... Pleading here in my room with no one to hear me but the silhouette of the pillow you used to rest your head with. Wishing to hold your hand. Wishing to feel your warm hug. Wishing that I can go back in time... when there was me and you. #Fiction

@Jdine 9 November 2021

Do I really need to change? Change is a very broad subject. We change for the better, we even change for the worse without us realizing it. We change because of our beliefs. We change because of the demands in our surroundings. We change for ourselves, we change for other people. Change is everywhere. Like what we always read: "Change is inevitable." I would like to talk about changing for other people (and yourself) for this article. Is it really necessary? I mean, do we really need to change for other people? Don't we always say "I don't need to change who I am for anybody"? Half of you might agree (with change) and a half might say, NO. You might feel like you need to change at some point. But some are really strong-willed thinking they don't need to change for anyone. some people are obstinate that no matter how you persuade them, they will never change their mind unless it's what they really want. Change is good. Okay, maybe not all the time. Let me rephrase it. Change may or may not be good. But believe me we all change. Whether we like it or not. Sometimes we change without us *even* realizing it. We change based on how we feel, what we want and what we believe in. This is what we share in common. We change. The only thing we can't change is *CHANGE*. I have also asked myself, maybe a million times already, do I really need to change? Why can't they accept me for who I am? Why can't I just be myself? Will I be letting myself down if I change for someone else? What I realized is that, I don't change because of someone else I changed because it's what I wanted. I just didn't realize I wanted it until that time. Or maybe, I wanted to change because I want to be better for them. I wanted to please them. And who really benefits from that change? Me. Yeah, maybe them too but mostly me. I changed to please people for what? For me. I want to please the people I care about, I want them to notice, to recognize me, to appreciate me. But don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm saying that I will totally change who I am and be a people-pleaser. No. What I'm trying to say is that I change SOME of my habits (especially the based ones) to prove myself to the people I care about. Prove myself. We always want to prove ourselves. Let's not be a hypocrite about this. There's no sane person that doesn't really care what others think, especially those we care about. We care what they think. We care how they feel towards us. We care how they see us. That's why we change, voluntarily or involuntarily. Trying to please people is our reaction to fear and rejection. That's why we end up changing. Come to think of it. Don't we benefit more when we please the people we care about? Because when we change to please them, we get what we want.. which is basically to please them. Except for the times we change for something we don't want like for the times we are forced to change. Now that's a different story. Now that's not good. That change is not something we benefit from. And that's the kind of change WE DON'T WANT TO DO. Why else do we change? I change for myself. I change so I can be happy with who I am and what I have. I change so I can be better because I owe it to myself. We change because we need to give ourselves the love we deserve. Self Love. Self Respect. Self Worth. We change for these kinds of things. Change is something we cannot avoid. Whatever your reasons are for changing, I hope you change because you want to change and you change for the better. I hope you are not forced to change to something you don't even want for yourself. I hope we can all embrace change and learn to get through in every process. I hope you are happy about what you changed or what changed you. ❤❤❤❤ Jdine

@Jdine 3 November 2021

At Last, Roblox is back Roblox was down for a couple of days. There has been an outage in the system, I think. Roblox has been one of the games my son and I are playing together. This is how we bond sometimes. I was forced to play Roblox one time so he can have someone to play with. I wasn't so fond of online games. I only loved WARROCK. That's the only online game I played. Well, except for the mobile games I played, if you'll consider that. Like Farmville, Candy Crush, etc. Last week, for several days, Roblox was down. My son has been constantly asking me about it and is always asking me if we can play Roblox. And he's always saying "I want Roblox, Mommy." I had a hard time explaining why Roblox wasn't working. I even thought it was something to do with our devices or maybe because we haven't verified our email yet. Then I searched about it on Twitter and saw that there's an outage and the problem was on their part. I explained it carefully to my son. I also read that it will be back on November 1st. He almost cried when I said it's broken and that the Roblox team is fixing t already. One night, I was cleaning my phone when I remembered it's already November 2nd (November 1st) in the US. I regularly clean my phone. After I finished cleaning my phone, to my excitement, I called my son and I asked him to check if Roblox is already working. I let him sit beside me and logged in to our Roblox account. We waited for about a minute and there. It logged in! His eyes widen out of surprise when it logged us in. My son hugged me. And out of his excitement, he thanked me then he thanked me and he thanked me. He even said, "Wow Mommy, galing mo!" (wow Mommy, you did great!) Thinking I fixed it by cleaning the phone. He also said, "Oh, I see... It's dirty that's why it does not work. I see. I see." LOL. I laughed and took the opportunity to teach him to always make sure the phone is clean. Since that day, we are playing Roblox every day. Yes, I also play Roblox. There are games that I put on my favorites. I just feel like sometimes, I need to play and have fun too. Especially with all the stress with everyday life. I make sure I have time to relax and just play a game. It's super nice seeing my son happy playing. Though he has a screentime limit. I mean he's only allowed to play gadgets for a limited time. I don't wanna take the risk of his health just because of Roblox. But I am grateful to Roblox too. It doesn't only entertain my son and me but also because playing Roblox is also one of our bonding times.

@Jdine 1 November 2021

My Halloween when I was a kid It has been, what, 2 years since the pandemic started? And since that day, almost all occasion has never been the same. Well, at least, here where I live in. Our 2019 Halloween, the first Halloween since the quarantine was very sad. I couldn't believe I wasn't able to go to my father's grave to pay my visit. It was supposedly the first time I was able to since I came back from Manila. We went to the cemetery 5 days after Nov 1st. We just lit a candle and offered flowers prayed and went home. We were wearing masks. The second Halloween during this pandemic (2020) was as sad as the first. We also went there on the 5th. Lit a candle, brought flowers, prayed, and went home. We didn't have the time to even visit our relatives' graves. And now. Yes, you guessed it right. We are planning to go on the 5th again. I just hope we can stay a little bit longer. Have a snack and just stay there. Sit for a while and just tell stories. You might be thinking, "wait, what? have a snack? Sit? On the grave? Beside the grave?" Well, yes. I don't know how other countries celebrate Halloween. But here's in the Philippines, we go to the cemetery to honor our deceased loved ones. On November 1st and 2nd, we go to the cemetery and have a picnic there with our relatives. It's like Dia De Los Muertos . Like in the animated movie "Coco". When my father was still alive, we go to our deceased relatives' graves with our other relatives to have a picnic and go 'grave hopping' to our deceased relatives' graves. We sit for a while and eat with our relatives' kin then visit our other deceased loved one's grave next. But when my father passed away, we stay in his grave longer than to other relatives' graves, where we now wait for Papa's visitors. It was still fun, though (except the first few years since my dad passed away). Children fly kites. We made friends with the family of Papa's 'neighbor' in the cemetery. Yes, we called them Papa's neighbor. It's the time of the year when we get to interact with them. There were also tons of booths where you can buy food and other stuff. People are everywhere. People were having fun with their relatives and people are celebrating. Some people even set up their tent and stayed there for a night. I haven't experienced it yet but I think it's fun. It's safe cause there are police and guards all over the place and there are (police) stations set up in every block 9or maybe every 2 blocks) for safety. It isn't so dark as well as there are many posts and some very bright lights that were set up for people. It was fun, I'm not gonna lie. Of course, it wasn't during the first few years when we were still grieving for Papa's death. We still miss him. It's just that it's fun in how the way we celebrate this holiday. It's not like we love having our loved one die. That's a different story. I think it was our version of treat or trick. Although we also have the costume parties before, on, or after Nov. 1st. I think Filipinos are just really used to celebrating a holiday longer than usual. Like Christmas. We start decorating and playing Christmas songs as early as September and we call it the start of 'ber months. What about you? How do you celebrate your Halloween? 🖤🖤🖤🖤 Jdine

@Jdine 29 October 2021

I'm sad and struggling. Does this make me a sinner? Many people think that being sad is somewhat a sin. When depressed people open up, others say, "that's because you don't pray often..." or sometimes they say, "you're overacting..." This is sad because your emotions are valid. Being not okay is not a sin. Even the most devoted people are not exempted from feeling these emotions. No human is exempted from depression or being sad or struggling. However, there are ways that we can deal with our struggles. Here are some tips that you can consider when you are in this kind of situation. How to deal with your struggles? Acknowledge your struggles so that healing may begin - for us to really be effective in the process of healing, we need to identify our struggles. We need to label where we are standing right now. Are we hurt, are we stressed, do we feel victimized, are you angry, sad, anxious, embarrassed... ? We need to acknowledge the feelings instead of pretending we don't feel them. Instead of trying to tell ourselves that, "No, that's not what I'm feeling"... Instead of being in denial. Then and then, the healing will begin. Ask for help - this may not be easy. Sometimes when we ask for help we are shamed. But this is also important. To progress your healing you need someone. You can't do it on your own. As the saying goes, "No man is an island". We need someone that we can be fully honest with. Someone that won't judge us, will understand us and hear us out wholeheartedly. We can also consult professionals like psychologists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists. Remember that asking for help is not shameful. Do not be afraid because this does not make you a bad person. You owe it to yourself to heal. Grow through what you go through- everything that is hurting you is also healing you. Everything that is struggling you is also teaching you. Don't skip or deny your feelings. Stop running away from it. Stop pretending that your struggles are not happening. This is the time where in you can rebuild your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love. If you're feeling empty, allow yourself to be filled again. Take a rest. You can't pour on an empty cup. Sometimes you feel like there's no room for you to struggle because of how many people are depending on you. But let me assure you, you are allowed to rest. Have a quiet time, take a rest. Date yourself if you need to. Take a rest in your own way. You need an open communication with your family. Embrace the process of healing. Grow from the process and do not get stuck in your struggles. These are only 3 tips that are effective in dealing with your struggles. Actions are needed for you to grow. Although prayer is essential. We all know this. But prayer alone is not how you can deal with your struggles. Actions come alongside praying. As the saying goes in Tagalog "Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa" which means God gives mercy to those who help themselves. (That may not be the word by word translation but that's what the phrase says) This phrase might sound a bit harsh and confusing. Don't get confused. God also helps those helpless people. It's like saying God gives mercy but it is up to you to do the actions. But this depends on every situation. So if you feel that you can't help yourself, pray and have faith.. And rest assured God will give you the strength for you to be able to help yourself. (*I may still edit this part so I can better explain this to not confuse other believers*) You are not a sinner for being sad. You are not a sinner just because you feel down. It's not because you don't have faith. It's not because you are not praying enough. We are humans that are not exempted to these emotions. We get mad, we get sad, we get frustrated, we stuggle, but we fight, we stand up, we get through this and we remain to have hopes. My hopes I hope we practice the ministry of presence. Let us be present for our family. If they need to talk, let us be the one that they can be comfortable with. Let us be their for someone in this kind situation. Let's not shame them for feeling this way. I hope we can offer our unconditional understanding. I hope that when someone tells us there's something wrong with them, we give them an unconditional understanding. Empathize with them. Make them feel that their feelings are valid. Make them feel that their situation or what they're going through is not okay, but it's okay not to be okay. Let's pray with or for them.We can't pray mental issues alone. As I've said earlier, actions come alongside praying. I hope that when someone opens up to you, you can pray for them and I also hope, you can pray with them. Pray together. This will make them feel like they're not in this alone. That someone cares. I hope what ever you are going through right now, you can find someone that you can open up with. If you think it's more serious, you can ask for professional help. If you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me. My line is open for those who want to share their feelings. Here's my email address. You can contact me here: jdinecryptoblogger@gmail.com 💜🖤💜🖤💜 Jdine

@Jdine 27 October 2021

What made you join Netflix? Netflix is one of the popular streaming services worldwide right now. Even students have their own subscription. There are tons of variety of series and movies to choose from. It's also user-friendly even to kids. And who doesn't like the 'Profile' option? For as low as Php150 (about $3) you can have a subscription to Netflix. This subscription is for mobile phones only. Good for students. For only Php549 (about $10.82 or $11) you have the premium subscription already. Not to mention, a large number of posts on social media selling very cheap subscription of Netflix. I don't know how they do it or how it works, though. All of these made it possible and attractive to many people here. Not to mention the variety of series and movies you can enjoy that's within your budget. For me, the reason I joined Netflix was kinda funny. Our TV was broken at that time. And I hate that when I watch on a free site, I'd have to exit all the ads and have to click multiple times just to play, pause, and even just to adjust the volume. Ads just keep on popping out. And I can't blame them, that's how they earn for that site. So yeah, because our TV set's been broken, and I hated to keep closing the ads, I joined Netflix. That was the main reason. Not because they have an original series I can watch but because I want to watch comfortably. And then slowly, I started to like their feature one by one. I love the profile and the fact that I can also put a lock pin for my own profile. It makes me feel more comfortable especially that I have kids watching on Netflix too. I don't want them going in my profile and seeing movies inappropriate from their ages and I also I don't want them messing with my "match score". There's a feature in netflix that shows you a certain percentage in a movie like "98% match".. That's not a rating for the movie. It's a percentage of like a prediction on how much you will enjoy the movie. It depends on what type of movie you always watch. So if you always watch a thriller movie, the recommendations will show many thriller movies with high percentage. If you watched "The kissing booth" it will show recommendations of similar movies like "To all the Boys I've loved before"... something like that. So if mykids watch cartoons in my profile, majority in my recommendations will show movies and series that are similar to that and I'd end up missing the movies I might really like. So I created a lock pin to my profile and let them watch on their profile instead. I also liked the feature where you can continue where you left of in a movie. I can't express how much I appreciate this. There are times that I have to pause the movie then just continue later on that day of maybe tomorrow for some reasons and I like it that I won't have to fast forward it to where I left of. It'll just resume. I love this especially when I watch a series. You can't expect me, a working mom, be binge watching a series all day. LoL. That will make me a bad parent. First, I subscribed to the mobile subscription for Php150. Cause I was only watching through the phone. Then I upgraded to the basic subscription so we can watch in on the computer. Then to standard subscription so I can watch while my kid watches on his tablet. Then to premium so my other kids can watch while we are watching as well. Especially my grown ups. Basically, the reason why I joined Netflis is because of it's convenience and it's features. The movies are second to the list. I love the originals. I love the variety of movie I can choose from. I like the quality of the videos. What about you? Are you in Netflix too?That made you join Netflix? Share your story! :) 💜💜🖤🖤💜💜 Jdine

@Jdine 26 October 2021

To give up or not to give up? When is the best time to give up and move on? Is there even the best time to do so if you really like or love what you do or the person? Aren't we supposed to fight for something (or someone) we love? Giving up isn't as easy as we think it is. It takes a lot of courage and it needs the right mindset for you to truly move forward. It's as hard as forgiving if you ask me. That's why many people chose to resist rather than give up. I mean, there's nothing wrong about fighting for what you want. You know yourself better than anyone else. But like other things, there's always a limitation. A boundary that tells you to stop. A thin line that says you need to pause and think again. Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak. It doesn't always mean you lack in something. Giving up is not always bad. Instead, sometimes giving up means you're brave. Brave enough to cut the rope. Brave enough to choose peace instead. Sometimes, giving up means you are ready for much better things that's why you're refusing to fight for less. Sometimes, giving up is good for your soul, it's healthier for you. So this is a case-to-case basis. Depends on what you are giving up and what you are willing to end, what you are willing to desist. It may not always be pleasing to other people's eyes, but that's okay. It's you who's taking the risk and it's you who knows what's best for yourself emotionally. You may ask for advice but in the end, it will always be your decision and no one should judge you for that. So when is the best time to give up exactly? Seriously, honestly, I really don't know. It really depends on many levels. But I know that when it's no longer healthy when you're hurt so much already that it affects you physically, mentally, and emotionally so much, you should consider giving up. I know that if the risk is not worth it, consider giving up. If it's no longer giving you inspiration and you're not happy, consider giving up. If you've tried long enough and made all efforts and are still stuck, consider giving up. But before you give up, take a pause and think very carefully. Acceptance is the key. If you're willing to give up on something, you have to accept the fact that what you're giving up is less than the better thing you are willing to fight for. Accept that you are actually doing it. Accept that it wasn't really meant for you. Accept that you lost in that fight. Yes, you lost but that's okay because there is something better for you and losing doesn't mean you're a loser. Accept that you need to step back to move forward. Accept so you can move forward. It's tricky most of the time, though. Sometimes, you just need to push a little more to achieve the thing you gave up for but then you gave up the wrong time. That's why I said, it's hard. Giving up without even thinking about it is also foolish. With that being said, I think, the best time to give up is when you already exerted all your effort and when you gave it already a good fight but still not making progress and when it's already too draining for you. Give it a little time. Think about it hard. Make a list of whys and why not to give up. Don't make sudden decisions. Don't rush yourself. Meditate. Ask for guidance. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to process things. Give up when you think it's the right time and right decision. Give up if you think it's healthier for you. Take time to process the facts and take time to decide.

@Jdine 25 October 2021

Stuck I've spent the entire weekend thinking about what to write. It seems I've grown too used to not writing that I can't even think of a single topic to write. It's sad. Honestly, I miss writing so much. I don't know why I can't find the perfect topic. I have so many things in my draft (on my PC) but all I can do is write a single or two sentences and that's it. I can't continue. I would if I can. I spent all night thinking about how to continue my stories. I have, I think, 2 stories that I haven't finished yet. And because it has been a long time since I wrote, I forgot how the story goes. I can't find the right mood on how to continue the story. It feels like the characters left my heart. It's frustrating. I want to finish the stories so much. But I don't want to force myself just to finish the story because I might end up not giving justice to the characters. I don't want it to sound like it was hurried. So, this is what I came up with. A freestyle. Stating just how much I missed writing. Just writing my thoughts right now without even thinking. Continuous writing. Since I wasn't writing, I felt like there's something I want to do but I can't pinpoint what it is. I realized it was writing when I was asked by my boss to write and record training materials for the newly hired VAs. Right then and there, I realized how much I writing and how much I missed the interaction here at Readcash. I feel left out, to be honest. Like I don't know how this works and that I am starting all over again. I don't even know if my friends are still here. Those who used to read my stories. Those who used to comment on my articles. Those who supported me back then. It's like coming back home but you don't know your neighbors anymore and you're looking for your old friends.. It's like coming back home but everyone grew old and you're stuck. Like you're still this kid that didn't grow. It's like coming back home with cobwebs around the corners of your home. It's super sad. I didn't realize how sad this feels until I started to write and started to reminisce. I wish I find the right enthusiasm to write again. The perfect inspiration to write again. I wish I can feel the mood again. I wish that I can finish my stories. I wish I can be encouraged again. I wish to write more. I wish to write regularly. I wish to interact again. I wish to hear from my friends again..

@Jdine 21 October 2021

Broken Testimonies Many people judge a story depending on how well behaved the person in the past. Many people find it more satisfying listening to testimonies from someone that's been obedient, someone that persevered with fewer struggles, someone that waited patiently with faith. Testimonies like when you waited for the right one and finally came. Testimonies that state how they kept their faith while waiting for the big break at work. These kinds of stories are more satisfying to listen to for other people. Which makes the broken testimonies less entertaining to some. If not, it makes others think they are less valuable when they have broken pasts. Don’t get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with unbroken testimonies. They are precious. They are very worthy. But I just want to share those broken testimonies are as precious, as valuable, and as worthy as unbroken testimonies. They are both made by the same God. Both stories matter. Both stories make a difference. Both stories are valuable. Both stories are worthy. Both stories are respected. Both stories are precious. Isn't it also lovely to hear stories about how they have pulled out their misery and given them a new life- a new beginning? Isn't it also lovely to hear stories of how they suffered and endured and are now living the best times of their lives? It's as satisfying as listening to people that waited patiently in faith. Do I sound strange? It's just like when you tell a story of how you were a good child and turned out with a really good future. That's very inspiring. There's no doubt about that. But it's as great as telling a story about how you were a rebel, did wrong things, or made wrong decisions, and are changed for the good. Changed to be better. That's very inspiring as well. What's wrong sometimes is that when other people hear unbroken testimonies, they think less of who they are and begin to doubt. You need to know that your story matters too. You are not less worthy than other people. You are equally as worthy as everyone. Broken testimonies tell stories about how God loves everyone even those who are lost. It shows that God is doing something great for every person and is not giving up pulling you out of the dark you were stuck for a long time.  It doesn't matter how bad you were or how broken your past was as long as you changed for the better. As long as you already acknowledge and let Him pull you out of your misery. so be proud. Tell your story. Share how loved you are and how great He is. Share how you became what you are right now. Inspire people. Inspire people with the same past. Inspire people and help them understand how great it is to change. Help them be a better version of themselves by sharing your beautiful broken testimony.

@Jdine 25 July 2021

If you want to be trusted, just be honest Some people demand trust like it's their privilege. Like, they're entitled to be trusted in an instant. What they don't realize is that trust is earned. Trust is given to those who earned it. And if you were given at least the benefit of the doubt, you should be grateful and you have to prove to that person that you are worth the risk. Trusting someone instantly is risky. You don't know whether it's the right thing to do for you and/or that person or if you're giving someone the power to abuse you. Just like loving someone, trusting someone is also a way people can have the potential to abuse you. This can be because you are blinded by how they project themselves or by how others project that person. Choosing to trust someone is the most precious gift you can give them alongside love. You can't trust someone you don't care about. This may sound contradicting to what I was saying earlier about instantly trusting someone. You may not realize it but the truth is you must've cared for that person enough to give your trust to him. Or maybe you don't but clearly, you cared about SOMETHING ABOUT that person. Just like I said, you may be blinded. Being blind does not just mean being blinded by the person but also about things around him. So, giving your trust has something to do with caring. And care varies on different things to each of us. Now, giving your trust to someone who has already proven they can't be trusted is another story. Trusting someone who wronged you and giving them a chance to be trusted again is not only risky but also very brave. Forgiving them and giving back that trust isn't an easy choice and process. It takes a lot of courage and doubts along the way. This is for brave people. Brave enough to set aside the pain and choose to have faith after what happened. Brave enough to choose to set aside the pain and let forgiveness takes place. Giving trust to someone without hesitation and without them earning it is like superman letting someone keep kryptonite with high hopes that it won't be used to kill him in the future. It's a gamble that you have to take the risk and have faith or at least be ready for all eventualities. Trusting shows you care. Thrusting shows love. It shows passion. Trust frees you to the heaviness you feel inside of you. Trusting is what bonds you together. If you want to be trusted, you have to be honest. It's really just that simple. Well, yeah I admit, it may not be that simple. We can't help to lie sometimes. It's human nature to lie in different situations, that's a fact. But if you want someone to trust you, you have to be open to that person. When you're given another chance, prove it. Prove that you changed and that you are worthy now. Be honest, be sensitive and be passionate about trust. Lying can destroy any good relationship. If you don't want to be alone, be trustworthy. Jdine 💜🖤💜🖤💜

@Jdine 21 July 2021

So-Called Lover (VI) Sometimes I think that kiss was a bad idea. Things became awkward between me and Jackson at school and he's been trying to avoid me for days now. He still talks to Samantha. They're okay but when it comes to school, I don't know how I'd approach him as Chloe. Sometimes I also don't know how to pretend everything is okay when I talk to him as Samantha. I never thought lying can be this hard. I never thought that pretending can make you feel so heartbroken and you can't even show it. One night, I decided to ask him how things are doing between him and Chloe. He said they're fine. I asked him if they're still hanging out. He honestly said things became awkward with the both of them because of what happened. That he's so sorry he'd done such an inconsiderate thing for her and he's hesitant to talk to her about it. He also asked about us. If Chloe and I are talking and if we're okay. I told him not to worry and that Chloe and I are okay. I told him that he should talk to Chloe to straighten things up. I told him I don't want my two favorite persons to be awkward with each other. He didn't answer me and instead, he changed the topic. The next day, I was walking down the halls at school when I heard someone yelling out my name-calling me. I know that voice. I recognize that voice. And as soon as I realized who owns the voice that's yelling out my name, I froze. I felt his hands grabbed my arm and hugged me. I was still frozen. Then he said my name gently. I remember how he used to do that. I was shocked. It's Justin! Why is he here? What is he doing here? I'm confused. We've been dating for over a year when we broke up. He needed to go abroad to help his mom get his sister to be sane with her breakup. He broke up with me saying he doesn't know if he'll come back and that he's not much a fan of LDR relationships. I stood there, not able to move an inch. I barely remember how this feels. Then I glanced at someone that made me more confused about how I feel right now. I saw Jackson. He looked at us with slightly furrowed eyebrows. What made me more confused is his facial reaction when he saw us. I think he frowned but I don't know why. He stared at me for a second before he was called by his friends. I came to my senses right after that. I asked Justin why he's here. He said her sister is now okay and that he's back here for good. He said he missed me. I should be happy, right? This was all that I wanted for months. I waited for him to come back. I dreamt of this for several months. But why am I not happy? Why do I feel like I'm confused and why am I having mixed emotions? Then I realized why. I know why. It's Jackson. I know I still feel something with Justin. I loved him so much. I was devastated when he left. I was broken. I fought my way back to humanity. But I also feel something with Jackson. And I feel like we haven't really started yet. But then it made me realize that I don't even know if we'll really be together. I lied to him. I've been lying to him. I am still am. And I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. So I'm confused. I don't know who I want to be with. Be with someone I think I still love and have a lower risk of getting hurt or be with someone I like but has a greater risk of getting hurt, I don't know. Be Chloe in reality or be Samantha hiding behind lies and hope for the best. I don't know! **So-called Lover (I)** | **So-called Lover (II)** | **So-called Lover (III)** |**So-called Lover (IV)** | So-called Lover (V) https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-i-e10a9aa8 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-ii-5bb24172 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-iii-fba290e5 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-iv-0b9edbae https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-v-286d8314 Thanks for reaching! I was really busy at work and haven't got the time to write these past few days. So when I had the extra time, I finished this chapter. Thank you so much for reading this story! The next chapter will be up soon... hopefully.. Don't forget to give a thumbs up, comment and upvote! Jdine 🖤💜🖤💜🖤

@Jdine 2 July 2021

It hurts... But you don't know that. We all have different ways on how we react to pain. Every person has his own version of what pain is and how to react to it. Don't expect other people to hurt less just because it hurt less to you. Mind is very unique. You may think alike sometimes but you can't possibly think the same thing all the time. It's just impossible. Don't hurt someone with words while you're mad. The moment you're not, you cannot take away the pain your words caused. No matter how sorry you are. Even if you know what to say to intentionally hurt them, don't do it. You don't know how that would affect them mentally and emotionally. You don't know because you're not the one in pain. Hurting them with words has the same pain as hurting them physically. So, don't do both. Sometimes, words hurt more than physical pain to other people. We don't know how they react to pain so don't try to make it seem okay. What's okay with you may not be okay with them. Don't overrate their tolerance by underestimating how they think or react. Please, let's not abuse other people. Let's not feel entitled just because we're important to them. Loving us shouldn't give us the power to hurt them. We all get mad. We all say bad things when we're mad. But that doesn't mean it's okay to say bad things that can potentially damage them emotionally. Don't be a hypocrite. We know the difference between rudeness and disrespect. Same thing with words. When you're saying rude things, you're saying things that are show you're ill-mannered like swearing, cussing, etc. But when you're saying words of disrespect like telling them how low of a human being they are, like how loser they look, and whatnot, then you're not just being rude and disrespectful but also attacking them mentally and emotionally. There's a difference between, "You piece of s**t" and "You're just sh*tty and everyone thinks you're just like a s**t". Don't attack the people you love with words. All physical wounds heal but wounds you give them emotionally and mentally might not. As I've said, we all reacts differently to different kinds of pain, same in different kinds of abusive words. We cannot possibly know which or when they're okay with it. Be kind. Don't feel entitled. Don't use their weakness against them. Don't hurt them. You'll never know how and when karma will strike back at you. You don't know how they suffer. You don't know a thing.

@Jdine 1 July 2021

So-called Lover (V) It's already past 9 in the evening and Jackson is still waiting for Samantha. We've been trying to call her but her cellphone's dead and her mom won't answer my call. At least that's what I told him. I told him her mom won't answer my calls and that maybe she's busy. He's becoming to get disappointed with Samantha and becoming really upset about the situation. He laid down and covered his face with his hanky. I think I heard him snuffled. Is he crying? I pitied him instantly. I've never felt bad for him in the situation until tonight. I called his name and I tried to call him as gently as I can. He raised both his eyebrows and faced me. Before I can say a thing he spoke. He asked me why Samantha is so hard to get and if she (Samantha) really likes him. I felt his pain with the words he said. I can't answer him. I don't know what to say. Then he said words I didn't expect. Words that made me uncomfortable in a (kinda) nice way. He said to me that he wished I am Samantha."If only you're Samantha. I wish you're her..." Those were the exact words he said. I was stunned by what he said. It makes me want to tell him the truth. He said my name one more time and looked straight into my eyes. I couldn't move. He kissed me and I let him but the moment I realized it, I moved away. I felt bad. I felt like I'm cheating myself. I felt like he's cheating. He apologized and said he didn't mean to. What's annoying is that he said that he didn't mean to. Was it a mistake for him? I asked him to go. I just can't face him right now. I hated him for doing that but I also felt guilty and sorry for him. If only he knew, would it be a better first kiss for us? Or maybe, if he knew there won't be a first kiss for us. He gathered his things and went home. I was left confused. Should I have just told him the truth? Was he capable of cheating? What if it wasn't me he kissed? Can he do that to another girl? I felt like he cheated on me. And now, I don't think I know how to talk to him as Samantha and pretend like I don't know he cheated. I am so confused. That kiss brings a lot of 'what ifs' and questions to my mind. The next day, he was calling me (Samantha) and I answered it. He didn't ask me why I didn't show up. I wasn't supposed to know he's there. It was a surprise. I pretended I didn't know he's at Chloe's house and pretended I have no idea what happened last night. I was waiting for him to tell me. To confess. We talked for about 2 hours and he sounded like nothing happened. Like he never kissed someone. It's confirmed. It's considered cheating because he doesn't know the truth but he still kissed Chloe. What if I'm really not Chloe? Then he kissed my cousin? That's cheating. I'm disappointed. I don't want him to think Chloe's a bitch and a cheater so I decided I have to tell him that Chloe told me what happened. So I did. I told him I know. He was surprised. He was mad at first because we're talking for hours now and I didn't bother to tell him earlier. I told him I was giving him time and a chance to tell the truth, and I became angry that he's trying to turn the table around. He apologized after realizing I'm starting to get really mad. I didn't know what else to say and how else to act so I hung up on him. I honestly don't know how to work things out now. This is the first time we had this kind of argument. This is the first time we seriously fight. I don't know whether to just let him be for now or should I apologize to him as Chloe. Or would that be necessary. I don't know. Really. I'm thinking of calling my two best friends then I realized I also have to tell Mary! I realized that Mary likes him, and that's the reason why she gave me his number. I called Mary first. to get close to him. Just be close to him. It was part of the plan to make him fall for Samantha and when they break up, we'll still be close. I called Mary first and told her the truth. She wasn't mad but she's sad. She said she's sad because she knows I'm hurting. She also told me it was just a crush and it's not that serious and that we're just 3 insane girls that made insane choices back then. Then we talked to Amanda. She's also sad for me. They told me they'll support me whatever decision I make regarding the situation. I feel really lucky for having two friends like them. I apologized to them for falling in love with Jackson and they told me it wasn't my fault. We all know that the plan was risky and falling in love might be a consequence and might have its consequences. I love my two friends. I'm glad they're here for me especially now. **So-called Lover (I)** | **So-called Lover (II)** | **So-called Lover (III)** |So-called Lover (IV) https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-i-e10a9aa8 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-ii-5bb24172 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-iii-fba290e5 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-iv-0b9edbae Oh-kay.. They kissed. Is it better they did or would it be better if they didn't? Stay tuned for Part 6! It's my rest day at work so hopefully, I can write the next part. Thanks for reading! Love, Jdine 💜🖤💜🖤💜

@Jdine 30 June 2021

So-called Lover (IV) It's been months since Jackson and I met. I've learned how to get through every day without thinking of any consequences and jealousy in my head. Maybe because I haven't witnessed Jackson be sweet to other people except for me or should I say, Chloe. He's been very close to me since she met "Samantha". Jackson and I (Chloe) have been hanging out since then. Even just the two of us. We go home together, go to school together. It seems like I'm his girlfriend only that for him I'm his GF's cousin. Even the girls at school think I'm his girlfriend. And even when we say we're not dating and that he's dating my cousin, they don't believe us. Do I like it? Hell, yes, I love it! Today's our monthsary! I've learned how to celebrate this occasion just over the phone. We have a good time even when we don't see each other. Sometimes we watch Netflix together using Watch party. It's okay. We're good just the way we are. I was with my classmates when Jackson called my attention. He was smiling and I'm confused. The girls giggled more than I was inside my head. It's funny. He grabbed my hands and faced me. He asked me if I can set him up with Samantha at our house and he'll be waiting for her there. He said it's their monthsary and he wants to surprise her but he doesn't know where she lives. I didn't know what to say. I was supposed to say no but before I do, he folded his hands as if praying and plead to me. People are starting to stare at us and some are even whistling and clapping. I'm thinking they're thinking that he's pledging his love or anything romantic. He just smiled at them. Why would he do that? Why would he let them think he's into me? Wait, am I the one being played here? I agreed and told him I'll try to let Samantha come by later. I told Mary and Amanda about Jackson's plan and asked them to accompany me later but Mary will help her sister with her project and Amanda will be having a dinner date with her family. So it's just Jackson and me later... which kinda gives me little goosebumps. It'll be the first time we'll be alone in a very quiet place. My parents will not be home for 3 days. They have a business trip. I'm starting to feel that this is what it's supposed to be. Like destiny is working its way for us both to be together. Or maybe not. It's past 3 and I'm starting to get nervous. Time is ticking and soon, Jackson and I will be alone in our house. I'm anxious. And I'm excited. It's a mixed feeling. I feel kinda sorry for him cause I know, no Samantha will ever show up. Erin's not here anymore. And I definitely can't show myself up without having to tell him the real story. Just when I was daydreaming, the bell rang and I think I'm sweating even more. I gathered up my things and walked the hallway and saw him walking towards me with his face all bright with his smile that can melt any girl's heart. I forced to gather myself together. And just said, "hi". He put his arms on my shoulders. He always does that and I don't think there's anything wrong with it even just as a friend. Or maybe I'm blinded. We grabbed a cab and while we're on our way home, something came to my senses that made me sweat more. I was so excited that I forgot to come up with an excuse for Samantha not showing up later. I'm so stupid. I forced myself to think of plausible excuses. What about she got hit by a car on her way? No, that can't be right. He'll be more anxious to see her. She's grounded? Hmm, what can she possibly have done, that Jackson didn't know, to get grounded? Oh, I was becoming more scared than excited. We went to grab things to eat later, asked the driver t take the drive-thru. I was shocked to hear his orders. What does he think of us, dinosaurs? Is he going to feed the whole block? Are there guests that I'm not aware of? As we arrived home, he helped me set the table for the food. He asked me if Samatha answered my calls. I told him I was able to talk to her on their landline and she said she'd be here. I don't know why I told him Samantha will be coming. Maybe because I still want to spend time with him. We decided to watch a movie while waiting for Samantha. What does Chloe's plan for tonight? How will she get out of the situation that she seems to be making more complicated. **So-called Lover (I)** | **So-called Lover (II)** | So-called Lover (III) https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-i-e10a9aa8 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-ii-5bb24172 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-iii-fba290e5 Thanks for reading part IV! If you want to read the previous parts, click on the link above. Thank you and have a blast!! Love, Jdine 💜🖤💜🖤💜

@Jdine 28 June 2021

So-called Lover (III) I know that time will come he would want to meet me and use Chloe to make that happen so I have been thinking of ways on how to do that to make him stop asking. And what I've thought was really really insane. But I don't have much choice other than to just tell him I am Chloe, do I? I want to ask my closest cousin, Erin, to pretend to be me and meet up with Jackson even just for a moment just so Jackson would think I'm real. And since Erin is from another town and she's here for a vacation, I thought this is the perfect time to do this. I've been telling Erin about Jackson since the beginning and I know Erin's capabilities when it comes to insaneness that's why I know that the plan will go smoothly. That is if she agreed. Knowing her, with a little push, oh she definitely will do it. She's too crazy not to. She loves playing roles. She loves games. She will do it hundred percent. I talked to Erin that night telling her about my plans and the favor. She's obviously surprised. She didn't know I'd go this far for a guy. At first, she's hesitant about it just because she doesn't want to blow this up for me. I told her I'll be going with her. I mean, Chloe will be with her to meet Jackson. So, she doesn't have to worry and she finally agreed. The only thing to do now is to have Jackson meet up with me. Jackson and I were talking that night and I was tired of waiting for him to ask me again to meet up. So I asked him out. He was shocked but mostly he's excited. He wanted to go have dinner tomorrow but I told him, we'd better have lunch. I told him Chloe will come just to make me more comfortable. He didn't like the idea that much but he agreed. He doesn't have a choice, though. That thought made me sad. If he had a choice, he'd rather not want me in that date. Well, that's awkward. But maybe this is the consequence. He likes Samantha. Not Chloe. I should have known this would happen. Erin (as Samantha) and I met up with Jackson the next day. We ate in a restaurant and I became the 3rd wheel on my own date, my own so-called bf, my own lies. It wasn't the best feeling. I don't think I liked it. Jackson was so sweet to Erin. And Erin was so good at playing the role. We had lunch and went to the arcades. I must say, I was feeling out of place with these 'lovebirds'. They looked good together. Erin was the perfect Samantha. She was just being herself and killing it. While I had to pretend to be someone like her and be left on the corner. But of course, I can't let Jackson notice my jealousy. Yes, I was very very jealous. Erin knew and tried (as much as she can) not to have the 'moment' with Jackson. But Jackson is so dang sweet and a gentleman to Erin. He offered a ride home but we told him we're meeting our parents to have dinner. And we insisted that we'll just grab a taxi. He waited with us for a taxi. Before we ride the taxi, he kissed Erin but gladly, Erin turned her face so he only kissed her on the cheeks. On our way home, Erin and I were silent. It was awkward. Then she began apologizing and she said she know it hurts. I told her it wasn't her fault. That I made her do it. I told her honestly that it was awkward but it was my fault. I told her we're good and that's true. She doesn't have any faults in this. It was all mine. The consequence of my lies. I started to wonder what happened if I didn't lie the first time I called him. I wonder if he'll still like me. I wonder if he'll still care. Later that night, Jackson called me and I know I needed to sound happy but I can't. So I told him, I need to get rest and that I need to wake up very early tomorrow. We said our goodnights and I love yous and I felt a tear came down my face. I didn't know I'd like him, I didn't even know I like him that much already. It hurts. So-called Lover (I) | So-called Lover (II) https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-i-e10a9aa8 https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-ii-5bb24172 Thanks for reading the 3rd part of this story! This was supposedly the last part but I don't want it to look rushed so I will give him for the next part. I'm still not sure if that's the last chapter but I hope I can justify the ending. This is a fiction story or kinda... LoL.. Thanks again! I hope you have a blast! Love, Jdine 💜🖤💜🖤💜

@Jdine 26 June 2021

Once a cheater always a cheater..? Cheated and Cheater's view. This is a very popular line. People say this all the time especially to those who experienced cheating firsthand. People who were cheated on or someone they know were cheated. This becomes their way of thinking because of the pain it caused them. But is it really true? Can someone be something they are so consistently that it will never change? Will once a cheater always be a cheater? This article will be based on my own experience and the experience of the people I asked about this topic. I have asked some of my friends that were cheated and some who cheated. Let's see what cheaters have to say about this. I think it's only fair that we hear their side of the story as well. I will not disclose whose experience is which. That won't be necessary. I just want to share how they think and what their story is about cheating. I, myself, have experienced both. I was cheated but then I also tried cheating. So, I can say I have my own opinion about this but I don't want to be bias and sound like a defensive cheater. So I gather some support and asked them what they think about cheating. I was cheated numerous times. I've been a victim by a cheating friend as well. So I've not been cheated only by a partner but also a friend. But that's a different story. I'm talking about cheating in a romantic relationship. I also once cheated on my past partner. Not that I'm proud of it. But there are things that I thought were the right reasons why I did such things. So what is cheating? Before we go on with it, let's first recognize what cheating is. Because there are things that, for some people, they consider it cheating but for some, they consider it perfectly normal. Just like in all other things, we all have different views of what cheating is. We all have different emotions towards actions that we consider cheating. For some people, cheating is when your partner lied to you, when they flirt with other people, when they concealed some texts, conversations, and whatnot. Cheating has a very broad classification. For some people, especially the cheaters, they don't consider it cheating as long as there's no personal physical contact. So, for them, it's okay to text others, flirt with others, and get close to others as long as there's no physical contact. Which is contradicting to other people's definition of cheating. That's when things get chaotic. People cheat because of so many reasons but when you narrow it down, it's because of discontentment. Whether it be about their partner or themselves. This is the issue. People are not contented with what they receive AND/OR able to give. I know this person who really really loves cheating. For him, there's just no solid reason. He just loves making out with everyone. He loves making friends and making friends with benefits. He may be loyal for a month but he will, and never fails to come back in cheating. Sometimes, he regrets it, sometimes he just doesn't care. That's how cheating is for him. He said it depends on how deep he feels on that girl. Sometimes, he doesn't effort to cover his cheating. He's arrogant about it. And until now, he hasn't changed yet. I know someone who was a cheater. Same as the first boy I talked about. He loved cheating. But when he met the girl that he can't imagine losing, he changed. Oh they had some issues about cheating. He cheated on him once or maybe couple of times, but this girl didn't give up on him. She taught him lessons. She even broke up with him. But she also gave him a chance-AGAIN- for the last time. she gave him an ultimatum. Cheat on her again and she's out. Gone.. Will never come back. She didn't fail. He tried hard and was successful. He never cheated again. He's been loyal for more than a decade now. I also know someone, that gave that ultimatum. She gave his cheating husband one last chance. But then he really can't change. He secretly cheated on her. It comes to a point that she thought he changed until there comes a pregnant friend claiming his husband as the father. Yeah, their friend. I cheated. I cheated with open of the loyal ex-boyfriends I had. I was just a kid. There was no physical contact. It was more like, I liked talking to this other man more than him. I didn't have a relationship with the other man. But it was also considered cheating as I kept it a secret from him. My reason was... There are no valid reasons actually. I was just a kid, he was just so boring to talk to. There's no excitement when we talk. Maybe because we don't have enough things in common. But I don't mean to brag about this. This is something I'm not proud of. Then we broke up. After that, I find myself with someone who cheated on me. Literally. He was in another relationship while we are in a relationship. It wasn't the greatest feeling. So when I had the opportunity, I cheated on my cheating partner that time. And we broke up because all we do is cheat with each other. But with my husband, since we've been a couple, I never cheated on him. And hopefully, as far as I know, he never cheated on me too. I love him so much to risk the love we share. I am contented. And I don't wanna screw this up. And so does he. He never made me feel like he's gonna screw us up. So yeah, some people change, some people don't. Cheaters will always be cheater WHEN they're not contented. That's the fact. But when people are contented, they change. Love is more powerful than lust. Love is more powerful than evil. We can't call out all cheaters and tell them people will never change or tell them all people change. The truth is, we all change DEPENDING on our contentment. So, is it true? Once a cheater always a cheater? The answer is.... did you really read my article? The answer is right there! LoL. Tell me what you think. Is a cheater always gonna be a cheater?

@Jdine 25 June 2021

So-called Lover (II) Later that night, Jackson called me and said he saw Chloe but was shy to approach her out of the blue. I told him it was fine. It's not like it's his mission to approach her! We talked again for hours and I didn't realize it's already 3 am. I bid my goodnight, but he asked me one thing I wasn't ready to answer when I do. He asked me about my social media account. I told him I don't believe in social media. That I only have an email account which he can add up to his. He was skeptical at first but I was able to pull it off. I told him I once had it but had a very bad experience in social media because of my ex-bf so I didn't create a new one. He didn't bother to ask more questions or demands more about it. And I was thankful for that. We've been like this for a month now. And begin to like talking to him. I don't record the call now, I just give the two girls some updates but not specifically. We talk every day for up to 2 hours. He turned out more interesting than we've thought. We have deep talks and because of that, sometimes feel like I've known him for a very long time. I've also decided to create a social media account private enough and added some people I don't know and I also added my real account, Amanda's and Mary's just to have something like a support group. I named the account Samantha Cooper. I also added Jackson in it and some of Jackson's friends that sent a request. It was perfect. Everything was smooth until one night. Jackson and I were talking and he said he likes me and wants to meet me. Of course, I can't meet him. How can I meet him? I'm someone not real. Samantha is not real. So I told him, I like him too but I'm not ready yet and I'll reconsider. He respected that. Something I like about him is that he respects my privacy even when he doesn't like it. I don't know how but I will come up with something about that 'meeting' part. But that's not the only thing I'm not sure of. I think I'm starting to like him too. I don't know. I can't be. Mary likes him and I'm not who he thinks I am. Things are so complicated. After a week after we said we like each other, he asked if I can be his girlfriend. I was confused. That wasn't acting. I asked him how would it be possible? He hasn't met me yet. He doesn't know me. All he has are my words and how I talk. But he was so convincing. He said it was okay and that he will wait until we meet but he still wants to be my boyfriend while he's waiting. He wants to commit, he said. I don't know what got into me that I agreed. I was so overwhelmed by his words. I thought maybe if he's too in love with me, he would understand if ever I choose to come out of the closet. If I reveal my true identity. Who knows, right? The next morning I was at the cafeteria with Amanda and Mary when he came by our table. He introduced himself to us. We were so shocked because we didn't know he would do that. He said she's Samantha's boyfriend and thank me for giving his number to Samantha. We can't believe it and I was nervous. He asked if he can hang out later after class, just eat before going home. I didn't answer but the two girls are as fast as the thunder for saying yes. so I just nodded. He smiled at me before he left. He was waiting for us outside our classroom later that afternoon. Our classmates, especially the girls are shocked to see him. Oh did I mention he's the campus crush in our school? Yes, I guess I did, so yeah because of that the girls are staring at me. He was pointing at me and looking for me. I think he wanted to get close to me for Samantha, thinking I'm Samantha's cousin. We ate at one of the restaurants near our school. I can't believe how brave he was for going alone. I mean he didn't bring his friends. He hung out with us alone. He was getting to know each of us at that time. Asking for names, where we're living, and sorts of stuff. He realized that we are going in the same direction going home and he offered me a ride home. I agreed. while we were on our way, he thanked me again and asked me if I can talk to Samantha into meeting with him. I just said I'll try. But dang... I was sad to have realized that's the only reason why he hung out with us. To get close to me and to have backup support to Samantha. Thanks for reading part 2! This is getting cheesier than I expected. Lol... I wonder what happens next. Will Chloe come out of the closet, will Jackson know? What will happen? The next part might be the last part of this story. If you want to read the first part, here's the link: https://read.cash/@Jdine/so-called-lover-i-e10a9aa8

@Jdine 22 June 2021

Why do Filipinos love Karaoke? What is a party without karaoke? That's how many of us are during celebrations. If we can, we will have karaoke at parties. I mean not all kinds of parties of course. But for parties celebrated in the comforts of our homes, we'll have karaoke to sum up the fun. Just to give you a trivia... The karaoke machine was invented by Filipino inventor Roberto del Rosario in 1975 and it was called Sing-Along System. That's how Filipinos love singing. LoL. We all know that Filipinos love singing. Many vloggers on youtube that react to Filipino artists even say that the Philippines is a home of amazing singers, be it professional or not. The first reason I can think of? It's just that we love singing! We are born singers, doesn't matter if we are good or not at singing. We will sing. Singing has become part of our culture. Music, rather. It may sound absurd but that's the first thing that came to my mind. We love singing. There's no question about it. We don't only love singing in karaoke but we sing in almost everything we do. Like our life is a musical. Nah, just kiddin'. That sounds like we've gone cray-cray. But seriously though, we love singing and do it randomly every day. While cooking, cleaning, bathing, when we're happy and sometimes, even when we're just bored. We hum to put our babies at sleep. Ooh! I just realized! maybe that's when it all started! We already hear music even when we are still babies. We have this tradition in courtship called "Harana" (Serenade) wherein the guy serenades the girl to express his love to her. The suitor sings by the window of the girl he likes and when she looks out and hears him sing and after was invited inside the house, then that's a big deal already. That's kind of like the "golden buzzer" in courtship, way back. Haha. He may be with a friend that plays the guitar or a minus one on speakers. It was also one way to coax your girlfriend when you had a fight. You serenade her and when she lets you in, you're all good, man. Karaoke has been a form of entertainment in celebrations. Especially when there's drinking. When the guys are drinking, the girls and kids are singing in karaoke. And sometimes while we are drinking, this is one of the entertainment to liven up the session! We take turns, while one is singing, someone is looking for a song at the songbook to reserve and be in line. Karaoke/singing gives connection to each other and it makes us more comfortable with each other. It also helps us express our feelings and relieves stress. When we are in love, or heartbroken or mad... We often pour our hearts out into singing. We sing a song depending on how we feel and mood. After a busy day at work, sometimes we go to the KTV bar with friends and just have fun. Yes, singing is fun fun fun for us. This is how we bond. This is how we express our feelings and this is how we release the stress! This is how we make the party lit. This is how we pump up celebrations. This is how we connect with each other. This is how party!!! Woot woot!! Thanks for reading! Don't forget to subscribe, give a thumbs up and upvote if you liked my article! Love, Jdine 💜🖤💜🖤💜

@Jdine 22 June 2021

Take a rest, Pumpkin! There are times that you feel so tired. You think of things that you can do to make it right. Thinking that there has to be a way to make them loyal, or faithful, or just to ease up a pain. Thinking if you deserve the pain and why you feel the pain. Love can be so consuming. Love can be so tiring. It comes with it. Love is not rainbows and butterflies all the time. There's THICKNESS. That's why we say 'Through THICK and thin'. But sometimes the thickness falls on one person more than the other. The other just doesn't care. No one says that love is simple. It can give you a lot of different emotions. Some may be very exhausting. Love is challenging. It pushes you to your limit. But when you're exhausted, you don't need to push yourself more. You can take a rest. Take a time off. Be alone. Reject all the negativity. Reflect and stop chasing. This is how you can survive. Don't force yourself to face troubles you can't for now. Gather the strength and face it when you're ready. It's not wrong to quit when quitting means you have to turn your back to things that hurt you. It's not weakness. Or if it is, then make your weakness be your strength. You can do it. Others do it. You are in control of your life, not him, not them, but you. They will do what you allow them to do. Stop insulting yourself and respect the fact that you need respect. Be your own hero. Sometimes we can't rely on others to save us. We have to save ourselves. Honor yourself even when others can't. It will be hard. I assure you that. It's already hard when you are in pain with their actions, why not face hardship for your goodness instead? You can do it. You have friends, family, and other people who value you more. If you think you have none, then maybe at least you can think you have yourself who value you more. The most important thing is you. Selfishness in that way is good. We need that to survive. It's not easy. It's not a piece of cake. And it will never be easy. But you can start now and eventually everything will fall into place. Take one step at a time. Just like a child learning how to walk. Don't try to run if you can't walk. Don't rush things and be patient. It will not hurt forever. You will be alright. You will be healed. I know, you will be.

@Jdine 22 June 2021

So-called Lover (I) My name's Chloe. They call me Chlo. I don't even know why they make my short name even shorter but that's fine with me. Not much I can do about that. I have two best friends. Mary and Amanda. Out of the three of us, Mary has the most absurd mind. Cutely sometimes. She's like the baby in the group. She thinks kinda childish sometimes. But not the spoiled brat kinda way... I mean not all the time. We all have our moments. However, Amanda is the sporty one. She likes playing football. Actually, she's a varsity at our school. So yeah, she also has another circle of friends. But we've been friends since we were kids and our parents are friends. That's where our friendship started. Dinner party with families. And me... I'm like the big sister of us three. I am more adventurous. I am the one that pushes them to take risks in a good way and I have that 'whatever' attitude more than the two girls. Mary likes this guy at school which I think, is favored by most girls in the school. He's on the football team for boys but Amanda doesn't hang out with him. He's just in the circle but they're not really talking. Mary, being childish as she is, asked Amanda to get Jackson's number. At first, Amanda was hesitant because she doesn't want Jackson or the other girls to think she likes him. After several days of badgering, Amanda said yes. Saying she's in a bet to get Jackson's number, Amanda asked her trusted teammate to help her. They were able to get his number, and she gave it to Mary. Mary has Jackson's number for days now and every time we ask her if she has already called him, she says no and that she's shy. That makes us wondered why the hell did she ask for his number then? We keep on pushing her to call him just to annoy her. But I regret that this day. She gave me a piece of paper and when I read what's written. Oh, come on! I think I know what she wants me to do. And I'm right! Dang, I'm right. So yeah, she gave me Jackson's number and asked me to call him and start a connection so we can all hang out with him sometimes. I didn't hesitate to agree. Noy because I like Jackson too. It's just because. I think it'll be fun. I plan to play with it a little bit. Though I think it looks kinda cheap! But I don't care. A day after she gave me his number, we called him and I pretended to be someone named "Holly" but he hangs up the phone when he didn't believe my alibi where I get his number. I didn't bother to call back that day. But we plan to call back on another day. So I called him 3 days after using a different name and tone. I made my voice sound like a "sweet-lost-cute-teen-asking-for-directions" kinda tone. And I told him my name is Samantha. I got the name in the film I was watching that time. That's how random the name is. I hope I won't forget it. And told him my cousin from his school gave me the number and I just want to make friends. We started talking and getting to know each other. Basic information like name and what school I attend to... Well, of course, all about me are lies that I had to take notes and record the call. to be honest, I was entertained. We talked about movies and music and hobbies we like. It wasn't that bad. Apparently, we both like the same genre in music and in films. What we are different is that he likes sport and I don't. And we also talked about it. We talked for like 2 hours, I guess. He asked for my number and I told him I'll just call him again tomorrow. I also told him I live with Chloe's family and that sometimes I am at our grandparent's house. I had Amanda and Mary listen to the recording so they can catch up with how Jackson and Samantha "get to know each other". They were amazed at how smooth it turned out. We plan that in the next few days, Samantha will ask Jackson to meet up with 'her cousin' Chloe. So that we won't look like we put an effort to be friends with him and that 'he came to us' and not 'we came to him'... So if we're friends, we can hang out. Mary said that's just what she likes. To hang out with him. She said it's just a crush and not deep yet. So yeah, I agreed to make my friend happy. The next day, I called again. It was better than the first day until he asked to meet me. I told him I'm not ready yet since I'm not really the type that calls random guys. He respected that and told me that he'll wait till I'm ready. He asked for my cousin's name again that gave me his number. I told him Chloe and I told him she's friends with a football player in the school so it'll be easy for him to find her. He didn't say he'll find her, though. And I didn't open it up or push it to him. It will make it look obvious. At school, I told Amanda and Mary that Jackson asked for Chloe to Samantha. And Mary is kinda panicking and anxious all day thinking Jackson might show up into their faces. They notice 2 and sometimes 3 people almost following them all through our the day. It's not Jackson but it's his friends. Mary became more anxious. But Jackson never showed up. To be continued.. ***PS: Just wanna remind you that Samantha is Chloe. These two characters are only one person. Chloe pretended to be Samantha.*** **THIS IS A FICTION STORY!** Thanks for reading!! Don't forget to subscribe, like and upvote if you liked my story! Love, Jdine 💜🖤💜🖤💜