Assertive indifference is a novel expression that began to be used in the field of couple relationships. However, little by little the concept has been used in other fields, proving to be an interesting idea to manage different situations. Assertive indifference is defined as a behavior that voluntarily blocks any type of external reaction to a given stimulus. As if it did not matter or did not affect in any way. It is a simulated behavior. The purpose is not to reveal to another what one is feeling. What is sought with assertive indifference, ultimately, is not to expose real emotions to another. At first it might appear to be a form of pretense or manipulation.
However, it is quite the opposite. The idea is to avoid showing weaknesses or weaknesses in order not to be manipulated by others, in conditions where there is a power game. This is why this form of indifference is called "assertive". The terrain of the couple is sometimes a garden of roses, but sometimes it is also a battlefield. There are many elements of power at play in it. We are not only referring to the proverbial machismo that prevails almost everywhere in the world. Women also act as power figures on many occasions. One of the moments in which this becomes palpable is in what many call "groping". That is, when one partner wants to test how much influence he or she has over the other. This happens especially at the beginning of the relationship.
In that sense, it also happens when the couple ends, without much conviction, and one of the two wants to measure what chances he or she has to try again. It is a kind of pulse of forces. In this case, assertive indifference can be a good answer. Pretending not to feel anything, either to prevent the manipulation from taking place, or to prevent the resumption of a relationship that has already been terminated. It is not a deception as such, but a tactic to achieve a higher good. Assertive disregard is even an appropriate response when there are persistent conflicting bonds. For example, when you have a co-worker with whom you consistently have differences that lead to discomfort. You know there is no case. For some reason, for that person it is necessary to generate contradictions with you.
In the same vein, if you see that dialogue is impossible, the best option is assertive indifference. It implies not giving in to provocations, overlooking offensive comments and, ultimately, giving up a genuine bond with that person. The goal is not to offer a response to the stimuli that are proposed to you and that in the end only lead you to acid and useless situations. Over time, assertive indifference becomes a way to deactivate the harmful behavior of the other. Seeing that he finds no response in the unhealthy game he intends to raise, sooner or later he abandons such behaviors. They become inefficient. Differences with others become part of the routine. Most of the time such differences are really insignificant.
In conclusion, properly deciding what is important and what is not is part of assertiveness. Such assertiveness is precisely that social skill that allows you to defend your rights effectively. Setting a limit to abuse. But for it to become affective, you also have to learn to distinguish when the substance of your rights is at risk and when it is not. Not every conflictive situation warrants a reaction on our part. This "letting go" is part of assertive indifference. It involves an assessment in which we weigh what brings us more benefits and fewer negative consequences. Responding to the aggression of an intoxicated person, for example, is only valid if it really endangers some fundamental good.
Have you put assertive indifference into practice?
Disclaimer: I would like to let you know that English is not my mother tongue, I may even make some mistakes in the elaboration of sentences in my posts. Feel free to correct me attentively. It will help me in my learning process.
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