Groom monologue

November 21, 2021. No. 73

The day has come that supposedly should be the most awaited by me in my entire life. They say that it is easy to go up to an altar, stand in front of the woman you love, and say in front of God and all your dear relatives: "Yes, I accept." LIE. Do not think that it is easy in the least. I'm not getting married yet, there are a few hours left, and I'm sweating. I know what they will think is that I don't love her. Well here is the question, if I do. But I have always suffered from stage fright, so the question is of life and death. I spent months trying to instill in him the famous idea that you see in the movies, this one that goes something like this: “Love, why don't we go somewhere far away, run away, and get married in a church, where we just Let's be the two of us, the priest, and God? ”. The truth is that I proposed it more than a thousand times and nothing.

When you organize a wedding you have to take into account certain aspects that you had never thought about before, in fact, I am sure that if you think about them you would never use the phrase: "Do you want to marry me?" Here are some:

• The first and very important aspect to take into account is whether we are going to have a party or not. Which, surely she wants to do it because the next-door neighbor got married last week, and the party was in style, more than 300 guests, boxes of food, soda, drinks, and all for free, of course. So you will understand that she will not want to be less than him, you don't, you don't give a damn. After several days of pre-marital discussion, you decide to throw the party. No matter how hard you try to convince your future wife, the party goes, even if the savings to live a happy life are gone.

• The second aspect to measure is the following, and that every man must take into account very well: Try by all means that the ex-girlfriend you had a while ago and that if she is one of the good scams and your girlfriend does not know that facet of your life, do not find out about the wedding. If they found out, so many things could happen that I don't dare describe because of politics, since it would be a very dirty language, but hey here is something similar to them: He would appear in the middle of the wedding and without waiting for the part of “… that he speaks now or street forever." As they do everywhere, well no, if it is one of the scams, those enter when they want, at the time they want, and however, they want. In my case specifically, if this were to happen and my ex will find out (with the little experience I have with her, I think she would come with a blouse that only lacks a hole in the nipple, and a skirt, that there is no need for bend over to see her panties), and it would do everything she knows how to do, causing 2 things: The wedding suspended until further notice, and the death of my mother-in-law (heart attack) and her last words would be: “Girl, I told you, what He is cheeky ”, pointing to me the very witch. So keeping the wedding in a perfect restricted area is of vital importance.

• The third and last step that occurs to me to mention at this time is because it enters my specific case, it is the honeymoon. You know that she pretends to go to exotic places and things like that. Look at her trying to convince her that this is also old-fashioned, that the honeymoon is spent at home, watching movies and having sex. That is not why we get married! Since if they had a mother-in-law like mine, who said: "Girl, what a good boy - looking at her, and she turned and said to me - If you touch her before getting married, I'll cut her off." Imagine, not even sleeping together. The old woman stood in the middle, "you for one corner and she for the other - she said - that I am the one who sleeps in the middle." Well, if that happens to them, I am sure that they prefer to have the honeymoon that I tell them, so they save money to have a healthy and financially happy life, that money is not given away today.

Well, that's the way it is. I really like her, but my stage fright betrays me if since I was little I drank 2 liters of carbonated soda and ate a thousand sweets so as not to go to recite a poem in the morning of school, I preferred to spend the day vomiting and now that I've described these other fears things are more complicated. The answer to all this is very simple, and there are two variants:

• If you love your girlfriend, you want to spend the rest of your days with her, you have no stage fright, you have money or you do not have a neighbor to make your life a yogurt by marrying a luxury wedding first, and you do not have an ex-girlfriend, or if you have it and you are from a poor neighborhood and you know that you will not find out, then do not hesitate to say the magic phrase that I can no longer even write.

• Now, if you do not meet at least one of these requirements. Please swallow the words, and my highest recommendation is: Don't get married friend. Don't get married.

This is it for today, my friends. I hope this monologue made you smile at least. It represents a stage in my university life where I participated in theater festivals and presented this type of monologue based on comedy or lighter humor.

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