Yesterday we discussed giving a trusted family member or spouse our seed phrases in case the unforeseen happens. Death is something certain for everyone but the time it will come is unknown to everyone, and no one wants it to come anytime soon. From there I was directed to Mr Felix’s article and I stopped what I was doing and thought of it for minutes.
As a rule, I hate talking about death because it reminds me of the friends I’ve lost. Especially in the year 2020. When I read a post about what will people say after one’s death a few weeks back, I felt like voicing my fears and thoughts too but I chose not to. I think ate Jane wrote the article, I can’t remember well. I guess it’s high time I wrote my thoughts down.
Even if I have a smile on my face, it is just an act, deep inside I fear death. Heaven or hell - I fear this even more than death itself. Where am I going?.
Where am I going after I die? We get so little time to live on this earth, what will happen after? What if at the end of everything there is something new awaiting us on the other side. I have so many questions running through my mind. I know this is the type of thing people don't like hearing or reading.
Who will miss me?
Who will miss me after my death and for how long will they? Won’t I be forgotten just like the way the wave washes away the words written at the river bank ?. Who are those that will miss me, my children or grandchildren? Or will I ever marry and have kids that will miss me?. These are questions that come to my head every time but I keep pushing them away. And the most painful part is, one can never know this.
What will they say about me?
Won’t people be glad that I’m gone? I’m afraid some might have nothing but bad words about me. Even when alive people say bad things about others. Someone once worked up to me and called me a snub. Apparently, he waved at me the previous day and I didn’t reply despite looking in his direction. How do I start explaining to everyone that I’m four-eyed? Though my case might not be extreme but I can’t see you when you are far away. This is when I’m still alive. What will people say when I’m no longer there to defend myself.? will it be positive or negative?. But I know these are questions I can never get an answer to.
What legacy will I live behind
Will my name remain immortal?. we have people that died centuries ago and their names are still mentioned till date. Either because of their good deeds or the bad things they do while they were alive. Another form of legacy can be how I raised my kids (if I ever have one). Will they be a menace to the society or a blessing to many?. This I might know a little, but the full detail can't be known while alive.
Where am I going?
I believe in life after death or an “afterlife” as some people call it. Which of the two will I go to? Am I presently living a life that is worthy of going to the good path?. Are my sins not too much?. Won't Christ get tired of forgiving me each day?. This is one of my biggest fears in life. Even greater than the fear of death itself.
My Decision
I believe the purpose of life is to be happy, impact lives and live a life worthy of emulation. From now on I will do all I can to pursue a happier way of living. I'm a peaceful person, I don't want to spend my time thinking about things I might never know. I don't want to live my life in fear. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. Grateful for every single day on earth, every battle won and the lost ones. I will live an happy life today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
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Death is certain, I don't think I fear death itself, I fear what will happen after and the life I lived was I able to achieve anything. I have made up my mind to live in the moment.